Talk on Marriage, The Basis of Society is a Family – You Have to Respect Your Women Very Much
Today we have come here to attend a wedding of our brothers and sisters – Sahaja Yogis.
It’s important to understand that marriage is a very important thing in Sahaja Yoga because the basis of society is a family. And our society should have very good families. That’s why we are paying so much attention to these weddings, that they should make good family.
But sometimes people are very conditioned and they don’t understand what is a Sahaja wedding. They try to find faults with the partners, and within two or three months they are again out of Sahaja Yoga. In the sense that they want to have their second chance, third chance, fourth chance, then I think that My attention I am just wasting for nothing at all for such people. If they don’t like our first choice they should have their own. Why to bother us? They should not give us any more trouble.
Very surprising things I have seen about the marriages that have been going on. One of them is they’re alright for two or three months, and suddenly god knows what bhoot catches them, one of them, that they just give up on a small excuse here and there. They don’t understand that how important is for them to have a good married life. They can go up to three months, four months – then I don’t know what happens to them – and they even harm the women by making them pregnant and still they don’t understand how sinful it was. In their own country they do like that they’d be punished, not only punished but they would have to pay a lot.
But they take advantage of Sahaja Yoga, marry someone and then try to be funny. Such people are really … I can’t understand. So in the beginning only when we are selected you had better say no. I could say it from the photograph itself what each girls, which boys will say no. I said you try and test me. Exactly the same girls and boys have said no. Thank god at least they have said, but once they have said no they should not trouble us anymore. They can select their own. We are not going to have five, six chances, seven chances. Then even up till now if you do not approve of it is better to give up, than to continue with the nonsense of (being a) hypocrite.
It’s not fun, it’s not some sort of a – just a game. It’s a serious thing. If you haven’t got that maturity, that seriousness, you should not agree to marriage. For any reason. Then after marriage you find supposedly a few things here and there, you have to continue. Otherwise you are just like other people who go on divorcing three times, four times. Especially for Russian men I must tell you I have had very bad reports about them, that they ill-treat their wives as it is, very much, and they treat them just like slaves. And I am ashamed to say that so many Russian girls are coming to India and to Turkey to live like prostitutes. And I asked them why are you doing it? Some of them said we are not married we don’t want to marry because they don’t treat us right. And secondly some of them have said we are married but our husbands ill treat us so we are not going to be with them.
It’s such a large scale. In Turkey thousands of them are coming. Thousands. They come here and marry people. Actually it’s no marriage. But they say that we are going to marry. It’s an Islamic country and the men can say ??? – and the marriage is on. And they marry, so called, these women here. But they are prostitutes by nature. Because of this ‘marriage’ so many ladies have to desert their husband. And then they have big problems; they don’t know what to do with their children, how to live. So they are taking to fundamentalism, not to prostitution, but to fundamentalism. So how dangerous it is, the men must understand. I am surprised only I used to think that Islamic people only dominate but I am surprised that there are many people even in the western countries and eastern block – Russians especially – treat their wives just like servants and slaves. When I heard their stories I was ashamed. And I felt surprised. I used to think that Russians are specially over sensitive to Spirituality. But how could they ill-treat their wives; she’s a part and parcel of their life. This is something Russians must take note of: you cannot be unkind to your wife, make her do all the work and dominate because you are the earning member.
The woman who is working in the house looking after children is doing much more important work than men do. For men it is not so difficult. But for women it’s very difficult to run the house, to look after the children, to look after the husband, to manage the whole society. And you must know that in countries where women are not respected, the Gods do not reside. And in those countries where women are tortured and troubled – what will happen – their society will break. Completely. And one day they will sit on top of the heads of all the men, as it has happened in America. Once upon a time, Abraham Lincoln’s time, men were very dominated. As the result today if you go there you will see them (just like) cabbages. Better than these American men. The way they are treating their men left and right because the law is in their support. They marry seven times, become rich, and man marries once, he becomes poor.
So we have to be not only understanding, that in love only you can have joy. If you really love each other you’ll do nice things for each other. Think of nice days and nice moments that you have spent and you will be spending, that is the greatest treasure for all of you.
So I have to request all the people, especially here we have people from eastern block and also Islamic people, that you have to respect your women very much. This is very important.
Now we are having some marriages here, not many. We have at least 90 marriages in India, out of which one or two fail. Because sometimes the men are like this or the women are like that. But still I must say compared to many other marriages in the world, we are much better off.
I must tell you that before starting Sahaja Yoga in Russia, most of the men and women I met in Russia were divorced. Most. I don’t remember even one who was not divorced. Now I am meeting very sensible people as far as marriages are concerned. Otherwise it was horrible. And one person would have one wife, then second wife then third wife and he would not even remember who is this one – is it a wife or a sister or a daughter.
So there is no fun in fighting on small things. It’s a serious thing as I told you, very important. Because it makes your society; it creates new value system of Sahaja Yoga. It creates a value system of love, affection, compassion. And it is so great to love others, it is very great to love your wife or your husband. It’s a very sweet feeling. But they are so enthusiastic about their weddings, and then I don’t know what happens to them.
So today again at this moment I have to tell you please rethink. If you want to marry, please marry. Otherwise don’t marry. Again and again I want to tell you – that if you don’t like a person, just don’t come for your wedding. I mean I will be very happy with that. But then of course you will have to find your husband or
wife. We are not going to bother our heads over you. You know that I am so busy. The marriages that were fixed here, the whole night I was sitting till 6 o’clock in the morning. Six o’clock.
Despite that there are some great ladies who have said we don’t want to marry. What should we say? They came all the way here just to get married, to find some nice boys and girls. I work and work and work the whole night. And then what do you find? They just say ‘We don’t like that,’ Not (only) that, also they say ‘we don’t feel like it.’ Then why, why did you apply! All those who have applied have to pay for their marriages whether they like it or not. This is what we have decided this time. Because we have spent so much effort. So whether you have appreciated or not, whether you have agreed or not please pay for your marriages. That is a compulsion. So next time nobody will say that we don’t feel like getting married here. It’s not a joke.
I’m sorry I’m a little hard because I have seen some cases which just doesn’t justify it; doesn’t show it’s Sahaja. So Sahaja wedding is a very/for a very great work. It’s not a sacrifice. But you need really wise and mature people to have a Sahaja marriage.
So please understand if you don’t feel like marrying even now just say no and don’t play with it. It’s dangerous. You see there are so many blessings of Sahaja Yoga but certain things are dangerous, so be careful. Because you cannot hurt any Sahaja Yogi for anything whatsoever. So if you don’t want to marry you are welcome.
Again and again I am telling you that it’s a very very beautiful moment when you are getting married. It’s a very beautiful time. You cannot fathom the joy at that time. And if at that time you have missed the point, then I can’t help it. Later on also try to improve your understanding. It’s not a mental thing to get married, it’s not an emotional thing to get married. In Sahaja Yoga it is Spiritual. And so please try to understand you have to respect each other, because you are Sahaja Yogis.
And others should be respected who will show you what are the seven conditions you have to go through. Another thing I have seen the elders of the family are to be told that this marriage is taking place. We have seen surprisingly, the parents aren’t Sahaja Yogis, but they don’t treat the daughter in law or the son in law well. It’s very surprising. It’s other way round; used to be that the newly married couple didn’t treat the parents well. But nowadays I find it is very common to see that the parents-in-laws do not treat right. Everything seems to be upside down these days.
So I will say that you must look after your in-laws, you must pay respects to them, you have to be kind to them. In the same way that the in-laws must look after the newly married couple, make them happy, and enjoy their happiness and joy. So marriage is a source of joy not only for the couple, but for all of us. All of us are so excited about it and so very happy.
But you see today you are excited and tomorrow you find you are fallen on the street. I can’t understand, like a drama. It’s reality, it’s real life where you have to see what marriage means. Good for your children, good for progeny, good for our society of Sahaja Yoga.
One thing, a wife should not talk too much. I think some of the problems come because they talk too much. Then by talking if they have no subject then they start discussing their husband, their in laws, this thing, that thing.
If she keeps quiet it could be much better. I say for women because in this country here on the eastern block, and especially western – the women talk, men don’t. And in India women don’t talk at all, very little. If they talk means there is something wrong with them. They’re not talkative. They keep quiet. Because a woman is like this mother earth who doesn’t say anything, just gives and gives and looks after and suffers. Why? The man is like the sun – he shines, he comes and goes, some sort of whimsical things. But the sun and the earth both are permanent companions and they must nourish each other, and they manage our lives. Without both of them we could not have existed. In the same way a woman is the mother earth and man is the sun.
So our duty is to see that to create a complete balance we have to keep to our own life. Like a woman has to be a woman and man has to be man. It is very important that we should be proud of what you are. And we should be happy of what you/we are. We should not try to be something else than what we are. It’s absurd, a sign of stupidity.
So the more you are what you are – like a woman is a woman and a man is a man – the better is the relationship. There’s no harm in keeping quiet as the mother earth does. She bears up everything, she gives everything because she knows her personality and she knows what will give her joy, what will give her happiness.
So from many angles we have to understand that marriage is a very pivotal thing for Sahaja Yoga. So many girls don’t want to marry because they are afraid; they’ve had bad experiences of their fathers or uncles or someone. And so many men also don’t want to marry. But forget the past. The past is not important. This is the present in which you have to marry without any worry. I am there to look after you. If you have any problem write to me. But just don’t run away. Just don’t do things without informing us. It is absurd. It’s not a mad house. It is Sahaja Yoga.
So let’s us all enjoy this wedding forever, not for a short time.
Thank you very much.
H.H. Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi.