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“Feel that urge to grow!”, Final talk in Dollis Hill Ashram, London (uk)
Shri Mataji: When did you come back?
Yogi: I am here some of the time but I still have to do things in Exeter.
Shri Mataji: He goes back? Is it?
Yogi: I have to go back so often for work. I should be free of it soon Mother.
Yogini: He has to go back so often but he’ll be free soon Mother.
Shri Mataji: Alright.
Yogi: I owe money, you see, down there Mother.
Yogini: He says he earns money down there Mother
Shri Mataji: Is it?
Shri Mataji: I see. You sing there?
Yogi: Yeah, but I also owe some money and I have to pay it and until I pay it I’m not really free of it.
Yogini: Ah, he owes money Mother.
Shri Mataji: Oh, I see.
Money seems to be the problem everywhere and it can be very sapping and it can be very funny. Perhaps you do not know that we are just playing into the hands of lots of negative forces in this country and we are doing lots of things which are really against the Divine, and the curses, everybody will have to suffer.
We really have to understand our responsibility. Whatever you people are, Sahaja Yogis are, people are going to reap the benefit of God. If they are suffering, you are responsible for it – hundred percent. One has to understand that. If you are quarrelling amongst yourselves, there will be a problem of quarrelling in the country. You are the symbols for God. He knows you and whenever you are negative you are actually helping the Satan.
And it’s a very sad day I must say. Everybody seems to be very much high handed and – I am not saying about Steve, Steve is not yet into this – but we have had big, bad problems here in this ashram and it’s horrible things have happened. I have never had such an experience in India, which is a poor country. Never such a thing! I mean, it’s the first time I have seen such a thing happening!
First of all we all must get properly employed. You must have your self-respect force you to have a job. You all must try to get a job. This I have been telling for the last six years, if you remember. We cannot be parasites and could be Sahaja Yogis – cannot be. Everybody must find out a job for oneself. Do whatever you please, but you must do some job.
Imagine in India people spend money on you people! I have never had any problem whatsoever to solve of this kind, in India – never! You know that very well. And when I am so strict with them, thinking they are Indians, that all the money that they have gathered in Bombay or in Delhi, or any place, is clamped, completely closed. And nobody can take a single pie (1/192 rupee) out of that without my permission! Absolutely I have told the banks. And nobody is unhappy about it. Not a single pie! But when we go, they make collections and whatever money they collect, every pie of that is written down clearly. First of all they give all that money to me, then I give that money to them to spend. And every single pie that they spend they write it down. I may or may not read – is not the point. And whatever is left out, every single pie of that is put on my feet. I may put to any use or anything – that’s a different point. I may not even take it – that’s a different point. But every pie! Nobody is without a job.
This parasitic nature of any other country may be excused but not of England. In England you cannot be a parasite because, I told you, that the heart of the universe is here, and if anything happens, you all will be held responsible.
Now you are going to another ashram (Chelsham Road) and you are going to stay there. Ashram is not a place for a luxurious life, not at all, or lethargy and laziness or for making money or living free! It’s absurd! It’s sinful, it’s blasphemy. That’s the place where you go to develop your inner being with all truthfulness to yourself.
Before Realisation this was alright, every way, but after Realisation you have to be very, very careful. It’s a tremendous thing to have Awakening, it’s a tremendous thing to have Realisation, it is, no doubt, but to maintain it, you must have, first of all, personal integrity. If you are bent upon deceiving yourself nobody can help you.
In Sahaja Yoga, as you know, there is no fees, nothing. It’s for your gain. It’s for your good. It’s a short term policy to be something nonsensical. One must think of the long term policy. It’s for your good. If we have to go higher and higher, we have to be truthful to ourselves. I know everything about everyone, but what’s the use? You have know about yourself.
And this may be very dangerous, you must understand, because we are placed at a very precarious time now. Because of that you are getting Realisation because it’s very emergent – there’s a great emergency. Thousands of them have to get Realisation, no doubt. But at this time one has to also understand the dangers of the atmosphere. Because of so many things that have happened in this ashram, I cannot account for anything. I just can’t understand it in Sahaja Yoga. Such people should not stay in the ashram at all, they should get out of it. Everybody cannot stay in the ashram. You must be prepared to face yourself. Absolutely, there’s no doubt about it.
I love you very much and I have great concern about you, but the sort of things we are doing we are just like primitive people here. Simple things we cannot do – is to be honest to ourselves. What are we going to do? We have to give salvation to the whole world. How can we do it? Just tell me? I am sorry for all that is happening but now, with a new vow and with a new understanding, we have to go to the other ashram. Obedience is very important, humility is very important. We have to go still further. Anybody who is obstinate by nature should not stay in an ashram! Anybody who is arrogant or aggressive should never come to the ashram. Any sarcasm and all that is nonsense for an ashram: it brings a bad name to the ashram. Any kind of extravagance is not needed. It’s a place of ascetics; people who have detached their life. Detachment doesn’t mean going to extremes, standing on your heads and behaving in a funny manner on the street carrying my photograph in the hand! It doesn’t mean that nonsense. It’s absolutely normal behaviour but inside the attention has to be drawn inside.
Anybody who is intelligent can understand that Sahaja Yoga is a tremendously fantastic thing and one should not take it for granted. It’s very, very, sometimes, disheartening, very disheartening, the way still the interest of the people is more into some things which are absolutely worthless and useless. Your attention has to be cleared out, then only this attention which is enlightened, is going to enjoy the Spirit.
And, as we were discussing the smog: like the smog, the whole being becomes darkened and black. It’s not nice for me, as a Mother, to say all these things, it really kills me. I really feel very hurt. But I must tell you the headaches [that] London Sahaja Yogis and English Sahaja Yogis have given me, as nobody has given me such headaches. I have worked hardest in this place. It’s very, very sad.
You should read the letter from a girl from Australia and a letter from a girl from Switzerland. I just met her once – I gave her Realisation – but look at them, how beautiful they are! I mean just see it (Mother is opening a letter). And when I get really concerned about you I just read these letters. So truthful! There’s not only the praise and all that nonsense, it’s the truth. I mean, there you can feel the vibrations are coming from these letters only.
What’s the use of writing to me something which you are not?
Now, you have to take a decision. Even if you are only two persons in Sahaja Yoga I don’t mind. I don’t want people who are not truthful; who want to compromise with nonsense and falsehood. Please, be truthful. You cannot say that I worked any less. I have spared no effort at all. But I am very sad today.
The whole thing will fritter away.
Sometimes I feel that Sahaja Yoga is not suited to you people at all, the way the things are. It’s so beautiful outside. You can’t imagine how people are nice. Are you going to waste all my energies?
It’s not even the normal way people behave here. It’s most surprising! I have told you that after Realisation you become really vulnerable and you have to be careful.
Now [regarding] marriages I would like to say something.
Is he come? Tony [Paniotou] Is he there? He didn’t come.
Marriages are not to be treated like that the marriages you have been treating! This is something important!
You are married for a plan and the plan is to get very high souls into you. They are to be born on this earth. They wanted good parents, that’s why I arranged this marriage system here. And all of you are giving me headaches! Even that fellow Rustom, who I took to India, he is giving me headache even today! God knows [if] he’s in India or not. People don’t know where he has disappeared! I mean, just like vagabonds or criminals! This is criminality, I think, the way people are behaving. I have never said these things to you but when the whole thing comes up I just don’t know what to say!
You have no understanding of the whole thing. Or have I chosen absolutely rotten stuff for my work in England? You have no depth, no understanding of any kind. So childishly and immaturely you are handling your marriages. There’s no respect for each other.
Marriage is an institution of a great value; specially, I thought, if it is done in a Sahaja way. I just can’t understand – how can you think of the same things that you would do without being Realised? You fight, you quarrel, you are so petty! How can you behave like that?
You are supposed to be the pillars. If these are the pillars, I don’t know about the future. I’m really very sad today, really very sad – in every angle. Even I have heard that people don’t know even how to keep the bathrooms clean. Now am I to teach you how to keep bathrooms? You are putting big lemons in the bathrooms and WCs and loos? What is this? Have you gone off your heads? Are you small children? Or what am I to do now with you? Why are you doing like this? Are you all possessed? What has happened?
Restrictions you have to put upon yourself, with your own freedom and understanding and intelligence. I am not going to tell you to do this or do that. That’s a different style. You have got the Realisation so easily, in a simple way. All over the world people have got Realisation. In Australia there are three hundred people who have got Realisation. You don’t know how to use your loo? I mean what sort of a level it is that I have to deal with? Just tell me. Even my little grandchild knows how to do it. What’s the matter?
There is no place for lazy people in Sahaja Yoga. You all get out of these ideas. You want to laze out? You can get out! And those who want to make money out of Sahaja Yoga, get out please! I don’t want to see their faces again. Anybody who is supposed to be working for Sahaja Yoga has to work outside. There’s no place for lazy lumps! You get out of Sahaja Yog completely! I don’t want to see your faces again here! It’s my love that has ruined you? Or what has happened? It’s too much love for you I believe. Is it that?
Somebody starts thinking he’s a big guru teaching others. Nonsense! Hundred times I have told you: there is nothing like segmentation in Sahaja Yog. You all are just my children, all of them, and you are not to do this way: to put somebody down and bring somebody else up, make chelas (disciples) and things like that. Why don’t you start some gurudom yourself and make some money outside? You will do very well!
Is this the way to treat me? What have I done to deserve all this?
Because I have loved you so much so you should take me for granted and do all these things for me? Not working out your Realisation, not going ahead, nothing of the kind; except for fighting amongst yourselves and misbehaving! Everybody thinks they are very clever and intelligent. It’s better to have less intelligent people who understand God and goodness and righteousness in life. You have to wed yourself to righteousness. This is not another gurudom going on here. Even if there are two Sahaja Yogis or one Sahaja Yogi in London it’s sufficient for me. I don’t want a quantity of thousands of horrible, synthetic personalities. I can work on one person all my life and I’ll be happy.
Even the candle understands me. You have seen even the fire understands me. You should not take God for granted. I am telling you again and again; and Divine for granted. You have to become something. You have to grow up. I think I have done my level best. I cannot do better that way. I may disappear to India and I’ll go away. That’s the best for you people: you fight with each other, break each other’s necks or plunder each other’s money and live with that! That’s what it is.
Just imagine how I must be feeling to say all these things to you whom I have loved with all my heart, with all my concern, with all my time, everything. You’ve made me so miserable, I tell you! You will take a vow, you’ll do this and then least bothered! You can live with it! You are compromising all the time with all the cunning that is within. You think I don’t understand the cunning? But you are cheating yourselves! You have to be righteous. Sahaja Yoga is not outside, it is inside! It is not standing on your heads and doing things like that, it is inside, the growth inside.
You will lose all your vibrations in no time. But that’s a dangerous thing to happen. How do you permit such things? Also I hold them responsible [those] who permitted these things. Why did you permit in the ashram [that] these things were happening? Why didn’t you find out? All this kind of high-handedness and all that – how did you permit it? Why did you permit it? Why didn’t you tell me?
I mean, I have to be bothered about money and these things? Is it? Is that my purpose of life and work and mission? Or you have reduced me to that? It’s very sad. I think I’ll have to fast for a week for your cleansing, that’s the only way things are going to work out, because you don’t want to cleanse yourself. Only when Mataji is facing you you think by vibrations you know. What about your own growth?
I knew there was something brewing up but I didn’t pay attention to it. I thought that you, yourself, will realise and come to it and you will have your own understanding.
Everything seems to be mechanical. Everything seems to be outward. There’s nothing inside. Sahaja Yoga is not a joke – you cannot make it. You have to love each other truthfully. And anybody who does any mistake has to get out of Sahaj Yog.
It’s all deliberate. Because I had told you that you will be possessed. Be careful! It’s nice to put everything in the name of a Satanic forces working on us! Then if you going to live with the guidance of others it’s better you stay with them permanently and go with them wherever they are going. If you do not have your own personality and you cannot think for yourself it’s better you be out. Those who really want to come up should come to Sahaja Yoga otherwise there is no need to do it.
If I have spared in any way you can tell me that. I think I have not sighed for years now and the time has come for you to sigh and sit and that’s what it is. It’s very sad. There are people who write to me. You can see from their letters how much they are doing for others, how beautiful they are. I don’t know when am I going to get that quality in this country.
You have to mature, you have to face yourself. If you do not mature in proper time you will be rotting on the street. You will be just wasted – useless. You will be just like other people. There’s no difference between you and others then. You have to mature in proper time at the right time.
I have really started doubting myself now, that I am no good for you people. You need a stronger hand and a sterner person who will handle you better.
I have been hearing from people who came for the first time and they told me something about someone and something about someone and all that. But I said, “They have come just now, they cannot understand.” But no! It exists. And if you have any of such things within you, even a slightest hatred within you can create a Hitler in this world. You are the people who are going to create a Hitler or God’s world. It’s your desire. You have to cleanse your hearts completely, completely. Cleanse yourself. It’s not [that] you are possessed. Just think it over. It’s your own weaknesses and you think that you can get away with it. You cannot get away with anything I tell you. God’s laws and statutes are very strict. That’s why all the gurus are so strict with their disciples; extremely strict. Those who are real gurus, I am saying, those who are not making money. Of course, those who are making money will always pamper you. But those who are not making money, who are true gurus, are very strict. Mostly they throw stones at their disciples. But I gave you flowers and you gave me stones! That is the best! It’s everything is only tongue deep, nothing more! Nothing goes in the heart, that’s why. If you feel it from the heart, the need to grow, then you will forget all these things. If you feel your Spirit you will feel that need, that urge, to grow. Only your ego or superego is manifesting, not your Spirit.
If I say something, the best way to run away from it is to feel bad about it. The second best would be to feel guilty about it. But just detach yourself and become your Spirit and think what have you been doing to yourself. Actually you are harming yourself every minute! You cannot harm me, you cannot harm Sahaj Yog, these are all eternal things. They are eternal, they cannot be harmed, they cannot be crucified, they cannot be killed, but you are covering your Spirit with darkness.
I have never seen such things happening so far. I mean, I have worked even in East Africa, all over, but never, never such things. This is demonic I don’t know how you can explain it. I didn’t know you were not keeping any accounts. I had no idea. I had no idea at all [that] you were keeping no accounts. I had no idea that money was taken from others and everybody coming here was paying and nobody knew what was paid, who was paid, who was not paying. Nothing is known! I mean, I thought at least that much you can manage among yourselves.
And you know me, I am so particular about, if you spend any money on me, how much I am anxious to pay you back – every single pie. If I have forgotten I don’t know, but if I have not. I try to remember every single pie if you spend. I mean, you are supposed to spend for your guru, but I do not want you to spend a single pie on me! And if you spend I want to pay it back more than what you have spent. Nobody does this way. And I remember ten times that it should be paid.
Telling false accounts and false things. I mean, I just can’t understand how can Sahaja Yogis do it. Now, I wouldn’t be surprised if they take to drinking or smoking or something. I mean, anything is possible under the sun. I mean, if you can do such depraved things, you can do anything! After all you are free!
This abandonment at this time is very dangerous. I had told you that, when the saints fall they go very deep down, very deep down. So be careful: you are all saints now. Understand that, realise it. Assume your powers. Assume your seats, your thrones, and don’t behave like beggars on the street or criminals. There is no excuse for such people. No excuse at all. Do not try to find excuses!
There were so many people yesterday who were not Sahaja Yogis and I didn’t want to say there, in their presence yesterday these things. But I came to know about these horrible things which happened and I was amazed! Everything should be in the open in Sahaja Yoga, I have told you a hundred times; not to hide anything. Accounts, everything should be written down. You will be amazed, when I go to India, you will see, even Rahuri, it’s a village where there are people paying £5, £10. They make a book, when I go there, at my feet. They leave it with me for one day that, “Mother please see it. You must see it. At least glance.” I mean, imagine! These are uneducated, simple village folks and they understand. Even my servant! My servant has so much sense! He’s so honest.
No Sahaja Yogi should ever marry a Sahaja Yogini. Better stop all that seeking. And now this nonsense has started now, working out. As it is the problem of money management is horrible and then if you start like this there cannot be, no more, any yogi left! It’s better to marry outside than to marry a Sahaja Yogi and Sahaja Yogini. As if the bhoots go into geometrical progression when they marry and they become so horrid and ugly; if there was a saint to be born he’ll run away! Only the bhoots and the rakshasas will be born to these people! That’s what I can see. The way they talk and the way they behave it’s so funny. I can’t believe it that they are the same Sahaja Yogis who were married the other day! (the marriage of Tony Paniotou and Dawn whom Mother married on 4 July 1980)
Every pie that is spent now has to be shown to me because you do not count all those. No money should be borrowed from each other! Not a single pie. Everything that is financial, you have to tell me. Everything that you are doing in the name of Sahaja Yoga you have to tell me or in the group of Sahaja Yogis you must tell. You’d better not do anything on your own. Then you will be blessed.
“Yoga kshema Vahamyaham” First yoga. First yoga. Achieve your yoga! All your problems will be solved. I promise you. First achieve your yoga. You have seen so many people. It has happened with so many. You know Regis’ case as you have seen. He could not get through his PhD. I only blessed his thesis. I didn’t even read! Nothing of the kind. Next day he became a Dr! I mean, there are so many cases, thousand and one, you can see it, where yoga has helped. But yoga must be achieved and maintained and respected. If you are not a yogi why should God bless you? For what? Why should he bless you? Then the kshema also changes it’s form.
There’s a lady who has written to me from Australia. She wrote to me, “My grandmother is very sick Mother and I don’t know what to do. And I want that she should be helped.” And she wanted to do some operation or something but she was so much better that they did not operate her. But she had to go on a nursing home and there was no reservation, nothing; suddenly she got a call that there’s suddenly a reservation for you and you come. I mean, this is one of the smallest things that can happen.
Yoga is to be established on two points. The sin against the Mother and the sin against the Father. Sin against the Mother is when you do not look after your chastity. Your attention has to be pure and purer and purest. And the sin against the Father is when you try to make money here and there: cut corners and try to save money and run after money and worry about it. Any such enterprise, any such thing: underhand dealings, high hand dealings, anything like that, is the sin against the Father.
You are the people who have started believing, also, that money is not important. So, according to them, if you make some frauds it doesn’t matter, “After all money is not important so what?” And they have reached such conclusions. But in the name of God, to take a single pie is a sin. In the same way, to mishandle even a single pie while dealing with God – be careful, I am telling you! And grace cannot help you there! And this is a very sensitive point. For you it may not be, but for God it is. Those who make money in the name of God are equally bad [as] those who try to do anything to hide money. It’s just the same.
This is the work of God and you have to be pure people, you have to be clean, beautiful, loving people, like children. Christ has said that you have to be like children to be able to enter into the Kingdom of God. But you have entered and you’ll be thrown back!
There is more attention towards gaining more power, like saying mantras after mantras, this, that, just to gain power. What power is this? The power is of innocence and of purity. There is no other power higher than this – of simple innocence and purity. And you know that from me. An innocent person can never be harmed. Try to be humble and ask for innocence to be re-established within you. A cunning man goes a very little way to his doom, very fast. If somebody cheats you it does not matter but if you cheat someone, you will be doubly punished because you are a yogi, you are wearing the banner of God. Try to remember this. I do not think you should….