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Marriages. Canajoharie, New York (USA). 30 July 2001.
It’s a great thing to see so many of you looking very happy and looking forward for a very happy married life.
I’m to tell you that (it) is the woman who makes the marriage happy or unhappy. She should know how to handle the situation and to understand, because it’s a question of love. If you have love in your heart, you can win over anybody.
So first you must think of showing, expressing in a very gentle manner your love for your husband and for his family and try to control yourself in a way that they do not get upset with you, he does not get upset with you.
Sometimes you may not like some things. At that moment you should keep quiet and later on you can correct it, but the best thing is how you love your husband, how you look after him, how you suggest that you love him very much.
This is not understood sometime. Sometimes the brides think that once you are married, “We can demand this, we can demand that.” There should be no demand at all, no demand of any kind, but only thing if you develop, the love will look after you and give all that is necessary that you want to have.
You don’t have to open your mouth and ask, “Give me this, I want this.” No, there’s no need at all. It’s the love that you have shown or given will be valued the most and will be granting whatever is your need and whatever is necessary. But you should never open your mouth. That’s the secret. Never ask for anything and it may be that he may also complain that “You are not saying anything to me.” It’s all right. Whatever is proper is all right.
You see, you have to build up this self-respect of your husband. You have to respect his self-reliance. It’s all you have to do, just I would do — you would do for a child because you are the supporting personality, but actually you are his energy. You are the one who is going to completely fulfil his life with your love and with your attention.
If you have decided on that, you won’t see small, small things. You won’t bother about small things, what sort of a dress he’s wearing, what sort of a thing he does because he comes from a different family, different background and he has his own style of doing things, so you should not try (to) criticise him on that point. Try to understand he’s brought up in a different way. You are from a different family and brought up in a different manner, so naturally his styles would be different from yours. So there’s nothing to be expected that it should be in a very perfect way that you think.
So he should be left to himself in the way that he wants to express. If you find anything very wrong, then when he’s quiet, then tell him very quietly, make him understand. This in no way makes you subservient to your husband. On the contrary, he will become subservient to you. He’ll try to always keep you happy and keep you pleased because this is a Sahaj match. This is not an ordinary marriage. Sahaj marriage means two realised souls are married each other. Those who have achieved their spirit are married, so whatever may be the case with others, with you it should be the maximum amount of enjoyment, love, peace and blessings. So you should make it that way. It is only for you to realise it and to achieve it.
Maybe something is different from yours like some people don’t like yellow colour. Some people don’t like green colour. Some people don’t like this kind of hair, that kind of hair. Doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. It’s not important. It’s superficial. But if anything has to be done to keep them pleased, better do it because in return they’ll always look after your pleasures, your happiness, your joy.
In case they fail and they cannot adjust themselves to a proper married life, then also we allow divorce. Sahaja Yoga is allowed is divorce.
But first is the duty of a wife, I personally think to see that you make a beautiful home, a beautiful house, family and beautiful children. Because your children, also I’ve seen all of them are children of realised soul are very great Sahaja Yogis. They are born realised. They are tremendous. They have great possibilities. They can rise very high and they have shown such results that I myself amazed how they could do it.
So that is now your own choice, everything, how you work it out, how you build it, how you do it…. Woman thinks she works very hard in the house and that she should have more rest, she should be more sort of going outside and all that. Husband also thinks he works very hard. So the point is never think about yourself. Think about the other, how much he works, how much he’s putting his effort, how much time he gets. If you think like that, from your heart, then you will understand his difficulties and there won’t be any problem. But if he also starts thinking about himself, it’s wrong. I’ve told them already.
So it has to be very mutually understood and you have to prove that Sahaj marriages are excellent. They give the greatest joy and the greatest happiness and greatest morality.
On this point, please be careful. If you try to be immoral after marriage, it’s going to be impossible for Me to get you married because you get a bad reputation and it’s very difficult.
So one thing that you must know, now this marriage if you do not like, you can give up in a sensible way, but try to make it a beautiful marriage so that others also enjoy. If they’re happily married couples, then everybody enjoys their company. Otherwise there’s somebody complaining, this, that. Then no one likes to talk to such people.
So keep all these things away from your family life and just give joy which you are capable of.
So I am looking forward to your married life and to a very, very happy life that you’re going to have.
May God bless you.
H.H. Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi