DEDICATION
This book is dedicated with deepest love and respect to H.H. Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi, who is the source of all the knowledge which it contains.
Her Shri Mataji has inspired many men and women with Her own life. She has led an extraordinary life which is the expression of our most beautiful dreams. Shri Mataji has been a role model as a child, as a young woman, a woman, a sister, a daughter, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, and as a Spiritual Mother.
Shri Mataji and her husband Sir C.P.Srivastava have shown us countless examples of the roles of women and men during their lives: in the family, in the community, in society, and on a spiritual level.
JAI SHRI MATAJI
Introduction
Her Holiness Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi has on many occasions described and given advice about the many roles men and women fulfill in their lives. This book attempts to make this knowledge available. It contains excerpts from talks of H.H. Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi regarding our attitude before and during marriage, as well as its role in Sahaja Yoga. This compilation can of course in no way replace the talks of Shri Mataji in their entirety. Nonetheless, it gives us a window to understand Shri Mataji’s approach on marriage and the relationships between men and women. We advise everybody to read or listen to the original talks and to use this as a source of reference.
This is the second part of the MEN AND WOMEN compilation. It is best to read both parts to get the most out of this subject. It is advisable that men also read the chapters concerning women and visa versa. Not as a means to find faults in others, but rather with the understanding that all of Her qualities can be imbibed within each of us – whether we are a man or a woman.
We hope that through this work, Shri Mataji’s teachings will resonate in us and help us to lead a life filled with love, respect, dignity and harmony.
JAI SHRI MATAJI
Acknowledgements
After having published the book called “Raising Children in Sahaja Yoga”, the idea spontaneously came to compile a similar book on the role of men and women in Sahaja Yoga.
As we began listening to Shri Mataji’s speeches, we realized the breadth of the subject – one book soon became two. The first book is about the roles and qualities of men and women, as well as the brother- sister relationship. The second book concerns different aspects of married life.
Shri Mataji has shown us through Her own life how beautiful marriage and a family life can be. She has put a lot of attention on the subject, making it clear that marriage is an important part of Sahaja Yoga and has provided the appropriate guidelines.
Shri Mataji has talked to us about the meaning of marriage, in Sahaja Yoga in particular. She has described the roles of husband and wife and has given extensive advice on how marriages can be successful.
This book is a collective effort. We would like to thank everyone who has contributed to make this book possible. We hope you will enjoy it.
30.7.2009
NOTES
This compilation includes many themes which are repeated in the lectures of Shri Mataji. These have been classified according to the subject they touch upon.
At the beginning of the sections, a few comments written in italics are given to introduce the subject. These are researchers notes and not from Shri Mataji.
All content between ” … ” are quotes from Shri Mataji’s talks. The titles in the beginning are in bold to give you a quick overview of the subject. At the end if the book there is an appendix containing a list of all Shri Mataji’s speeches used in this compilation.
30.7.2009
ATTITUDE BEFORE BEING MARRIED
In the book MEN AND WOMEN, one sees how much importance Shri Mataji gives to innocence and chastity. She even says that this would be a great day of real ecstasy if we could re-establish the principle of brother-sister relationships. Enjoying a pure relationship with others is only possible when one is chaste.
Furthermore, to maintain innocence, security and the sanctity of the collectivity, Shri Mataji has made it clear that it is generally not acceptable to look for a partner within Sahaja Yoga. In Her words “You should not be searching for people in Sahaja Yoga.”
When one has the desire to get married, there is a possibility to ask Shri Mataji to find a life partner. This can be done by putting one’s name on the “Sahaj Marriage List.” However, there is no compulsion to do so – one is always free to find a partner outside of the Sahaj collectivity.
INNOCENCE AND CHASTITY
Innocence, which is deep down within us – is our nature, is the essence of this Creation
” … So the priorities have to change if Shri Ganesha is to be worshipped. What are we worshipping today is the innocence within us. We are worshipping that which is auspicious, which is innocent. Innocence, which is deep down within us – that’s our character, that’s our nature, that’s what we are born with – is the basic of this whole Creation; is the essence of this Creation … ”
1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, ENGLAND
Innocence has to be manifested
” … But innocence takes to the essence, and the essence is love. Thus, we have to understand that the quality of Ganesha we must all imbibe within ourselves. His quality of innocence which is already there within us has to be manifested … ”
1994 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, MOSCOW
Life is innocence
” … Now you have to notice on the streets of Maharashtra – just now I was coming by train – I saw no men, there were nobody who were interested in women. No women were interested in men. Some men were hugging each other, walking around, holding innocently. I mean, the whole thing was that life is innocence … ”
1985 PUJA, NASIK, INDIA
” …In Sahaja Yoga, as you know, morality is the most important thing . .. ”
1993 DIWALI, ANNOUNCEMENT OF MARRIAGE, RUSSIA
You have to prove that innocence is to be respected
” …First of all, we have to understand we are born in very precarious, dangerous times. At the time of Christ there were very few people who followed him and they didn’t understand much about Kundalini either. They had no knowledge. They had no knowledge that Christ was the incarnation of Shri Ganesh. But in the Christian countries only you’ll find the insult of Christ, the insult of innocence openly done, sometimes legally accepted. So when we are born under such horrible circumstances, we have to build up a great force, ourselves, of spirituality. When I came today, there was no breeze, no leaf was moving, but you were singing songs and tremendous breeze was coming from you all, and that made Me understand that this Divine force has come into being. It is there, it’s working. Not only that, but it’s very powerful Normally, the breeze doesn’t come to Me, it goes the other way around. But it was such a tremendous breeze that I had to hold somebody’s hand, and not a leaf was moving. So this collective force that you have – you must remember you have to fight it, not to run away; don’t escape it. You have to fight it and you have to prove that innocence is to be respected.
Adi Shakti first made Shri Ganesh. It was the first deity was created. Why? Because She wanted to fill the whole atmosphere with chaitanya, with holiness, with auspiciousness. It is still there. It’s still everywhere you can feel chaitanya is working, but it does not penetrate into the modern minds because modern mind doesn’t know what this innocence is. They have no idea at all about innocence. The way they are going on everywhere is really something never happened on this earth.
So with the innocence comes moral life. Morality is the expression of innocence. Innocence shows a person that he’s incapable of being immoral .. . ”
1996 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
If you can get Realization why not this also?
” …I’m quite worried on that point that secretly people are indulging into such things. And they’re hypocritical sometimes, they don’t mind being hypocritical about it. They are Sahaja Yogis, all right, but in this matter they think they can go about the way they like. And sometimes some of them say that “Mother has said it’s all right.” I never said so! There’s one point I cannot compromise is this.
You must have a chaste outlook towards yourself, towards your life, towards your being, towards your personality. You are saints. And if a saint doesn’t have a good character -I call it the character, the essence of character – is not a saint.
So this purity has to be maintained. There cannot be any compromise on that. You cannot hit at the roots of everything. If it works out, in a collective way, nobody cheats oneself, nobody deceives oneself and puts the mind into right track of ascent. Thinking about the ascent, how you are going to rise, thinking of the moments when you had the joys, thinking of the day where you met Me first, thinking of all the other beautiful and holy things, your mind can be cleansed. And whenever such a thought comes in, you have to say, “not this, not this, not this.” It’s more mental than physical, I tell you. I know it’s difficult, but if you can get Realization why not this also?
You all have to understand that there is no compromise on this. And a day may come if you continue with it, you will be thrown away completely, just like any other devil is thrown out. So there is no compromise. Tell yourself, don’t deceive yourself, don’t cheat yourself. You cannot ascend if there is any lurking thing within you. You will be dragged down, because that’s your weakness, and you will become weaker and weaker and weaker…”
1985, MOOLADHARA, BIRMINGHAM, UK
So respecting your chastity is really respecting Me
” …Because I reside within you as chastity. If Shri Ganesha is the auspiciousness, I reside within you as chastity …”
1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, BRIGHTON, ENGLAND
As My children you enjoy the bliss of chastity as I have all My human life
” …So today you have come to worship Shri Ganesha – within yourself. What is Me to worship as Ganesha I don’t understand. Because I’m That. When you are worshiping Me you want to have that Shri Ganesha within you awakened. Let that be awakened within you. Let what I say become the mantra to awaken that within you, so that as My children you enjoy the bliss of chastity as I have enjoyed all My human life and all My Divine lives. You enjoy the same quantity, that’s what I want. At least you should have the taste of it. . . ”
1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, BRIGHTON, ENGLAND
It is not austerity, but it is the respect of your Being
” …So this time you are all coming to India, I have to request you to respect Me by not misbehaving. Not childishly behaving in the manner you see in the pictures and the films and all that nonsense. You are above all that. Attention, achievements are to be seen from the seat of your chastity. We can’t leave our seats, whether we are acclaimed or not makes no difference. We can’t leave our seat. Like all these avadhutas they’ll say, “takiya sodaa sana” – means “we’ll not leave our seats”. We are in our seats. This is our seat, in the lotus. We can’t leave the lotus. We are sitting in the lotus. That’s our seat. Then all these nonsensical things that you have acquired will drop out. You’ll see, you’ll become beautiful beings. All bhoots will run away, all catches will run away. But is not austerity, again and again I’m telling you. It is respect of your Being. As you respect Me outside, you respect Me within. As simple as that … ”
1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, BRIGHTON, ENGLAND
The greatest thing within us is not sex, but is chastity
” … The magnet within you is Shri Ganesha. Many people know that I have a great sense of direction. That comes through this magnet which is perfect. This magnet is the one which keeps you sticking or adjusted or all the time pointed towards Spirit. If you don’t have the sense of chastity you will dangle this way, that way. Suddenly you become a very good Sahaja Yogi, tomorrow you become a devil – because there’s nothing that keeps you binding to the great idea of the Spirit. Let us face it up. Now the time has come for all of us, all the Sahaja Yogis, that the greatest thing within us is not sex, but is chastity. And that’s what will mature you … ”
1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, BRIGHTON, ENGLAND
Live with dignity and complete sense of idealism in relationships
Of All these ideals are confused today, our relationships with others. Every woman has to be attractive, why? Every man has to be attractive, why? For what? What are you going to achieve out of it? What is the utility? Attractiveness is all right as long as you are not repulsive, as long as you keep the ideal relationship with others. If the relationship becomes nothing but like a dog and bitch’s one, it’s better not to have this kind of an idea. It’s absolutely wrong to run after something which is not our way. Human beings have to live with dignity and with complete sense of idealism as far as their relationship with each other is concerned. If you just say, “What’s wrong?” then it’s an argument, everything is wrong, and everything is wrong, it is not one wrong but all, everything. But if you want to have a flowering society, then you must keep to your ideals of your family life, that’s a very important thing, but it happens to you as soon as you get Realization. I don’t have to do a lecture on that, you just do it, you just become a very nice husband and a very nice wife. Beautiful families can come out of Sahaja Yoga, there are so many you see. There are so many beautiful families now in Sahaja Yoga and now the great children, the great sages who wanted to be born are being born to them… ”
1982 HEART, VISHUDDHI, AGNYA, SAHASRARA, UK
You know how powerful you become with the innocence that is awakened within you
Of So how they respected their chastity! It’s easy, you see, to fall to some sort of another temptation, but if this is your power, why you should submit yourself to something which is so useless? In Sahaja Yoga we have to realize, men also must know that if their wives are so chaste and so good, they must respect them. They should also realize that they have also rakhi sisters, which is that we are very chaste. We respect the chastity of a rakhi sister and we do not want to in any way to comply with anyone who does not respect the chastity. Then the men also become chaste. When the women are chaste men also become chaste. And this chastity is your main power, is, this chastity is the one, is the power of Shri Ganesha. And when you get this Shri Ganesha’s power you know how powerful you become with the innocence that is awakened within you. Without the chastity the women cannot achieve anything in Sahaja Yoga … ”
1993, SHRI FATIMA PUJA, ISTANBUL
Our Shri Ganesha has to be all right
” …There are certain things which you may feel a little different, but you shouldn’t get a shock. Like in Sahaja Yoga we have to respect our chastity. Women have to respect and men have to respect, because our Ganesha has to be all right. …so this Ganesha has to be strong within us. Also like it’s not inhibition, like in the Catholic church. Sex is nothing in Sahaja Yoga, but a sane sex with your wife, with faithful relationship. Though it is neither Freud nor Catholic church …”
1987 CRITICISM, EGO, RIGHT-SIDED DANGERS, FRANCE
Ask for strength to rise above all these nonsensical ideas
” …Today being this day, I would say that you should ask for strength to rise above all these nonsensical ideas which have settled down, and become those beautiful people – the special ones, the unique people who respect their chastity and that of their sisters. Let this feeling grow; create health and wealth in this country … ”
I980 RAKSHA BANDHAN, LONDON
You have to correct yourself, and ask Shri Ganesh to forgive you
” …The another thing with Him is that He respects people who are chaste, who have chastity as the prime thing in their life. Chastity is very much worshipped by Him. It’s not only in women, but also in men He expects chastity to be present. After getting Realization you should be absolutely chaste people. You shouldn’t have your eyes roving around everywhere, and sort of what you can call a very bad method of communicating with young women and young men, and spoiling your chastity. Even your eyes should be clean, even your thoughts should be clean. For that you should introspect and see for yourself what mistakes you are committing, and what kind of a unchaste behaviour you have. You have to correct yourself, and ask Shri Ganesh to forgive you.
If you ask for forgiveness, He can forgive anything. He is so innocent and beautiful that He forgives. But that is a very important thing: our whole morality depends on our idea of chastity. We should be very chaste. So many religions have come and they have talked about chastity; but religions have become so useless now, have become without any basis, without any, any proper execution of what is written for them. They do all kinds of things and they call themselves Hindu, Muslims, Christians. All kinds of religions. Actually the religions have failed completely, and that’s why Shri Ganesha gets after them…”
1999 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
It’s meant for men and women
” …In some countries, of course, they think that chastity is only meant for women and not for men. But it’s not true. That’s what the Islamic people believe. It’s very wrong. It is meant for both of them. Like a person who is trying to force the other side, like the men trying to force the women to be chaste and themselves are not chaste, the women will not be chaste. They may look, appear, they may try to be out of fear, but if they get a chance they will take to life which is wrong. Because they see the other party, the men trying to dominate them. Then they think, “What’s wrong, if they can do it why not we do it?”
So the whole society has to take to very decent life and to a very, very decorous, dignified lifestyle. It’s not only in dress but even day- to-day life it is important. Otherwise a kind of a insecurity starts working among men and women and too much complications, too much complicated life starts … ”
1993 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, BERLIN, GERMANY
In the West they have lost the system to understand what is a sister and what is a brother
” …When we feel guilty, firstly we feel guilty when our sense of relationships are not all right. For example, we do not understand a sister and a brother, the relationship, which is very pure, and is above all kinds of contamination. But as you know in the West, because maybe of drinking and doing all kinds of things which are against awareness, people have lost the value system, and in that they have also lost the system to understand what is a sister and what is a brother …”
I988 SHRI VISHNUMAYA PUJA, SHUDY CAMPS, UK
If they could be managed here, this will be a great day of really ecstasy for Me
” …But I found that these relationships of brother and sister have been so beautifully managed in India, that if they could be managed here, this will be a great day of really ecstasy for Me, because that means you have overcome this devil of immorality; the purity, removing the lust and greed from your mind completely and bestowing that affection for someone who is your sister. Very common in India, everybody has a sister there; all the Sahaja Yogis have a sister and they look after their sister that way … ”
I983 DIWALI PUJA, HAMPSTEAD, UK
Purify your mind today on that point, that everybody else is my brother or sister
” …Today is a day we celebrate in India where the relationship between brothers and sisters has to be established. They’re very pure. Brothers and sisters relationship is without any lust or greed. It’s pure relationship where the sister prays for the protection of the brother. And brother prays, for the self-sufficiency, the kshema – well-being of the sister. So this time you have to think of your other Sahaja Yoginis and Sahaja Yogis who are like your brothers and sisters. You have to think like that. Purify your hearts. It’s something funny in these countries you know that, there’s no such relationship exists. Purify, your mind today on that point, that everybody else is my brother or sister. If you are married it’s all right. But look at everyone, try to look at everyone as a brother, as a sister … ”
I983 DIWALI PUJA, UK
It would be killing, it would be absolutely killing Sahaja Yoga, if you do not keep your maryadas
” …That is one of the most essential things one has to know. I have told you again and again how you dress up, how you bear yourself up, how you talk, how you listen to others more than you talk yourself, how you become non-aggressive, is the best way to impress people and to express Sahaja Yoga …”
1984 RAKSHA BANDHAN, UK
It’s not imposed on us, it is innate
” … So the first thing is that we should understand that Ganesha gives us maryadas – limits, it is innate within us. It’s not imposed on us, it is innate.
A little girl if you see, she’s shy, she knows how to protect herself. Even the boys, they are shy and they try to protect themselves. But that innate innocence we try to flout, because ego is there. “What’s wrong?” You tell them anything, “What’s wrong?” And you do not know how devastating it is …”
1991 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CANBERRA, AUSTRALIA
Before marriage the virginity has to be preserved
” … So, the asceticism is not what I am teaching. First, the innocence is protective and red, taking the age of at the most fifteen years. Then gradually, if the person is properly matured – not the stupid people, but who are maturing properly after fifteen, it starts becoming orange. It becomes orange. Means when you get married this process of this redness goes away and it becomes, starts becoming orange.
Means the protection part is over. Means before marriage the virginity has to be preserved, till you meet the person with whom you are to be married. That redness is the protection of that virginity. Then, when you are married, the protection part of it is not needed. But it has to be only towards one person – that’s your husband or wife. Then the proper maturity takes place and by the time you are about fifty years of age, it becomes orange, means there’s detachment. You don’t feel like having any more sex life. There is no need also. And then you develop a – what you call- a proper matured innocence which can be compared with a properly baked earthenware … ”
1982 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, GENEVA
Once you give up your chastity you can not understand that there can be someone who is absolutely chaste
” …So much so today that they are making a film showing Mary to be a prostitute. I mean, this is where you have ended up. In India even if you say this they’ll beat you nicely – anyone, whether Muslim, Hindu, Christian. I mean, shocking to hear that the way they talk about Christ. I mean, to an Indian it gives a shock. How can you talk because once you give up your chastity you can not understand that there can be someone who is absolutely chaste.
For a thief everybody is a thief. Because you don’t have that respect for your chastity you can not imagine what Christ could have been. You can not imagine, you can not accept. …”
I985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, BRIGHTON, UK
NOT TO LOOK FOR A PARTNER IN THE SAHAJA COLLECTIVE
“ …But if you want to marry in Sahaja Yoga, then you should not go on searching people in Sahaja Yoga. Now today is a very great day of Raksha Bandhan, so I have to tell you something about Raksha Bandhan. Before that we have to talk about the maryadas that are to be observed by Sahaja Yogis.
One of the things I discovered here in the West, that though we have understood the importance of Mooladhara – which is very important – and that unless and until we re-establish our Mooladhara fully, we are not going to have a speediest ascent.
Despite all that, still there are lingering things you see around. Like people start choosing their life partners in Sahaja Yoga. That is not allowed, that is not allowed. You are not to spoil your ashrams, your centres, using them for a marriage-searching society. You must respect, this point you must respect.
If you have to marry, then you can find your life partner outside Sahaja Yoga – to begin with. But if you want to marry in Sahaja Yoga, then you should not go on searching people in Sahaja Yoga. Is a very dangerous thing for Sahaja Yoga itself and for you people.
That is one thing one should never try to do with Sahaja Yogis. For all practical purposes you are brothers and sisters. And that’s why I always encourage marriages between people who belong to another country or another centres … ”
1984, RAKSHA BANDHAN, UK
But if you have to marry Sahaja Yogis, you should not marry them at the cost of destroying the purity and the idealism it has
” …It’s very wrong to do such a thing as to arrange your marriage with a Sahaja Yogi by yourself. It will be dangerous. I don’t want to say anything; but it won’t turn out to be good, because it is anti-God activity, absolutely anti-God.
You are supposed to develop your brahmacharya, you are supposed to develop your Mooladhara. Instead of that, if you start using a Sahaja Yogini or a Sahaja Yogi for the selection of your married life, it’s going to be very, very troublesome. Your Mooladhara will not settle down. I mean that’s a very bad stroke for your development. Because of the background and the kind of conditioning you have had, you people don’t understand that it is important to maintain the purity of the centres, and of every place.
So any such relationship in one city is a very wrong thing. It spoils everyone. To add up to the trouble, it’s a habit of people, I have heard, that they try to tease that, “You look better together, you are nice together.” They tease and enjoy. It’s a kind of a very perverted enjoyment of Mooladhara, to tease others, “You are looking very nice with him, and you better marry.” It’s a kind of a romantic nonsense. Of course, for all this, yogis – they have to have a brahmacharya. But even if you can’t have brahmacharya you must have maryadas. Not to tease each other and enjoy that kind of a nonsense, when the marriage is not settled. If marriage is settled, it is all right.
And this kills completely the joy of marriage, because there is no curiosity left. And many a times I find that absurd relations are established. Some of them are really no good. And they will really be detrimental, and some of them never are established. So if they are established, they are wrong; and if they are not established, they are heartbreaking.
So all this kind of thing you should not do. You have got experiences of people who married outside and brought wonderful people to Sahaja Yoga. If you can do it, you should do it. But if you have to marry Sahaja Yogis, you should not marry them at the cost of destroying the purity and the idealism it has. For your own sake, for your own pleasures, you should not spoil the name of Sahaja Yoga. That is one thing I have seen, so I would say that today, as it is the day of purity between relationships, let us know that you have to treat each other as brothers and sisters. No such play should be followed. Don’t allow your mind to drift into this. Because if you allow, then there’s no end to it. As it is, you know how hard it is to bring you back to normal .. ”
1984, RAKSHA BANDHAN, UK
But it creates a problem for Me that you arrange your own marriage
” …Then they come out to Me saying that, “Mother, now we have decided to marry. Let us marry”. I have to say “Yes.” To many things I don’t want to say “Yes” but I have to say “Yes.” But creates a very bad precedent. Maybe that in certain cases, as an exceptional case, I might have chosen to marry somebody like that. But that doesn’t mean you should take things into your hands, and just start doing things like that, so that I’ll have problems later. Because once you do like that, then anybody starts doing it. It’s a kind of an aggressiveness, that you arrange something, come to Me, say. “Mother, we want to marry”. Now what am I to say? “All right, marry.” But it creates a problem for Me, for the rest of the people … ”
1984, RAKSHA BANDHAN, UK
There is no need to go on organizing marriages and playing these games of romance
” …So we as sahaja yogis have to develop more of that. Instead of that what I find that people, specially in the West, try to think whom we are going to marry. These relationships are established, is wrong. There is no need to go on organizing marriages and playing these games of romance and all that. If marriage has to take place, it will take place. But don’t spoil the atmosphere. There are some people who are just like barbers, who try to organize marriages you see and take a great pride in arranging marriages with this one to that one and that one to that one. When the marriage time comes, it takes place . . . ”
1981, DIWALI PUJA, LONDON
It is a sacred moment when you are going to meet your husband or wife
” …I have seen in emotional life also you people suffer too much. The reason is for everything, you start thinking. Now in India, how we get married is very simple, you see. From childhood we are taught that you’ll be married. So you must learn how to live with your husband and a man is always told how to treat your wife. But they don’t know who is the wife and the husband. But the husband and wife is just as a sort of a symbol. They don’t know which one it is. Just could be anyone. So once you accept her as a dharma, it comes as a surprise to you, and just enjoy. And the whole thing is built up to a point, to a moment which has to be auspicious also. Of course they consult the horoscopes, that’s an important part, because horoscopes if you don’t consult, could be quite disastrous. So they consult the horoscopes. And if there are so many points, they say twenty-six points is ideal, then they get married, otherwise they don’t.
Now it’s not necessary that we do not meet or we meet, sometimes the people meet, talk to each other for one year, maybe that their marriages are postponed, there’s no auspicious time, they get some time to be together, but never in private. They never go into privacy. So that moment is kept as sacred moment – when you are going to meet your husband or wife, that’s a very sacred moment. So you are concentrated on that point.
So suddenly it is decided. Now, you keep that moment as sacred moment, even sometimes it happens that you get some time in between, quite a lot, after decision could be that you have to continue as a feeling, seeing that person but then you do not divert your attention, it’s completely concentrated effort. It clicks, because you just accept it. .. ”
1985, DEVI PUJA, SAN DIEGO, USA
You better get rid of these bad habits before marriage
” …When Christ had said, “Thou shall not have adulterous eyes”, He didn’t say it because it was not practical. It is quite practical for
Sahaja Yogis. And there is nothing to worry about marriages so much. What is so important? So many are married and what has happened to them. Even with Sahaja Yoga marriage, some of them have failed because of these bad habits. So you better get rid of these bad habits before marriage. Because after marriage also they go on like this, and searching for boys and girls. Because if these habits are not curbed before marriage, then they go on lingering on. So one should not try to do all these things before marriage. And I have seen such marriages are never, never successful so far. And even if they are, it is a sort of make-believe thing. It doesn’t give real joy, it’s a joyless pursuit. .. ”
1984, RAKSHA BANDHAN, UK
In Sahaja Yoga there should be no hypocrisy
” … And so those who want to get married should give your details to the leaders here. Truthfully, and should tell truthfully if you want to marry outside or not, everything truthfully. There should be no hypocrisy. In Sahaja Yoga there should be no hypocrisy. If you have already a boyfriend or what, everything should be written clearly so I will know that this is the kind of a person you are. In India, nobody below the age of eighteen, a girl, and below the age of twenty-one, a boy, can be married. We can engage them. All right. And those who want to – cannot go to India and get married, also we’ll arrange something for you … ”
1987 CRITICISM, EGO, RIGHT-SIDED DANGERS, FRANCE
THE SAHAJA MARRIAGE LIST
We really never want to force anybody to marry anyone
” … This is for all the future brides and bridegrooms. I have to tell you very frankly that in Sahaja Yoga we really never want to force anybody to marry anyone. Of course we see to different aspects of your personality and then accordingly we try to choose, it’s a tremendous task … ”
1991, TALK BEFORE MARRIAGES
Let Sahaja Yoga decide
” …But for a Sahaja Yogi it is very important to look after our chastity. As I told you yesterday, it is not necessary to find a girl for yourself, or a boy for yourself. It is also against the rules of chastity. I am not saying that you should allow your parents to decide, but let the Sahaja Yoga decide, because you are Sahajis…”
1998, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
Sahaja Yoga has its own norms and styles
” … You see, once you accept that in Sahaja Yoga you are going to marry, then you must accept that Sahaja Yoga has its own norms and styles by which it will marry and will look after your marriage and will bless you. But if you start analyzing and misbehaving, it’s not going to work out, and you will have lots of problems. Either you believe in the All-pervading Power and surrender your ego to it, or else you have your ego … ”
1990 MARRIAGES : ADVICE TO WOMEN, INDIA
You are not here to choose a girl for yourself
” … But small things disturb, like somebody doesn’t get married. Next day you see the face of that person, as if somebody has died in the family; he is sitting there. Really, I have seen it. Immediately I make out who has not been yet engaged. Then after marriage I find again the same sort of nonsense. Because they are analyzing, “I want this kind. I want that kind. I want”. I mean, whatever is available here is available. Like on the ship, you do not have any problems, because you have no solutions. If you are moving on a ship and you just ask for some thing, “Oh no, not available here”. Finished. But then you lose all fun of Sahaja Yoga for a small little non-sensical thing. If not this, next year. It’s so important. I mean certainly there are limitations of age, height, this, that.
Then even if you arrange their marriages, it is very interesting, then they come and tell you, “No, no, I don’t want to marry this girl”. Why? “Because I want such and such”. All right, then we will find. “No, no, no, she is no good. She has this thing, no good”. I mean this is not the way. You are not here to choose a girl for yourself. Then there is another one who can say, “All right, I came down, I saw one girl and I fell in love.” So you fall in love and get out. This is nonsense going on.
So you must have certain amount of dignity. You are all Sahaja Yogis. And when I see all these kinds of stupid attitude, I say these people can never gain in Sahaja Yoga.
In India you will be surprised. I mean, even I was married to a man who was from another place. Absolutely different country, different religion, different everything. And a different person. So one can say that it was a very unconventional marriage, one can say. But I would never touch this man or he would never touch me. And he wouldn’t have talked to me in the presence of others also. And despite that, our marriage is very strong and we are very happy couple. With all this nonsense you go on doing, bringing it to the level of physical appearances, physical understanding, your ego, “I want this, I want that”, you find that just after the marriage you get off. You start analyzing. That’s why I am telling you today. I may not able to talk to you about marriages later on . .. ”
1990 MARRIAGES: ADVICE TO WOMEN, INDIA
We have to spend so much time to find somebody for you
” … Some people also are getting married. I must tell them they better decide now, because I’ve seen that so many of you start thinking after the marriage, which is very cruel, which is very indecent. So better to decide now. Actually those who do not want to marry should not give us their names, should not. Because you don’t know how much time we have to spend in sorting out these things to find out somebody for you. It’s such a waste of time. And when we fix it up, we do it then suddenly somebody comes up: “Ah, I don’t want to get married”. Surprising. They have no shame about it, they don’t understand. How much you have made Me work for that, how much I have gone through it and then suddenly you come and say: “No we don’t want to get married”. Such people should not apply for marriage. Next time if somebody does that I’ll forbid that person to come to India, I must tell you. For days together you know we used to sleep at two o’clock three o’clock discussing whom to marry whom. Ah if you don’t like particular person I can understand, but you shouldn’t say I don’t want to marry. You don’t know yourself, you’re such an uncertain quantity, are you mad or crazy, what’s the matter? So if you do not want to marry please decide before filling the forms .. . ”
1990 TALK ON MARRIAGES, DELHI
” …But it’s not just a play, a game, marriage is a serious thing.
Stupid people should never get married. They make a mess of themselves and others also. It’s meant for very sensible, dignified, intelligent people .. . ”
1990, TALK ON MARRIAGES, DELHI
Everyone of you should take it very seriously
” … It’s not, you see these people have no sense how much I have to work hard for them to find out a boy, according to the age, height, aptitudes, this that, study all that, and then suddenly they say: “I’m not ready.” This I can’t understand really. You must have some consideration for Me also sometimes, please. Show some consideration, not all the time try to exact, things like this, you are Sahaja Yogis. I’ve given you Realization. I don’t want anything from you. But don’t torture Me like this all the time. All such people who behave like this are out of marriage list. I will not have their marriages arranged again, I tell you. I’m not going to go through this kind of a nonsense. Sometimes I must also put down My foot. I’m sixtyeight years of age and how much we have to work. If she doesn’t like a particular person is all right, but you must have some concrete reason why you don’t like. So take it little seriously, everyone of you should take it very seriously … ”
1990, TALK ON MARRIAGES, DELHI
There must be some reason why Mother has selected this person
” … Such a thought was given, and suddenly you say: “No”. For what? For why? If you start thinking about it, immediately your vibrations will stop, everything will stop. If Mother has selected, at least you must know that there must be some reason why Mother has selected. Why don’t you think like that, instead of thinking something else? There must be some reason … ”
1990 TALK ON MARRIAGES, DELHI
After the announcement, meet each other, talk to each other, find out
” . .. I would advise that you people should meet each other, talk to each other, find out; and really this is the time you can decide … So whatever has been decided by us is not final at all…”
1991, TALK AFTER MARRIAGE ANNOUNCEMENTS, KOHLAPUR, INDIA
Try to be nice to each other and see the good points of each other
” … Your desire is the final. You can talk to each other, be kind. In the beginning there’s no need to fight; we have the whole life left! I must tell you, whatever is your first impression is the best. So need not be artificial but try to be nice to each other and see the good points of each other. Nobody’s perfect in this world. Now, those who really do not think that it’s all right for them should absolutely, without any hesitation, let us know about it….”
1991, TALK AFTER MARRIAGE ANNOUNCEMENTS, KOHLAPUR, INDIA
I really don’t like divorces. But it is allowed in Sahaja Yoga
” …I have seen a very interesting thing about the Western and the Eastern mind. The Western mind will say, “Mother I am surrendered to You – who so ever I marry, I will marry even the lamppost”. And when actual marriage takes place, then they start thinking, “It may not work out, now I’ve started thinking Mother that this won’t work out and this and that, that and that”. And then I find Myself in great difficulties to really to cope with, this kind of a thing, I really don’t like divorces. But it is allowed in Sahaja Yoga, I must say, it is allowed. We don’t say that we should not have divorce because there should be a chance for some people to get out of a nonsense if there is any … ”
1991, TALK BEFORE MARRIAGES
If they are bad in vibrations or catching, don’t hide it, don’t tolerate it
” … So for all purposes you should also see that your wife or the husband or the future brides and bridegrooms anyone of you, you find them especially bad in vibrations or in the Chakras catching or something then you better report it. Don’t hide it and don’t tolerate it. So there is no problem. We have tried to scrutinize everything, I am sorry some people could not get married but we will try to make something next year. We will talk to them also … ”
1991, TALK BEFORE MARRIAGES
“Falling in Love” –
Now I would request, that in Sahaja Yoga, we cancel this terminology
” … You do not know how many nights I have spent selecting people. As it is, you are from twenty five, thirty countries. Yesterday you saw that. You have different conditionings, different styles, different everything, heights different, ages different, faces different, aptitudes different. So, combine all these things, so very difficult. Sometimes, I think, if you are overeducated, then better to give you a simple woman, so that your little pressure is reduced, you can share with her, but if you are equally educated people, then both the heads may be … (Shri Mataji laughing)
So, I have to think of many things and of vibrations, but somehow or other, you can defy and you try to defy it, all right, doesn’t matter, – but who is the loser is the point. Today I had to speak to you about this, because in Sahaja we have to take the way it comes as it comes, whatever comes in our way we should take it. We should not, sort of, say, “I’ve fallen in love”. There’s nobody falls in love, he rises in love in Sahaja Yoga. (Laughter – applause)
That is some funny idea that one must fall in love, because, you see, that means you must do something sinful, or something absurd. So many people have told me, “Mother, I’ve not fallen in love with her”. How can you fall in love, you fall into some ditch or you may fall into some river or something like that, I didn’t understand how do you fall in love, it’s a solid stuff.
So this absurd idea of falling in love has to be given up. If it means that you have felt the love, or if it means that you have the sensitivity of feeling the love or something, I can understand, I’m a little explanatory, but this falling in love business has been going on and on and on. Now I would request you, that in Sahaja Yoga, we cancel this terminology .. . ”
1988 SHRI SHAKTI PUJA, INDIA
THE MEANING OF SAHAJA MARRIAGE
All through the ages and in many cultures, the system of marriage has been accepted and enjoyed as the cornerstone of human society. Marriage is the basis of morality. It provides collective sanction and is the foundation of a secure and chaste society.
In Sahaja Yoga marriage has a special dimension. It brings joy to oneself and others, and is a source of support to the collectivity. It is not only a union of love between two people, but also between two communities, two countries or – as Shri Mataji has said – between two universes.
WHY SHOULD WE MARRY?
” …Marriage is meant to give joy, is meant to give cheerfulness, happiness and all the blissful things that we can think of achieving through our combination with two human beings, we can say. It’s a very close and private relationship which has to be respected. It is not to be in any way dishonoured or indiscreetly squandered away. Those who cannot respect their partners in life will never be respected anywhere else. Those who ill-treat or in any way try to spoil the image of their partners are harming themselves.
Try to understand each other, decorate each other, not correction, but decorating. Like an ornament, when added to a personality decorates that person, in the same way, try to decorate another person. So the decorum and decency of life comes from this auspicious relationship. That must be maintained. Marriage is the bondage that keeps the society in its own beautiful bondage of Mother’s grace.
Give up all your old ideas, all your so-called modern methods by which we have ruined our married lives. If you cannot enjoy your own wife or your own husband, there’s nothing in this world you can enjoy, because the relationship is the most intimate and very sacred… ”
1981, MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, UK
It is the most normal thing to do
” … Now, why are marriages necessary for Sahaja Yogis? First and foremost thing, it is the most normal thing to do, is to marry. God has given you this desire to be married for some purpose. But, the same desire, if you do not use it for the purpose it is given, it can become a perversion, it can become a nasty thing. It can be very detrimental to your growth…”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
It is a tapasya with which you understand your own powers
” …In Sahaja Yoga it is much better. People understand the importance of married life. It’s a drama but also it is tapas. It is a tapasya with which you understand your own powers … ”
1993 SHRI FATIMA PUJA – ISTANBUL, TURKEY
How to achieve balance, how to become a witness and how to become the spirit
” …Now first thing we have to know that this marriage ceremony we have organised with a purpose. The first purpose is that we regard marriage as very essential for Sahaja Yoga. If somebody doesn’t want to marry, we say, “Alright you get out of Sahaja Yoga.” It’s alright. Now why marriage is important, because a marriage is like a big yagnya, it’s like a big tapasya, you can call it, or it’s a great experience. How to achieve balance, how to become a witness and how to become the spirit. It’s very important… ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
This media has put ideas into the heads of women and men, declining the utility of married life
” … Recently I read a beautiful book that has come out that Media Curses America. In that they have said that how this media has put ideas into the heads of women and men, denying the utility of married life. How they have killed the married life. They marry then divorce. They marry then divorce. The same thing goes on all the time … ”
1993 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, ISTANBUL, TURKEY
” …Marriage gives you now a lever to be dharmic, to be moral. This teaches you how to respect the chastity of others and your own chastity…”
1981 MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, UK
Marriage gives physical and emotional safety
” … So for physical safety and for your emotional safety also, you have to have a sane type of attitude towards Mooladhara. That’s why I’m very anxious that you all should get married, and after marriage, after a few days, you find that your attention starts diverting to other problems of married life. But not if you are not a Sahaja Yogi, because the sensationalization has become the main theme of modern life. And you are tossed about on the rough sea of all these deliberate actions of the people. Media, books, ideas. Everything creates this horrible excitable temperament within you …”
1985 MOOLADHARA ADDRESS, BIRMINGHAM, UK
There should be a collective sanction, everything, but for what? To adore the chastity within us
” … It’s so important. And I have to tell you this now. The time has come for Me to tell you – this is the snag in our life. First thing people will ask, “Whom I’m going to marry?” What is such a hurry? Of course, marriage I call it an auspicious thing, marriage should be there, there should be a collective sanction, everything, but for what? To adore the chastity within us. Then they are married, then they have children. Then they want to have a house, then they want to have this. There’s whole such an insular business goes on, and on, and on, and the light of your life doesn’t spread … ”
1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, BRIGHTON, ENGLAND
If you have to live with dharma, means marriage, means collective sanction
” … Now at the time of Mohammed Sahib a big question arose, because there were very few men and many, many ladies of all age groups. And they didn’t know what to do, how to save these girls because so many men died in the war. So then they asked, “What to do now at this juncture in a position, when such a catastrophe is there and so many women are there, and very, very few men?”
Then He said, “All right, you can marry four or five wives and you can marry in any age group.”
Because if you have to live with dharma, means marriage, means collective sanction, not without marriage.
So He said, “All right, you can even marry five times, but you must marry, without marriage you cannot live.”
And that is why He was particular that every person should be married and should have no relationship without marriage, was sin. Instead of that now Muslims think that it is their right to marry five persons. I mean, when the men are more and women are less. Is a wrong thing. You have to find out the solution. And at that time the relationship between even the sisters and brothers had to delimit, because there was a big problem.
So He said, “All right, the children born of the same parents cannot marry, but cousins could marry,” that time. Now that time is changed, all right, it’s not that time. We are not on war, there is nothing happening like that. There is no such problem. So let us develop now our pure relationship of brothers and sisters … ”
I98I DIWALI PUJA, UK
Man in his arrogance raised his voice against the marriage
” …Marriage system has been here much before Christ, much before Abraham, much before Moses, and a sanctified marriage, which was blessed by the society, was acceptable since long. But man in his arrogance raised his voice against the marriage, against the natural way of leading a life of sanity … ”
I986 ESTABLISHING THE SHRI GANESH PRINCIPLE, SAN DIEGO, USA
” …With the marriage you become even a better person. And you develop a better personality…”
I980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
THE MEANING OF SAHAJA MARRIAGE
A SAHAJA MARRIAGE IS SPECIAL
You have to bring glory to the system of marriages because it is the system established by God Almighty
” …We have to teach ourselves. You know how much damage has been already done by having bad marriages, divorces. We have to teach ourselves, we have to bear up a little bit, we have to educate, re- educate and improve ourselves and not to say that “I am such and such, what can I do?”
You have to bring glory to the system of marriages because it is the system established by God Almighty, is not established by human beings, is a wrong idea. It is established by God Almighty to have an auspicious occasion where such an auspicious thing is taken, the sacredness of this is to be maintained and has to be done in such a way that it is a very decent relationship. All the culture, all the beauty of gracious living flows through happy married life. Not vulgar, not showing, not cheap, but a dignified, enjoyable, cheerful, welcoming, giving companionship … ”
1981 MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, UK
Understand the esteem of what you mean to the whole universe
” …It’s a very good day and all of you should understand the value of Sahaja Yoga marriages. You have to create a model marriage for all the English, for all the Americans, Europeans and also Indians. Because Indians learn from you all these things. If you have model marriages, they will go in for model marriages also. So it is important for people who live in England to understand the depth of this occasion and the esteem of what you mean to the whole universe and to the peace … ”
1981 MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, UK
It is the most auspicious occasion in the life of human beings
” …Marriage is an auspicious occasion, is the most auspicious occasion in the life of human beings. It is auspicious, that’s why it’s joy giving and the vibrations flow with that auspiciousness all over the world … ”
I98I MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, UK
Remember that you are getting married to a Sahaja Yogi
” …I want to tell you one thing, that you are marrying in Sahaja Yoga to Sahaja Yogis. Always remember this point. As it is, we see there are so many marriages breaking and all kinds of things happening in Sahaja Yoga. Also, we get sometimes one percent. Only one percent! Why? Because they understand the responsibility as Sahaja Yogis. So, I want all of you to remember that you are getting married to a Sahaja Yogi, and you must always remember this fact. .. ”
2000 TALK TO THE BRIDES AND GROOMS, DELHI
Once you get married, you are not lost. You are still in Sahaja Yoga
” …There’s one more thing I have to tell you all again, that once you get married, you are not lost. You are still in Sahaja Yoga … ”
I990 TALK ON MARRIAGES, DELHI
Marriage is the foundation of Sahaja Yoga
” …All right if you want to withdraw even after that you can, giving Me proper reasons, but we must know that marriage is a very important thing for Sahaja Yoga, is the foundation of Sahaja Yoga. I mean we can not have such frivolous husbands and wives who do not care for the foundation of Sahaja Yoga … ”
I99I TALK BEFORE MARRIAGES
We transcend all the barriers
” …The purpose of these marriages is this, that we should have international understanding about human beings that after coming to Sahaja Yoga we transcend all the barriers. All the barriers of race, religion, and nationality. We have to create this homogenous world and make it peaceful by removing this disease of national identification or racial identification. We are all created by God Almighty. Our differences are only skin deep. Culturally we are different little bit here and there but basically in ourselves we are all spiritual. And the religion that you have is innate built in within us which is a part and parcel of us … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
“…We have to prove to the world that marriage is a divine institution and by this divine institution, if you have been put together, it’s also a divine plan. And through this divine plan many things are going to work out. So those who are getting married today are helping Sahaja Yoga very much. I have already told you there are many saints who want to be born. And nowadays that you see this world full of horrible people. We need so many saints to be born and so the saints will be born in case you have good married time, happy married life and enjoyable life … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
” …So in Sahaja Yoga, the purpose of these marriages is to have you connected internationally. So you all transcend all the barriers of your nationality, the barriers of our racialism, barriers of caste, barriers of so much materialism … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
Not for marriage but for a Sahaja Yoga marriage
” …But still you should also know that you are marrying in Sahaja Yoga not for marriage, but for a Sahaja Yoga marriage. It’s very important – very important that you have to show that you have a very successful marriage … ”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
You will have the blessings of the Divine and you will enjoy your love
” … But still, you must remember that whatever you are doing is according to divine laws. Divine laws must be obeyed and that’s how you should make very successful marriages. I’m very anxious to see that, that you become very happy with these marriages – something very special, exceptional, that you will have the blessings of the Divine and you will enjoy your love. May God bless you … ”
200I TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PU]A, CABELLA
You have to keep the prestige of Sahaja Yoga
” … We want to have very good marriages and very good children. Also the progeny, the future of children will be very good, if you are sensible, wise, good and kind mothers. I’ve told you sufficiently. I hope you understand that you are marrying in Sahaja Yoga. And you have to keep the prestige of Sahaja Yoga, all right? You all promise that? May God bless you! … ”
2002 TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
THE COLLECTIVE DIMENSION
Marriage should not make you narrow-minded or selfish or in any way cut off from others
” … But in Sahaja Yoga it is so collective, you could see that. It is so collective, you have so many brothers and sisters, and we are all enjoying the joy of you couples who have joined together as husband and wife. So one has to understand that marriage should not make you narrow-minded or selfish or in any way cut off from others … ”
1981, MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, UK
One must understand that collectivity comes first
” … It should be genuinely done. That means you must respect, but genuineness should be there, there should be no deception, nothing. You are partners for life. Now one more point I want to tell you, that always I have seen in Sahaja Yoga marriages fail on one point, which is very important, is the point where collectivity clashes. When there is a clash of collectivity, Sahaja Yoga marriages fail. Now you are marrying under Sahaja Yoga, you are not marrying in a way that others marry. And that’s why one must understand that collectivity comes first. But you must love each other, you must understand each other, be sweet to each other, be kind, considerate, be conscious and aware that you have a wife or a husband. But first thing is collectivity…”
1980, MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, UK
It is two communities, two nations, it can be completely two universes
” …When it comes to love, how to be expressive of love, by sharing all of our joys and all of our pains, all of our problems. But in Sahaja Yoga, it’s a little more, I think quite a lot more; in here you have to share the community. The marriage is not for individuals, in Sahaja Yoga, not at all. If anybody has this feeling that the marriage is between two persons in Sahaja Yoga, it’s a wrong thing. It is two communities, it can be two nations, it can be completely two universes. So, it is not to be enjoyed between yourself, if you are a good husband-wife to each other it’s not sufficient in Sahaja Yoga. That love should be enjoyed by everybody else, in the society, in the community. If you cannot do that, then you have not achieved Sahaja Yoga marriage. It’s just an ordinary marriage as people have, it’s just nothing special about it. .. ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
Sahaja Yoga comes first and Sahaja Yogis come first
” … But now, as the wife realizes that Sahaja Yoga comes first and Sahaja Yogis come first, then only such marriages, these marriages are Sahaja. Not for personal life. Anybody has such ideas with you; it is not self-centredness. It is for consolidating Sahaja Yoga, then the first day it is the last. If you are not of that mind, you are just marrying here because it’s cheaper than in the church – it’s such an illusion. You have so different missions … ”
1981 ESTABLISHING THE MARRIAGE, WEDDING TALK, LONDON, UK
To make others happy
” … I hope I’ll be able to see the best part of the married life of Sahaja Yogis. Sahaja Yogis cannot be like other people who morning until evening fight. They are the ones who talk of Sahaja Yoga, enjoy Sahaja Yoga, and live happily to make others happy … ”
1987 MARRIAGE, KOLHAPUR, INDIA
” …Marriage is not only for your happiness but for the happiness of all the rest of the people. So must have a proper understanding of a married life of a yogi, and we have to show to the world that you don’t have to give up your family life, you don’t have to give up marriages, don’t have to give up your children, don’t have to give up anything, but, you are detached…”
1987 MARRIAGE, KOLHAPUR, INDIA
People suffer so much when they do not realize that we all are part and parcel of one family
” … Then another point is about the family, as I told you yesterday, that “My house, I must have my house, I must, yes” – specially leaders’ wives. Again I should warn them, because all this has created problems to such an extent now, that we had to throw them out of Sahaja Yoga. Despite the fact husbands were very good, but some women wanted to have their own home, they wanted to have their own children, they wanted to stay in their own. So this kind of a thing if a leader’s wife has ideas, then what will happen to others? They have to follow an example that is that of a leader, and if a leader doesn’t have that and the wife doesn’t have that example, the whole thing can be absolutely in a state of jeopardy, and that’s what I’ve seen, that people suffer so much when they do not realize that we all are part and parcel of one family … ”
1991 EASTER PUJA, SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA
They really share companionship with other Sahaja Yogis
” … I don’t know how, it is clicked in their life, that they really share companionship with other Sahaja Yogis. Whenever he writes to me, he always writes about other Sahaja Yogis, he’ll ask about everyone of them, how are they, what are their problems. Unless and until it happens, the marriage has no meaning in Sahaja Yoga. At all, no meaning … ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
How much you have been able to share
” … So, first test of a Sahaja Yogi marriage is that, how much you have been able to share by this marriage, with other people…”
1980, THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
THE CREATION OF A FAMILY
” …I am sure you all can make very, very good families which nowadays are not available. You don’t see people who are happy in the family … ”
2000 TALK TO BRIDES, DELHI
” …It is for you people to show that you are very balanced, good families … ”
1988 THE ROLE OF WOMEN, UK
The child is the essence of the family, of the house
” … Like we can say we have a family : husband and wife and the child. Now the child is the essence of husband and wife. He is the essence of the family, of the house. The whole thing is sustained for him, is created for him. Till they did not have the child there was no meaning to that house, no meaning to their life. But when they had a child then they had a meaning. In the same way Christ is the essence, is the tattwa itself. He’s the Omkara as they call it… ”
1978 PUBLIC PROGRAM, AGNYA CHAKRA, LONDON
The biggest problems of human beings I found was the family life
” … Then this working started and one of the biggest major problems of human beings I found was the family life. And that’s why I married – I wanted to study what are the problems of family life. And then I started facing these problems as if they were My own and started understanding why people behave in this manner and that manner. Because these connections are to be done, of course by you, but much more by the divine force, and if I could know what are your problems I would be able to act… ”
1980, SAHASRARA PUJA, LONDON
This is one of the ways of destruction, by destroying the family
” …You are born at a time when you have to save humanity. It’s not only Kundalini awakening that will help, because you might be saved, but you have to save the whole society, the whole family, the whole, I should say the whole universe or the whole creation will have no meaning if you people are destroyed. Now, this is one of the ways of destruction, by destroying the family. The children become mad, the husband becomes mad, they all end up in orphanages, that’s what I’ve seen, they are mostly in orphanages in their old age, there’s nobody to bother about you. So it’s a question of giving, and giving and giving …”
1981 NABHI CHAKRA, 3RD PUBLIC PROGRAM, SYDNEY
MARRIAGE VOWS
These are the vows taken during the marriage ceremony with Shri Mataji
The Bridegroom Says Thus to the Bride :
THE FIRST ROUND
I remember Shri Adi Shakti Mataji in my heart, and tell you that you must keep the chastity that would be necessary for a good Mooladhara. Our benevolence and auspiciousness lies in completely accepting and keeping full respect of innocence and forsaking cunningness.
THE SECOND ROUND
I remember Shri Adi Shakti Mataji in my heart and tell you that the divine aesthetics of married life should be seen in our daily life, our home should be aesthetically decorated. Like planets and stars that are revolving within the limits of their orbits at specific distance, we should do all our work strictly abiding by the dharma.
I shall extend all hospitality to Sahaja Yogis and fully associate with you in performing the duties towards dharma. May we both achieve the blessings of enjoying the collectivity.
THE THIRD ROUND
I remember Shri Adi Shakti Mataji in my heart and tell you that I will hand over all the money that I earn to you, fully realizing that it has come to me as the reward of your punyas. You should spend that money carefully and only after consulting me, keeping in mind that all the wealth belongs to God. We should spend our wealth, whatever possible, with the feeling that we are receiving God’s blessings.
There should be no hankering for material objects; and becoming completely detached, we should nourish our Mahalakshmi principle.
THE FOURTH ROUND
I remember Shri Adi Shakti Mataji in my heart and tell you that I will never hurt your feelings, and shall forget all the mistakes made by both of us in our past lives. My love for you would be limitless, and so should yours be.
Please do not suppress your feelings and never hesitate to tell me if for some reason your mind is in anguish or some one troubles you. I shall always stand by you, protect you and shall never listen to any false complaints against you.
Now The Bride Says to the Bridegroom :
THE FIFTH ROUND
I remember Shri Adi Shakti Mataji in my heart, and tell you that I shall bring the divine sweetness in your life. I shall cook delicious food that can be enjoyed by you. We should eat only the food cooked by Sahaja Yogis. Please do not force me to meet or be in the company of those who are not good Sahaja Yogis.
We should never use, between ourselves, abusive or bad language and should never shout at each other. You should quietly listen to me and I shall also quietly listen to you.
THE SIXTH ROUND
I remember Shri Adi Shakti Mataji in my heart and tell you that we both should regularly meditate and teach our children and also our friends how to meditate.
Our life should be that of penance, but we should not complain or unnecessarily tell others about it and should be happy in all circumstances. Your eyes should be pure and free from lust for women and without greed for anything.
THE SEVENTH ROUND
I remember Shri Adi Shakti Mataji in my heart and tell you that we should truly understand that Her Holiness Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi has conferred Her great blessings on us, and so we should completely surrender and dedicate our hearts to Her. This dedication should be through complete integration of body, mind and intellect. We should be aware how tremendous and unprecedented is Self-Realisation, and everything else in our life is unimportant and of no consequence. It is my condition that we should day and night unceasingly enjoy the ever flowing grace; devote and dedicate ourselves to Her, regularly offer puja to Her photo with all the protocols, and be extremely humble in Her presence. Please correct me if you find me failing in these.
Brides and Bridegrooms Say Together :
I shall open the path of moksha which I have got with the blessing and grace of Her Holiness Shri Mataji – also to others – and shall achieve, in the company of such a great and realised person, the well-being of the whole universe.
TWO WHEELS OF A CHARIOT
Shri Mataji has often described the different characteristics of men and women. Within each marriage these complementary qualities are combined to form a beautiful unity. As has been said many times: men and women are equal, but different. They are like two wheels of a chariot, equal in size, but one on the right and one on the left. In that, the husband is said to be the head and the wife the heart.
One of the beauties of Sahaja Yoga is that these different roles and qualities are recognised, respected and enjoyed.
They have to be more ladylike and men have to be manly :
” …We Ladies should try to be more ladylike. They have to be more ladylike and men have to be manly. Like just now I said that you have to follow the man, that has to be. It looks decent, you see, for a man to be ahead of you, and the woman to be behind; she is the shakti (power). She is the shakti behind the husband. And she need not walk in front and show off and argue with him and put him down and put his hand like that and all that. She should not do. Doesn’t, it’s not graceful. It is disgraceful to behave like that … ”
1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, UK
So the two roles of men and woman is like the flower and the fragrance :
” …And that “my wife says so” – this is a very wrong idea. I mean, some people are that if the wife says go to the north, they’ll go to the north. They say go to the south, they’ll go to the south. I mean that should not be so. It doesn’t look nice.
One should behave in a way that a man is. And let him, let them be men, and you have to be women. To be a woman is a very big thing. Your mother is a woman. You know how great it is to be a woman. It’s very great to be a woman because women have such powers. We have really, by competing with men, we have finished ourselves completely. So the two roles of men and woman is like the, I would say, the flower and the fragrance. Which is higher: flower or the fragrance? If there is no flower, there is no fragrance. But without fragrance what is a flower? Or beauty? It is so much inseparable, fragrance and beauty and flower. In the same way the flower shows, but who is the beauty, and who is the fragrance is the wife. That is how it should be. And then only people will respect you and your husband. And it is going to be much more easy. That’s the way it works out very easy. If it is other way round it will never work so let it be worked out this way … ”
1980, MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, UK
So you are the heart as a woman, and he is the head of the family
” … Now, for example, in a normal marriage, a man is the person who is the head of the family, as you say. Now, he has to be the head, the man has to be head for certain reasons. There is nothing wrong in man becoming the head, it’s all right – you become the heart. Heart is more important than head is. Perhaps, we do not realize that how heart is important. You see, even if the head fails, the heart can go on. We can go on always up till the heart is going on. But, if the heart fails, the head fails too.
So you are the heart as a woman, and he is the head of the family. Let him have that feeling that he is the head; it’s a feeling, just a feeling. Like the head always feels that he decides. But, it’s the brain that also knows that it’s the heart one has to cater for. Is the heart which is all- pervading, which is the real source of everything.
So the woman’s position, if she understands how important it is, she would never feel let down or dominated if she knows she’s the heart. I think this is the point people, women, especially in the West, have lost and have forgotten and have not realized. If they had realized this point, there would have been much less problem … ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
” …Heart is the power : heart rules out everything else. It is heart which has got power to envelope the brain, to soothe it. Brain is a headache, you know, it works, works like mad. But, heart is the one which can really cover the whole body with its love and can soothe it and can give it joy and happiness. It is the heart which contains the spirit. So, heart is a very important thing, which is the power. .. ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
The left and the right side of a chariot, have to be on the axis
” … So he’ll eat his food nicely then he’ll go and wash his hands and go in a bullock cart, not in a car where there is a jam always. All right, now the bullock cart is over. The fan (the rhythm of the wife fanning the husband – see page 58) is over, you have to be very fast as life is fast now. In this fast thing as I have told you that on the periphery of the wheel you have the speed, but at the axis it is not. So Sahaja Yogis have to be at the axis and so the husband and wife, the left and the right side of a chariot, have to be on the axis. And the left is left and right is right….”
1988, SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
Become more a woman and more a man and then you will see the fun
” … Supposing you are working in an office and the husband is some great official and you are a clerk, will you correct the husband? In this case the women have to nourish the organization, nourish the husband with love from their heart and not from their brains.
I think it’s so great to have been born as a woman Myself, because I can enjoy the heart, the emotions. The emotions of My love, the working and the play of My love. It’s so great that no incarnation can enjoy that as I can. So the women should not feel degraded if they have to look after the heart, but they are in a higher, in a way, in a higher aspect. You can do without thinking but you cannot do without the heart.
So the ladies should not argue with their husbands if they are leaders, and also one should not argue otherwise, also. Because I have seen if the women are very argumentative, the men become deaf. They just don’t listen what women are talking. If they are very aggressive, then the men become absolutely shut up. So in relationship with each other, you must behave in a natural way that you are a man and you are a woman. You should become more a woman and more a man and then you will see the fun. Imagine in this world if there were only men or only women, what would have happened? .. ”
1986 SAHASRARA PUJA, ALPE MOTTE, ITALY
Both are responsible for keeping a very good family relationship
” … There’s something like Shri Dharma, there’s something like Pati Dharma, there’s something like Mata Dharma, Pita Dharma. Everything has a dharma*. Those men who torture their wives have a very bad heart. In the same way, those who play into the hands of their wives also have a very bad right heart.
You have to be in the balance. You are the husband and she is your wife, and both are responsible for keeping a very good family relationship. It’s not one-sided. It’s not the husband only or the wife, but both of them. To be in such a manner that they act according to their nature of woman and man, and respect each other, love each other, share everything with each other and exist in a way that people should see that there are two wheels of a chariot, one on the left, one on the right. There’s no imbalance. They are equal but not similar as I have told many a time … ”
*Dharma refers to virtue, righteousness and duty. Pati Dharma, of the husband- Mata Dharma, of a mother – Pita Dharma, of a father.
1987 SHRI RAMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
The man has to protect the wife, love her, give her all the security that is needed. And woman has to nourish the husband and give him all the love and affection she has
” … By these marriages we want to achieve a very happy and a very enjoyable married life. In the marriage one has to know, nobody should dominate anyone, that’s a wrong idea. But we have two wheels of the chariot, one is big and one is small, then the chariot will never move forward, it will go round and round. Both are equally the same, equal-sized, but they are not similar. The left cannot be the right and the right cannot be the left. So men and women have to be men and women in Sahaja Yoga. They cannot be unisex people. They cannot be. That’s very important. The man has to protect the wife, love her, give her all the security that is needed. And woman has to nourish the husband and give him all the love and affection she has … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
THE ROLE OF THE WIFE
Shri Mataji has often compared the qualities of the wife with the qualities of Mother Earth. She is nourishing, she gives and creates beauty. She has also called the wife the Shakti or power of the family, which is a very important role. The powers of a wife are more of the left side: she expresses love, forgiveness, gentleness, generosity, peace, security and understanding.
If she accepts that these are her real powers, then she is the source of happiness and prosperity in the family and in society.
Through these qualities, she adorns her husband and enables him to be virtuous and assume his role in life. Shri Mataji once said: “I am proud of the fact that my husband is a man of virtue. This is the greatest ornament and pride that a woman can have.”
AN IMPORTANT ROLE
THE SHAKTI
They are the power of the family
” …If women understand their maturity and their responsibility as women, because they are the shaktis (powers), they are the power of the family, and they are the potent shakti for the husband as well as for the children, but if they get disturbed then the husband is disturbed and children are also disturbed … ”
1981 NABHI CHAKRA, 3RD PUBLIC PROGRAM, SYDNEY
Whatever you do will be reflected in the whole family and in the whole Sahaja Yoga system
” … You have so many shaktis within you, brought into a married life. And you have been virgin so far. and now you have to enter into another life of marriage. And is a great responsibility on all of you to see that you make your marriages successful. And you have to see that you behave in such a manner that you create a proper motherhood within yourself and a discipline that you want your children to imbibe and your husband to have. You have seen your Mother, own Mother has been sitting for 9-10 hours, sometimes, at one place, not even getting out of this place. But I have seen people that they can’t sit for two hours in a place, even if they are meditating. And they will get up, disturb everybody else and get down. It’s a sign that we lack in our discipline. That our parents did not discipline us. That we did not discipline ourselves. So now first thing is that you have to have a perfect discipline of your temperament, and is a sign that you are the people who represent this Mother Earth, who have a special wisdom and a special power to express that wisdom.
So all of you have to be extremely careful that whatever you do will be reflected in the whole family and in the whole Sahaja Yoga system. Now when you get married to your husbands try to understand that you are the mother earth. And you have to give, and because you have powers you can give. Because you have so many shaktis within you, you have to give. That means you are superior in a way that you can give. So that your ego should not stand up at all the time and say “Why should 1 do, why should I?” And then you will start enjoying this womanhood.
So try to be good mothers, good wives and responsible Sahaja Yogis. Those who after marriage, try to deviate their husbands from Sahaja Yoga are really the most cursed ones. You should have sweet tongue for others, should be careful what you talk, you have to be responsible, you are special people that you are married in Sahaja Yoga. 1 hope you will keep this in mind … ”
1984 ADVICE TO BRIDES, INDIA
I will make my married life extremely happy
” … But the first foremost ambition should be, or the idea should be that 1 will make my married life extremely happy. Because if the married life is happy, you will be happy … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES – GANAPATIPULE
THE GRUHA LAKSHMI – THE HOUSEWIFE
An example in the family
” … So a Gruha Lakshmi is the one who has to be a noble woman, has to be an example in the family. Like, a housewife herself is a drunkard, marries ten times. What will happen to her children? Just think, such a woman, a woman who has no sense of chastity, no sense of auspiciousness, no sense of protection for them, how can she talk? Who is she? What does it matter? 1 mean what comfort can anybody give to a housewife? She is the one who is the source of comfort; what comfort can you give her? To her the greatest comfort is that you eat your food properly, you sleep well, you keep well; that is the greatest comfort. So this is what one has to know, that a Gruha Lakshmi is the woman in the family, She is the Gruha Lakshmi. But the man should not be a wolf, also a Gruha Lakshmi cannot marry a wolf, you must understand. If the man is a wolf, then he doesn’t deserve to have a Gruha Lakshmi but he can have a she-wolf as his wife; that’s a good idea. Then they can fight, quarrel, have all kinds of divorces. But it’s the responsibility of the Gruha Lakshmi to begin with, I must say. To keep the balance it is her duty, it is not the duty of the other people in the family. It is she who keeps … she doesn’t give up at any cost … of course, if he’s a wolf all right he can go to the forest. She’s not bothered… ”
1982 DIWALI PUJA, LONDON
In the house she is the lady and the lord is outside
” … But the main thing is the housewife in Maharashtra is important, very important.
So, in the house she is the lady and the lord is outside. Whatever she says, goes. But when it is the other way round, everything goes upside down. It can never be blissful. But that doesn’t mean that the women should also say outside as well as inside. I mean, the women should not interfere with the husband’s work in the office, should not dominate there like so many these women, like Chiang Kai-Shek’s wife did and all these people did. That’s not necessary. She should be a support, but in the house, she is the one who should be respected. She must be respected in the household otherwise there cannot be auspiciousness; there cannot be peace. And peace is the gift of Gruha Lakshmi. Now, some people may say, “Oh it’s all right. They are not having a good time. The wife is bad but she’s got money.” Money is not Lakshmi. This confusion must be absolutely removed from your mind…”
1981 DIWALI PUJA, UK
Keep always your heart open, your house open
” … So, also you must understand now you have to take to the style of life of your husband. He is fond of entertaining, look after that. Women should be entertaining, they should look after. They should not mind if somebody comes to stay with them or lives with them. They should not try to show. On the contrary they should be happy they are able to look after someone who is a Sahaja Yogi. So, for the Sahaja Yogis, you must keep always your heart open, your house open…”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
Why I am telling you this? I’m suffering from Gruhalakshmi’s chakra
” … So that is the thing I wanted to tell you, that you should make a very good housewife, a very good Gruhalaksmi. Now, why I am telling you this, that I’m suffering from Gruhalakshmi’s chakra, and all the doctors have told Me it is because in the collective Gruhalakshmis are not all right, because they are not good housewives . .. ”
I997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PU]A, CABELLA
The system is like this that the wife becomes the mother and even the brothers of the husband are mostly with the wife, with the bhabi – who’s the sister-in-law. So they go and tell all their problems because they can’t face their elder brother directly. So they go and tell the sister in law. Then sister-in-law, in her own clever way, tells the husband and gets the permission. And this relationship has to be established when you are married. When you are married say there’s a sister-in-law who is younger who is not married she doesn’t understand about love and things. If she has a problem say she’s going to get married or anything she will not consult her mother she’ll not come and consult me but she’ll consult her sister-in-law. It is a very sweet relationship that exists between the brother-in-law and the sister-in-law is a very, very sweet relationship and all the time they joke and laugh and they are one … ”
1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, UK
GIVING AND GENEROSITY
GIVING LOVE AND BEING GENTLE
The sweetness of a wife who will emit love and peace to others
” …We First quality you must have is the generosity of character. You should not mind giving up anything to anyone if they want. You will enjoy your generosity now, and in that you should be generous when you forgive others. Forgiveness is very important, and then you will never feel the brunt of your married life. Forgive. Also you have to forgive yourself. Not to feel guilty, not to feel guilty at all about anything, because after all you are also Sahaja Yogis, and if you have done anything wrong, it’s all right, doesn’t matter. But you should have the sweetness, the sweetness of a wife who will emit love and peace to others.
You should not be source of some sort of a dominating personality or a person who is aggressive, not at all. On the contrary, you are the one who can bear lots of things and make a fun out of every nonsense that you see. Nothing is so serious to fight it, but to make a fun out of all that and make a fun for everyone. That’s what you have to be, always smiling and happy. You will be amazed, you can make beautiful marriages for yourself, for your husband and all for Sahaja Yoga. So I am also very sure, if you make a successful marriage you will have very, very good children who will be born-realized. So you should be good mothers. Mothers who can really do good to the children and to other children also. All that is stored for you in future. I know you’ll all be enjoying very much your future life and make it so beautiful that everybody should talk that “Look at these Sahaja Yoginis, how they have made their lives happy!” It’s a very, very important thing that we should pay attention to our own mistakes than to the mistakes of others, and try to correct them. See, they are themselves capable of looking after themselves. Only you should care for them and also you should in every way be very kind and gentle. I am sure you all can make very, very good families which nowadays are not available. You don’t see people who are happy in the family.
So no complaints about the husband, no complaints about anybody to the husband, but you make yourself so sweet that everybody wants to take your guidance, your love and they’ll come to you. I am sure this you can work it out. There are so many Sahaja Yoginis who have brought such credit to Me and have done such good work. I expect the same from you …”
2000 TALK TO BRIDES, DELHI
This is your power that you can give love, and giving love you will find you will always enrich yourself
” … How many quarrels you create, how can you be quarrelsome when you are supposed to become the peacemaker? Supposing we send two peacemakers to some country to make peace and they cut each other’s throat? What will you say to such a thing? You are the one who has to smooth down everything. You are the one who has to bring such expression of love, such sweet things, that the family itself is rested in you, secure in you. Because you are the mother. The family must feel secure within you, and this love is your power. This is your power that you can give love, and giving love you will find you will always enrich yourself … ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
Love is the basis between you and him
” … Now men have a habit of sometimes losing temper. Doesn’t matter, that’s their habit. So you shouldn’t immediately become the same type. But you can little bit in a womanly way try to put your sweet device of smiling it or laughing it out or little bit being nice somehow. But not to make it serious. It’s very important.
So how to handle the men, especially your husbands, is an art and that art you will achieve gradually when you start seeing. But if you start finding faults with the men and start saying, “You can’t do this, you can’t do this. You don’t know how to drive or how to do this”, or these things. Then you are finished. You must say, “You are the best driver. You are the best.” That’s the way you have to deal with him. But not that you are befooling them. Because you say this because you love. And love is the basis between you and him. Nothing else. Not money. Not what you have got for him or he has brought for you. Nothing of that.
All these things are not materialistic. They have nothing to do with matter. Love is something which you can express also through matter, sometimes, by giving some nice presents or nice food or something. But the most important thing is your heart. You should not cheat. In any way you should not be hypocritical, and you should not try to do something that is not pure … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
“…You have to love, you have to take your husband into your heart first. This is your duty, otherwise what else are you doing? .. ”
1997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PUJA, CABELLA
She can change the whole family into a beautiful garden
“…So your style should be gentle, should not shout, you should not get angry, you should not treat anyone shabbily. I will immediately know who is an unkind hostess. That people will tell Me that, “Mother she is a funny woman, she doesn’t know how to behave.” So I don’t want to hear that. I want to hear that you are very sweet, nice wives who will look after the husband, who will look after the family of Sahaja Yogis. That’s your job. There’s nothing to feel degraded in that or less in that. That’s what you have to do in Sahaja Yoga. That’s why you are so important. You don’t know, the role of woman is so important, so very important that she can change the whole family into a beautiful garden. It is her own sweetness, her own creative mind of love that can work it out. Must find out the art of love and work it out on anybody who is disturbed or who is unhappy, or who is cross. You can do it. You should know how to pacify that person and how to impress … ”
2000 TALK TO BRIDES, DELHI
Why has he married? For the happiness, the joy, the sweetness, a home
“…Man doesn’t want a wife to be on the horse and beating with a whip. Why has he married? For the happiness, for the joy, for the sweetness, a home. It’s a very important thing I wanted to talk because so many of women are thinking that they are something great. Some of them have some money, some of them have some jobs, but first job is to keep the society very happy and to keep your husband happy – is the first job. If a woman cannot keep the husband happy, she’s no good for us. She’s no good Sahaja Yogini.
This is a place, like a man who’s working in the office, he has to keep his boss pleased. If he doesn’t please his boss, he’s useless, he’s thrown out. In the same way a woman has to think about the husband in a very kindly manner, because this is her job, this is why she is married. Otherwise she should not marry, she can do what she likes. It’s a difficult thing to convince anyone because, you see, men are right-sided, they are hot-tempered. But I have told you just now how to capture their anger .. . ”
1997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PUJA, CABELLA
That is something special to learn, so all the conflicts will be finished
” … So this is what it is. There’s a way of doing things. You have to learn that and you have to master it, by which you do good things without hurting anyone, without saying anything harsh, without being rude to anyone. Now, that is the management you have to see. That is something special you have to learn, so all the conflicts will be finished. Alright? . ”
200I TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
GIVING SECURITY AND PEACE
The one who gives that feeling of security, of peace and of welcoming
“…Now, we had a very funny incident. We had a lady from Germany and I told them that “It’s better that the girls should wait till the boys have their food, look after them. And then the girls can have their food you see. It’s better.” And she felt insulted.
On the contrary, it is invariably done in India, invariably. That the woman will always wait till the husband finishes the food, because she can look after him better. I mean, it’s a privilege. It’s more matured that you can look after your husband; that you can look after your children. It’s your job, you are responsible for it. You are the lady of the house, you are supposed to do. Like Hema told Me that here nobody asks you for food or anything. Everybody is eating whatever they want to eat. They go and eat any time they want. They will eat any time and they go on eating and eating and eating. Nobody asks that, “You come and have food” or anything. That’s done in India. So she said that “I waited for a day. Nobody asked me. Then, I said I better take something for myself.”
So, the ladies have to take up upon themselves that they invite people and cook for them special food. You see, this is the job of a woman. She has to develop these qualities, the womanly quality of feeding men, looking after them when they come to their house. She should not make faces and try to show, “This is my private house. Nobody come in the house.” She should be the one who’s welcome more than the husband should. She should be! She should be the one who people should feel closer to, like the brothers and sisters of the husband, all relations. She should be the one who should give that feeling of security, of peace and of welcoming again. It is her job. Then she becomes that. .. ”
1981 DIWALI PUJA, MAHALAKSHMI PRINCIPLE, NABHI,UK
The capacity of a woman is to bring peace in the family and make everybody feel comfortable and happy
” … And sometimes he is going with Me just to leave Me, you see, there. I tell him, don’t come. But he’ll come and he will go on after My life, “You’re getting late, you’re getting late.” Then the plane will be three hours late. It is like that. So it’s such a fun, life is. Make it a beautiful life. No use quarreling, fighting, becoming obstinate. These are not good things. And also it’s nice if some husband says that “Do this.”
“All right, I will do it.” Say that. Now you do it yourself, you will like it to do something like that, no harm, or even the leader says you should do something. But if you go on saying no, no to everything then he gets fed up with you. And there is no grace.
So why to create problems. Now say, supposing somebody puts some paper here, all right. Now supposing I put some paper. But supposing My husband doesn’t like it. So he will say, “All right, please remove this paper.” Now wise woman will say, “All right I will remove it. When should I do it?” Tomorrow there is a party, so you can’t remove. All right. Day after tomorrow we are going away, so you can’t remove. All right we will do it after three days. Within three days the people who come to the party will definitely say, “What a nice paper.” All the ladies will say, because it’s a ladies’ taste. You see men want to make an office, you see. So they will come, “What a nice paper, what a nice … Then husband will say, “You better keep it this way. It’s very nice idea.” That’s how they are.
So you understand how, you must know how to handle. That’s a beauty a woman has, she knows how to handle the situation. If she does not know how to handle the situation and then she just starts just jumping at husband, jumping at children, that shows she is not capable. And the capacity of a woman is how she handles the situation, brings the peace in the family, how she makes everybody feel comfortable and happy. You see how she, we can say, articulates with other people, how she makes them feel comfortable. Her home is her domain. And in that you see some women are experts. And that’s what you have to make your daughters also.
This is how we are going to have Sahaja Yoga women. We don’t want loan of Arcs just now. But they have to be very brave, courageous, and compassionate personality … ”
1988 INTUITION AND WOMEN, PARIS
Left Nabhi is the speedometer, and that is the one that gives you peace
” …I would say that our main thing is that how a housewife is important. The main this is that when the husband gets up in the morning he reads the newspaper. Must read, all the men do. All right, so when they read the newspaper they get their first shock. 50 they are very upset, because newspapers always have horrible things in them. Now after that, if there’s a nice wife, she’ll tell him, “Doesn’t matter, it’s not happening to us, why are you so upset?” You are, first of all – you settle down. and then the whole world will settle down with you. Then after that, you have to go to work, so they have no time, they just get into their trousers and running up the steps. They go to the car without taking the breakfast. And the wife runs after them with the breakfast. And they are somehow or other, you see, pushing the breakfast inside while they are driving; and there’s a jam on the road, and they are upset and saying all kinds of things because they are getting late. Another shock starts.
Now, when you are eating your food, you require red blood corpuscles, to attend to it, to digest. The energy must go to that. But as you are driving and having your breakfast, as well as you are already in a shocked condition, you see the poor, that spleen, which has to create this special thing for you, which is the red blood corpuscles, doesn’t know. It thinks whether it should produce now or when? But there’s no timing, there’s no proper pacing, no rhythm. Now once that has started wobbling like that, it becomes a crazy one, and it starts behaving in a very crazy manner. Now, with all these happenings, you’ll become vulnerable to blood cancer. Because this is the speedometer, and that is the one that gives you peace, because it works on a complete system of a universal rhythm. So left Nabhi’s catching with this finger. But when it joins with this left Agnya or Left Swadishthana, both, anyone, you can become vulnerable to blood cancer. And the cancer is set in, of the blood cancer style.
Now, the mothers who are hectic by nature, very anxious, do this, do that, want to be all the time very hectic with their children also, they can give blood cancer to the children who are not even born, when they are pregnant. Now, say, in India perhaps people realized this long time back, so the system is, supposing your office is at 10 o’clock, the wife will get up about 4 o’clock, she’ll do all the cooking everything. The husband will get up and we don’t have newspapers you see; nowadays of course they are bombarding us, but our newspapers are also, thank God, censored – not so bad. We don’t have dirty women’s photographs and all dirty things. We have all, I mean censored. So then she cooks her food in the morning time, she sits down with him with a fan and fans him and he takes his food. So the fan gives the rhythm you see. The fan, the fan .. . ”
1986 THE ROLE OF BELGIUM AND HOLLAND, BELGIUM
” … So then she fans the husband slowly, and tells him good things You see, “Today, you know why, how my son got up and he said,
‘I love my father very much’.” He said, “Really?”
“Yes, yes, he said – he has said so … ”
And husband knows she’s telling lies also, but you see all nice things…”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
” … Try to pacify. You see, that is her job, not to criticize others. On the whole, a lady should never be right-sided, because there are so many problems she will jump into. I have seen these things happening in Sahaja Yoga. There was a girl who was very right-sided and she – her husband became important. Then 1 told her, “You better become all right.” So she tried to be all right, so she had a child, but the child was born like a devil. Then the right-sided woman might have abortions. First she will not conceive. Even if she conceives, she’ll have abortions. Now, if she does not have abortions and even if she has children, still the right-sided women will create children who will be devilish. They’ll be spoiled children, dominate other children … ”
1987 CRITICISM, EGO, RGHT-SIDED DANGERS, FRANCE
So you should be calm and quiet and collected. Collected together. And then you will see how all the Ganas (the powers of Shri Ganesha) are with you. And after sometime your husband will be walking behind you in every way, in money matters and in everything … ”
I988 INTUITION AND WOMEN, PARIS
First it must start from woman, not from man
“…Instead of that, if woman knows the essence, the honey, she should know how to please the husband, to bring peace in the family. Now some of the husbands are drunkards or anything – not in Sahaja Yoga. What pleases the husband? You see, in a way it’s a trick. It’s a trick of a realized soul, how to please others. What do we do to our husbands? Do we try to please? First of all find out what he likes. My husband, I would say – it’s gone away, thank God – He used to say, “You should not wear any flower in your head.” But in Maharashtra all the married women are supposed to wear flowers. Since that day I have never worn any flower in My head. It’s all right, it doesn’t matter, he didn’t know what I was, so he said, “Don’t wear any flowers at all.” Then he said, “You must wear bangles”, because he comes from a very traditional family. All My life I have worn bangles. It pleases him, what’s the matter? Little, little things you do just to please him, then he’ll also start thinking, what should I do for My wife. But first it must start from woman, not from man, because women are responsible for the society … ”
I997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PUJA, CABELLA
If you understand few things about men, it can work out
” … I tell you, men are very simple, but you have to understand. Sometimes they get angry, doesn’t matter. Actually, if they are angry with somebody else, they will come and put it on you. It’s better, because if they do anything to others, they’ll beat them. You are not going to beat. If you understand few things about men, it can work out…”
I997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PUJA, CABELLA
NOURISHMENT AND GENEROSITY
Like the Mother Earth nourishes the tree
” … And that people will come to some sort of a middle path of progress as well as emotional understanding of family life. But for this, the women of the households have to understand, have to mature and not to bother their husbands with nonsensical things. And they should try to nourish their husbands and encourage their husbands. Like the Mother Earth nourishes the tree. With this kind of an attitude I’m sure we’ll have peace, justice and prosperity in these two countries…”
1986 THE ROLE OF BELGIUM AND HOLLAND, BELGIUM
She has to establish the beauty of God in her family
” …Of course Indians also have some horrid women, and when they come abroad, if they are westernized, and are exposed to western life, also they can be very horrid too. But innately a women’s attitude in India is different, that she has to establish the dharma in her family. She has to establish the beauty of God in her family. She has to give all that is good to her children, all righteousness. She has to be humble. She has not to raise her voice. If she raises her voice, then she spoils her children: she teaches them how to raise the voice. She has to, in a way, obey her husband because children should obey her. It works. The society is much better there than it is here … ”
1988 THE ROLE OF WOMEN, UK
Give all the nourishment
” … If you know what I am, if you know what I am saying, and if you try to follow what you have to do, then you will immediately see that Mother is trying to strengthen our roots. Because you are the roots of the trees. You have to give all the nourishment. You have to be motherly, sisterly towards all the other Sahaja Yogis. Not to quarrel, to fight, to say hard things. That’s not the job of a woman. Not to argue, but be quiet and watch out. Even if they are catching on certain chakras, you can cleanse them very well as wives. You can work it out secretly. You can do it. Because the problem, though it looks so dangerous and so destructive and shocking, the keys are in the hands of the women of today. They can just solve the problem like that if they decide and understand their glory and their value, and do not make themselves cheap, hankering after cheap popularity . . . ”
1988 THE ROLE OF WOMEN, UK
You must lavish your love on others, need not spend money for that
” … Normally a woman is, if not brought up properly, can be very, very conceited and can be very selfish and self-centred. Men can be also, but woman can be because – I mean – if they’re not brought up properly, I’m saying that. They may not like to spend their money on others, they would not like others to come in the house and share this and that. But, again we have to judge it, is it done in love or not? Like the husband you see brings his friends, and they may not like the friends coming in because it means money, you see. They would like to have more ornaments to themselves, than to have some friends for their husband. It can be. They can be like that. Some men are like that also. But both the things are wrong. This should be shared to be understood.
And the whole things is that you must lavish your love on others, need not spend money for that. Need not. You can just be kind to them, nice to them and a little money to. You see, there is not harm in spending a little money for others and expressing your love . . . ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
If the wife is generous, she’s rewarded
” … I have seen those people in Sahaja Yoga are generous, their wives may not be, and then they suffer a lot. But if the wife is generous, she’s rewarded. The whole family is rewarded hundred times. Generosity is like this, that you have one door open through which everything is coming in, and you open another door by giving, so there’s a very good circulation. I enjoy My generosity the most. And you all should enjoy this generosity. And generosity is so rewarding, so rewarding, that it is unbelievable how the Divine forces help a person who is generous . .. ”
1992 DIWALI PU]A, ROMANIA
“…If you want to please any Indian, you tell them, “Tomorrow I’ll come and have food with you.” His wife will jump. She’ll say, “Now what do you like, tell me, what food do you like?” She will jump. But otherwise, what happens, as soon as you say he’s coming for food, the wife will say, “No, no, I am going to my mother.” Immediately she’ll have a program. I just don’t understand. They’ll have beautiful houses, very clean, very beautiful everything, but if somebody comes to their house, they get a shock as if electricity has entered. So, for whom is all this?…”
1997 SHRI KRISHNA PUJA, CABELLA
“May be he thinks I am more generous than you are”
“…I’ll give you one example of My life – there are many – but one I can give you, that from My husband’s office one gentleman came to see Me. And he said that “I’m sorry I did a wrong thing, is to give up his organisation and join another one. But I now feel that I cannot be happy in the other one and I want to come back.”
So My husband said, “You have no place here. It is not disciplinary. It is not good. Why did you do it? Why did you join another organisation?”
So he said, “Sir, but I want to come back. I want to beg of you,” pleading every day. But once the men take something into their heads, they don’t change immediately. So he came to Me and he told Me, “I want to be back in the same organisation”.
I know my husband very well, so I said “All right, let’s see about it.” So when My husband came I told him “Why don’t you take back this man?”
“Oh, so he has come to you now, has he? The best man, he knows where to go.”
“No” I said, “Maybe he thinks I am more generous than you are.” That was too much challenging! “That’s why he came to me. You should be generous.” Then he took him back. And I must say, all his life this man helped My husband very much … ”
200I TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
UNDERSTANDING AND SATISFACTION
“…But the women also should know that they should never try to aggress their husbands in the presence of others, in the bedroom is all right. The woman must understand also what sort of a husband he is. For example now, I would say about My marriage you can see that I got married the day My husband went to office, came home, got married at 6 o’clock in the evening time and then next day went to office. Since then he went to office for years till we came to London, he did not take even one day leave, even on a Sunday. That’s My dear husband. And at home also now, he has to come on Saturdays, there’s such a big files he brings, and work it out. And according to him, because he’s worked hard, he’s got a big job, but I don’t know what advantage I had from this big job, it’s all disappointments. But I did not complain about it at all, all My life. I never demanded anything, on the contrary, I helped him in his work, whenever it was necessary, I gave him company. And now on the 25th of this month, the holiday they are calling as Maritime Day, on that day I may have to shake hands with 800 odd people, and 800 drunkards walking round. But he is entirely dependent on Me. The day I tell him that now I’ll have to take Sanyasa, I have to do My birth, the whole or everything. Whatever his built up image is, shatters down … ”
1986 THE ROLE OF BELGIUM AND HOLLAND, BELGIUM
Be spontaneous, kind and especially understanding
“…Many women I have seen are very aggressive with their husbands and then the men become impotent. It is very important that a women should be docile and should be sensible about marriage. If she tries to be very, very aggressive then there are problems. So please don’t try all these things, and be spontaneous, kind and especially understanding … ”
1987 MARRIAGE, KOLHAPUR, INDIA
Try to understand your husband like a witness
“…First thing you must learn to cook well. Don’t allow men to do any work in the household. Never. Never allow your husband to do any work in the household. They will just entirely depend on you. Make the best food. Be an expert cook. The husband will be back home. I’m giving you the tricks of the trade. Try to understand your husband like a witness. Sometimes he gets angry for nothing at all and all that. Be a witness to that. He is another child you have. It’s a grown- up child and you have to look after a grown-up child. Be kind and attentive. It is very surprising that you all have not yet learnt those tricks. Perhaps your mothers never told you …”
1988 THE ROLE OF WOMEN, UK
Understand them as they are
“…If supposing the husband says, “I don’t like this colour.” All right, leave it for a while. Then somebody will come and say, “What a nice colour!”
“Ah, such a nice colour? Oh, don’t change it.” The woman must understand the men, they are, they have big eyes, they are not microscopic. They see everything in a big way, you see, so today they will say something, tomorrow they’ll forget about it. They are too … above these things. They are above these things, you must understand them as they are … ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
“…You should not nag him for anything. Supposing he didn’t like something, you shouldn’t do it. Whatever he doesn’t like, small things, you know like, I was married in a family which was culturally very different, very different. And they don’t wear flowers. You see, and in India all the married ladies, I mean down south, I’m saying in my community, all wear garlands, always wear. My husband said no better not do it. Because you know here in our community only the bad women wear that to attract man. Since that day I have never worn it. Doesn’t matter, not important. .. ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
“…So you should not compare your husband with anyone. He is your husband and you shouldn’t expect too much from him – “He’s not given me this, he has not done that for me, he’s like this” – This is not necessary. You must always think “What I have done for him?” Also “What’s wrong with me?” … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
You have to just see his heart
” … So he doesn’t understand what is real, what is unreal, nothing – doesn’t matter. You have to just see his heart, how he is giving, with what love he is giving. He doesn’t understand. What can he do, poor man, you know … ”
1997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PUJA, CABELLA
Women have responsibility to understand, again I say understand, the husband, the family life and everything that is connected with your family life
“…If you have some ideas in your head, some sort of a models you have in your head, then take it out. We have to deal with reality. We have to see what reality is, not our imaginary ideas. So you should not get shocked, nor the man should be shocked. But supposing he is, then the understanding should be in you. Spirit of understanding has to be in you and not expect that from men. Men have a responsibility as far as earning is concerned. They have other responsibilities, but women have responsibility to understand, again I say understand, the husband, the family life and everything that is connected with your family life.
The spirit of understanding of women only, makes very good families. It’s the woman who does all the things that are needed to smooth the family relations, they understand the husband also and they also help the husband with their understanding. Once it is established in the mind of the husbands that you are sensible, that you care for Sahaja Yoga, that you’re dignified, all your problems will be solved. That’s very important to have a very deep, deep understanding of your responsibility. And I’m sure you all will be successful because you are all Sahaja Yogis. Never to dominate – there’s no need to dominate. But if you are intelligent, you can convey the mistakes or the misunderstandings to your husband. But for that, you have to have special woman’s charm, I should say, special woman’s understanding…”
2001 TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUA, CABELLA
So, look after them just like your baby and be nice and sweet to them
” … There’s nothing to suffer much, but understanding is required, you see. Supposing if you are wise and if something happens, take a very wise attitude, balanced attitude, responsible attitude. Wife has to be much more responsible than man as far as the family is concerned, children are concerned. But if you are a hot- tempered woman, God save you and save your husband. So, hot- temper is not suitable at all for any woman. If you are hot tempered you’ll start looking old very soon. Very soon you will start looking old, and if you have ego, if you think too much of yourself also same thing will happen. So best thing is to behave like a little girl who has come to husband’s house to love him, to look after him and to mother him. You have to think that you are his mother and he – sometimes they are foolish according to your judgement – doesn’t matter. So, look after them just like your baby and be nice and sweet to them. All right? .. ”
2002 TALK TO SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
It’s not sacrifice, but joyful understanding
” … It’s very important to understand your role in Sahaja Yoga as married women. We have had very funny types of women who got married because they wanted to marry, and they saw to it that the marriage is not successful. And they have been of such a trouble to Me that I don’t understand that before marriage why don’t they see that what they have to do. You have to make a successful marriage in Sahaja Yoga. It’s not an ordinary marriage. And for that, it’s not sacrifice, but joyful understanding. You may have to withstand many troubles also. Financially maybe somebody’s not so well off. Maybe, though he’s all right, he’s not looking after you financially, he’s not giving you money or maybe he’s very dominating – it’s possible. Everything is possible. As you could be the same … ”
2001 TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
GIVING IS ENJOYMENT
You enjoy your own virtues, not somebody else’s virtue
“…And by no means he’s a model husband, I must say, but in any case, I would suggest that you have to be a model wife. Because you enjoy your own virtues, not somebody else’s virtue. Supposing there is a thief, and he will say that “I enjoy the virtue of an honest man, and not mine”, then how will it be? So what’s the use? And the man who is virtuous does not enjoy his virtues, so who’s going to enjoy? The thief? I mean, we have to enjoy our own virtues, isn’t it? If there’s a chaste lady, she must understand her chastity and enjoy it herself. . . ”
1986 THE ROLE OF BELGIUM AND HOLLAND, BELGIUM
Virtue is your ornament, it is not a noose round your neck
“…And another thing is, the same with the women who are chaste and good and they are nice – you see, they make a big ado out of it. If you think it is difficult for you, better give up, isn’t it? I mean, virtue is your ornament, it is not a noose round your neck. Only people who enjoy their virtues are great men. They don’t suffer it, they don’t feel unhappy, but they are proud of their virtues. So this is what it is, for you to understand, now whatever are your qualities, for which it may appear that you suffer, doesn’t matter … ”
1986 THE ROLE OF BELGIUM AND HOLLAND, BELGIUM
That service itself is enjoyment
“…Those who think their life is service are another stupid people. Their life is enjoyment, not service. But that service itself is enjoyment. But if you just keep to service, “Ah, oh I’m sacrificing, this is my tapasya.” Finished. Then you end up as a Tapasvi (ascetic) – like a bean stalk thing. You can be used for a cross. So in Sahaja Yoga it is enjoyment, but unless and until you have that essence of enjoyment into everything it cannot be an enjoyment. If you take out the essence from the cane sugar or what you call the sugar cane bamboo, then what is left? In the same way, all the so-called service and seva (selfless work) and tapasya and all that has no sweetness in it, it’s finished. For this is sweetness, and that is generated by women … ”
I988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
Giving is her only enjoyment
“…She is so powerful that she cannot take anything, she just gives, she enjoys giving. And the giving is her only enjoyment. And that is how she gets her energy, from that joy … ”
I986 THE ROLE OF BELGIUM AND HOLLAND, BELGIUM
ADVICE
THE BEARING POWER
She takes all the problems upon herself because she is the strongest :
” … A woman is the strongest point of the household. Like this Mother Earth, she takes all the problems upon herself because she is the strongest. Who else can withstand this kind of weight on her? It is the mother.
In the same way, a woman in the house is the mother and she has to bear, you see. It’s nicer to have a husband who comes home and says whatever he likes and takes out all the filth on you, than to have a husband who is very sweet “Hello, hello”, and outside he goes like a bumptious tiger on everyone. Such a man has to be. You see they are like children, I would say, they are like children. They have to take out their tensions on their wives only and you should then absorb all of that. And that’s the sign of a woman. A strong woman doesn’t get easily disturbed by these things. She is not bothered. She says “All right, you little baby, come along. Now I have had four babies, now this is the fifth one which is the smallest has come.” Let him shout and scream. Even with the children, you have to be patient … ”
1980 ON CHILDHOOD, UK
You should be able to bear it, not with a sort of a big martyrdom:
“…For example I’ll say that for the last, I think, four years C.P. is trying to buy one solitaire for Me because I gave away all My diamonds to My daughters. Try. Try. Cannot do this time. This time, won’t work out this time. Next time, this time, that time, just…
Because, you see, I know he wants to buy. That’s sufficient for Me. Isn’t it? So, I’m postponing it, “It’s all right, we’ll do it now. You still have a house.” Like this.
So, the demanding, you see, that “Give me this.” There’s no need. Let the men start seeing that, “Oh, She doesn’t have it. She should have it.” It is they who should do it and the women should never demand. It’s a sign of bad manners, actually, according to Sahaja Yoga. You should never demand for it. You should have more bearing; you should be able to bear it. Not with a sort of a big martyrdom, “Oh, I’m bearing up and all that.” No. But with the understanding that you are grown up and you are matured … ”
1981 DIWALI PUJA, UK
They are women because they are compassionate, they are forbearing
” … Now women have to understand they are women because they are compassionate, they are forbearing. They are like this Mother Earth. Their ego is so developed. Be careful about it. Why America is finished today? Because of their women. I can give you so many examples of Indian girls who are married here. They brought round their husbands. They put everything right. They have slowly and steadily put them properly into Sahaja Yoga . . . ”
1988 THE ROLE OF WOMEN, UK
MANAGING THE HUSBAND
It is the art of the woman, is the beauty of the woman, how she manages her husband :
” … But she has to keep her husband also pleased. If she does not get her husband pleased, if he is not easily pleased, still he should be made to be pleased. May be the most difficult man. It is the art of the woman, is the beauty of the woman, how she manages her husband. Because she is there for that kind of a job. And if she cannot do that, then she is failing in that part.
So she has to do both the things; you have to strike a balance between the two. Sometimes the husband wants that he should have the company; all right, give him the company as much as possible. But you should also know that unless and until your husband gives you the authority, you are no one with others because it is he who has given you the authority to talk to others. If he says no you have to be with me all the time, then you cannot say no. He has a right to have your company. So one must understand and strike a balance. Do not do anything to the extremes. We have to be very normal people. This is the second point I wanted to tell you … ”
1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, UK
If you can make them feel they are the most important people for you, then you can manage them very well :
“…For Now the first and foremost thing we have to know that he is your husband and nobody else is your husband. Nobody is more important than he is. See men are ve ry easy to be controlled. If you can make them feel they are the most important people for you, then you can manage them very well…”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
You are the other side of Sahaja Yoga, which gives peace, joy, nourishment and also complete tranquillity
“…So try to understand not to boss your husband or try to put him right or do things in a very tense way, I have seen some ladies who are extremely tense, very tense type. They can never give joy. They are themselves not in joy, how can they give joy, they are themselves not in joy.
So the tension should not be there. At all. Of any kind. Be relaxed. You are the other side of Sahaja Yoga, which gives peace, joy, nourishment and also complete tranquillity. In the family you are responsible for tranquillity. Even if husband is angry, children are fighting, if the mother is tranquil you can control all the situation.
So the situation has to be controlled in a way that you make life happy for everyone. Sometimes women feel very angry when I tell them that, first feed your children, your husband, and then you eat yourself. Because that is the job of a woman. Like a man should go, earn living, do what he wants to do, job and all that. But the woman has to really look after the husband, look after the family, look after everything … ”
All the time forgive and let them know that he is the only one I have in the whole world apart from the Holy Mother
” … Also you will find our Indian husbands not so good, as far as gardening is concerned, or you can say, they don’t know how to mend anything like cars or your plumbing, they don’t know. So doesn’t matter, take it easy. Gradually they will pick up and they’ll learn and they’ll do it. But don’t become impatient with them. Just make fun of it, you see, just make fun. That the best way to manage it and that don’t expect too much, that they will do this nicely. Sometimes they cannot clean the utensils properly, they don’t know how to do it. So alright. Just make fun of it and just enjoy it because they have to learn.
You see in England or America I have seen anywhere, they have no servants at all. While we have servants here. So all these boys are spoiled by the servants. So they are absolutely good for nothing as far as these things are concerned. But if you just try to teach them and help them, they will definitely go all out to do it. So the only thing you have to do is to love them with a clear heart. And all the time forgive and let them know that he is the only one I have in the whole world apart from the Holy Mother … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
GIVE THE POWER TO MEN
They have to see that they give that power to their men
” … We are going to be a very ideal race, an ideal family, an ideal everything, no doubt. We are going to show to the world, whatever people may try tricks on us, we are not bothered. We have to go further and further. Like Ganesha you can say, a huge big elephant tied with all kinds of ropes and all kinds of chains can go and push forward. In this manner, we all Sahaja Yogis are going to work it out. But the ladies of Sahaja Yoga have to work it out. They have to see that they give that power to their men. If I find any husband weak, I know it’s the wife who is a nagger or who is a dominating person, or who thinks no end of herself. And if I see a man so powerful, I know there’s a woman behind him … ”
1988 THE ROLE OF WOMEN, UK
They have to be at the back because we have to look after all of them
” … The way the housewife decorates the house, she smoothes down everyone, makes them feel happy, then she’s looking after everyone-everybody knows she’s standing there. Imagine, like a modern style would be you call some people for a birthday cake of your child and you cut the cake first because you are the housewife. How will it look? It is that ridiculous, I tell you. The way the housewife always puts forward before everybody else – they have to be at the back because we have to look after, look after all of them … ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
Settling down is what is the work of a woman … and the man has to act
” … Nobody wants to stay in the house because there’s no Gruha Laksmi (housewife) principle between the two. But raga (musical composition) needs baithak – is sitting down, settling down. Unless and until you settle down, you cannot enjoy raga. Imagine somebody listening to a raga when he’s jumpy. So one has to settle down and that settling down is what is the work of a woman who is a housewife, and the man has to act… ”
I988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
Create a good public opinion in his presence
“…Men care for public opinion very much and you should see that you create a good public opinion in his presence, so that he’ll appreciate you . .. ”
1997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PUJA, CABELLA
NOT TO ARGUE
She can see the futility of quarreling, fighting, unnecessary arguing
“… So now, this is then the housewife sets the mood for the man and does not discuss early in the morning horrible things of the household you see, disturb him. That’s very important, otherwise you are another newspaper. But what she actually does is to create a feeling of peace in the house. So how she does it, by bearing up things, by absorbing things like the Mother Earth does, she absorbs. She’s a very mature person and she can see the futility of quarrelling and fighting and of unnecessarily arguing . . . ”
1986 THE ROLE OF BELGIUM AND HOLLAND, BELGIUM
You cannot achieve anything after with arguments
“…They (men) are so intelligent that they lack common sense and practical sense. See they have one type of a dress they go on wearing it. You can change so many times, do this. They have no time. They are gross people. Common sense they don’t have. So you are a complement to them. They are good at laws and regulations and things. There you must accept what they are saying. And if they say do this and do that you must accept, because they know that part. They are conversant with that part and you should never argue. You cannot achieve anything after with arguments … ”
1988 INTUITION AND WOMEN, PARIS
If the women are quarrelsome, fighting, sarcastic -It is hell for a man
“…I wanted to talk to people who are married in Sahaja Yoga, especially to the ladies. I think some of them are extremely dominating and stupid. What is marriage? Marriage is honeymoon as they call it. Honey is the essence and moon is the peace. Now if the women are quarrelsome, fighting, sarcastic, it is absolutely a hell for a man. Instead of that, if woman knows the essence, the honey, she should know how to please the husband, to bring peace in the family…”
I997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PUJA, CABELLA
DOMINATION
You are subordinated to your own dignity, to your own chastity, to your sense of honour, and above all, to your righteousness
“…But if he sits on the horse, I must also sit on the horse and fall down. If he goes for skiing, I’ll also go for skiing. If he develops his muscles, I’ll also develop my muscles. It is coming to that point. I mean, women start looking like nothing on earth, you don’t know what sort of women these are with big, big muscles but without any moustaches! So these kinds of stupid ideas we have, but there is no subordination of any kind. You are subordinated to your own dignity, to your own chastity, to your sense of honour, and above all, to your righteousness. Because you are in charge of that – the man who is in charge has to look after that side … ”
I988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
“…Do not judge him in outward dominations like, you see, he says, “This colour is not good.”
“All right, whatever you like I’ll put it.”
Then he says, “Oh, the one you had put was good, you know I was really foolish”, you see. He will say like that, you just agree to them, you know. I mean I have experimented this in my own life, see, I’ve done it. See, for example, say my husband doesn’t know much of roads, you see. So, supposing we are going somewhere, and he would say, “I think this is the way you have to go”.
I said, “All right, you can go ahead”. And I would walk with him. But I said, “No but I think it’s not the road, I’ll have to walk again back I know for definite but, all right, if you want, I can walk with you. All right, I’m walking, I’m just enjoying. I may have to go this way or this way”. Then he starts wondering, “Is it true? Is it correct?”
Then he starts thinking, you know, that “Is it really, or maybe …?” Because she has instincts you see. She has intuition. She has so many things. She gets that. There’s a word for it in English, for that also … they get a hint suddenly, you know suddenly a hint. A hitch, they call it. They get a hitch. And that comes out to a … what is it? (Someone in the audience answers). A hunch. They get a hunch. They get a hunch of it. And that’s what it is. And once they start understanding, that the hunches of the wife are correct, then they follow her, in a way. But, what is so great in making your husband follow you? It’s wrong. I think there is no need for him to follow . .. ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
If the Mother Earth thinks that these trees are dominating her, then what should we say?
” … But for the ladies it is even worse. In My experience I’ve seen when women try to dominate. Actually, a woman is like this Mother Earth. And if the Mother Earth thinks that these trees are dominating her, then what should we say? Same way if the women think that the husbands are dominating, I must say they are very wrong.
Now, it’s very easy to handle husbands. Mine is there. But if you are not wise, and stupid, you think by dominating, saying things – bad things, you can manage him – you cannot. But to handle your husband, it’s important that you should show that you are very submissive. And it’s nice to be submissive that way. You see, because men are very simple, they have no angularities. Women have angularities because they don’t live together. You see men live together so they have no angularities … ”
1987 CRITICISM, EGO, RIGHT-SIDED DANGER, FRANCE
It should be a character which shows as if there’s light in that person
” … So what I’m saying, you shouldn’t spoil your children. But you shouldn’t also dominate the children and your husband and the family. It’s not a good thing for women at all. It’s not very sweet also. You won’t go to a house where everyone is standing with a broom in her hand, you see. Run away. No one likes.
Our attention should be on our spirit, on to higher things. Not how you keep your spoon, how you keep your fork, what the – no, higher things. All the time attention should be on our spirit, because we have to grow. Don’t judge others’ vibrations and don’t be harsh to others. It doesn’t behove a Sahaja Yogi to talk harshly to each other. Doesn’t behove, leave alone meanness, selfishness, miserliness. It should be a character which should show as if there’s light in that person. The meanness, talking at the back, ‘murmuring souls’ as Christ says, criticizing others, that’s danger to you and to Sahaja Yoga. Meditate everyday. Be in thoughtless awareness. Any thought comes in, say, “Forgive, forgive, forgive.” And grow. Unless and until you are matured in Sahaja Yoga, you cannot really enjoy the taste of the bliss of God… ”
1987 CRITICISM, EGO, RIGHT-SIDED DANGER, FRANCE
All this selfishness, all this seclusion is against Sahaja Yoga
“…By dominating others, by strangling others, by making your husband a very sort of a frog in the well, telling him, “Oh, we both are, after all, we should enjoy. Let’s have our house separately, nobody should come in the house.” Even a rat won’t enter that house. Even to say, “Oh, these are my children, my husband, myself”, is the negative of Sahaja Yoga, is the negative form of understanding. These are absolutely absurd things, they do not look like for any Sahaja Yogi or any Sahaja Yogini. All this kind of selfishness, all this kind of seclusion is against Sahaja Yoga … ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
You have your dharma, you have your own life and you should just worry about yourself, and if he doesn’t understand you, forget it
“…If the husband wants to go to hell, let him go. Why do you want to do the same? After all you have your dharma, you have your own life and you should just worry about yourself, and if he doesn’t understand you, forget it. Such a irresponsible and a stupid fellow should be just pitied, but one should not follow the footsteps of the husband, because you have a much wider responsibility. One should not try to look younger and just all the time make your life miserable by trying to keep your husband attached to you, because by that you will lose your powers, your shakti. But if your husband is a man of character then you must respect him and support him in every way, and tolerate him as far as possible … ”
1992 DIWALI PUJA, ROMANIA
Only on fundamentals you can put down your foot
” … So, when we think that we have to control our husband, it’s better to do it in a very simple way. Only on fundamentals you can put down your foot. Otherwise for small, small things, if you go on dominating your husband I tell you, you will miss the point. You are married for stupidity or for honeymoon? .. ”
1997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PUJA, CABELLA
Fundamental things of course is there, but otherwise for small, small things, you should not try to dominate your husband
” … Some girls, I’ve seen, dominate their husbands too much. There is no need to dominate. If you love the husband that’s how the domination is, is the best way is to love your husband, look after him, do whatever is needed, because no use showing off that you are from a better society or a better culture or a better family background. It’s only you who can show that you are really a good person and your goodness will win him over.
So it’s only the wife who makes or spoils the marriage. And I have to tell you very frankly that if you still have some doubts about your marriage or if you are still thinking this was not a good match you should withdraw now. And later on you should not go on finding faults with your husband.
See, men are men and women are women. Men cannot be women but, you can make them understand that women are to be respected. All right, and how – that you will have to see by your behaviour. If your behaviour is good, they’ll respect you. But if your behaviour is childish or if your behaviour is aggressive, no man can appreciate a woman who is aggressive and so you should not be aggressive. Whatever he says you should agree and listen to him. Fundamental things of course is there, but otherwise for small, small things, you should not try to dominate your husband. It’s not a sign of a Sahaja Yogini. Sahaja Yogini has to – with love and understanding and wisdom – has to win over the husband and not by domination. This is one thing we should understand that many marriages are broken because of domination … ”
2002 TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
No need for him to follow :
” … But, what is so great in making your husband follow you? It’s wrong. I think there is no need for him to follow … ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE
” …What you have to do when your husband is arguing you off, just give him a bandhan. Finished. For Sahaja Yoginis it’s very easy. Give a bandhan to the husband. No problem. There’s no need to dominate. Because you are Gruhalakshmis, you are shaktis, and all the deities are going to help you first, before they help your husband. But, the condition is that you have to be a Gruhalakshmi first of all. You must have all the qualities of a Gruhalakshmi. If you are a dominating woman, find faults with everyone, then you are not a Gruhalakshmi at all. .. ”
1987 CRITICISM, EGO, RIGHT-SIDED DANGERS, FRANCE
ATTACHMENT, MONEY AND SOCIETY
PRESERVING SOCIETY AND SAHAJA YOGA
It is your duty to preserve the society of Sahaja Yogis
” …You must respect him, you must look after him and care for him. Sometimes he may lose little bit of his balance. It is you who has to bring him back to balance with very gentle ways. It is your duty to preserve the society of Sahaja Yogis. People will come to your house. If they are Sahaja Yogis, their wives, their children, you must look after them because you are in charge of the society of Sahaja Yoga. You may be earning a lot, you may be very well equipped, must be that, but you must always be humble and understand that you have to carry out the work of Sahaja Yoga through your marriage. This is a very big responsibility. In your case it is the preservation of the society that is of Sahaja Yoga people, their children. So you have to love all of them. You must care for them.
Never think this is your own house and that you are the queen of the house. But you are the mother, you are the sister, you are the complete relation of these people who are Sahaja Yogis. So when they come to your house you must show all respect and regard.
Never complain about them to your husband. He won’t like it. And also you must remember that your patience and your love and your guidance will definitely help to build your married life. If you want to be happy, you must know how to make others happy also. If you do not know how to make others happy, you can never be happy. So you should not think about your own demands, your own needs, your own – you can say, ideas or anything. Whatever is there you have to do it in a very gentle manner because you are the women, you are the ladies … ”
2000 TALK TO BRIDES, DELHI
Don’t form groups
“…But a bad wife can create problems because she’ll create a problem, she’ll form a group of people, group of women, she’ll go on rolling down with her bhoots to everyone. Or maybe she’s very conscious of her education, maybe conscious of her position or of her money and all that, then also she’ll try to keep the husband aloof. Such people have to pay for what they have done … ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
Feel that we are responsible for making our Sahaja Yoga society a perfect society
“…There are so many things which I would like to tell you, but in this short time I have to just say that it is the responsibility of the women to make their marriages happy. Depends on their intelligence and on their dedication to Sahaja Yoga. It’s your responsibility. And if you see in a wider sense the responsibility of making a good society is that of a woman. Even if she has to suffer, she can. She is like this Mother Earth. She can suffer anything; She never feels she suffers. She is so great.
You are shaktis. So as shaktis if you have to suffer, you don’t mind. And what you have to feel is that we are responsible for making our Sahaja Yoga society a perfect society. That’s our responsibility. All your greed, all your ambitions, everything should be directed towards making a very, very happy married life … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
I’m also a woman and I understand that to Me society is so important
“…Last but not the least, the problem of certain marriages which crop up very much here, I am surprised. Men, you are to be married. You are given full chance to decide whom do you want to marry, and after marriage it goes off. Mostly it is the mistake of the women here. I’m very surprised because always it’s the woman who dominates. She wants this, she wants that, like that.
Now, you have to know that women are very important for society. Your problem is not so much of political problems or economic problems, as such. It is always common like that in every western country, but the main problem you are facing is your society. You know what’s happening in your society, what a terrible society it is, how the children are harmed, how the women are tortured, how so many things are happen ing in our society, and all kinds of filthy things are happening which cannot be called as anywhere near advancement. All these things we see around us, and we see our children suffer with that.
So what who is responsible for the society? Women. Women are responsible for the society. They have to do it. I’m also a woman and I understand that to Me society is so important. I should not Myself do something that is wrong. I should not allow My children to do something wrong … ”
1994 TALK BEFORE CONCERT, SYDNEY
Because you’re sensible women you’ll bring a lot of glory to Sahaja Yoga
” … Now it is more the responsibility of the woman somehow, because marriage is her responsibility and she has to make a happy marriage. If any of you now don’t want to marry a particular person, you can say no. But now if you are marrying, then please think in the way of a Sahaja Yogini who is getting married. The responsibility of bringing a good name to Sahaja Yoga is on you. We are not marrying you because – I mean, some sort of a social event. No, because you are Sahaja Yoginis, because you’re sensible women and you’ll bring a lot of glory to Sahaja Yoga . . . ”
2002 TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
ATTACHMENT TO YOUR FAMILY
It If you are attached to your family, you’ll still spoil the relationship
” …Second thing is, you’re naturally attached to your parents, attached to your family, attached to your country. But now, forget it! Be attached to your husband’s family, husband and things around. Because if you are attached to your family, you’ll still spoil the relationship. I’ve known many couples being broken because of this. There was a girl who was very much worried about her father, because he’d lost the business and she made the whole life miserable. So the husband disappeared and he wanted to do something else and she was left in the lurch and she had to go to her father and then she realized how difficult it is to live in father’s house.
So, it’s your house, it’s your home, it’s your husband. All right, you don’t have to sort of go on searching another person or another woman who will help you. It’s you who can help yourself. All right, because now we have very bad experiences of some girls who have left their husband and come away to their families with their children. Is the family going to look after them all their lives? Who is going to look after them? So use your brain and don’t try to show off that you are something superior or something higher or you’re something more. Say something you should be humble. The humbler you are the better it is. Otherwise arrogance doesn’t behove you. She doesn’t look nice, she looks like a horse sometimes and looks like – I don’t know like what. So it is better to be humble and to be kind and to be nice and to prove that you are a goodnatured person. All right. .. ”
2002 TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
MONEY ORIENTATION
Not money-oriented, but love-oriented
“…Second thing I have to tell you, because you are from the West. So western women are very much money-oriented, even Indians have become like that. They want a car, they want a house, they want this, they want that. You shouldn’t want anything. You are going to supply to your husband, to your family. You don’t need anything. That’s your beauty, that’s your decoration that will beautify you. But if you go on hankering after “I want this, I want that” – there’s no end to it. Especially with western mind, they are very money-oriented and have created such problems that 1 don’t know what to say to them.
So second thing is that you should not be money-oriented, but you should be love-oriented. Express your love by different things. By making good food, by making a good bed for your husband, for organizing the house, keeping everything nice. Because if the housewife is untidy the house will remain untidy. It’s not the job of the husband to look after the house. You’ll enjoy a very beautiful house and a very beautiful room, if you keep it properly.
So you should enjoy all that. Enjoy doing everything for the family. Especially for your husband. Little, little things can – you see – give him pleasure and happiness. Because he’s so tired working in the office. Coming home so tired and then you get after that person, is very wrong. So you must change that attitude that we don’t want anything. You have everything, you are Sahaja Yogis, you are absolutely satisfied. But if you go on demanding then going to be very difficult, I can tell you this much … ”
2002 TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
She should not be extravagant about herself
“… So, the man has to hide his money because the wife will be giving away. It’s the other way round. But when the woman starts becoming selfish and self-centred and worried about money and all that, then it’s a wrong thing. She should not be extravagant about herself. Like, going to some place, buying something expensive for herself, then going there and buying something expensive for herself. But doing for your husband, doing for your children, doing for others and automatically they do. They are anxious to do. Just start thinking on these lines . . . ”
1981 DIWALI PUJA, UK
Don’t ask for anything
” … Moreover, another thing is that the wife should not take money from the husband and send it to her relations. Never. It’s a very, very wrong thing, is to support your family through the money of their husband. Absolutely not allowed. That should not be done … You should not put the pressure of your family on your husband. You see there has to be a clear-cut understanding for all of you. That you will not take; you must keep your self-respect. Don’t ask for anything. If he gives you anything well and good. But don’t ask, don’t demand. That means you are not a Sahaja Yogi. If you are a satisfied soul why should you ask for anything? Or somebody gets something, she has got this, she has … Nothing of that kind. You be satisfied and this is how some girls nag the husbands very much . . . ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
INDIAN AND WESTERN WOMEN
Tigers :
INDIAN AND WESTERN WOMEN
” …So this is what, where we lack collectivity. I was saying that all Indians must find out some place where they could go and plant something. Get hold of some sort of a place where they could go and plant some nice banyan trees, water it together, work it out together. Now the Indian women are that way better. They do lot of work as far as the cooking is concerned and all that, but the other part is missing. The other part is intelligence, it’s the other part is to think. Now if all the time what they are thinking, “Oh, my husband likes this, I must cook this for him.” And now if the husband has to have a, say, a lemon with his food – Now, there’s no lemon in the house. This woman would run up and down all over the place to get the lemon for the husband, otherwise he will not eat the food. Doesn’t matter, once in a while if he doesn’t eat it’s all right. But the women will try, because you see they must keep their – they understand one thing: that you must keep their palate all right. Then they are quite sensible in India because here they’re real tigers. All the husbands are like tigers. So you have to keep them feeding. Otherwise you see, God knows when the tiger will jump on you.
The other way round in England or America I’ve seen, the husbands are like, just like goats and the women are like tigers! And the Westernized Indian women also are like that, and when they go to West, even simple women I’ve seen they become like tigresses. Something surprising how they change immediately to the position, even if they may not wear the jeans and all those things, but they become like that.
So this unbalancing starts in a human being when he doesn’t understand that you have to be a axis of the Mother Earth, and neither the Capricorn or the Cancer. This balance comes through our depth, and that depth has to be improved. Not through just by talking about it, by talking about Sahaja Yoga, but actually seriously doing meditation, actually seriously doing meditation … ”
1988 SHRI SURYA PUJA, BOMBAY
Is the women In India who have made Sahaja Yoga
” … An intelligent woman is in India. She sees the point, she knows this is Adi Shakti … “I’ll get out of this house if you don’t behave yourself.” Is the women In India who have made Sahaja Yoga successful in India, the very intelligent women … ”
1988 THE ROLE OF WOMEN, UK
The women here are aggressive but not intelligent
” … Specially it is very much in Europe, I find. And England and America. The women have become very dominant. And they know how to control men by telling them stories about how to look after the family, how to look after the children, how to do that. Sometimes it’s amazing. And you get lost with it. I have seen so many of like that. It has created so many problems. Now I request all the women to behave themselves and understand they are wives. And whatever blessings they have got from Sahaja Yoga will be all withdrawn if you start misbehaving. And all kinds of miseries will be upon them, not because of Me but because of Ekadesha Rudra. As you put everything on the bhoots, let Me put it on all the deities. I don’t take any responsibility. Because if you are irresponsible, they’ll hit you hard and you will end up with cancer or something very serious and then, don’t blame me.
This is the situation today. I have known some Sahaja Yoginis who confessed to me that they have been doing this, they have been doing that. They have been talking about families – this, that. And they have been hurt. This is to be understood because I think the women in the West do not have intelligence. They are not intelligent. That’s the simple equation I have reached. Some have intelligence and even if they are caught up they are sensible, if they are intelligent. But the women here are aggressive but not intelligent. .. ”
1988 THE ROLE OF WOMEN, UK
They do not understand who I am
” …Here the women lack intelligence because they are so aggressive. They do not see the point. They do not understand Who I am. They do not understand, what is our worth. To them all nonsensical stupid things are important. Not all of you but some of you. And because the intelligence is less, you yield to such women who are stupid. They tell you all kinds of things. They talk well. Here only the women talk, I have seen. Men do not talk .. . ”
I988 THE ROLE O F WOMEN, UK
In this mad race the children are neglected, the household is neglected and there’s always quarrel going on between the two.
” … Say for example every woman wants to become the mother, but in the Western country many women don’t want. Specially in America, because they think by that their body will be spoiled or something will happen that their husbands may not be attracted towards them. So there’s all the time the mad race going on between husband and wife. Husband is running after many women and the women are also running after men, or they dominate their husband. In this mad race the children are neglected, the household is neglected, and there’s always quarrel going on between the two.
So women should not try to be so subservient about this kind of mad race. They should keep their dignity, they should keep their character. They should look after their children, not bothering about their husbands. Now the worst thing that is very much accepted is a divorce, and so they are afraid that men will divorce them and they’ll be left in the lurch. But always in the West there is a provision, if a husband marries some other woman or something, children and the mother are given sufficient money to look after them. Under such circumstances the women should try to correct their husbands and fight for it, but if they do not come round they should get completely detached … ”
I992 DIWALI PUJA, ROMANIA
THE ROLE OF THE HUSBAND
Shri Mataji has compared the qualities of the husband with those of Shri Rama. He was a very noble and virtuous character. The qualities of a husband are more of the right side. He is aware of his responsibilities towards his wife and family. He is expected to know what he wants, to be idealistic and to have convictions.
In marriage, the husband is able to express these qualities while considering the needs and sensitivities of his wife. He knows how to assume his responsibilities and at the same time how to respect and understand his wife and show his concern and appreciation for her.
RESPECT
RESPECTING THE WIFE AND HER QUALITIES
The more you respect the housewife, the whole society will change:
” … We But the men must understand. The more you start respecting the housewife, the Gruha Lakshmi in the family – the more there is respect, the more there will be settling of these women in their proper places: becoming proud of their houses and families and their own set up that they have to attain. They’ll feel they’ll have a meaning, and the whole society will change. But if the men run after dirty women and cheap and street women, then the same housewives can take to that. So that is very important, that they must be respected, because they are Gruha Lakshmis. That is one thing … ”
1982 DIWALI PUJA, LONDON
” … So, heart must be respected. Heart must be obeyed. That’s the point, you see. Heart must be obeyed. But, that doesn’t mean that the women should dominate men. It doesn’t mean that. Obeyed means you must understand what your love says. See, do it in love. If you do it in love, it’s very good … ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE
” … The dignity of a mother must be respected. I’m sure you all must have respected your mothers very much. But now as mothers I don’t know if you will be respected. Once this is established, that a mother itself is the highest position a woman can reach and she is to be respected, all the priorities will change among women also. Because what can they do? They have no place as mothers, so they just get fed up of their children, they think, “What’s the use of this motherhood? It’s a thankless job.” All this can only change when man changes within himself, when the transformation takes place … ”
1982 BECOMING THE KNOWLEDGE, DERBY, UK
Marriage has to be a special type of a holy alliance
” … There’s a difference between the other marriages and Sahaja Yoga marriage in which we understand that marriage has to be a special, as they call yagnya, means a special type of a holy alliance in which you have to lead a very Sahaja life with your wife and to understand her. She is also a Sahaja Yogini. So you must respect her and you must love her, and she should really understand that you are her caring, loving, gentle husband. You must show all concern about her because she is a Sahaja Yogini. She is not an ordinary woman, and with that respect I am sure you’ll be able to lead a very beautiful Sahaja married life … ”
2000 TALK TO THE BRIDES AND GROOMS, DELHI
You have to look after your wife. Never insult her in presence of others
“…But in Sahaja Yoga we should understand. You have to look after your wife, her needs, everything. You have to give her due respect. You are never to insult her in the presence of others. Ifs absolutely forbidden … ”
1981, DIWALI PUJA, LONDON
A man has to respect his wife and his wife should be respectable
” … So then, this last, Her symbolic hand She says that, “Those who are under your protection, you must look after them.” That means you have to bless everyone who comes in contact with you, and you have to worry about all the people who are under your control.
So the Lakshmi symbol is not only for the ladies, but more for the men. A man who is in business has to respect his wife, and his wife should be respectable. If she is not, then auspiciousness will not come in that family. So you get all these blessings of Lakshmi if your housewife is good person. This symbol of Lakshmi is expressing a kind of a personality that is expected of a woman or a man who have got the blessings of money. So that is the – I was telling you about the first day what is it, second day what is it, but main thing is that on a Diwali day we have to worship the Lakshmi.
So today when we are worshipping Lakshmi, the men also have to know that they have to have a complete balance in life, that they should be generous and look after the people who are under their control… ”
1992 DIWALI PUJA, ROMANIA
In no way he should insult her, but if she creates problems …
“…But the husband has to know that he must respect, otherwise he’s a lost case, he is finished. He is good for nothing. First thing is that he must see the woman in the household is respected as a Gruha Lakshmi. Then the blessings flow, but in no way he should insult her or be unkind to her and raise his voice or say things to her.
But the wife has to be the one who is to be respected. Of course. No doubt. She has not to be dominating. She has to remove the dominating forces of others. She is the source of peace, she is the source of joy and she is the peacemaker … ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
Prove to her that you love her very much, that all that is yours is for her
“…So here we are on the threshold of entering into a new life where you have a companion of your own. She will be your wife. Not because only she is in Sahaja Yoga that you have married her, but she’s your own. So try to prove it to her that you love her very much and that she is your wife and all that is yours is for her. This is very important in the very beginning of it (your marriage) … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
“So respecting the housewife is the most important thing in our Sahaj culture. But that doesn’t mean that the women should try to dominate and trouble and fight with the husbands. But it means a very important position in the society, of a housewife. She is treated as a something like a Devi. But she too has to be a Devi. If you treat her like a doormat, then children will never respect her. If you don’t pay proper respect to her, the children won’t respect the mother, and there will be no impact of the mother on the children. As a result, the children get wayward and, in the society or in the countries where the mother is not respected, you will find the children become extremely dominating, hot tempered and horribly uncollective.
So it’s very important that on this day, we call it the Dhanteras (the thirteenth day), you have to buy something for your wife, and you have to give her something as a present. At least you should buy a little pot, or something that can be used in the kitchen to show your respect to her.
In the families where mother is not respected, children become extremely troublesome and the whole – their family – also suffers. Wherever they are married, whatever happens to them.
Men have to realize it is their mistake that they have never respected their wife as they should have. In the presence of the children if they shout, in the presence of the children if they don’t show any respect, the children can never respect the mother. It is something, a criminal thing to do to women who are in the household doing all the work for you, looking after you, your family, not demanding anything.
Only if you want to understand how they can be troublesome, is see them in the politics. When they go in the politics, they put all men upside-down. And one woman can put all of them in their proper senses. Because their field is their house, their family. If they are not respected in the family, they get out of the family and behave in such manner that you can’t imagine … ”
I998 SIGNIFICANCE OF DIWALI PUJA, ITALY
In the family she must be respected
” … Though she has to bear a lot, she has to suffer a lot, but in the family she must be respected. That’s a very, very important message of Gruhalakshmi … ”
I998 SIGNIFICANCE OF DIWALI PUJA, ITALY
TO UNDERSTAND AND ENCOURAGE YOUR WIFE
Try to understand her side also
“…Understanding is the best part. Try to understand her side also. Sometimes they are coming from another country and are of a different culture. So try to understand. This is how you’ll understand what is the culture of that country from where she comes. Also it’s good for children that you must always respect, always respect your wife. You shouldn’t have some sort of an ideal about your wife. And, forget about all the other conditionings you have had or you have seen in the society … ”
2000 TALK TO THE BRIDES AND GROOMS, DELHI
Open your heart, don’t try to find faults in your wife
” … So be prepared. Make yourself friendly, open your heart. Don’t try to find faults in your wife. I mean some things she doesn’t know, some things you don’t know. Doesn’t matter. All the time trying to find faults makes you faulty. Don’t find faults. If you see somebody doing something wrong, suppose if you find that person is trying to do something. All right, you just do it yourself or don’t tell. Gradually she will learn from you what is the right way is. And one should make fun of these moments, for example I don’t know how to do any banking, write a cheque. I am very bad at many things you see, can’t even open a television, I can’t. Even the air conditioner. So many things I just can’t do. Doesn’t matter. My husband also equally the same. So we enjoy each other … ”
I993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
You have to have complete understanding
” … Now this is because of mutual understanding. You have to have complete understanding as to the love, what love you are expressing. If you doubt her, it’s wrong. Or if you think, “All this is mine. Who is she to ask me?” – I don’t like women to work; but if they have to work, they will work. And if they’re working, I have told them already, that they have to be careful that they are housewives to begin with. We don’t just want to have marriages, we want to have Sahaja Yogis who are married, who will have nice children, nice families. We want to have a beautiful family … ”
200I TALK TO GROOMS – SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
She is equally important
” … But normally, try to understand that why, if she is working in the house, she’s equally important, even more important than you are. If you think from this angle, that the marriage is between two souls who are, say, left and right and there should be a complete understanding. The emotional part of it – but I find that in the marriages, people don’t have much understanding about emotional side. If she feels sad, if she cries, just a little, few words of love and loving the person is the greatest thing. There cannot be anything better than loving the person … ”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
So you talk to her and make her understand
” … Of course, because the wife is coming from another family, another country may be, so there will be little difference of understanding. So you make her understand, you have to talk to her, you have to tell her, “All right, come along, sit down.” But no use losing temper and getting angry. Whatever explanation you may give for that is not good. It’s not going to help you. I want to see all of you how you show successfully that you are very nicely married to your wives. But I don’t say you spoil them, by no means, I’ve already told them. Don’t have to spoil them, but let them be also on the good lines of Sahaja Yoga. And become good volunteers of Sahaja Yoga. They’ll be very good mothers and they’ll create those children which we want now, who will completely change this world … ”
2002 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
Encourage their qualities, their goodness, their niceness
“… And the husband shouldn’t find faults with them. In the beginning they might make mistakes, then encourage. Encourage their qualities, encourage their goodness, encourage their niceness … ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
ADVICE
Loving the wife, looking after her and the children is very important :
” … So once for all, now only you decide that you are marrying – it’s a very, very big responsibility. We want Sahaja Yoga marriages to be very successful and all of you should enjoy a very happy married life. No use dominating, no use controlling, but enjoying each other’s company. Because your wife is also Sahaja Yogini, you are also Sahaja Yogi. And we don’t marry you unless and until you are Sahaja Yogis. The reason is we are enlightened people, we are of higher awareness. We have our spiritual life. We have to show in our lives how you behave very much differently from others who are stupid people, who go on fighting, spoiling everything.
So that you will have nice children, look after your children, look after your family, that’s your first thing. Of course, some of you will be very busy with your work. It’s all right, but loving the wife, looking after her, looking after children is very important. Otherwise you should become bachelor, you should not marry. But if you are marrying, you are taking the responsibility of the wife. She is the daughter of somebody and the father is giving the daughter to you. So, so far boys have behaved very well, I must say, in Sahaja Yoga.
And so now you should also have wisdom and understanding that you are here to produce Sahaja Yogi children, to help in Sahaja Yoga, because we have to change the world. It’s to be emancipated. If you have very lower level of understanding of marriage it won’t work out … ”
2002 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
You have to understand your responsibility :
” . . . So I’ve to make a very great respect, with great respect I have to make a very humble, I should say, request to you that – please, please – if you are entering into a married life in Sahaja Yoga, you have to understand your responsibility. It’s a very great responsibility. It’s a responsibility for the whole world, because we have to change the whole world. And if you behave like other husbands of your country, or of other countries, then what’s the use of marrying in Sahaja Yoga? You can go and have a nice marriage outside. But if you are marrying in Sahaja Yoga you have to know its a big battle against evil, against injustice and also against all kind of mismanagement. We want to make a beautiful world and to make a beautiful world we need people who are beautiful, who themselves respect everyone.
So, I have to make again and again same request to you that you be very good, humble and respecting husbands. Don’t follow others, because I’ve heard funny things and I was surprised how could these people become like this in marriages in Sahaja Yoga. But we found out they were all mad, lunatics, and they behaved in a lunatic manner … ”
2002 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
SHARING WITH YOUR WIFE
You can share all your feelings with your wife
” … So one should understand this desire within us to have a marriage. Marriage means a wife, who is a part and parcel of your being. A wife on whom you can depend. She’s your mother, she’s your sister, she’s your child, she’s everything. You can share all your feelings with your wife. So it is important that the wife should be such, that she should understand that this is the need of a marriage … ”
I980, THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
Once you start sharing, you will enjoy helping and understanding her
” …You are a very different people. You are absolutely chosen people for a very special work of Sahaja Yoga. So once you start understanding this point that you are here to marry girls who are Sahaja Yoginis and who will look after you. I will also tell them what they have to do. But I would request you that do not have domination of a man or thinking that you are the head of the family to trouble the wife. Share with her. Please understand that and once you start doing that, you will enjoy helping her and understanding her … ”
2000 TALK TO THE BRIDES AND GROOMS, DELHI
One thing is very important, that you must share
” …Now in Sahaja Yoga, as you have seen, all of you have problems either of the left or the right. Now, when these marriages will take place, mostly spontaneously, it will happen by the nature’s plan itself that you will marry a person who is a complementary personality to you. Because, supposing you are a left-sided person, and if you have a person who has a left side that is very strong, it will compensate. And that’s how you make a good marriage. But, for that good marriage, one thing is very important, that you must share. You must share life, every bit of it, every moment of it. If you do not know how to share life, it’s going to be very, very difficult…”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
DO NOT NEGLECT YOUR WIFE
A man should not neglect his wife
” . . . As a result of all this misbehaviour of men, women become very insecure and they get insecure. As a result the men suffer and the women suffer … Because left nabhi is so important. If the left Nabhi is made hectic as you know by your running about and jumping about and by being hectic, that left nabhi becomes hectic and you develop blood cancer .. . ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
It is important that men should give some time and attention
” .. . Now, for men it is important that they should give some time, pay some attention and get some things that they like. Now, I’ll give you again My own example. My husband never brought any flowers for Me, you all bring flowers for Me, but he never brought any flowers for Me, whether it was birthday or anything. Then I realized that this man has no sense of flowers. He doesn’t know what is a rose or what is any other flower. And he might bring something which is horrible, you know. Maybe a cactus he might bring. It’s better he doesn’t bring anything, because that would be insulting, isn’t it? And then one day he admitted, “I don’t know about flowers, now will you tell me – except for roses, I don’t know anything.”
So, with such an ignorance of things, if your husband doesn’t do it, it is for your consideration. But men should try to know what a woman likes, what she wants. Moreover, men have their own style of thinking . .. ”
1997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PUJA, CABELLA
Your responsibility is to pay attention to her
” … But also your responsibility is to pay attention to her, not to neglect her, because the whole thing, you’re busy, you justify it. But you have to give some time to your wife. It’s not that you should be negligent. That is first thing. For example, when you come back from work, I know you are tired, but just see what she is doing. Enquire. If she’s busy, try to help her. It’s what you show in your love is the most important thing for men, I think. Otherwise, you see, you’ll take it for granted that you’re married. That’s not so. So first come home and talk to her nicely. Ask her what she has been doing, does she need anything…”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
DOMINATION
As I control you with love, you should control (the husband) with love
” … And there is nothing like domination – who can dominate your spirit? Nobody can dominate your spirit. But it is an adjustment, because in the society the man has to do all the outside work. And he is the kinetic person and you are the potential energy.
So the woman has to listen to man, because she preserves her energy much more by that. And there is nothing like domination. Nobody can dominate you. On the contrary there is such domination on the man that he just can’t exist without you. He comes back home straight from the work, that’s how you should control your husband. Control of love, as I control you with love, you should control with love. It is a question of how much you love, how gracious you are, how beautiful you are … ”
1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, UK
You should see the need to help her, to understand her
” … As it is, in Sahaja Yoga, as you know we don’t criticize each other. We see the good points of another person and we have a great capacity to forgive. So to forgive is not to tolerate or to suffer, but you forgive just because you are very noble, you are a Sahaja Yogi. So don’t try to find faults with your wife all the time. Also you shouldn’t give her all the time orders – this, do this, do that – but join hands with her. Because in Sahaja Yoga we don’t believe in an individual’s rights as to dominate another person. So what you should see the need to help her, to understand her and to share all the problems. Not to put problems on to her, but to give her all the helping hand that is needed. She’s your companion. She’s not your slave. She’s not your servant, neither you are sort of, I should say, a boss of her … ”
2000 TALK TO THE BRIDES AND GROOMS, DELHI
Do not bore your life and hers – there’s so many ways of enjoying
” … So do not judge them. Do not dominate them. If they ask for your guidance, all right. But all the time say, if the husband is all the time saying “do this” and “do that”, then he becomes boring, isn’t it. And you should see that you don’t bore your life and her life because there’s so many ways of enjoying life. Even sitting together you can. Talking together you can. But if you don’t understand this art, then maybe you might have problems, she might have problems … ”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
You must know how to love your wife
” … You’ll have a wife, she’ll look after you, she’ll be kind to you, she’ll be loving you because she is a Sahaja Yogini. And you should also be very kind to her. Don’t try to dominate, don’t try to pass her to your ideas. See what she wants. You must know how to love your wife, otherwise marriages are not possible … ”
2002 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
You are marrying these girls for the benefit of the whole world
” … So aggression and all these things are not allowed. You are marrying these girls specially for the benefit of the whole world. Not only yourself, not only your children, your family, but the whole world. Before the whole world you have to show that you are a very sensible, wise and highly evolved person. This is not a marriage of a lower type of people. So it’s a responsibility with you to show that you are very matured and that you have that feeling of enlightenment within you. And you are enlightened people. And you can enlighten the whole world … ”
2002 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
” … Now, if the brain starts dominating the heart too much, what will happen? Then there will be dryness . .. ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
GIVING SECURITY
To be kind to a girl who’s married in your family
” …Like a woman, say her husband is a flirt, he has a roving eyes sort of a thing, and she is insecure. Then this motherhood is challenged, and when it is challenged, she gets a problem there, and she gets, then she gets a disease of the breast, breast cancer and all that is caused by the insecurity of a woman. If a woman is insecure, she may be with any reason insecure, she gets this breast cancer.
Now when we are cruel to others, we don’t know we are giving them cancers. What does it take for us to be kind to a girl who’s married in our family, who has come to us? We are experts in saying things that hurt others. We learn from childhood how to talk to people so that they are really hurt. By hurting them, we give them cancers, but this one only realizes when you get your Realization .. . ”
1982 BECOMING THE KNOWLEDGE, PUBLIC PROGRAM, UK
Take the side of your wife all the time. You can talk to her later
” … A Sahaja Yogi lives for others, not for himself, starting with your wife. Of course, if you have problems or anything, that can be sorted out. You can write to Me. We can find out. But first thing is you must see, you have to have emotional balance. That has to be understood. If the wife is unhappy, you should ask her, “Why, what’s the matter?”
Always stand by her – always, whether it is your mother, father or anyone, stand by her and then tell her what is the right thing. But if you take an opposite position, she won’t understand. But if you take her side … establish her self-respect. Let her feel that she will not be insulted by anyone. Anybody insults your wife, you should stand by her at that time. Later on, you can sort it out. Nobody dare say anything to your wife, do anything to your wife, but take the side of your wife all the time because, after all, she’s a Sahaja Yogini also. And you can talk to her later on and ask her what’s the matter. You can take her in the bedroom and ask, “What is the matter, what has happened? . ”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
Don’t listen to your mother. Listen to her (your wife) first and find out what is the problem
“…Talk to her in a way that she feels that you’re her husband and that she is your wife. It’s something that’s an art. And because you are Sahaja Yogis, you have to show to the world that “because of Sahaja Yoga, our marriage has been very successful.” Don’t listen to your mother. Don’t listen to anybody. Listen to her first and find out what is the problem. Otherwise, such marriages collapse. When you are already married, you should show no interest in any other woman. No interest whatsoever. First is your wife, because that puts them off – unnecessary interest in other women. There’s no need. You’ve got your woman. You’ve got your wife. Why should you have interest in other women? .. ”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
One wife
“…But in the society we have to know that you can only enjoy if you have one wife, really. Your society can enjoy better and you can enjoy a better life if you have only one wife whom you love and she loves you.
Now, what we see in modern societies today is that even after marriage, even having ten children, the old men are going searching for their brides. It’s such a wasteful energy. It’s such a boring stuff. It’s absolutely a joyless nonsense … ”
1980 RAKSHA BANDHAN, LONDON
TRUST YOUR WIFE
Don’t have any doubts about your wife
” … So any Sahaja Yogi who comes to your house or anyone, especially Indian women you will find, they will look after the guests very well. And then there is some sort of a thing called jealousy comes out. it’s very absurd. Indian women will not have anybody else as their husbands but their own. It is then worked out. So don’t have these funny ideas that she is very friendly, she is looking after other people, this and that. This kind of a nonsense should not be there. In Sahaja Yoga we don’t have those things, we have become very pure, their eyes are pure. So don’t have any doubts about your wives. Same with the wives I will tell you. This will make your life very much more happier and confident. .. ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
CONCERN AND APPRECIATION
She’s your companion. She’s your friend. She’s everything to you
” … So I have called you here to tell you that you have to enjoy your married life, and then one thing you have to remember – alone you cannot. Alone you cannot. So she’s your companion. She’s your friend. She’s everything to you. Have beautiful feeling about it. I mean some people are very overly romantic and some people are not at all romantic. So there’s no need to be extremely something. But as a Sahaja Yogi, you should appreciate the qualities of your wife and a Sahaja Yoga marriage … ”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PU]A, CABELLA
All these sweet, sweet things, you see, help you so much
“…I have seen some very good husbands, they are so hardworking they have no time for their wives, so they telephone again. They’ll find out how are you. I’ll give you an example of Lal Bahadur Shastri, he was so fond of this wife. His wife was an ordinary woman, not educated, nothing. From a very ordinary family. But once I was in their house, you see. So in the morning, about say ten o’clock I was there, and he sent a letter to her from the office that “I woke up early and as is usual my routine, I had a bath and everything and you were still sleeping, so I didn’t want to disturb you. Because you didn’t sleep last night, so I didn’t want to disturb you. I’m very sorry, but I haven’t taken my tea as yet, so can I come down to take tea with you?”
We were very close. See how touching it is. He came down, I saw this and I was amazed – in the Prime Minister of India. Look at him, how he was concerned about her. So he came down and then he had tea with her. I just hid myself. I said “I don’t want to interfere.”
All these sweet, sweet things, you see, help you so much and, though Shri Shastriji was such a busy man, he always used to think about her and also the family. But then when I was there, I was surprised. He told his daughters, “You look after your children. My wife is not going to be like a maidservant. I’m not going to make her an aya (nanny). You just look out!”
So what a deference was given to her, compared to the children. That should be the case. You see, that’s how we learn to live with another person. Always if you are thinking about yourself, “What comfort I have got. This food was not g/ood”, you are not living like Sahaja Yogis … ”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
A husband has to see how his wife behaves
” … So this left Nabhi, right Nabhi, specially the left Nabhi, is a very big problem, where the woman has to be a Gruha Lakshmi and husband has not to be a Romeo, but a husband. He has to see how his wife behaves Correct her – that is his job, his duty. He should not shirk it (avoid it) … ”
1991 HAMSA PUJA, NEW YORK
GENTLENESS
You have such a great power of love and compassion
” … In the presence of others, you shouldn’t shout at her. And you should not correct her. Moreover, no husband should shout at their wives. That is something I can’t understand, why should husbands shout. It shows a very bad upbringing. We’re all Sahaja Yogis. You are brought up by Me. I am your Mother. And please never shout at your wives, never show your temper. I mean, some things so simple can be solved by showing love. As you love Me, I love you, and if there’s anything wrong with you also I will never shout at you, never. What I’ll do, I’ll take you in a very loving manner.
You have such a great power of love and compassion. If you cannot love your own wife, who are you going to love? More than your children, more than anybody else! You share your love a little and you’ll be amazed … ”
200I TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA
Be kind to them. Be gentle
” … For small, small things also I’ve seen, Sahaja Yogis get angry with their wives. For example now, supposing, I’m supposed to be your Mother and everything. But sometimes your wife does some mistake in Puja, in something she … try to understand. I don’t mind. Later on you tell her that “It was a mistake and you should not have done it – that’s our Mother,” and they will respect it. But if you go on shouting, you see, there will be a gap between them. If you talk to them like that, their whole life will change. Be kind to them. Be gentle. Very much, it’s necessary.
Specially I’ve seen that in the Western life, people have no training how to deal with their wife. There’s no arrangement like that – India we have. When they first meet the husband or the wife, there’s a big ceremony and the gentle way of handling everything … ”
200I TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
You should move slowly, gently, in a simple manner
” … So, though the relationship is there, you have to establish it. You should move slowly, gently, in a simple manner, not to just to jump on the woman, really, it’s not proper. We’ve had three, four cases like that, not many, I should say, for so many years, but still to handle her gently, talk to her gently … ”
200I TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
Let them see that you are intellectually higher and very wise
” … I’m very happy to know this. So, you have to be wiser and you have to explain to your wife, “See now, this is this, this is this.” And let them see that you are intellectually higher, not only that, but you are very wise. Spiritually you understand. And then they will listen to you. Be kind, be nice, they are leaving their parents, they are leaving their families, they are leaving their countries also, some of them. So be very kind and gentle with them and don’t get angry for anything at all. There’s no need to get angry at all. All My life I’ve never been angry.
So that shows unnecessarily people are angry, there’s no need. Just keep quiet. If you don’t like something, keep quiet. But don’t show your temper or anger. You have to show that you’re wise, dignified people. I’ve seen some husbands throwing things, shouting, doing all kinds of things. Then how can the wife have respect for you unless and until you are respectable? You have to be respectable. You’ll be kind to her, nice to her. I’m not saying you spoil them, not at all. If you think something is wrong, then let her sit down, you sit down and explain to her that this won’t be good from Sahaja Yoga point of view. All right?…”
2002 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
Shri Rama was a man full of grace
” … And that is what it was here with this rakshasa’s sister, Shurpanakha. So nowadays, if there is a woman in India who behaves like that, tries to entice men is called Shurpanakha. So this woman came and tried to entice Shri Rama. Imagine what audacity. So, Shri Rama being sankochit- he was a man full of grace. He told her, “See now, what’s the use of running after Me? I’ve already got a beautiful wife. So why do you run after Me? Better try My brother who has no wife.” Because He knew that His brother is a Sheshnaga – he is the serpent on which, very big serpent called Shesha, Shesha. And he is a hot-tempered fellow and he will just know how to deal with this woman and “I can’t manage this show.” Because he would not ill-treat a woman, it was too much for Him. Though she was Shurpanakha, and not only that, but she was also a woman. So He asked her that, “You go and see him.” Lakshmana was sitting outside. Lakshmana had taken a vow to be a brahmachari, a celibate man, with fourteen years penance- though he was a married man. This he had to do and that’s the only way he could kill another demon, whose name was Meghnad, who had run away with his daughter, called as Sulochana. It’s a long story.
So make it short. This fellow went to this brahmachari, Lakshmana, who though he had a wife in Ayodhya, was leading a life of brahmachari. It is very common in India. I mean, if your wife is away, you just think about her, and you are in separation. Still you enjoy your wife thinking about her. You think about the good things she has done to you. But if she has done all the time bad things, you don’t want too think about her. And then all these demonic things start. All right.
So this, when she went and started. She dressed up very well, in a very attractive manner, tried to show off her body and all that, in a very funny way, and not in the traditional, decent way, but a very indecent, indecorous manner, just to attract. He was so angry with her, He just cut her nose. So she should not do this to anybody else and get rid of her pride of nonsense, to kill her ego. Because nose is the one that expresses actually the ego part.
So when he cut his nose – the nose is called as nasika. In Sanskrit, is called as nasika. This was the place where the nose was cut and that’s why this place was called as Nasik. So now we have to remember we have come to an area where noses can be cut. So one has to be careful and on the watch out that we do not show any, any symptom that Shurpanakha did. Henceforth, we should behave in a manner that we are Sahaja Yogis and Sahaja Yoginis. And we have to have that right type of conduct which comes from the purity inside … ”
1985 PUJA, NASIK, INDIA
HUSBANDS & WIVES
Marriage is meant to give joy. Shri Mataji said that there should be “competition in loving, in trusting, in being honest and kind,” but She has also indicated that it is dangerous for our ascent to fall into the trap of romanticism.
Shri Mataji has given much advice about the many aspects of married life: generosity, feeling oneness, respect, understanding each other … to name a few.
One purpose of a Sahaj marriage is for a husband and wife to participate together in the spreading of Sahaja Yoga. If both the husband and wife live their married life with their attention on Shri Mataji and Sahaja Yoga, the marriage will be filled with love, depth, unity and success.
BEGINNING OF THE MARRIAGE
If even in Sahaja Yoga there is incompatibility then where is there going to be compatibility?
” …Some people, who in the beginning are very much away you see, then they are thinking “This girl has got curly hair” – finished – “Her father must be this, that must be this, she must be that.” Like that. Or the girl might be thinking about the husband, “This must be. So I’m still sitting and judging, I have to take some time, there’s incompatibility” – is a new word. I’ve learnt it when I went to England for the first time. I didn’t know what is this incompatibilities. If even in Sahaja Yoga there is incompatibility then where is there going to be compatibility? I mean is there any measure to find out what is compatible and what is not compatible? All these ideas given to you by psychologists must be thrown out in the sea, now we are going there. And throw all the psychologists also there, if possible … ”
1987 MARRIAGES, KOLHAPUR, INDIA
We must learn to give in marriage which is an adjustment of giving
” …But things work out. Slowly, gradually we can improve. We must have patience. If only on first day you start demanding something, doing that, it’s not going to work out. We must learn to give in marriage, which is an adjustment of giving. It is no adjustment of demand. We have to give. We have to sacrifice. What is there with you to sacrifice? All these rubbish things. Your spirit you cannot sacrifice, so you keep to your spirit. And you live with it. What are you going to sacrifice? I mean, what do you have to give? And then only you will enjoy. Then only you will enjoy the spirit … ”
1990 MARRIAGE- ADVICE TO WOMEN, INDIA
They start judging each other
” …My experience is that the Western boys are extremely kind, extremely kind to Eastern girls very much, sometimes to the another limit of spoiling them. And also the Western girls when they marry Indians they are extremely nice and sweet – I must say, most of them. They are extremely nice and gentle. I don’t know what happens, but when they marry among themselves, then they start to working out on the their Western style of adjustments. When they marry among themselves then they say we have to work it out, you have to see for yourself. You have to judge it and all kinds of things they say, which is something you should give up because I think both the persons have the same conditionings and then it will become the conditioning raise to power seven. And then they, see, start judging each other, “He is like this, she is like that” and these things happen . . . ”
1991 TALK BEFORE MARRIAGES
The gentleness is very important
” … Because of the upbringing people don’t have that sense that marriage is once for all. Just like you have a child you have a wife or a husband. You don’t have to give up because there is no love. There is no love, and the love even if they have, they lack gentleness.
The gentleness is very important. How you touch a person, how you talk to that person, how you look after the respect of the other person, and also you see what that person likes. You see, as you try to please Me, you should try to please each other. It is not very difficult. There is no question of thinking that there is some weakness in me that’s why I am pleasing you. No. Sahaja Yogis have to be pleasing people and you have to be extremely gentle, especially the first few days. You should try to control yourself a little bit, because the first few days I think, all the fumes burst out. And this few days makes the difference…”
1991 TALK BEFORE MARRIAGES
That is the moment you should show the maximum amount of consideration and love for the other person
” … Now I had so many experiences. The first day only they will start to say, “I don’t want you, you get out, I hate you.” They must have got this dialogue from some cinema I think. But it is not reality. In reality you are waiting for this moment. You are waiting for your bride to come in, waiting for your husband to come in and that is the moment you should show the maximum amount of consideration and love for another person and not for yourself. Like I like th is, I want this. If you start like that then it is self-centred but what you like, what sort of food would you like, all such questions, gentle. You see, if you start gently it will work out very well. Everything that starts gently works very well. So, not with a bombastic words or big boasting, nothing, in a very humble, sweet manner. And even if someone says something, try to avoid it and say, “Oh, ifs all right, it will work out.” … ”
1991 TALK BEFORE MARRIAGES
LOVE AND APPRECIATION
ENJOY, UNDERSTAND AND APPRECIATE EACH OTHER
It should be such a give-and-take and such a beautiful thing. For that, the key of married life is purity
” …We all are with you all the time to help you to sustain your relationships. All of us must see that we sustain their relations, make them feel the sweetness of married life. All the teasing, and all that, should add up to their relationship. And the whole enjoyment of their companionship should flow to us as the ripples flow towards the shores and again are repelled back into the ocean. In the same way, it should be such a give and take and such a beautiful thing.
For that, the key of married life is purity. Purity is the only way you can keep your married life absolutely all right. Whatever has happened in the past, just forget it. Now starts the new life. After this, don’t hide anything from your wife or from your husband. Everything must be told, it should be straightforward life, absolutely a straightforward life, extremely pure. And this purity, everyday practiced will be seen very soon in life, that marriages always elevate a person. But purity is the key of married life. And I hope you will remember those words. Try to keep your mind pure. Do not suspect your wives, nor deceive, vice versa … ”
1981, MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, LONDON
When
” … So this principle (innocence) is the most pleasing principle, is the most pleasing principle for human beings to see the children, to play with them, to enjoy their company. Why? Because it has that sweetness of a child. It’s really, I should say, tickles joy within you when you see a child. Immediately, the face becomes different. I have told you that I have even seen a crocodile cracking her eggs. They showed it in a film, and you should have seen the eyes of the crocodile at that time, how carefully she was cracking,. So beautiful her eyes were, full of – such love pouring out of her eyes. You can’t believe these are the eyes of the same crocodile, and so slowly she was cracking with her mouth all the eggs and the little, little crocodiles coming out. And then she brings them on the shore and washes them in the mouth all the time, so carefully, like a bathroom she uses her mouth, you see…”
1985 DEVI PUJA, SAN DIEGO
Enjoy each other as you are
” … Now the very simple method of enjoying a married life is to know that he is your husband and she is your wife. Now if you consider this is my house, this is where I have to live, then know that you have to live in this house happily. Not to hanker after somebody else’s house. This is the reality, that this is my house, I have to live here and I have to enjoy it. But if I start seeing other houses I can never be happy. There is no end to it. This is stupidity. What we have, you don’t want to enjoy and we want to have something else, then you can never be happy. Now that’s why economic laws work out, because they make you feel that you must have more and more and more. But after Sahaja Yoga all these laws should fail, only Divine laws should work.
And in married life also, if you start seeing at other men or other women that they are better, I mean you have your own husband and your wife, enjoy among yourselves. It is stupid to try to enjoy somebody else’s which is not yours. It’s stupid. So make the best of this life by enjoying it. To see to somebody else’s wife, somebody else’s husband and all the time think, “Oh, she could have been my wife” – “He could have been my husband.” It’s nonsense. It’s stupidity absolutely. It’s like you see somebody’s hair. “I wish her hair were mine.” Why? You see the stupidity. Or “her nose should be mine.” This is your nose, all right? It’s as stupid as that.
In the same way, your family, your household, your children are your own, your part and parcel. So if they are your part and parcel, what is there to grudge and grumble that “you don’t do this, you don’t drink this, you don’t do.” What is it? This is my husband as he is. That’s all. As simple as that, this is just to say that whatever is your husband is your husband, that’s right. .. ”
1986 THE ROLE OF BELGIUM AND HOLLAND, BELGIUM
You cannot ‘work out’ your marriage, it is spontaneous
” … So don’t become Romeo and Juliet. Be normal people. We have to lead a very normal, healthy life. And marriage should be a secondary thing, not the first. And – “I must work it out.” You cannot work out your marriage, it would be something like making a plant. Let Me work it out so it rises properly. You cannot work it out – it’s spontaneous. It cannot be organized. “Let me organize my marriage.” You cannot organize it – it’s spontaneous. But, “I’m going to be successful in marriage. I’m going to enjoy my life. I’m going to enjoy my married life. I’m going to enjoy my husband.” This kind of an attitude if you say, things will be all right. . . ”
1987 MARRIAGES – KOLHAPUR, INDIA
You are all in My trust
“…So now look after each other, treat each other carefully. You are all in My trust. I hope you’ll have sweet feelings about each other and you will try to forgive yourself and forgive the other person. That’s the basis of our marriages. Thank you very much … ”
1991 TALK BEFORE MARRIAGES
So now it is for you to enjoy your married life much more than you have enjoyed your childhood, your youth or any other times, anywhere
“…I think all this lecturing is of no use unless and until you start enjoying your married life. There are such sweet things I need not tell you. I was surprised that there is no book in English language which describes the romance after marriage, I was surprised, no book, can you imagine? And in India you won’t find any books which describe the romance before the marriage. Nowadays they have started doing some sort of stupid things but normally no question. So now it is for you, enjoy your married life much more than you have enjoyed your childhood, your youth or any other times in college, schools, anywhere…”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
It is not that you are working out anything, but spontaneously you are going to enjoy
“…Now some people, especially in the West it’s very common, that after marriage they think that they have to work out marriages. No working out. You see like they think that as you work out your kitchen or work out your things. It’s not like this. Spontaneously between the two human beings who are realised souls. It is not that you are working out anything, but spontaneously you are going to enjoy, spontaneously. Now if you become extremely critical and try to show you are very brilliant and this, It’s not going to work. To be humble. Keep quiet. Those who are really intelligent always keep quiet and watch things. But those who are not, are bumptious.
The more you are in Sahaja Yoga, the more you will be respected by him and by everybody. Apart from that, there are so many saints who want to be born . Once you have very happy married life among yourselves, those saints will be born to you, and it will be such a blessing and joy for you… ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
You must decide that you’ll see the good points of your partner
” … So first of all, the family has to be all right. You must know that you have married. So many people got married now in Sahaja Yoga. So I have to tell them at the very outset, you must decide that you’ll see the good points of your partner. And you must promise and take a challenge that we are going to make a very happy married life. Very easy to find faults with others, because your eyes are outward. If you could somehow turn them inside, you’ll be surprised that you have many more defects then they have … ”
1997 SHAKTI PUJA, INDIA
” … Now you try to understand your husband also, or your wife also, you must try to understand. How the husbands, you see, can be very funny with the wives. Like, you see men are men. They always have watches. They will reach there for two hours earlier. They are like that you see, very forward time keeping. They hurry up their wives, “Come along, how much time you are taking, you take always too much time.”
Now men have to work, they have no problems, they have solved their problems of dress, you see, it’s very simple, the tailors have done the job, they have a suit; they just put it on and walk out. They don’t have to worry about hair, they don’t have to worry about things. But a woman has to dress up in a proper way, she has to find out a proper suit to wear, where she’s going because she represents the colour and beauty of creation. And the man is very anxious about his, say, official relationships or whatever it is. Forward, all the time shaking hands, “oh sorry, sorry, thank you, thank you.” And a woman is a shy thing you see, she’s not so anxious to create all these relations, so she lags and he pinches her, he pushes her, he gets at her – it’s wrong I think. Normally woman won’t understand much of banking, not much of banking, that’s of course after all you see it’s quite all right. She doesn’t understand of banking it’s very good, the man can hide the money. He should not.
Now the men are the other way round, they can be very aggressive with women, but they should also understand what they have to change themselves. But the women also should know that they should never try to aggress their husbands in the presence of others, in the bedroom is all right . . . ”
1986 THE ROLE OF BELGIUM AND HOLLAND, BELGIUM
LOVE EACH OTHER
How you talk to each other
” … But the collectivity is so poor in India, so poor that even they do not treat their wives nicely. They’ll not talk to their wife nicely, to their children nicely; to them it is absolutely adharmic to be kind to their wives.
Now the other side is that the Western people care so much for collectivity that whatever it is they try to compromise, and try to keep the family life all right. So it’s the two extremes as we have. Despite that somehow – thanks to the wisdom of Indian women – the family life is going strong. But if you see such men in England, I can tell you nobody will stand the nonsense that Indian men do to their women here. Absolutely, it cannot be forgiven the way they behave.
So the balance between the women and men: what is the axis, is the home. Home is the axis. In the home, what sort of talks you have? What do you think about, what is your problem? Where is your attention, what do you discuss? That’s very important to see. In that you’ll find out what is going on in the family. Say you are talking ill of each other, if you are telling your child against your husband, husband is telling the wife against, telling the children about, against the, against the husband, like that. If it is going on like that, then what happens, that there cannot be the axis which is all right. The axis is love, axis is love, but not exploitation nor spoiling – it’s love … ”
1988 SURYA PUJA, BOMBAY
If the woman is dedicated and devoted to husband, do you think he’ll run after any other woman?
“…If you marry seven husbands, seven husbands are finished forever but the lady is so rich, seven times more than anyone of them. So this is kind of a law I don’t understand. First of all why there should be a law, I don’t understand, between husband and wife. I just don’t understand. I mean we don’t have such laws in India but everybody cares for the wife, because she is the nearest and the dearest person they have. Who else to depend? If the woman is dedicated and devoted to husband, do you think he’ll run after any other woman, he has to come back to her. You see he’ll be so fed up with these women who just live for money or anything and he has to come back . .. ”
1981 3RD PUBLIC PROGRAM, SYDNEY
Understanding as to how to express your love
“…There is no understanding and even if you have love and understanding, you don’t know how to express it. That’s what’s lacking because if you can love Me, you can definitely love somebody who is so dear to you. But you have no understanding as to how to express your love. And that’s what I think that it’s better you meditate now about, instead of thinking of what faults you are going to find in others. Because everybody has faults and there should be no interrogation about it but there should be understanding, also take yourself for granted. Don’t start also introspecting yourself, “I am like this” and confession business. Nothing is needed . . . ”
I991 TALK BEFORE MARRIAGES
It’s a blessing if you really get that kind of a feeling
“…In Sahaj Dharma, the husband-wife’s relation should be really romantic, should be really beautiful. It is not, you know, we talk of love and all that here, very rarely people fall in love and carry on with it. It’s a blessing if you really get that kind of a feeling. But mostly it is a curse. So to fall in love is very good but that doesn’t mean you forget that you are a Sahaja Yogi. In that, Sahaja Yoga helps a lot, I think, in your married life … ”
1997 SHRI KRISHNA PUJA, CABELLA
You are married to enjoy love
“…You are not married here for just a common experience of marriage, but for enjoying love. It’s a very, very great blessings, and a divine thing to love. If you can do that, then you won’t find faults. You will find a way how you can enjoy your married life . . . ”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
How this forgiveness comes in is by forgetting the past
“…Then our marriages are coming tomorrow. In the sahaj dharma, first thing is very important is forgiveness. If somebody cannot forgive, then he cannot be a Sahaja Yogi. Forgiveness. How this forgiveness comes in is by forgetting the past … ”
1997 SHRI KRISHNA PUJA, CABELLA
MUTUAL RESPECT
DOMINATION
This is the key of having an exclusive married life
” …Now to think that the woman is dominated by man or man is dominated by woman comes from a kind of a complex and this complex must be given up. You are complementary to each other. You decorate each other. Never talk ill of your husbands and never talk ill of your wives. This is the key of having an exclusive married life … ”
1981 MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, LONDON
Then you also start caring for the feelings of that person
” … You see. Once this goes away, you see, Sahaja Yoga will work out better. The domination only is felt when there is no love. You see, sometimes you like people to dominate you, isn’t it? For example, let’s say, “Come along, have this food, must eat, you must have this.” You like it. Because somebody cares about you. There’s a concern. Somebody loves you, wants you to have this and wants you to do that. You like such a person, you want somebody to do that. You do not want to be left to dogs that do whatever you please. That kind of thing is no good. And once you develop that feeling, “You know that the person cares for me. You see, that person loves.” Then you also start caring for the feelings of that person. You also start to understand … ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
There is no question in domination
“…So, everything has two sides, as you can see clearly. If it is done in love, it’s perfect. But, if it is done in domination, then it is nonsensical. Why dominate? I mean, I don’t understand this word domination. When there are two wheels, do they dominate each other?
Can they? If one dominates, say one becomes bigger than the other, it will go round and round, won’t it? There is no question in domination in this. But, is question of integration and understanding and complete cooperation within themselves, which must permeate into the society, into the family.
The marriages which are not helpful to the society are of no use, they are just a waste, just a waste. See we have so many marriage like this. People get married, live well, happily among themselves and finish off.
These are the marriages which are going to change the society, with their joy, happiness, make home where everybody is expected, look after them, do for others …”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
No one can dominate you
“…See, how can you be dominated? You are the spirit. Your ego can be hurt. You are the spirit. It cannot be dominated. But, are you the spirit? Are you feeling your spirit? If you are feeling your spirit, you can never be dominated. No one can dominate you. But, if you feel that way all the time that you are dominated, you are dominated, you will become a very, very nervous person. You can be a horrible person. You cannot face people …”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
Forget your husband-wife problems
“…So I have to request to you that forget your problems, husband-wife problems is nothing. Look after your children, give them dignity, give them a nest where they could live …”
1980 ON CHILDHOOD, UK
You should know that you have much more bearing power and you know how to handle the situation
“…But Indian men are hopeless. They have made a mess of our politics, mess of our economics. But at least maybe your men are better, I don’t know that. I must say they are, at least they are milder people than Indian men are. Very dominating, very dominating. But we just laugh, you know. We know that’s their nature, you see. Just like a child tries to dominate, the husband also tries to dominate. And if they dominate somebody else they will be beaten up. So they want to dominate us. Or else where should they take out their temper? So it’s nice that they are taking on us. Otherwise outside they will be beaten up.
If you find any man to be very quiet and nice then know that his wife must be having a bad time. So you should just make a fun out of it and shouldn’t take it so seriously and you should know that you have much more bearing power and you know how to handle the situation and you are much wiser and much more collected.
So life becomes a fun . And you see men will remain men, women will remain women, whatever dress you may wear. You have to be what you are. But once you know what you are you will enjoy yourself. Men will always see the watches. Women will be always late…”
1988 INTUITION AND WOMEN, PARIS
The Gruha Lakshmi tattwa depends on both the wife and the husband
“…So it’s the Gruha Lakshmi tattwa, it is mutual. It doesn’t depend only on the wife or the husband, but on both of them so once if you are making your wife suffer, your left nabhi can never improve. Or if you are a bad wife, your left nabhi cannot improve … ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
All these little, little things are of no use
“…So a domination of a husband and a domination of a wife is a wrong idea. If you can fall in love with each other, it’s heavenly. For small, small things, I feel, people fight, for clothes and for food, for this and that. But if you love somebody, your life becomes so much beautiful. All these little, little things are of no use … ”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
MUTUAL RESPECT
A mutual respect must grow because both of you are saints
“…So it is time you realize you are the spirit and your husband is also the spirit. Or if you are the husband, you must know the wife is also the spirit. And a mutual respect must grow in that level because both of you are saints, you are Sahaja Yogis. You must respect each other because you are Sahaja Yogis … ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
There should be a competition in loving, in trusting, in being honest, in being kind
“…You must respect others who are realized souls. They’re the children of your Mother. When talking to each other, you must understand that, more so when you are husband and wife. The whole understanding that you had so far of husband-wife must be given up. It is, I think, a contract-sort of a marriage. In a marriage, you see, “How much he dominates, what are his powers, what are my powers, how much money I get, how much he gets, where’s the money kept” – what’s all that? You see, it will only happen when you do not trust each other. But, go on trusting more and more.
There should be a competition in loving, there should be competition in trusting, in being honest, in being kind, in being in service. Let there be a competition like that and then you would achieve results. The competition should be on the other side, instead of dominating, instead of being afraid, instead of sharing all nonsense …”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
Husband is like a gentleman who is to be respected by the wife
“…In that, this is a very important aspect of our modern life that we have to understand, what is the relationship of husband and wife is.
Husband is like, say, a gentleman who definitely is to be respected by the wife. But if she does not respect the husband she cannot get respect from her children. But the husband has to be respectable man, that’s very important. If the man is not respectable, he cannot be respected easily … ”
1981, 3RD PUBLIC PROGRAM, SYDNEY
You have to give your wife due respect
” … So, when the mutual understanding is not there, when there is an imbalance, then these things come up. But in Sahaja Yoga we should understand. You have to look after your wife, her needs, everything. You have to give her due respect. You are never to insult her in the presence of others. It’s absolutely forbidden. But the women also should know how to respect their husband, not to be provocative and use all their cunning against their husband. You see, I have seen people sit down and plan out how they will insult their husband, use what means … ”
1981 DIWALI PUJA, LONDON
It’s a very mutual thing
” … This is absolutely how to love your husband. You have to really love him and forgive him like you would forgive your own child in the same way. But the husband also … it’s a very mutual thing. I cannot just tell something to the women and not to the men. It’s absolutely essential that men must respect their women as Goddess – as Goddess. But women have to behave like Goddesses. They behave like street women then a competition starts. But if you have to synthesize to bring to the balance, then both of you must decide that you can only enjoy if you have proper balances among yourselves … ”
1981 DIWALI PUJA, LONDON
The woman should behave like a Gruha Lakshmi, with a dignity
” … One person goes one way, another person goes that way. There’s no end to it. There’s no end to it and the chariot will never move forward, you see. Both the wheels have to be balanced, realizing that without this wheel the another cannot exist. So, this is as important as the other. But they will say that, “I am important.” No. “She is important if I have to exist.” Or, she has to say, “He is important because I have to exist.” It’s such a mutual thing.
So to get the Gruha Lakshmi point I must say that the woman should behave like a Gruha Lakshmi, with a dignity. I mean, it is really undignified even to ask something. Why? What is to ask? It’s all your own, whenever you want to just get it. Try to develop that purity within you. And, the men respect their women really as Gruha Lakshmis – is very good. Respect them, look after them and know that the deities, once they are identified with your wife, you will have no problems . .. ”
1981 DIWALI PUJA, LONDON
Respect should be there, the oneness, the understanding
” … Saints have to respect each other. They come to your house, offer them some nice seat to sit down. You must see how the saints respect the saints. That respect should be there among yourselves, the oneness, the understanding. Without respect you cannot have any rapport. And, to have a rapport, there should be equal level of understanding that, “As I want respect, others must be respected.” You should be respectful and to be respected. Both things should be done. This is the Lakshmi’s thing is … ”
1981 DIWALI PUJA, LONDON
I call that person the most intelligent who sees the ultimate goal
” … If the husband is a dullard, he’ll bring down his wife. If the wife is a dullard, she’ll bring down the husband. If a woman is very smart, talks well, and she knows how to talk and impress people, doesn’t mean that she is very intelligent. I call that person the most intelligent who sees the benevolence, the ascent and the ultimate goal – that person is the most sensitive, is the most intelligent. All other intelligence is avidya (impure knowledge), is useless … ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
We have to get our satisfaction about everything within ourselves
” …We cannot be like other people who are just running after money and doing everything just to ruin themselves. So that in Sahaja culture we have to meditate, get our satisfaction about everything within ourselves, and also we have to be like the Lakshmi children, the children of Lakshmi… ”
1992 DIWALI PUJA, ROMANIA
DIGNITY
The discretion at that point is: are you dignified or not?
“… But the another side of a woman is she’s a Raja Lakshmi, and the man who is the king. The discretion at that point is, are you dignified or not? We went to Japan once, and they were treating us with great respect, even in a village. First we entered a shop because it was raining, so the villagers actually bowed to us. We didn’t understand what’s happening. And they, they gave us presents. So we asked ultimately, then, the interpreter “Why are they so humble before us?”
They said “Because you belong to royal family.”
I said “No, we don’t belong to royal family. How would they know?”
“Because your hair are neat, your daughters’ hair are neat and shiny. And you don’t go to hairdressers.”
That was it! “Is this a sign, is this a sign of royal family?”
“Yes, that’s how the royal family is. They don’t put their head into the hands of somebody else.”
We were amazed. Imagine the Japanese thinking like that!. .. ” 1991 HAMSA PUJA, NEW YORK
You have to be like a queen and the husband has to be like a king
“…So the discretion is that you have to be like a queen and the husband has to be like a king. But not like the king who killed his seven wives, but like a king who respects his wife. If you cannot respect your wife, you cannot be a Sahaja Yogi. Respect is different from being romantically in love. I think that you don’t respect. To respect your wife is a very important thing in Sahaja Yoga. For this, I would say the Indians are not so good, but also I know some of the Western people are also quite funny. Your dignity is reduced if you cannot respect your wife. Indians, especially in the North India, not in the South, they lack this, to respect their wives. Also, they lack the discretion that a wife, if she is not respected, the children will not be respectful to her and she is in charge of the children … ”
1991 HAMSA PUJA, NEW YORK
ATTACHMENT
The whole universe is our family
“… There’s a very common thing also in the Sahaja Yoga, we find, that people after marriage become absolutely engrossed into each other and lose Sahaja Yoga. Then their children suffer: their children become fussy, funny, and disobedient tortures. They have some physical problems also. It’s a punishment. Not that I punish this, but it is your own nature punishing. Supposing you put your hand in the fire, it will burn. I mean, who’s punishing you – you are punishing yourself. Then children become funny. Just for your family, just for your food, just for your household.
The selfishness, if it crawls up into man, then God save that family. If it’s a woman, it’s all right, at least little bit, but if the man is a gone case … that I should have a house, I should have a job, I should look after my children, it’s for my family. I mean, our family is not of one man, one woman, but the whole universe is our family. We are not on our own, and if you become arbitrary and if you become secluded … I must tell you one thing and warn you today that those people who start to seclude themselves, a day will come when they will have horrid diseases on them. Don’t blame Sahaja Yoga. Sahaja Yoga has its own beautiful realm of God’s kingdom, but in the God’s kingdom you have to be collective … ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
False attachments will harm
“… Also I’ve seen people are very attached to their wife or attached to their husbands, then they cannot see anybody else. For them, everything is wrong but for themselves, not their husbands or their wives. This seems to be a very common failure. This kind of false attachment not only will harm another person, but will harm your husband or your wife. Because they will also get away with wrong things. Once they start getting away with wrong things, there’s no end to it, and they’ll be destroyed … ”
1991 EASTER PUJA, SYDNEY
You nourish everything, every part of your family
“…So, the discretion at the Heart is to have a relationship which is so detached that you nourish everything, every part of your family.
Now, somebody’s attached to the husband, somebody’s attached to children, somebody’s attached to the dogs, somebody’s attached to the-only to the plants. It’s very indiscreet. You should be attached to everything the same, same way. I would say that you should be so detached that you are attached to everyone equally. Detachment doesn’t mean that you wear dresses scantily. It doesn’t mean that. It’s a wrong idea. Detachment means that you watch everything, and you do not get involved with anyone. You are out of it, and you are seeing everything, watching it. You’re a witness. This sort of love if you have for anyone, you will be blessed by that personality very much more …”
1991 HAMSA PUJA, NEW YORK
The absurdity of the whole thing is the attachment
” . .. It’s a headache to be attached to someone. Then you hanker. “My wife has not arrived. Oh God, what to do now? I must telephone to her, get her here.” But if you are detached about it she’ll come in time. Not only that, but you will enjoy her company. Otherwise you’ll shout at her, “Why didn’t you come in time? I was waiting for you?!” Then why were you waiting to scold her and shout at her and spoil all the relationship? Just see, the absurdity of the whole thing is the attachment. You should get completely detached about everything, and you will enjoy, just enjoy. But in that also, one has to judge. You are really enjoying or you are just making a drama out of it? Try to be sincere. Purity is brought forth by sincerity. If you are not sincere to yourself and to others, you cannot be pure. And purity is the main thing you have to achieve in Sahaja Yoga, apart from the unity, which I have given you. But if you do not use this unity for purity – no use . .. ”
1984 RAKSHA BANDHAN, ENGLAND
TALKING ABOUT THE PAST AND BEING MISERABLE
You have no miseries
“…There’s another thing which I must point out which happens to married couples and which is very, very wrong also. That they, both of them, take up a role of very miserable people. The Les Miserable, you see. They sit down, they cry, for nothing at all. You see the whole world is collapsing before them. Now there are some great poets, like Lord Byron or maybe some horrible people, who have written horrible poems like that, and they will recite those poems, so the sweetest songs are those and all sorts of nonsense. Not for Sahaja Yogis. You are not to indulge in this kind of nonsense. And sitting down and indulge into this kind of nonsense and enjoying the miseries of each other. For the present, you have no miseries. Whatever has been there is past and finished. Now, you are new people, with new awareness with new things and you have no miseries. So, forget all those things and try enjoy each other … ”
1980 THE VALUE OF MARRIAGE, UK
You should not at all discuss about your past
“…And another thing is not to discuss your past, your parents and this and that. To discuss with somebody is, I think, it’s emotional blackmail. You should not at all discuss your past or about yourself, tell anything to the boy or to the girl. If they ask you also it’s wrong, nobody should ask about the past of each other because we believe in the present. So you should not in any way ask for the past of the person or tell about your past. Just forget it. Start afresh … ”
1991 TALK BEFORE MARRIAGES, UK
Even if you had your past, you don’t discuss, don’t tell or talk about it
“… Now there’s another thing I have found out in my experience sometimes that they get married, and after they go back to their own country they start saying “Mother we know we cannot manage, we have to work it out, this, that.” Marriages are now worked out. Spontaneously it happens.
But in India you see we are all the time prepared for a good married life. The wife is told, the husband is told all the time. So normally when they get married they think this is what it is for us. They don’t have love affairs beforehand; they don’t have friends and things. But even if you had your past, now it’s finished. You don’t discuss, don’t tell, don’t talk about it. Do your best. That’s absolutely wrong because the past doesn’t exist. What exists is the present. So enjoy the present, forget it, forgive yourself.
Many people also have this big problem that they cannot forget their past and go on telling their wives that “I was like this.” There is no need to confess anything. They think it is honest. There is no question of honesty or dishonesty at that time is but to enjoy full joyous mood of marriage. That’s in the head. Otherwise what’s the use of marrying and then telling stories … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
You have to express all your love and attention to her so she feels secure and happy
“…Or some people have very bad habit of telling him how bad the mother was, the father was or may be that how miserable he is or how he has gone through struggle – there’s no need to talk of this. At this moment you are married, she is your wife, and you have to express all your love and all your attention to her so she feels secure and happy. This point please try to note. Nothing has to be talked about your past… ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
Past is finished
“…Most important thing is that you should not talk about your past, at all. Because past is finished. Now you are Sahaja Yogis. You are all realised souls. So you don’t have to say a word about your past. Even if husband starts talking you just stop, and tell him we are to live in the present. Don’t tell us about your past.
I don’t know why people think that they will look more attractive if they talk about all the past nonsense they did. Or say that “my mother was so bad.” All psychological nonsense. Not to put your parents into jeopardy by saying that they are very bad, they are no good. This, that.. Just forget the past and live in the present because in the present resides the reality and the reality is the ocean of joy … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
Whatever has happened has happened, you need not talk about it
” … Now one thing I want to warn you: not to tell your husband about anything which was wrong in your past life. That’s not to be done, there’s no need, because you are now 5ahaja Yogis. You are changed people and whatever has happened has happened, you need not talk about it or tell him anything about it, but talk of the future and the present – all right? So, be sensible! It’s your sensibility which is going to make a happy married life. If you become insensible, there’s no wisdom, then marriages will fail. .. ”
2002 TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
HOW TO SPEAK WITH EACH OTHER
Maryada is the boundary in which one has to remain
“…If the marriages are not successful of two persons, how do we expect the whole nation to live happily? Think of it. At this level, the seeds of peace are sown. So we have to be sensible people, that’s the main part of marriage is: how far we are sensible about it. It’s easy to get into tantrums, get into tempers, to get into some sort of an indecent, indiscreet habit. But the person who is sensible never crosses a certain limit of that decency. Once you cross it, it is very easy to cross again. That’s what today when we read about Rama is that He is a Maryada Purushottam. Maryada is the boundary in which one has to remain. A woman has to remain in her boundary and a man has to remain in his boundary . . . ”
1981 MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, LONDON
Indifference to anyone itself is tremendous harshness
“…But that doesn’t mean that you should say harsh words to anyone, or you should be indifferent to anyone: to your duties, to your children, to your wife, to your husband. Indifference to anyone itself is tremendous harshness.
For the small thing if a woman gets angry and doesn’t talk to her husband or if the husband neglects the wife, doesn’t bother about her, looking after her, caring for her, then it’s a crime according to Sahaja Yoga. It’s a wrong thing to do. Because you must have balance, you must have softness of nature, you should talk very softly to others and be kind and nice. Just find out if you are doing that or not. .. ”
1992 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, PERTH
Sahaja Yoga will never work out if you don’t look after that side
” … What do you say to your brothers and sisters is the most important thing. Sahaja Yoga will never work out if you don’t look after that side. How you behave towards your wife, towards your husband, towards your brothers and sisters. That is the most important thing … ”
1981 SUBCONSCIOUS SUPRACONSCIOUS, CHELSHAM RD, LONDON
BALANCE IN THE MARRIAGE
SECURITY AND PEACE
As soon as you start asking for justice then there is no peace
” . . . So we have to understand what we have contributed towards the peace of our family and justice in the family and also outside. We have to have justice. Justice is not to be demanded, as soon as you start asking for justice then there is no peace. So we should not ask for justice, we should do justice to ourselves and to others, and we should be peaceful to ourselves and to others … ”
1986 THE ROLE OF BELGIUM AND HOLLAND, BELGIUM
You like to love your wife and nobody else in that way
” …Just now it is just one of the sermons that you could hear somewhere in a very, I should say, orthodox place. But the whole of this orthodoxy becomes part and parcel of you and you become so much tuned with it, absolutely tuned with it. You like it. You like to love your wife and nobody else in that way. And the husband likes to love her in a special way, while the wife wants to love the husband in a special way. It happens. There’s no insecurity. Otherwise, you come back home and you find your wife has eloped with somebody else. Imagine, what a situation is! … ”
1982 HEART, VISHUDDHI, AGNYA AND SAHASRARA, DERBY, UK
“…You are the Gauris – the virgins. You have to worship the Mother for your future life as married women … ”
2000 TALK TO BRIDES, DELHI
Don’t fight
” … This Ekakharika (when you all come here you try to help each other all the time.) first must work in the family. It’s very important. The family which is disturbed all the time cannot create children who are in the state of Ekakharika. That’s why I always tell them that “don’t fight.” In the family if they are fighting, they cannot be Sahaja Yogis. If there is such a fight it is better to get out of such a family. So we have sanctioned also divorce. Any man who is flirting with other women or doing wrong things, we have asked him to get out of Sahaja Yoga. The reason is: one bad apple can spoil many apples. So such a man or such a woman should be kept out of Sahaja Yoga completely, so that there is a better family relationship, which is very important in Sahaja Yoga. Your family relationships should be absolutely perfect.
I can’t understand. You can’t enjoy the company of your wife, then what are you going to enjoy in this world? If you cannot enjoy the bliss of your family life, you cannot enjoy anything else. This very close relationship of husband/wife is thrown apart because of Ganesha problem only. If the Ganesha was all right, there would have been a perfect union, perfect understanding between husband and wife. But that fails, that means there’s definitely something wrong with the Shri Ganesha. Try to correct your own Shri Ganesha than to see to others. You have to meditate, and meditate on Shri Ganesha, to sit on the ground and meditate … ”
1998 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
TRUST
Children imbibe the trust in God when their parents trust each other
” … If you start talking of each other to others, that exclusiveness, that trust is finished. So you have to trust each other. The trust in God, children imbibe when they start learning from their parents how they trust each other. So you are the nest where tomorrow’s great children are to be born, to be established and to grow as great saints . . . ”
1981 MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, LONDON
As you trust yourself, you must trust the other
” … Keep a very straightforward relationship and learn how to be that way, your children will learn from you and there’s no time taken now for the whole world to be transformed, once we learn this trust. Not in money alone, but in every way. A trust, a complete trust. As you trust yourself, you must trust the other, who is not other anymore … ”
1981 MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, LONDON
It’s a beautiful evolution that you’re sharing your life with somebody
” … The best thing is to trust each other, not to doubt. There’s another problem with many marriages, that they start doubting and then they separate. So nothing to doubt. Nothing to be frightened about married life. It’s a beautiful thing you are entering into. It’s a beautiful, I should say, evolution of yours that you’re sharing your life with somebody. But there are many people who fail. Why? Because they think they are men and these are women. But both of them can be beautifully joined together and live very happily … ”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
ONENESS
Now you live as one person
” … So you have to forget that you live independently. Now you live as one person, one personality. Supporting energy, complementing each other in complete concord. This creates that peace which we are talking about… ”
1981 MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, LONDON
Complete acceptance of your partners as part and parcel of your being
” …I am sure you all realize the importance of it, and I am sure you all must have prepared yourself for this occasion. And I would like to see among all of you, who really shows the complete acceptance of your partners as part and parcel of your being and the graciousness with which you handle them.
I bless you all. You are all saints and saints have married here. All the angels and all celestial beings must be singing praise of you. So be careful and assume, assume your positions. As in Hindi language, we say biraji – to assume that position in your full esteem and glory … ”
1981 MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO GIVE JOY, LONDON
There is such a give and take when there is such a bondage of love
” … So this kind of freedom is just the opposite and extreme of enslavement. But in the centre is love where you are bound by everyone. I am bound by My children. Yes, I am. I am proud of them. They bound Me and I bound them too. It’s a mutual bounding which we enjoy among ourselves. There is such a give and take when there is such a bondage of love. But do we understand the importance of bondage of love? At the slightest pretext we break it. Say wife says, “I would like to go out today.” The husband says “Why? I am very tired, don’t you understand?” Or if the husband says, “I feel like eating something.” Or some particular thing he says pancake or something. A small thing. “Oh I am very tired every time you are demanding.” If she could just think, by making that little thing he would be so very happy. She should be dying to know what he wants. And he should be dying to do what she wants. And then enjoy each other’s company, or you are wasting all your properties that you have as human beings … ”
1978 AGNYA CHAKRA, PUBLIC PROGRAM, LONDON
And there is no question of sacrifice
“…Every moment is filled with such beautiful bandages, where exchanges are there. What have you gained? The way you are fighting, the way you are going about. What have you gained, let me see? When you die you have to announce in the paper that XYZ is dead and you find there is nobody. And you have even to pay for people to visit you when you die. This is the case today. Such dryness, such emptiness, such loneliness exists. What have you achieved through this? So this bondage we have. And there is no question of sacrifice, you see … We must sacrifice for the family. What are you sacrificing? If you have to lead a nice good life you are not sacrificing anything but you are gaining by that, leading a good life … ”
1978 AGNYA CHAKRA, PUBLIC PROGRAM, LONDON
Then the husband-wife relations are beautiful in Sahaja Yoga
” …From Shri Rama’s life we learn a lot and from Sitaji’s life also. Both of them have done so much for us, bring forth such a great life. All their lives they suffered and suffered and suffered. They lived in the villages. They lived in the forest. While they were the king and the queen they had never known what is discomfort. They travelled all the way bare feet. They went through all kinds of tortures of life. sita was taken away by Ravana who was a horrid man. She had to live with a rakshasa, can you imagine? She lived with a rakshasa and there She showed her greatness. The characters of different nature, like Sita and Shri Rama, they were showing the complementary attributes that they are, very complementary, and if that is so then the husband-wife relations are beautiful in Sahaja Yoga. That’s the way it should be … ”
1987 SHRI RAMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
“…It is important for the Gruhalaksmi principle within us to be together, for us to grow together, to feel the togetherness all the time, the oneness that is within us … ”
1988 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
ROMANTICISM
In Sahaja Yoga I have seen, that people once they get married they forget Sahaja Yoga
” …But there is another type of a thing that happens in Sahaja Yoga I have seen, that people once they get married, you see to them marriage becomes like the end of Sahaja Yoga. They go so crazy with each other, I mean absolutely crazy people, they become so very crazy with each other, they forget Sahaja Yoga, they forget Me, they forget everything. I have known some people, who were very good, once they were married they were lost to Sahaja Yoga for at least 2 years ’till they got sick. They had a child with a problem then they came to Sahaja Yoga.
So this kind of a romanticism is of no use in Sahaja Yoga. It’s all artificial, it’s all mental. It has no sense, this kind of a useless romanticism that people indulge into. Because that makes you forget God, makes you forget your Mother, makes you forget your job in life, because you are now realized souls, and you have to do this job … ”
1987 MARRIAGES, KOLHAPUR, INDIA
You are two separate entities – you have to behave properly
But the way people hurry and hastily do everything, they make a mess of their married life. First they’ll go for a honeymoon, second they may go for a show on the road, and third they will end up in the divorce court.
So one has to be absolutely in a balance, full dignity. And, especially, in Indian villages it looks very funny for people to go about kissing each other or sitting down somewhere. There’s no hurry about it – what’s the hurry? I don’t understand. And I was also reported that at the airport, when people are there, the husband will tickle the wife, and wife will tickle the husband, will be all this time nudging the husband, and the husband would be nudging the wife. It looks very funny. Like a, you see, dog having a tail, and a tail having a dog. You are two separate entities – you have to behave properly . . . ”
1987 MARRIAGES, KOLHAPUR, INDIA
Behave in a manner that people say that “this is a proper marriage
“… So attitude toward marriage should be that we have to have somebody who is our complement. That we have to have another wheel for our chariot. That’s all. But not that you completely merge with him, and become one wheel, and a mono-wheel chariot I have not seen so far. So, with your dignity, with your understanding, you must behave in a manner that people should say that “this is a proper marriage” … ”
1987 MARRIAGES, KOLHAPUR, INDIA
You expect them to be Clark Gable, it’s not so
“…I’ve seen also in the films, you see, all romantic scenes going on – it never happens, there’s nobody like that, you see, it’s all absurd things you see, so you expect them to be Clark Gable or somebody, it’s not so … ”
1997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PUJA, CABELLA
They go all about romancing and the Indian yogis are shocked
“…The second part is when we go to India. I heard that those who got married or who were married, whatever it is, the couples, they go all about on the beach and they are romancing and the Indian yogis are shocked, they are supposed be saints, you see. All right, I think in the bedrooms they fight and outside they go on doing all these things. We are the other way round. In the bedrooms we are very kind to each other and outside we fight. So I think it is quite shocking for Indian people to see these things happening … ”
1986 TALK TO THE LEADERS, HOLLAND
PHYSICAL RELATIONS
Lead a very sensible, dignified married life
” … So in our life we should see if we have that balance or not. It’s very important, if we have to see to Shri Ganesha. Shri Ganesha, as you know, is on Mooladhara. He controls all our sense as far as the Mooladhara is concerned, especially all the excretion. So we are not people who believe in the indulgence of it, neither we believe in the detachment of it, but in the balance. That’s why you all have to be married; you have to have a proper physical life, and that you should have proper children and lead a very sensible, dignified married life. That is very important. But love should be there. There should be love between husband and wife, between children and parents and everyone.
If one person goes into imbalance, the whole family goes into imbalance. To establish a family sweetly and nicely is also an art, and if both of them agree and say that we will do this way, I’m sure it’s not difficult, because you are Sahaja Yogis, you already know the quality of balance. What I find in the West now is the balance has gone really on the rocks; because see now, there are all kinds of problems of homosexuality and this and that, and all that. This is just because of imbalances; people have gone to that limit. Another is asceticism where your people are ascetic, made ascetic, like in TM and all that, they have taken to these things. Because these are unnatural things. Natural is to be in balance. If you are not in balance then things go off, and you become either too much of something and nothing of the other. That’s how people suffer … ”
1992 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, PERTH, AUSTRALIA
It’s meant for a happy married life
” … Interviewer : “May I ask you a question? Do you say that one should never use sex?”
Shri Mataji : “No, no, one should. One should be married. One should use sex. It’s meant for a happy married life and for having children, and leading a very happy and a good life. You must have a good sex life. You see, we do not think of sex at all in India. Never. This is spontaneous. You see, we never think of sex and all this nonsense. We don’t read about it. I mean, I can tell you except for few anglicised and westernised Indians whom you meet, you will hardly find anyone asking. Now they have met villagers. They don’t even think about sex. Is a thing, relationship with the wife, very sacred relationship. When you are with your wife, you see you indulge into it at the extreme point. That’s all. We don’t sit and read about sex. Why should you read about it? This is spontaneous thing. Why should you read? .. ”
1979 MOOLADHARA CHAKRA, INDIA
When the sex matures
” … Sex is not important for human beings at all, is not at all important. It is only when you want to have children actually a human being who is of the highest level will indulge into sex. The lure, the romance, this nonsense and all that doesn’t exist in a pure mind, it’s all a human creation. And this servility one has, that is so much surprising. It comes from a very low grading within us. It comes from the low-graded human beings that one becomes servile to it. You should be the master of that.
And today when I see around Myself, in the West, which is also part and parcel of the same creation, so much of sickness that has come, I am really aghast, how to turn your attention now to the maturity of sex. When the sex matures you become a father, a mother, and a pure personality. When you hear about a ninety-year old woman marrying a nineteen-year old boy, I mean, you just don’t understand, this is – what sort of a society it has been created in this world, this kind of a stupid behaviour? We have to mature ourselves. That doesn’t mean I’m saying austerity at young age, that doesn’t mean that. Another absurdity is that. But of course you must mature, you need a tapasya (penance) for that. Unimportant thing when becomes important and such unimportant thing that they’re just like anything that we have, like we have hair. Even if you lose hair it means something. But if you lose sex, what’s wrong with it? It’s very good. Good riddance of bad rubbish. Such a waste of energy. So much interest, so much of a precious attention, so much of auspiciousness is spent in this kind of a nonsensical thing .. . ”
1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, ENGLAND
You go from one extreme to another extreme. God is in the centre.
“…Where is it, in which Scripture it is written that sex should be the criteria for a saint? All right, I don’t say suppress it like that. Your churches have that nonsensical thing. Of course, that’s all nonsense, I agree …. But this is another extreme, one is the suppression of sex, all right? Like nunneries and all that. That’s all nonsense. But the other is even worse. You are going from one extreme to another extreme. God is in the centre … ”
1979 MOOLADHARA CHAKRA, INDIA
A natural thing
“…Now in every walk of life there is a conceptual, artificial understanding. For example you see the sex, which is such a natural, normal thing. There is nothing so great about it. But that also you made so artificial that you have now your sex in your brain. By that not only you have silenced Ganesha in the Mooladhara, but also Mahaganesha in your brain … ”
1986 SAHASRARA PUJA, ALPE MOTTE, ITALY
MONEY
She cannot spend without asking you and you also cannot spend without asking her
” … Now in Sahaja Yoga we have a custom, or we can call it a law, that all the money that you earn should be kept with your wife and you should not spend any money without asking her and she should also not spend any money without asking. Money is a very big problem. So if you want money, you have every right. It’s a common property. But the wife should know how much money there is, she cannot also spend without asking you and you also cannot spend without her . . . ”
2001 TALK TO GROOMS, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
Sending money to the other family
“…Last but not the least is important that once you are married now the girls may not be able to go immediately from their various places because of visa problems, but don’t give them money to be sent to their families, that is not allowed in Sahaja Yoga. The girl should not send their money to their parents. That’s not allowed – and trouble the husband for that. Sometimes if you want to send is alright but there should not be regular remittance all the time. And this sometimes comes to My notice which I do not want to encourage. As far as that part is concerned you should not give any money for sending it to the relations of your wife, otherwise it will become a money-oriented marriage and people would marry because they can extract some money from it. .. ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
CHILDREN
Look after your children, give them joy, have a beautiful nest for them
” …Because you are like the flowers which have to produce a fruit. That’s what nature wants. Nature wants that you are there to produce the fruit, that is, your children. That’s why you are men and women. That’s the basics. Now, if you think that with that responsibility if you can do something else you should do. But the main thing is that, and if you don’t do that, is to look after your children, to give them joy, have a beautiful nest for them, then I must say that you are neglecting your basic duty and your attention is on something else … ”
1981 3RD PUBLIC P ROGRAM, SYDNEY
Respect each other and in a way that it is very obvious to the child
” … So the relationship between the father and children, mother and children, is important. Actually the mother should look after the child much more. And the child must respect. Father should never scold the mother in the presence of the child. That’s one thing one must understand, that if the father starts scolding the mother in the presence of the child, the child will have no respect for the mother. But the respect must be maintained, because if the wife respects the husband, then the child will know how to respect her and the husband too.
So the whole thing is built up like that. Is a kind of a pattern for children to follow. One should not try to dominate the husband, at least in the presence of children. That’s very wrong. Because then the children learn that trick and they start dominating you. So it flows from you to children. So try to see that if you have to do anything then you do it yourself. And respect the husband and in a way that is very obvious to the child that the father is respected by mother. And they are just like monkeys. The way you behave, they behave. So you allow them to behave in a particular manner, they will behave that way. But if you put a good pattern of behaviour, they will imbibe it … ”
1984 RAKSHA BANDHAN, UK
Forget your problems, look after your children
” … Very great saints are going to be born in this country, so I have to request to you that forget your problems, husband-wife problem, is nothing. Look after your children, give them dignity, give them a nest where they could live … ”
1981 3RD PUBLIC PROGRAM, SYDNEY
We should not quarrel before our children
” … Now between you and Me, because you are also husbands and wife and, one thing it should be there that we should not quarrel before our children. We should have all decency of husband and wife, there are so many things we do not do in the presence of our children…”
1981 3RD PUBLIC PROGRAM, SYDNEY
There are so many great souls who want to be born
” … You see a child, you see a girl who is innocent. What interests her is her little dolly. She’s the mother, out and out. If she’s properly brought up, from very childhood she’s a mother. And motherhood is the epitome of womanhood. There are some Sahaja Yogis also who are so stupid they don’t want to have children after marriage. They should get out of Sahaja Yoga, immediately. We have not done all this to have people here who cannot produce children. If they can, they should. The reason is there are so many great souls who want to be born. These are the great fruits which are going to be prospering on the tree of your family life. And if you do not want to have any children, then what are you doing here? So the Vishnumaya’s main thing is that a woman has to be a mother. Then that motherhood gives her that special capacity to shine .. ”
1987 SHRI VISHNUMAYA PUJA, NEW YORK
Think it over properly and then have children
” … So as you said that you must have children, but not hurry up. That’s very true. Think it over properly and then have children. When you have a proper place to live in and all that, then have children … ”
1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, UK
If anybody has such ideas they should not marry at all in Sahaja Yoga
” . .. Last of all, I would say, then you’ll have children. And children will be all realized souls. Now some women or men have a funny ideas that they should not have children. Then I’ll give them 12 children. Load them with children. Those who say like that, once they get a child, they get mad, because from one side the pendulum moves to the other side. This is all stupid ideas. If anybody has such ideas they should not marry at all in Sahaja Yoga . . . ”
I987 MARRIAGES, KOLHAPUR, INDIA
These are Mother’s children and we are just looking after them
” . . . Actually I have some selfishness behind it in your marriages, that there are so many great saints who want to be born, and I want only such people to be married by Me who will bear such good children. But we spoil our children. We ruin them. To us they become our children and not the children of Adi Shakti. Then such children stand out because they are absolutely spoilt, they are very aggressive, they are very naughty, they are very troublesome, they are very possessed. But if you see that you are just there to create children for Sahaja Yoga then the detachment will come.
Without detachment you’ll ruin them, you’ll ruin yourself, you’ll ruin your married life, and you are good for nothing. “They are my children, my responsibility” you should not think. These are Mother’s children and we are just looking after them. Sometimes you have to scold them, you have to put them right. You have to talk to them and tell them, “You are Yogis, and you are great people. That’s why we are married.” And as a result, I have seen, when the children are terrible, the women go mad. I have seen that. And the father supports the children then it is even worse. Or the other way round … ”
I987 MARRIAGES, KOLHAPUR, INDIA
You should never have two views
” … So when you are dealing with your children, you should be combined together in the same manner. You should never have two views. Should be: sit down, discuss with each other how we are going to improve the children, this is what we notice. You should never support your child if he is doing wrong. You should in no way support…”
1987 MARRIAGES, KOLHAPUR, INDIA
That is why the Indian society is so good
“…Now supposing you are egoistical and you are quarrelsome and hot by temperament, then your children will take after you. They don’t, they don’t take after the father. They take after the mother. So that is why the Indian society is so good. Society is excellent. .. ”
1988 INTUITION AND WOMEN, PARIS
You should not be romantic in the presence of your children
“…You have to guide your children to a proper, sane morality. For that you must behave properly. You should not go romantic in the presence of your children, you should not try to put them in a way that you lock up your rooms and do all kinds of things, but behave in a manner that is dignified. Otherwise children will pick up from you to begin with … ”
1991 EASTER PUJ A, SYDNEY
This is what you have to give to your children, is a proper moral sense
” … If the children are kept innocent they never indulge into it, and they would never get into any problems which are created by curiosity. Never make them curious.
You will feel happy, the children will feel happy, and they’ll start their life from the very beginning, on the basis of morality. This is what you have to give to your children, is a proper moral sense .. . ”
1990 EASTER PUJA, SYDNEY
Give all the comfort to the child but don’t spoil the child
” .. . Today I have told you about Shri Ganesh, specially because we have had so many marriages. And now you are going to get children born to you. But don’t get ideas that Shri Ganesha is born to you. Some people have such foolish ideas, I’ve seen that.
You are their trust, and you have to look after them. You have to develop into Shri Ganesha’s level first of all. You have to mould them into that form and give them more peace, more attention. What I feel that children, in childhood if they are not massaged fully, they become very restless children. So it is important to understand how to give all the comfort to the child, and look after the child, but don’t spoil the child .. . ”
1984 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, SWITZERLAND
NEGATIVE CONDITIONINGS
DIVORCE, WRONG IDEAS AND CONDITIONINGS
Divorce and money
” …There is another third thing that I have seen about the western people is that they are literally frightened of marriage, literally frightened. First is they may live with a woman for ten days, or twenty days, or ten years. But as soon as they get married they go for a divorce, very funny. For this I think the law is responsible, because the women think they will get money out of their husbands maybe, or the husbands think that they will get money out of their wives.
In Sahaja Yoga if you want to take the divorce later on, which I don’t like at all – we have only one percent divorces – then I would not allow you to extract money from the other, never, and nor the girl should extract money from you … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
This idea should be given up
” … We are now married, we are stupid if we want to have a divorce, stupid. And I don’t like divorce at all. Though I allow, because sometimes I find horrible things happening. But rarely I would allow anybody to have a divorce, rarely. So this idea should be given up and one should not be selfish … But from the very beginning if you try to be very kind and nice, I am sure things will work out … ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
One should not think of a divorce at all
” … Of course, I’m not against divorce, but I’m not for it. In the sense that I don’t like people when they divorce. But when things are impossible and difficult and one has to go in for such a thing, doesn’t matter. Sometimes one has to do it. But it should be very rare. One should not think of a divorce at all. People think of divorce in the west mostly because of the laws, because the wife gets the money or the husband gets the money. But in Sahaja Yoga if you are marrying, all these things even if you are divorced, I will not support. .. ”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDES, GANAPATIPULE
Family is very, very important
” …As you know that in Sahaja Yoga, family is very, very important. We don’t believe actually in divorces, but in case if it is absolutely impossible then they are allowed to divorce … ”
1993 ANNOUNCEMENT OF MARRIAGES, RUSSIA
If you divorce then you will never be with him
” … Now, the other part is, there was one lady, she wanted to have a divorce. I said, “Why?”
“Because he goes to work all the time and he’s not there and this and that.”
But I said, “If you divorce then you will never be with him. So why do you want to have a divorce? At least he gives you some time, but if you divorce, then he’ll never be with you, so why do you ask for a divorce?”
I can’t understand the logic. I mean women should not be brainless, isn’t it? To say such a thing. If you want to divorce your husband for this – it’s absurd … ”
1997 EVENING BEFORE NAVARATRI PUJA, CABELLA
But here, they must have wives at forty, fifty, sixty
” …See, also I was surprised by another thing. Like there’s a lady, she’s about fifty years of age or forty years of age or something – she’s divorced her first husband, and she says, “I must have another husband.” You see, at forty, or fifty -in India even if the girl becomes widow at the twenty-one, she is so higher, I mean she is so loftier, she doesn’t bother much. And they are very happy without marriage. But here you cannot conceive of a woman, because here women are not women, they’re like men, you see? And men also, so many men don’t marry in India once they lose their wives, they just don’t marry, because once it’s over now. But here, they must have wives at forty, fifty, sixty. Christine’s mother is sixty-eight and she’s married since sixty-five or don’t know what. It’s absurd, absolutely … ”
1984 CONVERSATION AT GREGOIRE’S HOME, VIENNA, AUSTRIA
All this is finished once you are married
” … If it is wholesome, it is a very deeper relationship, you see? It’s a very inner relationship, where you don’t think of getting after another woman, getting after another man, all this is finished once you are married … ”
1984 CONVERSATION AT GREGOIRE’S HOME, VIENNA, AUSTRIA
All the time what pictures they show is husband wife fighting
” …We have no love for our children, we cannot bear our children, we have no love for each other, no love for cooking, no love for doing something for your husband. Husband has no love for doing anything for the wife. All the time what pictures they show is husband wife fighting, all the time. How can there be, there’s no love, no affection, no kindness. What is the fight going on? “Why did you spoil the carpet?”
She said “No I didn’t spoil the carpet, the children spoiled it”
“Then why didn’t you clean it?”
The fight is on. For what? For the carpet? What is this carpet? Is it a permanent stuff? But what is important, they have to sell the house tomorrow. They have to sell the house, the carpet must be neat so everything is sellable, everything has to be sold, even the wife, husband, children, everything … ”
1987 THE GHOST OF MATERIALISM, SYDNEY
For you now the most important thing is your husband
” … And none of your family people are more important than your husband. That is very important. For you now the most important thing is your husband. This is a Sahaja style of marriage. And you can have other marriages, you can have ten marriages – that’s different, not in Sahaja Yoga. And once you are divorced then we don’t marry you. We have given up, we tried that. Now we don’t do that. Because it becomes a habit of divorcing your husband. Once you are married you should be all married and if you want to divorce then know before this thing that we’ll have nothing to do with you. And you’ll be thrown away from Sahaja Yoga … ”
2002 TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
You will have no place in Sahaja Yoga
” … But once you divorce in Sahaja Yoga we will never marry you again-this we have decided now. Or in any way, if you desert your wife or leave her or do something irresponsible about your marriage, in Sahaja Yoga you have no place . . . ”
2002 TALK TO BRIDES, SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA
Sometimes with shocks in life also a person’s ego is challenged
” … And there is a dislocation between your heart and your head. There’s a disintegration. Sometimes with shocks in life also a person’s ego is challenged. As I was telling you that we have to be very kind to our wife and to our husband. If their ego is challenged, gradually after three four shocks they get disintegrated. We give them diseases. We give them horrible things. We have no business to do these things. This is sinful. First of all to marry someone with all the show and with all the things and then to make somebody unhappy because you have a ego or hurt somebody’s ego by which making that person emotionally dry.
Then a society which is extremely dry develops. This dry society cannot even value the children. Matter becomes the most important thing. Material possessions become more important. Then all human relationships are ended up and sacrificed at the altar of this ego … ”
1981 PUBLIC PROGRAM, VISHUDDHI AND AGNYA CHAKRAS, SYDNEY
Through alcohol, values about your own chastity and dignity go down
” … When these people, after all, are human beings, they have an emotional being within them, which suffers. So to be emotional, people take to drugs and things as I told you, to alcohols. Just to escape the tortures of ego they become alcoholic. Once they become alcoholic the superego starts developing. It starts pushing the ego on one side, and the wobbling starts and the confusion starts. This alcohol, which has been denounced by every primordial master, because they were supposed to look after your attention, because the attention not only gets spoilt but your values go down. Values about your chastity – values about your own chastity, values about your own dignity. I mean you can do anything. I mean, people do such undignified things that if you take a photograph or even a picture of such people, they would be shocked that they were behaving like this. So first of all the dignity, the human dignity goes down, the sanctity of marriage is lost and all the values that are built up in your attention as the human being through all great blessings of these great saints and great prophets drop off. .. ”
I98I PUBLIC PROGRAM, VISHUDDHI AND AGNYA CHAKRAS, SYDNEY
Women think they can dominate their husband
” … Now of course, a new society is forming of all these stupid people. That’s different. But one Sahaja Yogi who will visit these places will be amazed how stupid they are. They can make it out. All of them catch on their left Nabhi, whether they are women or men. But it’s more dangerous for men if they have a wife like that. Now, the left Nabhi if it catches, what will happen? What diseases you get? The first and foremost is blood cancer. With the left Nabhi you can get blood cancer. Women think they can dominate their husband, they can do this to their husband, they can put them right, but they don’t know they are causing a serious disease like blood cancer.
I know of somebody who was suffering from blood cancer, we cured him and then we discovered his left Nabhi was still bad. Again and again he was getting blood cancer. Then we found out it was his wife. She was such a dangerous woman for him. And he wouldn’t leave her, wouldn’t leave her. So I told him, “I will not cure you again if you live with that woman. Better throw her out or you send her somewhere else, yes. But if you are going to live with this woman, I’m not going to cure you.” He also called her and I told her on her face that “You are dominating, horrible, shrewd woman and if you try to torture your husband he cannot be cured.” But he went off. And again … the result was horrible, horrible, horrible. He developed a big spleen like that, all it was taken out and the doctors told that within six months he will be finished. So on both the cases, I would say, a wife tried to dominate the husband and husband getting attached to that wife. It’s recent case I’m telling . .. ”
1993 SHRI FATIMA PUJA, ISTANBUL
Take reality into consideration, not some imaginary ideas you have about your wife
” …Then we are Sahaja Yogis. I have seen some Sahaja Yogis, very great Sahaja Yogis who are married. Very, very ordinary men. Very ordinary, ordinary looking superficially. Or can say some of them could be called as ugly. Some girls are like that, some men are like that. I mean from these norms that you have about beauty and all this nonsense. But when you see a person full of vibrations, she gives you such tranquillity, such joy. Don’t disturb it by having your pre-married ideas about your wife you see. The reality is this is your wife, and you are her husband. Take the reality into consideration. Not some imaginary image you have about your wife. Your wife is before you, she’s your wife.
What’s the use of having imaginary ideas, you will never enjoy your married life. I mean if you have imagination, then you should not even marry, marry your imagination is a better way. Why to ruin somebody’s life, why to make somebody miserable. They are all intelligent and good Sahaja yoginis. We have seen to it they are all very good Sahaja Yoginis. But once you try to misbehave with your wife or try to create problems for us, naturally we don’t want you any more in Sahaja Yoga because it is getting too much, and you know as it is, not easy to marry you, to get your visas, to take you down there it’s quite a lot of work one has to go into it.
So now don’t think that you have been forced into any marriage, you have been asked into any marriage, please. If you give up this kind of imaginary ideas about this marriage, again and again I am telling to you today now and this time also, this present moment, all those who feel that way should immediately tell me, I will be extremely happy…”
1993 ADVICE TO THE BRIDEGROOMS, GANAPATIPULE
Give up Sahaja Yoga for the time being and solve your problems
“…Now there are people who have, say, horrible wives or horrible husbands. I don’t mind, they can give them up. If they are absolutely impossible, if they are spoiling their purity, if they are torturing their lives, then the best is to get rid of them. I don’t mind. Because if they are so bad that you cannot use them. Just like this body, if it is so bad, it’s better to give up and die. So that, let that relationship die out. But that death should come to you as a very forceful help; otherwise, after that, if you become a nervous personality, what’s the use? So what you have to do after such a thing has happened – that you have given up such a relationship – then, if you have to go to courts and all that, you should give up Sahaja Yoga for the time being. Solve your problems. Solve your court problems, everything, then come to Sahaja Yoga. We do not want to get involved into this kind of a thing at all, that we have broken any family or anything. If you cannot carry on with a wife, not that Sahaja Yoga should be an excuse. Because you cannot carry on with her, you should have this thing – go out of Sahaja Yoga, do what you like with your wife, finish it off once for all. And you should tell her, “I am no more a Sahaja Yogi.” Get it out, and then come to Sahaja Yoga. But by coming to Sahaja Yoga you will be really troubling Me too much … ”
1984 RAKSHA BANDHAN, UK
CREDITS
Compilation and Book Research :
Henno and Trupta deGraaf, Lakshmi Ward, Marie Rajan, Victoria Zyblut, Phil Ward
Photography :
Paul Anant, Calin Chiroiu, Matthew Cooper, Dmitry Kovalev, Michael Markl, Richard and Gautama Payment, Axinia Samoilova, Vera Subkus
Design Credits :
Dara Tittjung, Mario Barba, Manfred Tittjung