Weddings, Ganapatipule, India, 26-12-2000

[Talk to brides]

I want to congratulate you all for getting married in the Sahaja system.

We are here to establish a new culture of our married life. It’s not the old style that we had or the new style that we were going to have. Actually marriages should be made very much comfortable, beautiful and enjoyable. If that cannot be done, it’s better not to marry. You don’t want to marry to make yourself less level and make others less level. So the first thing one has to remember that these girls that they are marrying are coming from another family, from another country, from another standards. So try to understand them. One thing I have seen, if you have love for your wife, then you can solve all the problems. What a wife wants is a love, attention from the husband. If you could do that, then you are very well off to begin with.

You can also find out what does she like, what she doesn’t like. It is the oneness of character that will help. But that is only possible by understanding each other, not by forcing your culture or her culture on her, but by observing what is Sahaja culture. As a husband, of course, you have a higher position in the married life because you are the earning member and you are the one who has to look after the family as far as financial side is concerned. But the another side is your mental side, I would say, of your mind, which has to be managed by your wife. So if you torture her, if you neglect her, if you trouble her, she cannot compensate for that. So first thing one has to remember that your greatest responsibility is to make this marriage successful, not by dominating, not by controlling. One governs best when he doesn’t control. If there is love, then you don’t have to do all these things and you can easily manage a very happy Sahaj man. I don’t like the most, nor do I like the husband and wife fighting.

There are certain stupid things which makes them fight also. Recently there were some girls who came up, of course, Westerners, and they said, Mother, we feel he is our not husband, our brother. I say, what is this? After having children from that man, living like a wife, suddenly why have you become so mad? You are talking like this. I couldn’t understand what was the reason for such a stupid statement, but I told them that you don’t try to deceive Me, you can deceive yourself, and then they were all right. So I would like to tell you that you should try to find out why your wife is upset or what’s going wrong with her, because she is the person who looks after your emotional side and looks after all the emotional side. So try to understand why she is objecting to something, she doesn’t like something, but mostly I tell them also, they will try to address much better and help you much better if you just try to give them lots of love. There are many ways of expression of love. If she is fond of, say, some sort of speech, even if you bring that, she will be very happy.

Try to know what she likes, try to understand what are her desires, and you will be amazed how you can win her over with very small things, because she will think that you care, you try to understand, and you know so much about her. This is something, is an art, I think it’s an art to be a good husband, and those who don’t have that art always fail. Of course, some women are very tolerant and good, they can bear it up, that’s not, that should not be the way or be a surgeon this period. You should have a lot of love, understanding, and also care for your wife. I wish you all very great love, and I want you to show that you can be very happily married. Whatever may be your culture, whatever you had in the past, forget it and you become a cultured man in Sahaja Yoga. And I would like to say very happy married life and very happy small little children. Thank you very much.

[Talk to grooms]

I congratulate all of you for deciding to marry in Sahaja Yoga. Compared to other weddings, in Sahaja Yoga you have much greater responsibility.

You are married because you are Sahaja Yogini’s. And as a Sahaja Yogini, your behaviour should be very Sahaj. That is very important because we are having these marriages, in Sahaja Yoga, mostly to create very beautiful families. You see, everywhere now in the world, families are breaking. And it is the responsibility of the woman to save the family so that she can save the society. She is the one who is responsible for the preservation of the society by creating children who are Sahaj, who are disciplined, who are sensible, loving, affectionate. So the woman’s job is not to go on demanding things but should give. All the time demanding, doesn’t create any good feeling. On the contrary, you must care for your husband and see whatever he needs, whit great love and attention you should giving whatever he needs whatever are the [unclear]. Must respect your husband, if you don’t respect him, then things want work out, you must respect him.

Love is alright but in love, there should be respect. A marriage was broken like this when the girl didn’t know how to respect him. And then the husband told me “that Mother impossible to live with her, she is always making fun of me for nothing at all”. So, you must respect your husband and also support him. In the presence of others Anything, whatever he is doing you should not try to say things against your husband. you discuss with him, you tell him it should not be done like this, in a beautiful manner. The relationship have be kept beautiful by the way. Sometimes is true, that men go out, work hard, come back home and there are not in a good mood. It is the duty of the women to put the man in to good mood. Is actually she is, she is there responsible for the peace and joy of the family.

Your responsibility is much more than that of the husband. So first of all when you are getting married, you must realize that it is not sacrifice. It is just your capability that you can handle a situation whatever it may be. One thing why you should not ask for anything for a husband. But see that what he needs, because you are already a women and you are complete. You don’t need anything. So you have to look after them in such a manner that they don’t feel that you are trying to dominate, or you are trying to manipulate in any way. But, try to do things in such beautiful sweet manners that he like it. And to expect anything from your husband is absolutely wrong. Your love will generating him that feeling.

Maybe one or two may not, but mostly the husband is very sensitive to a wife who is loving and kind. And definitely, he will look after you very well. I’m sure your marriages will be very successful because you are all Sahaja Yoginis and that you will have beautiful children who will be all Sahaja Yogis. I wish you all the blessings.