Krishna marriages – Men Talk- 1997-08-23
Shri Mataji: Come in, come in. Just come forward a few [UCNLEAR].
Just come forward.
How many of you understand Spanish? So somebody can translate in Italian? Is it all right?
Hello, come here. Come, come the other side. Come along.
How many understand English? I’ve asked not many so they understand also Italian. And English? All of you? Practically if you translate, all right. First of all of My blessings and love. You have yesterday heard my lecture of Sahaja Dharma. You are no more a Christian, no more a Muslim, no more a Hindu. But you are Sahaj so Sahaj Dharma is the religion of pure love. So as you are getting married now you have the greatest chance to show your Sahaj Dharma to your wife.
So first of all approaching your wife who maybe are from a different country so have to be gentle and to be kind and sweet. You should not be hypocrites. So don’t talk of your past, anything! And if they start telling you say I don’t want to hear any of your past, finished, it’s over. First of all you should introspect and don’t judge your wife suddenly. So you have to make a very good beginning even in the beginning if you are behaving like a stupid fellow you have lost 50% chance.
Be laughing, enjoying, don’t be very serious. Now after the marriage you have to know you are Sahaj Dharmies. In that way you should see that you forgive your wife if she makes any mistakes and she should also, she will also forgive your mistakes. And listen to them. First time a girl from India was married to a French man and she told me these french men are mad! They are [UNCLEAR], I said why? ‘Because they drink water after eating [UNCLEAR Mother]’. Traditionally in India we know what to eat when and what not to eat. Now here in Italy they make another mistake to take the coffee and then the ice cream it’s absolutely wrong. Hot thing should be the last and you, even if you have to drink water after hot coffee then you must eat something. And when you come out of the heat or out of the sun you shouldn’t immediately drink water. It’s good for your health, I’m telling you this because you wouldn’t like your wife to tell you. But the wives are always worried about your health and they tell you anything that’s good for health, you shouldn’t mind it. You must listen to them.
Like my granddaughter got married to a very nice man but she said ‘All men are crazy, don’t you think grandma?’. So she says you look at my husband, he wants to look after my health, he’s all right. But one day I was working so he came after me, [UNCLEAR ‘Go to sleep now, go to sleep, go to sleep now?’ ]
So I asked her, ‘Why did you do that?’ So he said it was two o’clock in the night and she was still cleaning the house. So I asked my granddaughter, ‘Why did you clean the house at two o’clock in the night?’. She said ‘My husband has invited people from abroad and they are coming at six o’clock in the morning and if my house is lousy, they will say that I’m lousy, they don’t say my husband is lousy’. ‘So I have to care for my reputation!’.
So – but if it is loving attention and loving understanding then you can really understand each other very well. Now the problem with the western people is that they are slaves, absolute slaves of time. And we have now crossed the limit of time now with [UNCLEAR Kalati]. But they get after their women, ‘You must come, you are very late for this, late for that, late for that’. Now basically men have to what? Dress up, it’s all [UNCLEAR] they have to wear a pants, shirt and finished. They are ready but for women they have to do a lot. So you don’t have to, you don’t have to trouble your husband for that or for wife.
My husband, he will tell you I get ready in five minutes but all women can’t do that. So it would be miraculous if ladies can get ready in five minutes. In this way the small, small things gather together and fight starts. The men think they are men and they have a real right to tell their wives what they want. As if they are in charge of [their] wives. The wives manage but if it happens to men that the wife is in charge he goes into a lunatic asylum. You have to know that you are all equal in the eyes of God. But they are no similarities, wives are all Sahaja Yogis and you are all Sahaja Yogis and we should have a very good example of husband and wife. Wives are particular say about neatness, the men will fight. It could be the other way round. So if somebody is particular in neatness you can tell that person, there’s not need to be that neat. There are some very particular about cleanliness, women. So men you say, all right I will not have a bath because you are too particular about cleanliness. So it’s a fun, it’s a fun and the relationship should be of two very nice people who are enjoying each other. You can tease each other, it’s all right. I can give lectures to you but you won’t bare any lectures on your wives. If she gives lectures, you can put your hands to your ear side or the other way round. They will respect you if you are very deep sahaja yogis, they will love you if you are really well forgiving as a sahaja yogi. So you must see what your wife likes. What your wife likes. And give her some presents, some flowers to show that you love her. After all we are human beings not animals, we can speak, express our love. Now let us see how many do that very well, to love their wives despite their faults and she loves you despite your faults. There only you will get very great souls born to who has their [UNCLEAR]. These saints don’t want to get married to fighting, quarreling, discussing husband and wife. Then only you can have very good families and your children will be beautiful children. But if you quarrel and fight and think of divorce only rakshasas will be born. Children also, you must look after with love don’t try to, to much pressurised them.
It’s the, marriage is the best feeling when you can show your best achievement in Sahaja yoga. So now I bless you from my heart as I said and I think you will understand what I’m saying, there’s nothing to be frighten of marriage in sahaja yoga. You are trying to marry, most of them are from other countries, so try to know about there country, what are there customs. And only you should not go on boasting about your own country that will not please any one. You are a great Sahaja yogi when you can see whats wrong with your society, whats wrong with your traditions whats wrong with your thinking of your country people. You should not make your wife tired aslo and if somebody is tired, you should say don’t make her tired, take her side always. I sure she will be a very sweet person but supposedly shes beating someone, hurting someone, insulting someone then you have to tell her. They have done my puja’s virgins so I’m sure their attitude towards marriage with devotion. Lastly I would ask you to have some mercy on me also. I receive many letters from husbands and wives describing how their husbands are cruel or stupid or foolish or whatever it is.