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“The relationship of parents with children and teachers with students” (Hindi talk). Sahaja Temple, Delhi (India), 15 December 1983.
What is Sahaja Yoga and what all one gets in it, you can know . But what I am going to tell you today is little about the relationship of parents with their children and how it is supposed to be. First of all , we develop two kind of relationship with our children, in that one is emotional and the other is responsibility . Emotions and responsibility remain two different things. Suppose there is one mother, and her child learns or does something wrong, still because of emotions she says, ” all right let him do it, nowadays all children are like this, what to say to child, everything is fine”. Another Mother is there who wants to make her children dutiful and responsible. For that she says to her children to get up early in the morning, be active, study hard, go to school in time, sit here, sit there, wear the clothes properly etc.. and she is always behind her child to correct him.
Now I should tell you that this is not integrated. Today in Sahaj Yoga we have integration. Both the things ( emotion and responsibility) have to be integrated. There has to be integration, not combination. The difference between combination and integration comes because our emotions should be responsibility and responsibility should be our emotions.
Like we love our children. Then we will say that because we love him so it is our duty and responsibility that he should walk on right path. And he should walk on right path because we love him. If we don’t correct our child or don’t tell him the right way to live then it means that we are emotionally dominating. Then you say, ” what is there in correcting them, let it be, let them do what they want, they will be hurt if we correct them or scold them, why to hurt them?”. Another person will think, ” No, even if they feel bad or get hurt, we have to purify them , cleanse them and make them shining” But when integration comes then the person makes his own behavior and nature such that it effects the child.
For example, father is very lazy person, he is drunkard, smokes and does all filthy things. Mother is very short tempered, beats and scolds the children a lot, speaks harsh. Then all this effects on the children spontaneously. Then even if you try to give them thousand preachings, nice education etc but they see what is your behavior. How are these people?
Nothing is going to effect by teaching or telling the children. They learn by seeing. They see the behavior of their parents and learn. They see how you behave with others and how you behave with them. How you behave with eachother. Children always keep noticing all this.
There is a small story. There was one lady with very bad nature . She had her old father-in-law. She used to give him milk in a very dirty utensil made of clay. The poor fellow used to drink in the same pot without complaining. The son of the lady used to take that milk and give it to his grand father. One day that clay pot got broken. The child started crying loudly. The mother asked the child, “Why are you crying so loudly, what is there to cry for a small clay pot?, if it has broken doesn’t matter”. Then the child said, “Mother, I am crying because I am thinking that when you will get old then in which utensil I will give you the milk as this dirty clay pot is broken.” After listening this, the mother understood and said that if the other pot will be purchased then you will not cry and give me the milk in that when I get old.
So the children always keep on observing your behaviour and whatever you do affects your child deeply rather than giving him big lectures about righteousness from morning till night. Therefore, all the Sahaj Yogis who are here and whose children are studying here should understand whether they have the integrated knowledge or not. After getting the integrated knowledge one doesn’t feel bad if made to understand things and doesn’t get spoiled even if he is loved a lot.
My eternal love flows towards you all and I keep on telling you things and making you understand but you have not got hurt neither you got spoiled. The reason is because it is done with integrated knowledge. If the children know that you love them with full heart then even one scolding is enough but instead if you always keep on scolding them then they think that it is your habbit to scold and they don’t pay attention or respect. So the children should be handled very carefully and with love.
In fact I would say that you must keep them with love. If you find any bad behaviour in them or negative activity then observe it three-four times and then peacefully sit with them and tell them that it is not good. You will be surprised to see that if you behave with them properly and with love then they will be afraid to loose your love and will correct themselves fully. But if you have never shown your love to your child and always tried to correct him “Keep this here, keep this there, arrange this, do like this, do like that etc.” then the children will think that it is your habit to always say like this and they will not give importance to what you say. So your behaviour has to be integrated.
In our country we see that people speak lies, steal, do this, do that for their children. Even if they have to sell their country they won’t mind to do it for the children. And it is reverse in the West that they are not at all bothered to put water in the mouth if he is dying of thirst. Both these things are not integrated. In the West parents think that our carpet should not get spoiled, our door should be neat and clean, our car should be alright and the children should work. They are always behind their children to clean here and there. Here in India we spoil the children, specially the mother spoils the children very much. Sometimes even the father spoils the children. So first of all we should face ourselves and see why we are spoiling them? We should not love them in a way that don’t respect you or they don’t listen to you and they should not think that they can convince you and justify themselves. In this way by giving them blind love we spoil them and put them on a wrong direction. In the same way by being too strict with them we make our children such that they turn their faces from us. Then they don’t want to look at your face.
In between these two things is Sahaj Yoga on our Sushumna. Therefore we should remain on Sushumna. Neither we should flow with too much love nor go with too much responsible behavior. We should flow with the spirit. And when you will move with the instruction of spirit , then you will see that you will be looked after and your children will also be looked after.
This Sahaj School has not been made because there are less schools in our country. Many people can open schools, they can, they can even earn lot of money. Children will learn and become Graduates.and everything can happen.
I thought of opening Sahaj School because we need such citizens in our country who are special and idealistic. And where will these special and idealistic children be prepared? There has to be a special place where they have all facilities for it.
Same way is the condition of teachers. If teachers are irritable.short tempered, every time shouting,” this is bad , that is wrong” etc then the children will get spoiled and become like them, Materialistic. If teachers are over-indulgent and spoil them with love without being strict then the children will also become like them. This is why teachers have big responsibility to make their life such that the children learn and they have great personality as an example for them. Children should remember in future that they had a teacher who had this special quality in him.
So this work is of very great people. In ancient time there used to be Guru( teacher) who used to be realized soul and used to be very great personality. This is why your Gotra( Ancient method of recognizing the university from which ancestors got educated in Gurukul) is Sahaj Yoga , which is your university. And our teachers from sahaj schools should be qualified as Sahaj Yogis and also the students. The best and extraordinary idealistic children should come out of this school after education.
This doesn’t mean that they will become very rich and very dominating personality. But they will be such that they will become foundations of this world like Shri Ganesha is foundation of this universe. In the same way we have to build many such foundations. This is why I am behind opening a school based on Sahaj Yoga. In the same way a big school of sahaj is about to open in Bombay. Its foundation stone has been established.
I hope that all of you will cleanse and open your hearts and move in the direction that you will make your children an idealistic personality. And everyone will collectively do this. How we have to remove the fighting and aggressive tendency in children and how to destroy the negative attitude of children, I want to teach you all who are the parents.
But when this work will begin then you will see that how the parents will change and how the children will change. In the same way whole world can change. I don’t see any other way . So you all must understand your importance. And keeping your importance in mind you should move in this direction and make this school a great success. This will happen!
I bless you all with the success !!!!
H.H. Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi