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Marriages at Birthday Puja: “Talks to Brides and to Grooms”. Delhi (India), 23 March 2000.
I am very happy to see you all here, and you should know you are going for a little different life, that you are getting married in Sahaja Yoga.
There’s a difference between the other marriages and Sahaja Yoga marriage in which we understand that marriage has to be a special, as they call yagnya, means a special type of a holy alliance in which you have to lead a very Sahaj life with your wife and to understand her. She is also Sahaja Yogini. So you must respect her and you must love her, and she should really understand that you are her caring, loving, gentle husband. You must show all concern about her because she is a Sahaja Yogini. She is not an ordinary woman, and with that respect I am sure you’ll be able to lead a very beautiful Sahaj married life.
As it is, in Sahaja Yoga, as you know we don’t criticize each other. We see the good points of another person and we have a great capacity to forgive. So to forgive is not to tolerate or to suffer, but you forgive just because you are very noble, you are a Sahaja Yogi. So don’t try to find faults with your wife all the time. Also you shouldn’t give her all the time orders – this, do this, do that – but join hands with her. Because in Sahaja Yoga we don’t believe in an individual’s rights as to dominate another person. So what you should see the need to help her, to understand her and to share all the problems. Not to put problems on to her, but to give her all the helping hand that is needed. She’s your companion. She’s not your slave. She’s not your servant, neither you are sort of, I should say, a boss of her.
So all those qualities are not to be seen in a Sahaja Yogi, and understanding is the best part. Try to understand her side also. Sometimes they are coming from another country and are of a different culture. So try to understand. This is how you’ll understand what is the culture of that country from where she comes. Also it’s good for children that you must always respect, always respect your wife. You shouldn’t have some sort of a ideal about your wife. And, forget about all the other conditionings you have had or you have seen in the society.
You are a very different people. You are absolutely chosen people for a very special work of Sahaja Yoga. So once you start understanding this point that you are here to marry girls who are Sahaja Yoginis and who will look after you. I will also tell them what they have to do. But I would request you that do not have domination of a man or thinking that you are the head of the family to trouble the wife. Share with her. Please understand that and once you start doing that, you will enjoy helping her and understanding her.
I hope your marriages are very, very successful and that you get very beautiful, sweet children who are born realized souls. I am sure you will have a very happy life ahead of you. So go for that, go for a happy life by making her happy, by making every one happy and looking after everything in a Sahaj way.
So may God bless you all.
Talk to Brides – Delhi, India, March 23, 2000
Very nice to see all of you so beautifully dressed and looking so nice. I want to tell you one thing, that you are marrying in Sahaja Yoga to Sahaja Yogis. Always remember this point. As it is, we see there are so many marriages breaking and all kinds of things happening in Sahaja Yoga. Also, we get sometimes one percent. Only one percent! Why? Because they understand the responsibility as Sahaja Yogis.
So, I want all of you to remember that you are getting married to a Sahaja Yogi, and you must always remember this fact.
You must respect him, you must look after him and care for him. Sometimes he may lose little bit of his balance. It is you who has to bring him back to balance with very gentle ways. It is your duty to preserve the society of Sahaja Yogis. People will come to your house. If they are Sahaja Yogis, their wives, their children, you must look after them because you are in charge of the society of Sahaja Yoga.
You may be earning a lot, you may be very well equipped, must be that, but you must always be humble and understand that you have to carry out the work of Sahaja Yoga through your marriage. This is a very big responsibility. In your case it is the preservation of the society that is of Sahaja Yoga people, their children.
So you have to love all of them. You must care for them. Never think this is your own house and that you are the queen of the house. But you are the mother, you are the sister, you are the complete relation of these people who are Sahaja Yogis. So when they come to your house you must show all respect and regard.
Never complain about them to your husband. He won’t like it. And also you must remember that your patience and your love and your guidance will definitely help to build your married life. If you want to be happy, you must know how to make others happy also. If you do not know how to make others happy, you can never be happy. So, you should not think about your own demands, your own needs, your own, you can say, ideas or anything. Whatever is there you have to do it in a very gentle manner because you are the women, you are the ladies.
So your style should be gentle, should not shout, you should not get angry, you should not treat anyone shabbily. I will immediately know who is an unkind hostess. That people will tell Me that, “Mother she is a funny woman, she doesn’t know how to behave.” So I don’t want to hear that. I want to hear that you are very sweet, nice wives who will look after the husband, who will look after the family of Sahaja Yogis. That’s your job. There’s nothing to feel degraded in that or less in that.
That’s what is you have to do in Sahaja Yoga. That’s why you are so important. You don’t know the role of woman is so important, so very important that she can change the whole family into a beautiful garden.
It is her own sweetness, her own creative mind of love that can work it out. Must find out the art of love and work it out on anybody who is disturbed, or who is unhappy, or who is crossed. You can do it. You should know how to pacify that person and how to impress.
First quality you must have is the generosity of character. You should not mind giving up anything to anyone if they want. You will enjoy your generosity now and in that you should be generous when you forgive others. Forgiveness is very important, and then you will never feel the brunt of your married life.
Forgive. Also you have to forgive yourself. Not to feel guilty, not to feel guilty at all about anything, because after all you are also Sahaja Yogis, and if you have done anything wrong, it’s all right, doesn’t matter. But you should have the sweetness, the sweetness of a wife who will emit love and peace to others.
You should not be source of some sort of a dominating personality or a person who is aggressive, not at all. On the contrary you are the one who can bear lots of things and make a fun out of every nonsense that you see. Nothing is so serious to fight it, but to make a fun out of all that and make a fun for every one. That’s what you have to be, always smiling and happy. You will be amazed, you can make beautiful marriages for yourself, for your husband and all for Sahaja Yoga. So I am also very sure, if you make a successful marriage, you will have very, very good children who will be born realized. So you should be good mothers. Mothers who can really do good to the children and to other children also. All that is stored for you in future.
I know you’ll all be enjoying very much your future life and make it so beautiful that everybody should talk, that “look at these Sahaja Yoginis, how they have made their lives happy!” It’s a very, very important thing that we should pay attention to our own mistakes than to the mistakes of others, and try to correct them. See, they are themselves capable of looking after themselves. Only you should care for them and also you should in every way be very kind and gentle. I am sure you all can make very, very good families which nowadays are not available. You don’t see people who are happy in the family.
So no complaints about the husband, no complaints about anybody to the husband, but you make yourself so sweet that everybody wants to take your guidance, your love and they’ll come to you. I am sure this you can work it out. There are so many Sahaja Yoginis who have brought such credit to Me and have done such good work. I expect the same from you.
May God bless you.
This ceremony is called as Gauri Puja, means you are still Gauris. You are the Gauris and that the virgins, and you have to worship the Mother for your future life as married women.
H.H. Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi