Discussion on marriage


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Discussion on marriage, India

I have to talk to you about few things. Sit down.

Firstly about marriages, [And/as] in Sahaja Yoga there is no force on anybody to get married, not at all. If you don’t want to get married, you don’t get married, at all; there’s no need. You see, this is a very ego-oriented attitude towards things. So watch it. Be very careful. Nobody is [asked/urged] to get married, nor anybody can [be indulged/forced] into that, all right? One thing should be absolutely clear. Now, there is no force on anybody to marry a particular person, of any kind. Because ego-oriented people, if you tell them that, “According to vibrations and all that, that this person will be better for you,” mostly people get upset. So I am not going to decide for you. But sometimes people say, “Mother, unless and until You decide, we don’t want to decide; we don’t want to marry.” [Unclear] I mean, you put that thing on Me. Of course, I am not here for match-making or [something or anything]. What is the My ultimate interest in your marriages? What is My interest? My main interest is this, that there are many great souls who want to be born on this earth. And as Sahaja yogis, as their parents, they’ll be very happy to be born here.

I am not interested in you, to be very frank, as far as marriage is concerned. So this ego business, because you think that you are so important, should be given up. My only interest is that if some Sahaja yogis in the West get married, have a good married life, there’s a possibility as it is, it is very dangerous situation. People have left Swadhistana, left Mooladhara, big problem. In the West it’s such a problem, even to have a child, imagine! Even if they have the child, so such a problem to retain it. Even a problem is there to have a normal married life. It’s such a horrible thing. This is the situation. Actually, you must face it. So even if I say, “You get married,” it doesn’t mean that.

Now if after marriage you get into a ego-oriented nonsense, then you can really [decide/be parasites]. You won’t have any children. You’ll have problems. Many people I’ve seen who accept the marriage and then they suddenly go into ego and start talking about it. Immediately they’ll have problem, even for normal married life, even for normal life.

So when you are getting married, you are not obliging Me, not at all. I mean, if you do not get married, the [indulge] are there and they come to Me, the great [drag/dragging]. Panorama of the realized souls, all right? I don’t have worries. But if you have to say in the West, “[Do you/ We’ll] have to have a marriage which is [a/the] good marriage,” then you lead a life of a good Sahaja yogis and Sahaja yogini and that children of that calibre should be willing to be born to you. Now they would not like to be born, if you people do not understand the real value of Sahaja Yoga.

For example, it’s a funny situation in England as far as marriage is concerned. I just cannot understand. Really, I cannot understand, that every day the husband, wife must sleep in the same room. What is the need, I just don’t understand. Really, I cannot understand. They fight, fight, fight, quarrel, quarrel, quarrel. There is no intensity of love, nothing, but they must sleep together. I don’t know for what they are so particular. Here it is no so. We love each other whether in absence, but that part of it is so much on the heads of all the Western people. And even some Sahaja yogis are so mad. Indians, we cannot understand. I mean, supposing we go for a wedding, all right? There is my husband’s house. They have at least hundred couples there. House is very big, all right. But we don’t, we [can’t/cannot] get a room or anything to sleep, you see? We have to share with other ladies, and the men have to sleep together; women have to sleep together. Not for one day but at least eight, ten days. But in all decency, decorum, we can share. I mean, it’s something so funny I just cannot understand. I am so hopeless with that. I just don’t understand why must you have a free night to your wife or husband together; just I don’t understand. And next day you go for a divorce.

There was a lady you see, she came to Me and she said, “I must have a divorce with my husband.” I said, “Why?”. “Because his work is such that he [can’t/cannot] come home and we cannot have nights together.” I said, “Then after divorce you will not have him at all.” [On which basis they think] they are correct. “So why do you want to have this thing?” I said. “Then what will you do? If you don’t have your husband at all, then what will you do?” I just don’t understand why it is so much in the West. I mean this is [too/so?] much in their brains; nonsense it is. Actually, they don’t enjoy anything with this kind of a nonsense. I mean, it’s like people who are absolutely haggard for spontaneous feeling for each other, I understand. To be so much frightened about this thing, to be so much upset about it, to be so much fixed about it, I just don’t understand. I can understand newly, just newly married children, but even that we don’t do in India so much. Even if they are newly married, I mean, you may see each other once in a while for some time because all relatives in the family, elders are there, with all this kind of living together, how are you going for a divorce? [just I don’t understand?/unclear] I mean, I don’t know, this side shows so much of this nonsense.

This time I went to [San Sirius] and luckily on a day of a sale, and it was such a crowded thing we were just pushed on to the escalator, and on the escalator they were kissing each other. What was such a hurry? You see, there was no room to move. Everybody were saying, “Keep to the right. Keep to the right.” And they were busy doing all this nonsense just on the passage, you know. People couldn’t even move, and next moment they’ll go for a divorce. So there is no intensity, there’s no intensity, so frivolous, there’s no feeling. You can never have feeling, enjoy it, unless and until you little bit keep away from each other. It’s just, I cannot understand it, this [Sirius] country. Are we not human beings or are we something different?

Like My driver, own driver in My husband’s office, [I mean/when] he asked Me, “How do you manage with this man who works so hard?” I said, “Why? What’s the matter?” He said, he said that, “What about his family? He has no time for the family.” I said, “He has sufficient.” “Then how do you say?” I said, “It is not how much time I spend with him but how deeply I am spending with him.”

Yogi: The driver is an Englishman. [Unclear]

Shri Mataji: Ah! The driver was, of course, very big English and he went for a divorce [also/only]. The same fellow was teaching Me lessons. He went for a divorce.

All these are false ideas, so absolutely weak personality. They are weak personalities. Come and see his [great courage to do that] where is his wife, ask him. She has come here; she’s not here? She’s not with us. She’s not going to feel bad. He’s gone out. She’s not going to say “Why did you leave me alone?” She’s not going to say that.

Yogi: She will never say.

Shri Mataji: She’ll never say, no questions because she knows that, “My husband has gone for some work and he’ll come back.” What is that to [be so/ feel] insecure?

Now I’ll say about, you see, what’s his name?

Yogi: [Deshpande]

Shri Mataji: [Deshpande] where is his wife? She has not come? She has not come; he is enjoying your company. But I want, you see, we love each other…

[Interruption of the a audio here- at 10, 55 minutes]

See innocence; see the innocence, the answer. Just see the answer, because they have full faith in God, you see? [You have no trust in people make sense there] so they are not worried about their wives, what will happen to them and [otherwise you are not going away/ the wives are not worried about the husbands]

So the rest of it, what you people worry about husband, wife, [you/we] cannot conceive, doesn’t come into our heads.

Yogi: We leave rest to Mataji.

Shri Mataji: See, now. See the innocence. Can you see the innocence? Can you understand that?

Yogi: Then nothing happens.

Shri Mataji: See?

Yogi: Rejoice, rejoice.

Shri Mataji: Nothing happens, [there is nothing wrong/ unclear] just listen to that. So simple they are; they are so simple. You won’t understand this. It is, it’s not proper for Me to say anything in their presence, [also/ you see], really. They still cannot see things, you know? After all I’ve said it, they are so simple, they [can’t/cannot] see through the things. Now these two ladies are sitting here, where are their husbands? They have been sleeping in My room for the last [how many/question in Hindi] days [from that?].

Yogi: Three days.

Shri Mataji: Three days. They have got their children, their husbands, and nothing happened. It’s something, I just [can’t/cannot] understand. All these things you have to learn in this lifetime. They have to learn from [Me/ you] lots of things, but you have to also learn something. Look at the innocence [of it/ they have]. See that. Nothing [falling/ goes] into their heads.

Once I was there, in the evening time. Who was with Me that day? None of you. We came out of that place, from Brompton Square. About twelve o’clock in the night we were going back. And one girl and one boy came out. Not girl and a boy, quite old, I would say. The girl was about, the boy was twenty-five; the girl was twenty-two or something. He was pulling her by her hair, and she was hitting him. I said, “What’s this going on?”

They said, “We are married.” I said, “Really?”

If they are married, then they are supposed to fight. When they are not married, they are supposed to love. It’s a funny country. You find the absurdity? So you get out of it. This kind of madness is not good.

So one must develop a new style. It’s an education. It’s an education. The women must sit together; men must sit together. It’s an education. We, too, have some men like that. Some are like that. It’s very funny, and everybody laughs at them; very embarrassing. The husband running after the wife, or the wife running after the husband; it’s very embarrassing. I mean, you are in any case married. What is there to run after?

Too much ado of the wife is very embarrassing, or of the husband also is very embarrassing. Live like normal people. Now you have come on a tour, it’s not a honeymoon trip, not at all a honeymoon trip. It’s a trip for education. Education, [we] have to live with this group. We have to live with each other, with other Sahaja yogis, [understand?].

[Talking apart with a yogi: “A letter”? And Shri Mataji is talking aside in Hindi to a yogi about arrangements.]

So this is it.

Now for marriages [no forced marriages/ no honeymoons], do not take any frantic steps. Marriage is to be done in a very normal way. There should be no frantic way. Take it easy. Nothing has to be done extraordinary, nothing. If you like somebody, you can have the marriage. If you don’t get married here, it doesn’t mean you won’t get married next year. But don’t misunderstand. And Sahaja Yoga is a training, and [you can live that]. When you have come here, you have not come here just to go around like tourists or to save your money by coming down here. You have come here to educate yourself, the aspects which are not recognized, how to sit down, men on this side and ladies on that.


The first part of the talk is in Hindi. The audio is interrupted in the middle and is incomplete at the end.

H.H. Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi