CREDITS

Compilation and Book Research :
Henno and Trupta deGraaf, Lakshmi Ward, Marie Rajan, Victoria Zyblut, Phil Ward
Photography :
Paul Anant, Calin Chiroiu, Matthew Cooper, Dmitry Kovalev, Michael Markl, Richard and Gautama Payment, Axinia Samoilova, Vera Subkus
Design Credits :
Dara Tittjung, Mario Barba, Manfred Tittjung […]

NEGATIVE CONDITIONINGS

DIVORCE, WRONG IDEAS AND CONDITIONINGS
Divorce and money
” …There is another third thing that I have seen about the western people is that they are literally frightened of marriage, literally frightened. First is they may live with a woman for ten days, or twenty days, or ten years. But as soon as they get married they go for a divorce, very funny. For this I think the law is responsible, because the women think they will get money out of their husbands maybe, […]

CHILDREN

Look after your children, give them joy, have a beautiful nest for them
” …Because you are like the flowers which have to produce a fruit. That’s what nature wants. Nature wants that you are there to produce the fruit, that is, your children. That’s why you are men and women. That’s the basics. Now, if you think that with that responsibility if you can do something else you should do. But the main thing is that, […]

BALANCE IN THE MARRIAGE

SECURITY AND PEACE
As soon as you start asking for justice then there is no peace
” . . . So we have to understand what we have contributed towards the peace of our family and justice in the family and also outside. We have to have justice. Justice is not to be demanded, as soon as you start asking for justice then there is no peace. So we should not ask for justice, we should do justice to ourselves and to others, […]

MUTUAL RESPECT

DOMINATION
This is the key of having an exclusive married life
” …Now to think that the woman is dominated by man or man is dominated by woman comes from a kind of a complex and this complex must be given up. You are complementary to each other. You decorate each other. Never talk ill of your husbands and never talk ill of your wives. This is the key of having an exclusive married life … […]

LOVE AND APPRECIATION

ENJOY, UNDERSTAND AND APPRECIATE EACH OTHER
It should be such a give-and-take and such a beautiful thing. For that, the key of married life is purity
” …We all are with you all the time to help you to sustain your relationships. All of us must see that we sustain their relations, make them feel the sweetness of married life. All the teasing, and all that, should add up to their relationship. And the whole enjoyment of their companionship should flow to us as the ripples flow towards the shores and again are repelled back into the ocean. […]

BEGINNING OF THE MARRIAGE

If even in Sahaja Yoga there is incompatibility then where is there going to be compatibility?
” …Some people, who in the beginning are very much away you see, then they are thinking “This girl has got curly hair” – finished – “Her father must be this, that must be this, she must be that.” Like that. Or the girl might be thinking about the husband, “This must be. So I’m still sitting and judging, I have to take some time, […]

HUSBANDS & WIVES

Marriage is meant to give joy. Shri Mataji said that there should be “competition in loving, in trusting, in being honest and kind,” but She has also indicated that it is dangerous for our ascent to fall into the trap of romanticism.
Shri Mataji has given much advice about the many aspects of married life: generosity, feeling oneness, respect, understanding each other … to name a few.
One purpose of a Sahaj marriage is for a husband and wife to participate together in the spreading of Sahaja Yoga. […]

GENTLENESS

You have such a great power of love and compassion
” … In the presence of others, you shouldn’t shout at her. And you should not correct her. Moreover, no husband should shout at their wives. That is something I can’t understand, why should husbands shout. It shows a very bad upbringing. We’re all Sahaja Yogis. You are brought up by Me. I am your Mother. And please never shout at your wives, never show your temper. […]

ADVICE

Loving the wife, looking after her and the children is very important :
” … So once for all, now only you decide that you are marrying – it’s a very, very big responsibility. We want Sahaja Yoga marriages to be very successful and all of you should enjoy a very happy married life. No use dominating, no use controlling, but enjoying each other’s company. Because your wife is also Sahaja Yogini, you are also Sahaja Yogi. […]

RESPECT

RESPECTING THE WIFE AND HER QUALITIES
The more you respect the housewife, the whole society will change:
” … We But the men must understand. The more you start respecting the housewife, the Gruha Lakshmi in the family – the more there is respect, the more there will be settling of these women in their proper places: becoming proud of their houses and families and their own set up that they have to attain. They’ll feel they’ll have a meaning, […]

THE ROLE OF THE HUSBAND

Shri Mataji has compared the qualities of the husband with those of Shri Rama. He was a very noble and virtuous character. The qualities of a husband are more of the right side. He is aware of his responsibilities towards his wife and family. He is expected to know what he wants, to be idealistic and to have convictions.
In marriage, the husband is able to express these qualities while considering the needs and sensitivities of his wife. […]

INDIAN AND WESTERN WOMEN

Tigers :
INDIAN AND WESTERN WOMEN
” …So this is what, where we lack collectivity. I was saying that all Indians must find out some place where they could go and plant something. Get hold of some sort of a place where they could go and plant some nice banyan trees, water it together, work it out together. Now the Indian women are that way better. They do lot of work as far as the cooking is concerned and all that, […]

ATTACHMENT, MONEY AND SOCIETY

PRESERVING SOCIETY AND SAHAJA YOGA
It is your duty to preserve the society of Sahaja Yogis
” …You must respect him, you must look after him and care for him. Sometimes he may lose little bit of his balance. It is you who has to bring him back to balance with very gentle ways. It is your duty to preserve the society of Sahaja Yogis. People will come to your house. If they are Sahaja Yogis, […]

ADVICE

THE BEARING POWER
She takes all the problems upon herself because she is the strongest :
” … A woman is the strongest point of the household. Like this Mother Earth, she takes all the problems upon herself because she is the strongest. Who else can withstand this kind of weight on her? It is the mother.
In the same way, a woman in the house is the mother and she has to bear, you see. […]

GIVING AND GENEROSITY

GIVING LOVE AND BEING GENTLE
The sweetness of a wife who will emit love and peace to others
” …We First quality you must have is the generosity of character. You should not mind giving up anything to anyone if they want. You will enjoy your generosity now, and in that you should be generous when you forgive others. Forgiveness is very important, and then you will never feel the brunt of your married life. Forgive. […]

AN IMPORTANT ROLE

THE SHAKTI
They are the power of the family
” …If women understand their maturity and their responsibility as women, because they are the shaktis (powers), they are the power of the family, and they are the potent shakti for the husband as well as for the children, but if they get disturbed then the husband is disturbed and children are also disturbed … ”
1981 NABHI CHAKRA, 3RD PUBLIC PROGRAM, SYDNEY
Whatever you do will be reflected in the whole family and in the whole Sahaja Yoga system
[…]

THE ROLE OF THE WIFE

Shri Mataji has often compared the qualities of the wife with the qualities of Mother Earth. She is nourishing, she gives and creates beauty. She has also called the wife the Shakti or power of the family, which is a very important role. The powers of a wife are more of the left side: she expresses love, forgiveness, gentleness, generosity, peace, security and understanding.
If she accepts that these are her real powers, then she is the source of happiness and prosperity in the family and in society. […]

TWO WHEELS OF A CHARIOT

Shri Mataji has often described the different characteristics of men and women. Within each marriage these complementary qualities are combined to form a beautiful unity. As has been said many times: men and women are equal, but different. They are like two wheels of a chariot, equal in size, but one on the right and one on the left. In that, the husband is said to be the head and the wife the heart.
One of the beauties of Sahaja Yoga is that these different roles and qualities are recognised, […]

MARRIAGE VOWS

These are the vows taken during the marriage ceremony with Shri Mataji
The Bridegroom Says Thus to the Bride :
THE FIRST ROUND
I remember Shri Adi Shakti Mataji in my heart, and tell you that you must keep the chastity that would be necessary for a good Mooladhara. Our benevolence and auspiciousness lies in completely accepting and keeping full respect of innocence and forsaking cunningness.
THE SECOND ROUND
I remember Shri Adi Shakti Mataji in my heart and tell you that the divine aesthetics of married life should be seen in our daily life, […]

THE MEANING OF SAHAJA MARRIAGE

A SAHAJA MARRIAGE IS SPECIAL
You have to bring glory to the system of marriages because it is the system established by God Almighty
” …We have to teach ourselves. You know how much damage has been already done by having bad marriages, divorces. We have to teach ourselves, we have to bear up a little bit, we have to educate, re- educate and improve ourselves and not to say that “I am such and such, […]

WHY SHOULD WE MARRY?

” …Marriage is meant to give joy, is meant to give cheerfulness, happiness and all the blissful things that we can think of achieving through our combination with two human beings, we can say. It’s a very close and private relationship which has to be respected. It is not to be in any way dishonoured or indiscreetly squandered away. Those who cannot respect their partners in life will never be respected anywhere else. Those who ill-treat or in any way try to spoil the image of their partners are harming themselves. […]

THE MEANING OF SAHAJA MARRIAGE

All through the ages and in many cultures, the system of marriage has been accepted and enjoyed as the cornerstone of human society. Marriage is the basis of morality. It provides collective sanction and is the foundation of a secure and chaste society.
In Sahaja Yoga marriage has a special dimension. It brings joy to oneself and others, and is a source of support to the collectivity. It is not only a union of love between two people, […]

THE SAHAJA MARRIAGE LIST

We really never want to force anybody to marry anyone
” … This is for all the future brides and bridegrooms. I have to tell you very frankly that in Sahaja Yoga we really never want to force anybody to marry anyone. Of course we see to different aspects of your personality and then accordingly we try to choose, it’s a tremendous task … ”
1991, TALK BEFORE MARRIAGES
Let Sahaja Yoga decide
” …But for a Sahaja Yogi it is very important to look after our chastity. […]

NOT TO LOOK FOR A PARTNER IN THE SAHAJA COLLECTIVE

“ …But if you want to marry in Sahaja Yoga, then you should not go on searching people in Sahaja Yoga. Now today is a very great day of Raksha Bandhan, so I have to tell you something about Raksha Bandhan. Before that we have to talk about the maryadas that are to be observed by Sahaja Yogis.
One of the things I discovered here in the West, that though we have understood the importance of Mooladhara – […]

INNOCENCE AND CHASTITY

Innocence, which is deep down within us – is our nature, is the essence of this Creation
” … So the priorities have to change if Shri Ganesha is to be worshipped. What are we worshipping today is the innocence within us. We are worshipping that which is auspicious, which is innocent. Innocence, which is deep down within us – that’s our character, that’s our nature, that’s what we are born with – is the basic of this whole Creation; […]

ATTITUDE BEFORE BEING MARRIED

In the book MEN AND WOMEN, one sees how much importance Shri Mataji gives to innocence and chastity. She even says that this would be a great day of real ecstasy if we could re-establish the principle of brother-sister relationships. Enjoying a pure relationship with others is only possible when one is chaste.
Furthermore, to maintain innocence, security and the sanctity of the collectivity, Shri Mataji has made it clear that it is generally not acceptable to look for a partner within Sahaja Yoga. […]

NOTES

This compilation includes many themes which are repeated in the lectures of Shri Mataji. These have been classified according to the subject they touch upon.
At the beginning of the sections, a few comments written in italics are given to introduce the subject. These are researchers notes and not from Shri Mataji.
All content between ” … ” are quotes from Shri Mataji’s talks. The titles in the beginning are in bold to give you a quick overview of the subject. […]

Acknowledgements

After having published the book called “Raising Children in Sahaja Yoga”, the idea spontaneously came to compile a similar book on the role of men and women in Sahaja Yoga.
As we began listening to Shri Mataji’s speeches, we realized the breadth of the subject – one book soon became two. The first book is about the roles and qualities of men and women, as well as the brother- sister relationship. The second book concerns different aspects of married life. […]

Introduction

Her Holiness Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi has on many occasions described and given advice about the many roles men and women fulfill in their lives. This book attempts to make this knowledge available. It contains excerpts from talks of H.H. Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi regarding our attitude before and during marriage, as well as its role in Sahaja Yoga. This compilation can of course in no way replace the talks of Shri Mataji in their entirety. […]

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated with deepest love and respect to H.H. Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi, who is the source of all the knowledge which it contains.
Her Shri Mataji has inspired many men and women with Her own life. She has led an extraordinary life which is the expression of our most beautiful dreams. Shri Mataji has been a role model as a child, as a young woman, a woman, a sister, a daughter, a wife, […]