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“The relationship of parents with children and teachers with students” (Hindi talk). Sahaja Temple, Delhi (India), 15 December 1983.
What is Sahaja Yoga and what all one gets in it, you can know . But what I am going to tell you today is little about the relationship of parents with their children and how it is supposed to be. First of all , we develop two kind of relationship with our children, in that one is emotional and the other is responsibility . Emotions and responsibility remain two different things. Suppose there is one mother, and her child learns or does something wrong, still because of emotions she says, ” all right let him do it, nowadays all children are like this, what to say to child, everything is fine”. Another Mother is there who wants to make her children dutiful and responsible. For that she says to her children to get up early in the morning, be active, study hard, go to school in time, sit here, sit there, wear the clothes properly etc.. and she is always behind her child to correct him.
Now I should tell you that this is not integrated. Today in Sahaj Yoga we have integration. Both the things ( emotion and responsibility) have to be integrated. There has to be integration, not combination. The difference between combination and integration comes because our emotions should be responsibility and responsibility should be our emotions.
Like we love our children. Then we will say that because we love him so it is our duty and responsibility that he should walk on right path. And he should walk on right path because we love him. If we don’t correct our child or don’t tell him the right way to live then it means that we are emotionally dominating. Then you say, ” what is there in correcting them, let it be, let them do what they want, they will be hurt if we correct them or scold them, why to hurt them?”. Another person will think, ” No, even if they feel bad or get hurt, we have to purify them , cleanse them and make them shining” But when integration comes then the person makes his own behavior and nature such that it effects the child.
For example, father is very lazy person, he is drunkard, smokes and does all filthy things. Mother is very short tempered, beats and scolds the children a lot, speaks harsh. Then all this effects on the children spontaneously. Then even if you try to give them thousand preachings, nice education etc but they see what is your behavior. How are these people?
Nothing is going to effect by teaching or telling the children. They learn by seeing. They see the behavior of their parents and learn. They see how you behave with others and how you behave with them. How you behave with eachother. Children always keep noticing all this.
There is a small story. There was one lady with very bad nature . She had her old father-in-law. She used to give him milk in a very dirty utensil made of clay. The poor fellow used to drink in the same pot without complaining. The son of the lady used to take that milk and give it to his grand father. One day that clay pot got broken. The child started crying loudly. The mother asked the child, “Why are you crying so loudly, what is there to cry for a small clay pot?, if it has broken doesn’t matter”. Then the child said, “Mother, I am crying because I am thinking that when you will get old then in which utensil I will give you the milk as this dirty clay pot is broken.” After listening this, the mother understood and said that if the other pot will be purchased then you will not cry and give me the milk in that when I get old.
So the children always keep on observing your behaviour and whatever you do affects your child deeply rather than giving him big lectures about righteousness from morning till night. Therefore, all the Sahaj Yogis who are here and whose children are studying here should understand whether they have the integrated knowledge or not. After getting the integrated knowledge one doesn’t feel bad if made to understand things and doesn’t get spoiled even if he is loved a lot.
My eternal love flows towards you all and I keep on telling you things and making you understand but you have not got hurt neither you got spoiled. The reason is because it is done with integrated knowledge. If the children know that you love them with full heart then even one scolding is enough but instead if you always keep on scolding them then they think that it is your habbit to scold and they don’t pay attention or respect. So the children should be handled very carefully and with love.
In fact I would say that you must keep them with love. If you find any bad behaviour in them or negative activity then observe it three-four times and then peacefully sit with them and tell them that it is not good. You will be surprised to see that if you behave with them properly and with love then they will be afraid to loose your love and will correct themselves fully. But if you have never shown your love to your child and always tried to correct him “Keep this here, keep this there, arrange this, do like this, do like that etc.” then the children will think that it is your habit to always say like this and they will not give importance to what you say. So your behaviour has to be integrated.
In our country we see that people speak lies, steal, do this, do that for their children. Even if they have to sell their country they won’t mind to do it for the children. And it is reverse in the West that they are not at all bothered to put water in the mouth if he is dying of thirst. Both these things are not integrated. In the West parents think that our carpet should not get spoiled, our door should be neat and clean, our car should be alright and the children should work. They are always behind their children to clean here and there. Here in India we spoil the children, specially the mother spoils the children very much. Sometimes even the father spoils the children. So first of all we should face ourselves and see why we are spoiling them? We should not love them in a way that don’t respect you or they don’t listen to you and they should not think that they can convince you and justify themselves. In this way by giving them blind love we spoil them and put them on a wrong direction. In the same way by being too strict with them we make our children such that they turn their faces from us. Then they don’t want to look at your face.
In between these two things is Sahaj Yoga on our Sushumna. Therefore we should remain on Sushumna. Neither we should flow with too much love nor go with too much responsible behavior. We should flow with the spirit. And when you will move with the instruction of spirit , then you will see that you will be looked after and your children will also be looked after.
This Sahaj School has not been made because there are less schools in our country. Many people can open schools, they can, they can even earn lot of money. Children will learn and become Graduates.and everything can happen.
I thought of opening Sahaj School because we need such citizens in our country who are special and idealistic. And where will these special and idealistic children be prepared? There has to be a special place where they have all facilities for it.
Same way is the condition of teachers. If teachers are irritable.short tempered, every time shouting,” this is bad , that is wrong” etc then the children will get spoiled and become like them, Materialistic. If teachers are over-indulgent and spoil them with love without being strict then the children will also become like them. This is why teachers have big responsibility to make their life such that the children learn and they have great personality as an example for them. Children should remember in future that they had a teacher who had this special quality in him.
So this work is of very great people. In ancient time there used to be Guru( teacher) who used to be realized soul and used to be very great personality. This is why your Gotra( Ancient method of recognizing the university from which ancestors got educated in Gurukul) is Sahaj Yoga , which is your university. And our teachers from sahaj schools should be qualified as Sahaj Yogis and also the students. The best and extraordinary idealistic children should come out of this school after education.
This doesn’t mean that they will become very rich and very dominating personality. But they will be such that they will become foundations of this world like Shri Ganesha is foundation of this universe. In the same way we have to build many such foundations. This is why I am behind opening a school based on Sahaj Yoga. In the same way a big school of sahaj is about to open in Bombay. Its foundation stone has been established.
I hope that all of you will cleanse and open your hearts and move in the direction that you will make your children an idealistic personality. And everyone will collectively do this. How we have to remove the fighting and aggressive tendency in children and how to destroy the negative attitude of children, I want to teach you all who are the parents.
But when this work will begin then you will see that how the parents will change and how the children will change. In the same way whole world can change. I don’t see any other way . So you all must understand your importance. And keeping your importance in mind you should move in this direction and make this school a great success. This will happen!
I bless you all with the success !!!!
How parents should deal with their children
Sahaja Temple, Delhi 15 December 1983
You can find out what is Sahaja Yoga and how it benefits a human being. But today I am going to tell you a little thing about how parents should have relations with their children.
We naturally develop two relationships with children at the beginning itself, one is emotion and the other is the duty. Emotion and duty remain two separate things. For example, if a mother supports her child out of her emotions even if he does something wrong, learns bad things and says, ” it is ok, let it be, it is normal to have children like these nowadays, why to scold the child, whatever he is, it is alright.”There is another kind of woman who thinks of making her children righteous. To make her children righteous she asks her children to get up early, to sit for study, to go to the school quickly, to do things timely. She teaches them manners and how to wear clothes. ” She is after all these things.
Now all this is not integrated, there is no integration, it lacks integration. And the Sahaja Yoga of today is integration. There should be an integration of both things and not a combination. The difference between integration and combination is that our emotion should be our duty and our duty should be our emotion.
For example, we have a love for our child. Then we would say since there is love, therefore, it is our duty to put our child on the right track, and that the child should follow that right track since we love him. If we do not tell our child to follow the right path then it means that we are emotions oriented. It is very easy to think that, “how to advise them? Leave it. If we say anything to them, they feel bad so why to make them unhappy?
And another way is to think that ‘no matter how much they become unhappy, children must be absolutely cleansed through proper cleaning.’
When integration takes place then a human being behaves in such a way that it has a great impact on the children.
For example if the father is the laziest person or is a drunkard and smokes and mother is very short tempered, beats and scolds her children then it has an automatic impact on the children and then adding to it if you give them lectures, no matter how much and preach them, they just observe what kind of people you are.
Nothing is going to happen just by preaching. The behaviour of our parents is what makes the difference, how do they behave with others and how do they behave with us and how do behave with each other. Children always observe that.
There is a short tale; once there was a bad woman and she had an aged father-in-law. She used to give him milk etc., she used to serve it in a dirty clay pot and helpless fellow used to drink in that clay pot. The child used to carry the milk for his grandfather. One day the clay pot was broken so the child started crying loudly. When they asked him, “What is such a matter to cry for, what was such a mess if it was broken then let it be, why to cry?” Then the child replied, “Mother I was thinking when you will grow old then in which clay pot I will give you the milk? Then her mind was awakened as to how the child understood the matter and when he was convinced that a new clay pot will be brought, then only he could be comforted saying, “I will not cry anymore because now there is new clay pot to serve you the milk.”
That is how children always observe as how is your behaviour and it creates a very deep impression on the mind of the child, rather than giving them lectures morning till evening.
Therefore, Sahaja yogis who are present here or whose children study here, they should understand whether they have come to know that integrated knowledge (Smyak Gyaan) or not. After having achieved that integrated knowledge (Smyak Gyaan) it will not hurt anyone even if he is preached to any extent, love will not be spoilt even if given to any extent.
My love for you people is eternal and many times I also make you understand but you never feel bad nor you have been spoilt. The reason is that integrated knowledge (Smyak Gyaan) is adopted. If the children know that you love them fully then even a onetime scolding is enough. But if you keep on scolding them all the time then they will say it is their habit to scold. Therefore children should be handled with great care and love.
In fact, I will say just keep them with love and if you happen to witness any defect in them, something in them – two to four times after witnessing, make them sit with you peacefully and say this is not correct. You will be surprised to see them getting changed because your good behaviour with them will make them nervous about losing your love. But if you have never expressed your love to your child and you have been insisting on ‘put this right, put that right, do this -do that’ then the children will think that it is just their habit, nothing is going to happen. Therefore our behaviour should be integrated (samyak).
We have seen in our country too that people lie for their children, steal for them, will do this and that to the extent that if it is in their hand, they can even sell their nation, and there are people especially in foreign, that they do not even care to put some water in their mouth when their children are dying. Both things are not integrated. They just mind to see that their carpet should not get dirty, our doors should be kept clean our cars should be all right, and children should work. They are after them all the time and here we spoil our children. Especially mothers spoil their children very badly. Fathers also sometimes spoil them.
So, first of all, we should look at ourselves to see why do we spoil our children? They should not be given love to extend that they get spoilt, do not listen to you, become arbitrary or the children should not conclude to think that “yes … we can easily convince them; it is our easy job. . .” We put them in the wrong path out of our extreme love towards them.
In the same way, sometimes we make them ignore us when we deal with them with harshness, then they do not even want to see our face.
Sahaja Yoga lies in between these two things, at sushumna channel. Therefore, we should follow the sushumna channel. Neither we should live in the extreme flow of love nor in the extreme flow of duty but moving in the flow of the spirit. And when you will act according to the command of the spirit then you will be surprised that not only you will grow spiritually but also your children will grow watching you.
This Sahaja Yoga School is just not built because there is a shortage of school in our country. Many people will build schools, they can build, they can make money also, children will have their education, they will be graduate and all other things will happen.
My idea of having a school comes from only one thing that today we need such citizens who should especially be idealistic. And where else these kinds of children can be created? For that purpose, we need such a school where there are all the arrangements for this purpose…