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Vienna 5-6-83 / Gregoire
I got my realization around the 15th August 1975, in Hurst Green, Sussex, in the very house of Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi. The period following this turning point in my life can be said to have been most intense, no doubts, but pretty precarious also. I had to leave the shores of fair Albion to go back into boring daily life where, somehow, negativity was waiting for me… and I did not know then, how to deal with the multiplicity of its subtle and less subtle form. If I managed to swim through these troubled waters and survived as a yogi, it is of course, thanks to the ever watchful Grace of the one who had given me my realization. But, more precisely, I can hint here at two devices which proved to be useful in enabling me to stick to Reality.
One could be called: ”charting back one’s path towards Self-realization”.
The second: ”fixing the pole of the tent”.
Charting the path towards Self-realization
We are all seekers. As such we are looked after. The Divine – or, in more secular terms, the Unconscious – has been working on us as a magnet mass does on iron dust; our movement towards Self-realization expresses the impact of its gravitational pull. The Unconscious wants us to reach Self-realization (Nirvichara Samadhi). It paves our way towards it. Thus, it carefully engineers moments and circumstances, it calls, it stages happenings and sends signals to the Atma, often long before we meet Shri Mataji. The Atma, the Self which is Truth-Consciousness-Joy is all what we want to be and Self-realization is the first encounter with capital Reality, an encounter which has been discretely but lovingly prepared by the Unconscious itself.
After Self-realization, when negativity tries to settle back into the half-cleared chakras, when doubts and fears rain from stormy ego cum super-ego, it helps to consciously call to memory the helping hand of the Unconscious, the gentle way in which it led us towards its most elusive, most effective incarnated form, Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi.
Here is an example from my own story.
I met Rajesh Shah at Berkeley University, California, in June 1975. He spoke, although carefully, about Sahaja Yoga and soon left for London while I went back with a friend and a trailer van for a tour of the Arizona and Utah deserts. Quite a few things happened during this travel, many signals were sent. For example, whenever I would fix my tent I would find the Venus star facing the opening. When I arrived on the Grand Canyon the sky was overcast. I sat on the ridge of the Canyon and prayed God that I should have a rainbow. Within ten minutes the sky opened, stream of golden light flew in, down to the Colorado river, and set on fire the walls of the Canyon. While some green black clouds were still rolling over my head, I was given the most beautiful of all rainbows, shaped like a horseshoe, stretching its colors from one side to the other of the Canyon. It was just too much. I felt the Universe was a house and I was the heir of this household. I did not feel lonely and lost anymore and, with tears in the eyes, I was just overwhelmed with love and gratitude. Fortunately, there weren’t any tourists around for they would have wondered at the sight of a kind of drunken boy, hugging and kissing all the trees on his way.
I did not know that, by then, Rajesh had met Shri Mataji in London and had spoken about me, that is, I did not know that I had already entered Her omnipotent, omniscient attention. I did not know either, by the way, that the shape of the horseshoe or ”bandhan” is the symbol of the Adi Shakti. But I felt: I heard a call, I felt a great, great, tremendous love, Her Love upon me.
Rajesh and I met again in Berkeley. He showed me a picture of Shri Mataji. A few days later, in U.K., at the appointed time, I found myself standing in the hall of Shri Mataji’s house, ready for ”my first encounter of the Atma kind”. Needless to say, later on, in moments of confusion, the recollection of these signals comforted my still vacillating faith in Sahaja Yoga. Each of us who know to search his memory has a provision of such signals before his realization, before meeting Shri Mataji or, simply, before meeting Sahaja Yogis. There need not be rainbow every time. But it’s love all the time.
Fixing the pole of the tent
When I left England, I was eager to share the good news with others who I thought to be seekers. So, I briefed one of my friends who had much more experience of these things than myself as he had tried so many gurus in India and elsewhere. He was keeping the pictures of the various special masters he had met, stones they had given him and also a sort of mental decoding system whereby he could find out who was a genuine master and who wasn’t. Despite this background however or, rather, because of it, he failed to grasp the point of Sahaja Yoga, passed on to me a few of his exotic-esoteric bhoots and got me quite confused. I then wrote a letter to Shri Mataji in which I expressed doubts as to how I could possibly be so deeply transformed through Sahaja Yoga and how could this yoga transform the world. I was drifting away.
The 25 September 1975 Shri Mataji was gracious enough to send me a letter in which She very clearly exposed my inconsistency, how precarious my position was and what I should do to muster positivity within myself instead of siding with negativity. I take here the liberty of quoting a few lines of this extraordinary letter which saved my (spiritual) life for the second time:
”Now the time has come to tell you that Sahaja Yoga cannot work unless and until you completely surrender to ”Me” without any more questioning. This ”Me” means Mataji Nirmala Devi who resides on the ”Sahastrara” of the VIRATA. This is the absolute truth whether you like it or not, whether your ego and super ego accept in or not. I am sorry I have to confess it.”
If I take upon myself to publish these sacred lines which were not meant for the public, it is because of their overriding significance: ”Gregoire! You perhaps do not realize that all the Deities who reside in you and who are controlled in your Sahastrara are not at all interested in people who are not completely surrendered to me. I do not know how to convince them. They only look after those who take my name and accept that I am the Adi Shakti. This is the only way you can progress. What can I do? Even the people who are cured by me have to keep the protocol otherwise the Deities sleep and they go back to their previous position.
So far I have not said this to anyone because I thought there was no need. Those who were wise realized it and those who are foolish have lost their chance in Sahaja Yoga.”
I was stunned! I somehow realized at once what these lines were meant to carry. I saw clearly that if this assertion of Shri Mataji’s real identity was not true the whole of Sahaja Yoga would fall apart. If this assertion was true the seekers of the whole world could be saved, I too. The golden Age would start. What was the matter with me? Yes, I had felt the vibrations coming from Shri Mataji, I had felt, inside, how She had opened my Sahastrara, I had seen Kundalini pulsating, I had registered Her movements under Shri Mataji’s fingers… What more proofs did I want? What was this nonsense in my head, why wouldn’t I recognize Her?
The statement of Shri Mataji helped me, tremendously helped me, that is to recognize. Realizing its truth became the only relevant question, and all the other questions and worries in my mind instantly vanished, even those pertaining to Sahaja Yoga. The words of Shri Mataji had fixed the pole of the tent, the tent of Sahaja Yoga to protect me from the bad weather of Kali Yuga; the pole upon which the edifice of my yoga had to rely, on which my confidence in Destiny and Self could be built up. It dawned upon me that the answer to one single question was providing answers to all other questions. And this question was: “Who is Shri Mataji?”
The answer to it makes the difference between mystical sand castles and Reality; between salvation and doom for all of us. In it lies the key to the process of collective emancipation. Since the reception of this letter my only goal has been and still is to further penetrate the mystery of Shri Mataji’s incarnation on this earth, to bring my consciousness closer to Her city.
This island city, vibrating with multicolored tongues of fire, we all carry it as the thousand petalled lotus floating in the limbic area of our brain. Its gate is narrow, no doubt, but Shri Mataji had given me the password.