DEDICATION
This book is dedicated with deepest love and respect to H.H. Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi, who is the source of all the knowledge which it contains.
Her love for children, Her patience with parents and Her compassion for humanity will always be an example for the present and future generations.
JAI SHRI MATAJI
Introduction
Her Holiness Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi has offered much advice on raising and educating children. This book is an attempt to make this knowledge easily accessable. It contains excerpts from talks of Shri Mataji relevant to the subject of raising and educating children in Sahaja Yoga.
Many themes are repeated in the lectures of Shri Mataji. These have been classified according to the subject they touch upon such as discipline, motherhood, physical care, etc.
At the beginning of several chapters, a few comments written in italic are given to introduce the subject. These are not from Shri Mataji.
All content between ” … ” are quotes from Shri Mataji’s talks. The titles in the beginning are in bold to give you a quick overview of the subject.
This compilation is not a replacement for Shri Mataji’s lectures in their entirety. Our intention is to offer a source of reference to Her approach in raising and educating children. Reading or listening to the original speeches is recommended.
An appendix compiling the talks from which these excerpts have been taken is in the back of the book.
We hope, that through this work, the Spirit of Shri Mataji’s teachings will resonate in us and help us lead a beautiful life filled with love, respect and dignity.
JAI SHRI MATAJI
Acknowledgements
The idea for this book arose from the desire to provide access to valuable material Shri Mataji has offered us on the subject of raising children. The original intention was to create this for Sahaj Yuvas, many of whom already have, or are reaching the age, of becoming parents themselves.
As we began compiling material, we discovered so much knowledge which we had not known (or forgotten). The book has proved helpful to us in our continued efforts in raising our own children as well as treating all Sahaj children with the dignity and respect Shri Mataji has shown us.
We would like to thank the following Yogis for their valuable time and effort in making the publication of this book possible :
Trupta de Graaf for the research and compilation. Henno de Graaf and Maggie Keet for their encouragement and constant support. Gudula Diaz-Granados, Guillemette Metouri and Brigitte Shehov for their advice and support. Richard Payment, Dragos fonel, Petra Schmidt, Michi Markl and Guy Jeffrey who, at such short notice, provided the images. The photographers who have unknowingly contributed. Manfred and Dara Tittjung for the design and production. Rahul Bhasale for his support in this project.
We hope that both our children and the rest of the collectivity will enjoy this resource.
THE IMPORTANCE OF PROPER UPBRINGING
When somebody finds a treasure and sees the beauty and value of it, he does everything to keep it safe. In the same way when we see the beauty of children and realise the greatness of motherhood and parenthood, we will give importance and time to the care of children and put all our love to raise them.
In the next pages are quotes from Shri Mataji describing the beauty of children, the greatness of motherhood and the need of a good upbringing for our children.
CHILDREN, THE REFLECTION OF SHRI GANESHA
Shri Ganesha shines through them very clearly :
” . . . We should have to learn so much from the children, how innocent they are, how simple they are. They are very generous, and children will give away everything that they have, everything. They don’t understand possession of things, just imagine! If somebody likes something, “All right, have it!” And they’ll keep something for a person who likes something, you know. They are wonderful people, and we have to learn a lot from children. And their smiling faces and their joy should teach us how to behave, because Ganesha shines through them very clearly … ”
(2002 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA)
When you see a child, it tickles joy within you :
” . . . So this principle (innocence) is the most pleasing principle, is the most pleasing principle for human beings to see the children, to play with them, to enjoy their company. Why? Because it has that sweetness of a child. It’s really, I should say, tickles joy within you when you see a child. Immediately, the face becomes different. I have told you that I have even seen a crocodile cracking her eggs. They showed it in a film, and you should have seen the eyes of the crocodile at that time, how carefully she was cracking,. So beautiful her eyes were, full of – such love pouring out of her eyes. You can’t believe these are the eyes of the same crocodile, and so slowly she was cracking with her mouth all the eggs and the little, little crocodiles coming out. And then she brings them on the shore and washes them in the mouth all the time, so carefully, like a bathroom she uses her mouth, you see…”
(1989 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
We have to learn a lot from children :
” … They are not only spontaneous, but they are very confident. And the way they were anxious that we should all be one with them. They tried to act so well as surprising and do their level best to make it a success. I don’t know how to really express My thanks to them in their childlike language. This is the era where children are going to be born of a very high quality. And we all have to understand that we have to have full understanding and awareness of these great people being born on this Earth and also that we are the people who are trustees of these children. We have to look after them as trustees and to guide them properly. Our own lives should be such that the children should understand that: This is a different type of family we are born into. Our parents are different and we are in a very dharmic area … ”
(I988 EVENING PROGRAM, SHUDYCAMP)
See and watch how children are :
” … If Shri Ganesha is within, you become like a child, childlike innocence, you don’t get angry with somebody like a dog barks. There are some Sahaja Yogis I know who are all the time barking, just like dogs or beggars in India. But you become like a child who is very sweet, who always tries to amuse you, always tries to say nice things, always tries to make you feel happy. The source of such joy. And that’s how you become a source of joy, source of happiness, source of fulfilment. All the time bubbling with laughter and happiness, bubbling with beautiful things. How the children amuse you, just see and watch. How they come round with little, little hands, how they work it out. How they know what the right thing is. A child who is a Realized soul is much more sensible than a grown up person, I’ve seen that … ”
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
Innocence is under attack …It is difficult to know how far to go with children :
” … The first sign of Shri Ganesha in a child is wisdom. If the child is not wise, if he is troublesome, if he does not know how to behave, then that shows that the Shri Ganesha is being attacked by him. And these days in the modern times, as it is, children are very much under attack. Innocence is under attack. And it is very difficult for people to make a fine line as to how far to go with children and how far not to go … ”
(1989 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
MOTHERHOOD IS THE GREATEST THING
“Motherhood is the highest thing …
… I tell you the race, any race which does not have superior mothers cannot exist, cannot exist. Any country which doesn’t have mothers of a great quality cannot exist. It will perish no doubt about it. The mothers have to look after the preservation, not only of their own children, but of the whole race, of the whole nation. It is a very important thing.
Wherever the mothers have failed, the nations have failed. So try to understand that it is the mothers’ duty to do this. If the mothers themselves are small minded, mothers themselves are selfish, the whole nation will be. Everything passes through the mother to the children .. . ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
This is the greatest thing to be the mother, to love everyone :
” … You see, you are a mother, and you have to treat your children with that dignity and with that love that a mother should give. It is very difficult for some people to accept the position of a mother. They think, “Why women should be the mothers”? I say this is the greatest thing. Look at Me. This is the greatest thing to be the mother, to love everyone, that they depend on you for love and guidance. Just for love. Such a great thing to tell: “Oh God, you see, how much I can give. How many cups I can fill”. It’s such a great feeling. I wish you would know what a mother is. And the motherhood you have to learn from your children and grand children and expand … ”
(1980 ON CHILDHOOD)
The dignity of a mother must be respected :
“… I’m sure you all must have respected your mothers very much. But now as mothers I don’t know if you will be respected . Once this is established, that a mother itself is the highest position a woman can reach and she is to be respected, all the priorities will change among women also. Because what can they do? They have no place as mothers, so they just get fed up of their children, they think, “What’s the use of this motherhood? It’s a thankless job.” All this can only change when man changes within himself, when the transformation takes place…”
(1982 PP DERBY – VISHUDDHl, HEART, AGNYA)
“Motherhood is much more important than the Guruhood …
” …Because the guru is the one who trains you, makes you efficient. But the Mother forgives, She loves you, She sustains you and She teaches you how to love. She has tremendous patience and tremendous love and She does it singlehanded, She doesn’t expect anything from you. Absolutely selfless. Selfless is a very small word I should say, it’s such an expansive compassion which engulfs everything that is wrong, dissolves it, digests it, absorbs it.
So it’s a very great day of Navaratri for all the Sahaja Yogis. Because then She took Her form as Sita, as the Power of Shri Rama, the silent potential, suffering … how much She suffered, how much She suffered! Then She took the form of Radha. Then She came as five powers of Saraswati as the five wives of Shri Krishna. Then She came as Mary. That was the greatest suffering, I think, to see the Son being crucified. The suffering – silent, patient suffering – She had to go through it.
To see all that drama was too much. She went through all that because you all had to cross your Agnya Chakra, She had to sacrifice Her Child. It’s easy for a father to do that, very difficult for a mother. Now you are all mothers, so many of you, you will know what it is to have a child and how one feels about it … ”
(1985 NAVARATRI PUJA)
“Why, why? Why should we make ourselves so cheap?
… We are mothers and we should be proud of our motherhood. Motherhood is the highest thing a woman can achieve. I mean, I have achieved it, because I am a Mother for thousands. And I think that is the greatest thing that can happen to a woman is to be a mother … ”
(1982 PP DERBY – VISHUDDHI, HEART, AGNYA)
Vatsala, the feeling of love between the child and the Mother :
” …So the vibrations itself about which you are asking, these vibrations themselves are nothing but the Principle of Shri Ganesha. He is Omkara. And when it is, then what is it, that feeling as I told you, the Vatsala, the feeling of love between a child and a mother. That feeling, it is the one that is vibrations between the child and the mother. The distance between the two is vibrations and that’s what one has to feel- that he is a child still and there is the mother and the mother is bringing up the child, giving all the powers to the child, bringing up, loving the child, understanding the limitations of the child . Looking after all that.
All the sweetness, all the wisdom of the child to be appreciated. That is vibrations. And if you see the subtle side of this, it’s not my child. Should not – it’s not only a limited thing because it is eternal, it’s everywhere, so you cannot have it limited … ”
(1989 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
To love and protect your children is joy giving :
” … When it comes to giving, give it with your full heart. Just feel that love of giving, and you feel so happy. Because you feel so big about yourself. Like an ocean that’s giving so much of clouds and again it is receiving these rivers into it, and again making it into clouds. It’s sort of a circle of a beautiful conversion into beauty after beauty starts, it is so beautiful.
And that’s what we should try to become. A part of that circle which is so beautiful and which is so joy-giving to yourself also and this is what it is, and this hand is for” ashraya”, means for the protection. You must protect the people who are your subordinates, who are dependent on you, your children … ”
(1980 ON CHILDHOOD)
You enjoy working for your children :
” … But a mother accepts as the child is. Because that is her own creation. If there is a defect in the child she accepts that defect as her own and she works for it. She works very hard. So sacrifice because you enjoy it, you enjoy doing that, you enjoy working for your children and if it was not so, this world would never have existed … ”
(1980 THE MOTHER)
Children understand the Mother :
” .. . So on Mother’s Day we must understand that we are mothers and mothers have a special responsibility, to be so placed that they should not be irritated, hot tempered and also unkind. They can take up lots of things if they understand they are mothers. After all, look at the Mother Earth. How much she suffers. In the same way, all the mothers can take up a lot of things about them and the children remember all that, that how much our mother has done for us. How much patient she was. How kindly she was. How she looked after us. All these things they understand … ”
(I980 ON CHILDHOOD)
Mothers will aspire to be something higher than the rest of the people :
” … So in these countries where people are already ego-oriented, when there are all kinds of other problems, everything, we should try to purify our minds, keep it clean, have the thoughts of higher visions, higher things, greater people who are able to come to Sahaja Yoga. Those numbers that we think of, let us have, how many we are going to have, how many we are going to receive. All these things, you see, they make you sublime, and all this sublimation of the brain gives you that kind of a power by which you really help your children.
A father is a drunkard, supposing, but the son never remembers it, he doesn’t want to remember. A father who is a murderer or a thief, no son feels very happy about it, though he may say he’s my father. But a father is the idealism, father who is sacrifice, a father who has something special about him, every child will remember him. A father who is hot-tempered, who is angry type, the child may agree or succumb to him, but he will not remember that father much. He will have no respect for such a father.
So it’s such a mutual thing to have respect, to have anything, you must behave in a manner which is respectable and the idea of a mother is that she should be worshipable. So you mothers, you will aspire to be something much higher than the rest of the people … ”
(I985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
THE NEED FOR GOOD UPBRINGING
With a good upbringing children become extremely beautiful:
” . . . But as children if they have an influence, very beautiful influence of proper family life, proper school life, proper guidance, proper love and help in every wayin their growth, then children become extremely, extremely good, beautiful. And I bless all the Sahaja Yogis to have children of that nature, and to look after your children. That’s very important, because they are tomorrow’s Sahaja Yogis and they should be a better quality, because you are coming from another lot! They are coming from the innocence so they are very pure, and their purity must be respected and must be guarded. Maybe that you will understand the importance of children and develop Ganesha qualities in them . .. ”
(2002 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA)
Children are the ones who are going to lead humanity:
” … Now we are facing little children. They are the ones who are Incarnations. They are the ones who are going to lead humanity into some great advancement. The humanity has to be looked after. They are tomorrow’s humanity. And we are today’s. And what are we giving to them, for them to follow? What is their aim in life? Very, very difficult to say. But, with the Sahaja Yoga, they will all go in the proper way. They’ll behave in a proper way and the whole thing will be a different mass of Sahaja Yogis coming up.
But it is the duty of bigger Sahaja Yogis to look after them; to have better moral standards, to have better lives so that they follow your life and become genuinely good Sahaja Yogis. It’s a very big responsibility. Perhaps we don’t recognize it, we don’t understand, but all these are little creatures which are after the image of great souls, and they should be brought up in that way, respected in that manner and loved with great care. This is to be understood.
The problem with our elderly people is this, that we do not consider them to be considered, to be bothered about, to be understood about. We think we are too intelligent, too good and we need not waste our energy with them. This is the trouble of the elderly people … ”
(2003 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA)
You have to bother about them, and everything will work out:
” … And people care for children. That is the first thing you must do is to care for your children. That is fighting your Swadishthan a. Anything bothers you, you worry about your own children- finished . You have to bother about them, and everything will work out … ”
(2007 SECOND NIGHT NAVARATRI PUJA, SYDNEY)
You must know how to keep a complete margin to your love:
” … So love for your child has to be absolutely important, but you should not as Sahaja Yogis have only attachment for your child, first thing. And the second thing is you must know how to keep a complete margin to your love. The margin is benevolence. ” Is it benevolent for my child? Am I spoiling my child? Am I too much encouraging my child? Am I playing into the hands of my child? Or I am managing the child alright?” Because in childhood the father and mother have to manage the children. They have to take children and children have to be obedient and they have to listen to parents … ”
(1989 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
Both the things, emotion and responsibility, have to be integrated:
” … But what I am going to tell you today is a little about the relationship of parents with their children and how it is supposed to be. First of all, we develop two kind of relationship with our children, in that one is emotional and the other is responsibility . Emotions and responsibility remain two different things. Suppose there is one mother, and her child learns or does something wrong, still because of emotions she says, “All right let him do it, nowadays all children are like this, what to say to the child, everything is fine.”
Another Mother is there who wants to make her children dutiful and responsible. For that she says to her children to get up early in the morning, be active, study hard, go to school in time, sit here, sit there, wear the clothes properly etc. and she is always behind her child to correct him.
Now I should tell you that this is not integrated. Today in Sahaja Yoga we have integration. Both the things (emotion and responsibility) have to be integrated. There has to be integration, not combination. The difference between combination and integration comes because our emotions should be responsibility and responsibility should be our emotions.
Like we love our children. Then we will say that because we love him so it is our duty and responsibility that he should walk on the right path. And he should walk on the right path because we love him. If we don’t correct our child or don’t tell him the right way to live then it means that we are emotionally dominating.
Then you say: “What is there in correcting them? Let it be, let them do what they want, they will be hurt if we correct them or scold them. Why to hurt them? Another person will think: No, even if they feel bad or get hurt, we have to purify them, cleanse them and make them shining.”
But when integration comes, then the person makes his own behaviour and nature such that it affects the child . . . ”
(I983 THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PARENTS & CHILDREN AND TEACHERS & STUDENTS)
GENERAL ADVICE ON CHILDCARE
This section contains the advice Shri Mataji has given on raising children. She has often told us the importance of correct behavior in parents and the need to give discipline in a balanced manner.
Shri Mataji spoke on subtle ways to correct children, the danger of spoiling or getting too attached to them.
She has emphasized the value of collective care for strengthening the Mooladhara of children. She has told us how to look after their vibrations, what we have to teach them as children, as yogis and as members of society.
Finally, Shri Mataji has given us many practical and valuable tips on the physical care of children.
THE IMPORTANCE OF PARENTS’ BEHAVIOR
Shri Mataji has in many occasions talked about the fact that the way parents behave in the family has a big influence on children. Children follow the example of their parents, and parents need to give a proper place to children in their life.
Shri Mataji has also often said that parents should not fight in front of the children. They should behave in a decent way and give security to the children.
CHILDREN FOLLOW THE EXAMPLE OF THE PARENTS
Children learn from the behaviour of the parents:
” … They follow your example. They absorb your behavior. Children also learn from your own behavior. Now you tell your children not to drink, and if you drink like a fish, then how will they listen to you? In the same way in Sahaja Yoga also, you do not meditate, you are not disciplined, you live in a very untidy manner, you are extremely careless, you do not honour people, your tongue is very loose, or you are very sharp, children pick it up. They absorb these things so quickly. It’s amazing how children absorb … ”
(1985 SCHOLARSHIP )
Whatever we do, the children take to easily
” … It’s a common sense, that whatever we do, the children take to easily, so whatever you want to give them, whatever you want to impart to them, that’s how you should behave before them. But now as the society is today, people are not paying so much attention to their children, at all. They’re so, I mean still the ladies are, the Mothers are still like brides, you know busy finding new husbands. Husbands are still like bridegrooms, finding new wives, and the children, poor things, don’t know where to look . . . ”
(I982 PP, DERBY – VISHUDDHI, HEART, AGNYA)
Children always keep notice of your behavior :
” . .. For example, the father is a very lazy person, he is a drunkard, smokes and does all filthy things. The Mother is very short tempered, beats and scolds the children a lot, speaks harsh. Then all this affects on the children spontaneously. Then even if you try to give them a thousand preaching’s, nice education etc. but they see what is your behavior. How are these people?
Nothing is going to effect by teaching or telling the children. They learn by seeing. They see the behavior of their parents and learn. They see how you behave with others and how you behave with them. How you behave with each other. Children always keep noticing all this .. ..
So the children always keep on observing your behavior, and whatever you do affects your child deeply, rather than giving him big lectures about righteousness from morning till night. Therefore, all the Sahaja Yogis who are here and whose children are studying here should understand whether they have the integrated knowledge or not. After getting the integrated knowledge one doesn’t feel bad if made to understand things and doesn’t get spoiled even if he is loved a lot … ”
(I983 THE RELATIONSHIP OF PARENTS, CHILDREN, TEACHERS & STUDENTS)
Do not shout, get angry or hurry up :
” … The parent’s behavior is extremely important for the children. Before the children you should not shout, you should not hurry up, you should not get angry. So the child becomes quieter. If the child is not a quiet child then understand something is wrong with you. Definitely with the parents, something wrong, may be in the Nabhi, in the stomach, maybe on the Swadishthana that the child is all the time restless … ”
(I985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
Show we are happy :
” … Adults should laugh before children . Show we are happy. Appreciate them…”
Use good language and talk with dignity :
” … We have to use very good language and we are not to be angry… ”
(I985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
Like I see the children saying the words like :
” … “Get out, get away.” From where do they learn this first? They learn it from their parents, or learn it from friends, or someone they must be learning, because these words are normally not spoken by children. “Get lost.” I’ve seen a little child saying that – “Get lost.” I mean it is too much to say to someone. But it happens like that, because we do not understand what we should talk before the children, how decently. We may be most indecent people, doesn’t matter.
We might be absolutely rotten people even a dacoit (bandit) knows that he should behave properly before his children, because children will become dacoits. Even a prostitute, even a prostitute will understand that she should not behave in a manner that the child takes to prostitution.
(I982 PP, DERBY, Vishuddhi-II, HEART, AGNYA)
Parents should have a good discipline themselves :
” … Another habit the children must form is to get up early in the morning, give them bath; get them ready; give them tea. If the children do not do that, it is because the parents do not discipline them. And also the parents must be ideal about it. If the parents do not have that, then the children are not going to. So the whole responsibility of spoiling the children resides with the parents and no one else. Even Sahaja Yogis should not spoil the children. I can spoil because I am the Grandma. You must take your responsibility … ”
(I980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
What you watch, children watch :
” … There are televisions, there are so many, I should say, propagating things which are not good for children, and they should not see them also. And if the children are realized souls they don’t like to see, they don’t like to see violence, they don’t like to see nonsense, I have seen it. They don’t like it. But the parents are sitting and enjoying nonsense, so they are also sitting; gradually it might crawl into their heads. But normally children don’t like any violence, any beating, any kind of thing … ”
(2002 GANESHA PUlA, CABELLA)
GIVE THE FIRST PLACE TO THE CHILDREN They should be looked after by everyone :
” … Children should be given the first, the primary place in the household, in the family, and they should be looked after by everyone. They are the most important thing. Not somebody, he’s the head of the family, he can shout at the children, nothing of the kind … ”
(2002 GANESHA PUlA, CABELLA)
Take time for the children :
” … Normally right-sided people don’t get children, normally. They’re over right sided, then even they get children, but they are really not liked by the children, because they have no time for children. They all the time are very strict with the children, they shout at them, shout at them, they don’t know how to handle the children. Or they are over-indulgent, because they always think that, “I never got this, so let me give it to the child … ”
(I990 SHRI HANUMANA PUJA, GERMANY)
NO FIGHTING IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN
Forget your problems :
” … So I have to request to you that forget your problems, husband-wife problems is nothing. Look after your children, give them dignity, give them a nest where they could live … ”
(1980 ON CHILDHOOD)
Don’t argue in front of the children :
” … The parents should not argue in the presence of the children, be peaceful … ”
Fight in your bedrooms :
” … Another is husband/wife should never quarrel in the presence of children. If you want to quarrel I can even lend you some sticks, you can fight. Fight in your bedrooms, do what you like. You can break the heads or break the hearts or do what you like, but outside your rooms you are wonderful husband and wife. At least let your children be good, enjoying husband and wife. Actually it is stupid to fight because you must learn how to enjoy each other … ”
(1985 SCHOLARSHIP)
There is no reason to quarrel :
” … Now the husband and wife also should not quarrel too much, I think there is no reason to quarrel, it’s better to keep quiet. If there is any argument, just keep quiet, it will work out. Quarrelling, shouting is not allowed with Sahaja Yogis. Moreover in the presence of children you should never show that. Whatever happens, happens within yourself, come out with it and be kind to each other, in the presence of children it should not be seen … ”
(1985-03 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
Father and Mother should respect each other :
” … If the father doesn’t make the child respect the Mother, the child can never be all right. Because the authority comes from the father no doubt, but the Mother must be respected. But for that it is very important that the Mother must respect the father. So in the presence of children, if you start fighting with each other, misbehaving, and talking in a manner that is not proper, also it will have a very bad effect on the Ganesha Tattwa of the child … ”
(1989 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
Men should put the authority on the Mother :
” … Men have to respect the women in the presence of the children. In the presence of children you should behave. The men should put the authority on the Mother … ”
Don’t answer back:
” … If the husband is gentle with the Mother, the children will be gentle with people. Children should not answer their parents back, so women should not answer back their husbands at all. Even, there is no need for you to spend time away from child when the child is in the house. It’s alright, the child is there. When the child is sleeping, it’s alright you spend time together. But many people also have this habit, that they keep the child in another room and the husband, wife are sitting in another room . All the time the child should not feel that the parents are separate. He should feel he’s a part and parcel of the family all the time. When the child sleeps, then you go and talk to each other. But also some people fight and quarrel in the presence of children. That also is something horrible. So the whole thing is depending on your behavior … ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS )
Do not loose temper in the presence of children:
” … So today is a day of our understanding, and a promise to me that you will try to be good Mothers. May be sometimes, say the husbands who come from outside are in a temper, sometimes. Tell them not to loose temper in the presence of children. Alright, and you have to bear it up, doesn’t matter. Because you can, as Mothers you can. The Mother has a special personality that she can preserve the child, she can digest lot of things. She has a special personality and that’s why a Mother must come up to that point. Moreover I would request the fathers and other relations, the male ones to respect the Mother. Motherhood is the highest thing .. . ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
BEHAVE IN A DECENT WAY
Don’t go romantic in front of your children :
” … You have to guide your children to a proper, sane morality. For that you must behave properly. You should not go romantic in the presence of your children, you should not try to put them in a way that you lock up your rooms and do all kinds of things, but behave in a manner that is dignified . Otherwise children will pick up from you to begin with … ”
(1991 EASTER PUJA, SYDNEY)
Chastity brings peace :
” … If the father and Mother don’t have chastity, the children don’t feel all right, they don’t feel peaceful, they’ll become restless, and then they develop the same restlessness within themselves. A chaste man can never get possessed, take it from Me, can never get possessed. You might be very intelligent, you might be anything, you might be a great writer, but you can get possessed . But a chaste man, an ordinary chaste person can never get possessed. Bhoots are afraid of chaste people … ”
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUlA)
” … For the couple, be aware of your pure and chaste behavior in front of the children. Don’t show or expose your romantic and sexual life to the children. Keep it for when you are alone. By your example, teach them a genuine sense of shame … ”
Abstain from all the time thinking about sex life:
” … But as far as possible try to abstain from all the time thinking about sex life. If you are that way, too much towards it, then what happens, that your mind starts building up and the children suffer because your atmosphere, your vibrations affect the children. So when you are married it does not mean that all the time you should think of that. It is so common that people, for them as if it is a big achievement or some sort of a big entertainment. It is just a thing which should happen to you spontaneously. And the amount of attention we pay to this nonsense is so much and so frustrating sometimes that people get that frustration within themselves. Then the children also build up the same frustration, without knowing why they are so frustrated … ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
GIVE SECURITY TO THE CHILDREN
The children have to get complete love from their parents. Complete assurance:
” … They will have dogs and cats in their bedrooms and the husband and wife will be sleeping separately from children. It’s wrong. They must be given love. They must feel they are very much wanted. They must be important, very important. Why husband and wife are fighting among themselves you see? The wife is a bride and the husband is a bridegroom. Even he’s eighty years old he’s a bridegroom, still ready for marriage, I mean what sort of a thing, absurd it is. The attention is not on the children at all. The children have to get complete love from their parents. Complete assurance. And a picture and a model that marriage itself is a boon.
The integrity and fidelity between husband and wife with love and harmony gives them that feeling. Our children in India, that way, take too much liberties with us. They have our keys, they can take away whatever they like. They can use anyone of my saris. No problem. I mean, they have to do it, but then they feel responsible. They don’t waste so much money as the children here do. If you keep them fulfilled, I mean they never ask for anything. But this is the basic problem from the very childhood, to be on your own, so even in yoga you become on your own … ”
(1978 DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EAST AND WEST, CAXTON HALL)
Install in children the sense of security and respect :
” … So first thing is to install in them the sense of security and a sense of self-respect I think this is the most important thing we have to do … ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
Security gives balance to children :
” … Now the main thing about children is that they should feel completely secure in a place. Security is a very important thing for children. If they do not feel secure in that place then we won’t be able to balance them much … ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
Keep a peaceful atmosphere in the family :
” … The most essential thing is that our child should feel our presence, which will soothe him down. And make him a personality full of peace. Peaceful atmosphere in the family, peaceful parents and peaceful relationships with others, will create people who will appreciate peace. Not by talking about peace. Having organisations of peace … ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
To be on our own gives rise to ego:
” … Now, those people who do not have that assurance from their parents are just like orphans. Feeling, it’s an awful feeling of terrible desolation, complete desolate to feel. You feel so lost in life. I mean, Mother and father are part in yourself, within you. You know that, we have seen now in Sahaja Yoga, how we have to correct your Mother and father chakras. They are within you, you cannot get rid of them .
So this is one big problem which is facing us is this that you have lacked love. Without love, the seed of a human being is drowned in a way. You maybe, because of ego orientation, you see this gives rise to ego. You are on your own, so, you are on your own. Big ego starts working out. Oh, I’m going to do this, I’m going to do this, I’m going to be like this. The ego orientation starts. Then, even when you come to spirituality, the ego orientation is there, to such a great extent, you’ll be amazed . Such a great extent … ”
(1978 DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EAST AND WEST, CAXTON HALL)
DISCIPLINE
Shri Mataji has often given advice on the necessity to discipline children and on how to do it: with love, dignity and respect.
IT IS NECESSARY TO DISCIPLINE CHILDREN
” … Sahaja Yoga children have to be extremely well disciplined…”
(I980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
The children should be handled very carefully and with love :
” … My eternal love flows towards you all and I keep on telling you things and making you understand but you have not got hurt neither you got spoiled. The reason is because it is done with integrated knowledge. If the children know that you love them with full heart then even one scolding is enough but instead if you always keep on scolding them then they think that it is your habit to scold and they don’t pay attention or respect. So the children should be handled very carefully and with love … ”
(I983 THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PARENTS & CHILDREN AND TEACHERS & STUDENTS)
” … You must learn to discipline your children from love … ” (I985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
Children are to be controlled :
” … I mean children are to be controlled, otherwise why do you need teachers? Let them learn on their own. They need their parents also, very much, to tell them, other wise they should come born out of some trees. Why are they born to parents? … ”
(I992 TALK TO SY AFTER PUBLIC PROGRAM, BRISBANE)
Children have to be constructive :
” … Indian children are considerate (to others) and western children are destructive. They have to be constructive … ”
(1985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
Don’t be afraid of your children :
” .. . Here I find that the parents do not take the responsibility to pass on any information to children about disciplining themselves, because children are also extremely aggressive. They don’t want to know about it. So the parents also dare not tell them that: “It is good for you, please do it this way; it is better that you meditate.” They’re afraid that they may lose their children if they tell them like this … ”
(1991 BHAVASAGARA PUJA, BRISBANE)
You must know how far to go with your children :
” … This upbringing is a very important thing in Sahaja Yoga because by God’s grace you all have got realised children. So you must know how far to go with your children . To make them wiser. To be moral, to be righteous, first thing is that you should try to preserve their wisdom. If they say something wise, you must appreciate. But they should not also say out of place, out of grace. So the misbehaviour is also not to be tolerated in the sense that whatever is wisdom within has to be expressed outside as light … ”
(1989 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
Discipline has to be there :
” … Now I do not want to put too much restrictions on children in the name of discipline in the beginning, because children are themselves very much disciplined. But discipline has to be there. So for certain things, I tell you, if you follow the practice, say of getting up in the morning time, slowly you will find children cannot sleep after that time. All these good habits can be done. To sleep earlier, to get up early, not to talk too much, not become also absolutely deaf and dumb sort, but to talk whatever is necessary, what is not necessary not to talk rubbish, not to be frivolous, not to be sarcastic. All these things can be watched very carefully … ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
GIVE DIGNITY TO THE CHILDREN
The best discipline is to put dignity into children :
” … Like it’s a very common thing to insult your children from their childhood: “Why did you spoil that carpet? Why did you do that? You should not have said this! Why did you?” This is a very wrong thing of disciplining.
The best discipline is to put dignity into children. You see, a good home in India is known by the way children are addressed in the family. Like in a good family we address the children like ‘Sir”, little bit like that, …means “Sir”. We never address the children with indignity, and we put them on a dignified level. And it’s a very nice thing … ”
(1980 ON CHILDHOOD)
Give them dignity then they will behave :
” … When we cut them, we cut them at the root. They expect so much from us, you see. They loose all their dignity. And I’ll tell you, you try this with the children. Give them dignity. You’ll be amazed how they behave. We say: “They are spoiled”. I have never seen children being spoilt when they are dignified .. . ”
(1980 ON CHILDHOOD)
They allow their children to have all the freedom :
” … Children should be allowed to have their freedom. Actually when we suppress them too much, they become hooligans, that way Indians are better, they know how to bring up their children. They allow their children to have all the freedom. Just give them the idea of dignity, and when the children are so free with the parents in childhood, by the time they are about four or five they become extremely dignified .. . ”
(I982 PUBLIC PROGRAM, DERBY: VISHUDDHI, HEART, AGNYA)
Tell them about somebody else :
” … If you tell them, see you need not tell them: “Don’t spoil the carpet’. But give them dignity, and they’ll never spoil it. You’ll be surprised, because we all the time cut them short. They become so bad they think they are good for nothing, We don’t know what to do. All the time they are telling us like this. Or even if you have to tell them, tell about somebody else like: “That boy, you know, he was absolutely useless. He didn’t know what to do. He spoilt the whole carpet. I went to his house and he slipped out”. The child immediately gets the thing. But directly all the time hitting the child, you see, gives him a personality which does not hold anything substantial within. He might later on become a very arrogant person, taking a cue from his parents and he may behave the same manner. But he would not be that dignity, which just is silent and expressing and manifesting. It should be a silent dignity which just manifests. And when people see such a person with height, people see and say: “Oh, what a man! What a dignity.” You see that’s what it is. And they become sort of ideals for society. I think this correcting the children is not the way, it is not … never have teenage problem. Never have teenage problem … you’ll be surprised … ”
(I980 ON CHILDHOOD)
RESPECT
Without respect there is no discipline :
” … Respect is the thing; we do not respect our possessions we just indulge in them. Do we respect? We throw our cloths here and there. That’s why the children are born when they grow up they have no discipline; they throw all their clothes here, untidiness, then you shout at them … ”
(I980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
Respect for the Mother gives respect for oneself :
” … You know what I’m told, things Mother has to bear when the child is to be born. Actually it’s a test of her love, I feel, at that time. Still she goes on with it because she wants a child. But when this Motherhood is spoiled in its image, when the Mothers are no more Mothers, they are not respectable, then they are not respected. And then the children don’t respect their Mothers because they have no respect for anything else whatsoever.
The first thing and the last thing is the respect for the Mother. If one does not respect the Mother or the Motherhood, that means he has no respect for himself either. So how does he exist? He exists through his Mother. So Mother is a very, very important institution for the whole creation, for your creation and for the creation of your children and all the progeny that has to come … ”
(I980 THE MOTHER)
FAITH
FAITH
” … So, the ego-oriented societies lose their faith, that’s the way it happens you see. What is a very important thing is faith. They have no faith in their own parents. Now on whom will you have faith? You don’t have faith in your own children, then in whom will you have your faith? That’s a vicious circle we have made. First the parents had no faith in their children, so the children have no faith in the parents. Where to cut it? Let us cut it at this point and see wherever we are. Let us have faith in ourselves. Faith in ourselves .. . ”
(1978 DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EAST AND WEST, CAXTON HALL)
CORRECTING
It is not always easy for parents to correct children without going to the extremes of being too strict or too indulgent. On this subject Shri Mataji has guided us by telling about the importance of talking to them and teaching them how to behave. We should not correct them in public and teach them to pay attention to good things. Shri Mataji has also explained that it is generally unnecessary to slap children in order to correct them.
IT IS IMPORTANT TO TALK WITH CHILDREN
Talk to your own children as Shri Ganesha himself does, that “respect your Mother.” Your Mother means your Holy Mother and your own Mother :
” … Today’s lecture would be more concerning about how far to go with Shri Ganesha as far as children are concerned because that’s a very important point because He is the giver of wisdom. So the parents
Have faith in yourself : must understand: “That if He is the giver of wisdom, there should be wisdom, wisdom within me. And if I have the wisdom, then I have the balance, and I don’t lose tempers with children, but I try to correct them in such a manner that they get corrected.”
On the contrary if you try to be very harsh with your children, they might react and they might go astray. Or you try to restrict them too much, then also they will behave in the same manner. So one thing is to be: talk to your own children as Shri Ganesha himself does, that “respect your Mother.” Your Mother means your Holy Mother and your own Mother . .. ”
(1989 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
” . .. In fact I would say that you must keep them with love. If you find any bad behavior in them or negative activity then observe it three, four times and then peacefully sit with them and tell them that it is not good. You will be surprised to see that if you behave with them properly and with love then they will be afraid to loose your love and will correct themselves fully. But if you have never shown your love to your child and always tried to correct him “Keep this here, keep this there, arrange this, do like this, do like that etc ….. then the children will think that it is your habit to always say like this and they will not give importance to what you say. So your behavior has to be integrated… ”
(1983 THE RELATIONSHIP OF PARENTS, CHILDREN, TEACHERS & STUDENTS)
Respect :
” … And then there is a way of correcting children. I mean, I don’t like that punishment, you can never correct the children. But by telling them stories, by telling them, talking to them, by sorting out with them, you can work it out very well. Because they are all realized souls, they are not ordinary children. And if you talk with them. I tell you. these days the children are so wise. that they immediately take to wisdom. immediately. When they talk. they talk wisdom. I mean all of them sometimes. if you talk to them. you feel you are amongst grandparents or great-grandparents. the way they are talking about things.
So you have to understand that these are special children. they are to be treated with respect and to be brought up with respect and install in their mind that: “You are special children” that “You are children who have to change the world, you have come on this earth for a very great purpose and that’s why you have to be brought up like that.”
And then the disciplining also comes in children when they understand that they are … they themselves discipline. So first thing is to install in them the sense of security and a sense of self-respect. I think this is the most important thing we have to do … ”
(I985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
Show determination :
” … When you want to say something to children. don’t show anger but determination… ”
Talk to them :
” … Don’t say all the time “don’t do that”,” Don’t touch that”: talk to them….”
Have a conference :
” …Don’t correct the child when they misbehave. They get dishonoured. Have a conference. Tell them to be honourable . . . ”
Don’t dishonour them:
” … I’ve seen that you correct your children when they’ll misbehave. “Don’t do that!” That’s not the way. Then you dishonour. You sit down with them. have a conference. “We’ll have a conference now.” you tell them. “We’ll sit down.” So let them feel. let them sit on their chairs like a conference hall. and tell them: “Now see we are all Sahaja Yogis. You are Sahaja Yogis too and the whole world is watching you. You have to be honourable children. You have to behave yourself, you have to do this way. We have to share our things otherwise they will say you are not Sahaja yogi. You have to have dignity.”
You talk to them, develop their personality that way so that they know they have to be majestic, they have to be regal (like a king or a queen). They cannot be cheapish like others. Because all the time we say, “Don’t touch that, don’t do that.” They don’t know, they are confused. Talk to them, sit down, talk to them: what is to be done, how we have to behave, how to say nice things, how to help others, how to share your things, how to give your toys, how to keep your things, how to be neat, how to be tidy. It’s a training, that’s what you have to do . . . ”
(1985 SCHOLARSHIP)
Tell them it is wrong :
” … If children do wrong things, tell them it is wrong. Don’t allow them to have their own way .. . ”
DON’T CORRECT IN PUBLIC
” . .. A child should never be corrected in the presence of others…”
* Never punish in public: ” … Never punish in public. Never shout. Give them notice 3 times, then punish them the 4th time and 5th time in presence of others … ”
” …They must know they will lose your love if they misbehave…”
PAYATTENTION TO GOOD THINGS
Pay attention to good things :
” … The child tries to attract attention, so if he does something bad, like bad words, forget about it then he will forget. Pay attention to good things…”
Distract their attention :
” …So, a rapport has to be established, and an understanding of the children. An appreciation, when they do something good you must appreciate. And when we are doing something, mostly they do wrong things just to attract your attention. If you don’t pay any attention to that then just distract their attention to something else. It’s very easy…”
(1992, TALK TO YOGIS, CANBERRA)
SOME TRICKS TO CORRECT
Give them 2 sticks :
” … They should appreciate others, they should not side with anyone. Let them quarrel a little bit. If they fight too much, give them 2 sticks (to fight then they will understand they have to stop) … ”
Tell them some stories :
” … And you see if any of your children are there you have to tell them some stories. I’ll tell you how. Some children have a habit of beating others or doing something. Then you said, “Now if you beat then a tail comes out of your bottom, like that you see like a doggy and something like that.” And they believe it. They believe it. Next day they’ll ask: ‘/s there a tail coming out?’ (Shri Mataji laughing) ‘Ya maybe, maybe.’ So now you are going to behave: ‘Ya I’II be very. .. ‘
You see all these tricks are to be played to children but they are very clever and they know how to make you dance, you see how to make you their sort of slaves. Sometimes, you know, for everything they will demand: ‘Do this, do this .. . ”
(1991, TALK AFTER MAHAVIRA PUJA, PERTH)
THREE STORIES
Here are 3 little examples Shri Mataji gave to some yogis in Austria in the early 80 ‘s. “When I was working as a nanny at a yogi’s house, Sri Mataji came to do programmes in Vienna. During the day his small son (around 2 years old) was playing in the house and She gave us a few tips about how to deal with certain situations.
Correct With a Toy
“She explained that if a small child is not behaving well you can avoid getting cross with him and get cross with his toy instead. She took the child’s teddy and started playing with it saying, “Come on teddy we’re going to meditate. Come on, sit down. Oh, teddy doesn’t want to meditate.” She played with the teddy as if he was refusing to sit down and was being naughty, and doing all the things which this child sometimes did. The little boy was looking carefully at what was happening, and laughing at how naughty his teddy was. She told us, “You can get cross with the toy, instead of with the child.”
So She made a drama out of it and told the teddy off and smacked him. The child’s attention was completely enthralled by this joyful game. Shri Mataji spent quite some time playing with him and his teddy in this way to show us how it can be done. Then She put the teddy on the floor sitting nicely for meditation, “Now teddy’s sitting nicely, very good teddy. That’s how we meditate.” She explained that the child will get the message by what you are saying to the teddy so you don’t need to say it directly to him; and you can teach them so much just by play.
Let them have respect for you
At one point the father was rolling around on the floor playing with his son, who was only about one year old, letting him jump on him and sit on top of him. Shri Mataji told him that he shouldn’t lie on the floor to play with the child, and if he let him sit on top of him like that he would get ego and not have respect for his father.
Correcting collectively
At one point his Mother was telling him not to do something, but he started playing the clown a bit and he was looking around at all of us. It was very sweet, and some people started laughing, while the Mother was trying to get him to behave. So Shri Mataji told us that we shouldn’t let the child see us laughing. She said, “In India everyone will look very serious and all say no, no, if the child is doing something he shouldn’t. They all look the same and so the child doesn’t get confused.” She smiled and laughed quietly with us, enjoying the child’s sweet naughtiness but in a way that he didn’t notice it, pulling a serious face and shaking Her head when he looked at Her.
NO SMACKING IN GENERAL
Shri Mataji has never beaten Her children and doesn’t like it if parents do. If a child under five really misbehaves and is not controllable anymore, one might give a small smack on the left Swadishthana to scare the negativity away (but not in public) . Not to hurt him but to correct him. One has always to be careful not to do this out of impatience or anger on the side of the parents.
” … I’ve never beaten my children, and I don’t like to. But if you don’t know how to teach them and how to control them, you may use sometimes a slap, doesn’t matter for boys especially once in a while doesn’t matter. If they don’t understand, what to do? So you have to discipline … ”
(1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
” … I don’t like people beating their children or hitting them, and fulfilling their ambitions through the children – it’s very, very wrong. Should leave them alone, they are perfect. Only thing is they should be given proper ideas at a time, appreciation for their chastity, for their well behavior, that should be done . .. ”
(2002 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA)
Till the age of five years, very rarely, not in the presence of others:
” … Until 5 years you can smack our children if they don’t behave (in the room), but not in the presence of others. As I told you, till the age of five years, you can smack them gently. But not to use abuses, not to use anything bad, not to beat children. if they are extremely funny, arrogant, it is all right. Once in a while it’s all right, sometimes you need to slap them. Some of the children are really very sinister type. That’s all right but, that’s very rarely because most of them are realised souls and they won’t trouble you so much, I’m sure they will come round … ”
(1985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
Don’t let them hit : (after an incident with a child)
” … If they hit, you hit them on their hand, if they hit with their legs, you hit them there … “
SPOILING
In this chapter the attention goes to the dangers of spoiling children whether by giving too much attention and love, or by being too strict, or by loving only your own child. Spoiling with money and materialistic ideas is also a risk.
NOT TOO MUCH LOVE AND NOT TOO STRICT
Move with the instruction of spirit :
“… We should not love them in a way that they don’t respect you or they don’t listen to you and they should not think that they can convince you and justify themselves. In this way by giving them blind love we spoil them and put them on a wrong direction. In the same way by being too strict with them we make our children such that they turn their faces from us. Then they don’t want to look at your face.
In between these two things is Sahaja Yoga on our Sushumna. Therefore we should remain on Sushumna. Neither we should flow with too much love nor go with too much responsible behavior. We should flow with the spirit. And when you will move with the instruction of spirit, then you will see that you will be looked after and your children will also be looked after … ”
(1983 THE RELATIONSHIP OF PARENTS, CHILDREN, TEACHERS & STUDENTS)
You’ll spoil them, you’ll spoil yourself :
” … Once the children are born to Sahaja Yogis then the whole world becomes their children. You’ll spoil them, you’ll spoil yourself. They are just, you are just their trustees, but to you it becomes a very big thing that you have produced a child. Anybody can produce; even a dog produces a child, what is so great? .. . ”
(1984 EASTER PUJA, LONDON)
” … So to create a child is not something great, but that you have a child in charge of you, which has to work for God. You are just in charge. But to identify that “This child is great, he’s a very big realized soul” and all that, you see, will blast your head completely, because it’s a subtler blasting. It’s like hydrogen bomb. Ordinary bombs can destroy a part of it, but these subtler bombs are even worse. And that will spoil the child, that will spoil also you, very much, in your ascent…”
Too much love means spoiling :
” … All the time they think you can be taken advantage of. So love is looking after them, massaging, servicing, I mean kindliness and also keeping them to yourself. They can sleep with you, all this is all right. But too much love means is sort of spoiling, they want to do what they like, they want to get up whenever they feel like, they want to spoil everything. They should not be allowed and then they will be nice … ”
(1985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
They will sit on your head :
” . .. Too much interest in children is also not allowed. That all the time run after your children, do this for your children. Because once they know they are dominating you they will sit on your heads . .. ”
(1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
The moment they realize that they will loose your love, they behave themselves :
” .. . If you find your child is obstinate, if you find your child is miserly, if you find your child doesn’t know how to share love with others, or he is dominating, try to curb it down immediately. Children are very clever, extremely clever, the moment they realize that they will loose your love, they behave themselves. So this Mahalakshmi principle has to grow among men as well as in women. We have families now, and this has to work out. That does the whole family sit down and meditate? Do we teach our children the proper protocol of Shri Mataji? Like a lady bringing a perambulator (baby pram) in the hall, is absurd, I mean, can you take a perambulator in the church? This is more than a church. Do you realize whom are you facing?
And this is what you have to tell your children, because this is the greatest time, this is the greatest time when you are here, the greatest time of spirituality of the complete manifestation of the powers of the Goddess. When your children have to be the real flowers of beauty, please don’t try to cover them up with their souls dying out there under the cover of so-called love for Me .. . ”
(1990 DIWALI PUJA)
You should not over spoil them or be over strict with them. You have to be strict with your children :
” … No, you have to be extremely strict with your children when they are growing up. The grand parents can spoil them, not you …”
(1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
You have to serve them but they should not exploit :
” … This is one thing one has to learn about children, you have to serve them. Really, when they are young you have to serve them, pay attention to them, but they should not exploit. Like your child, you remember, when he was travelling with me in the train I thought he was very demanding. All the time she had to talk to him, tell him some stories, do this. I said don’t do that, you are giving too much attention to the child, making too much out of him and that’s why he’s demanding your attention all the time. No he must play, he has to play with himself, he has to be with himself and then he’ll improve … ”
(1985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
Do not spoil them with presents; give them presents at the right time. (1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
ENJOY CHILDREN FROM OTHERS
You are in charge of all the children of Sahaja Yogis :
” … So what you have to do is to see that if you have a child, all right, you are just in charge, as you are in charge of all the children of Sahaja Yogis, not of your own. Be generous. Udara charitaanam vasudhaiva kutumbakam. The person who is a generous person, for him the whole world is his family … ”
(1984 EASTER PUJA, LONDON)
You enjoy other children as much as you enjoy your child :
” … When you become the parents and then you enjoy other children as much as you enjoy your child, then your generosity has started … ”
(1984 EASTER PUJA , LONDON)
Make your child collective :
” .. . If you just think of your own children only and nobody else, then the same children will become devils and teach you a lesson. And you will say next time: “Oh, God! Don’t give me any children! Had enough. ” But if you make the child collective, and teach the child to give others and to enjoy that, then from the very childhood the child becomes extremely generous . . . ”
(1990 DIWALI PUJA)
SPOILING WITH MONEY
Don’t pay your children :
” … Thirdly, so much accent on money, money orientation for children also here as I have seen in the education. Children are asked to clean the car. They’ll pay five pounds, five dollars. Then he does something. Don’t pay them . That’s their work, that’s their job, that’s their responsibility. Otherwise if you start doing like this, you’ll spoil your children with it. At a proper time you can give them some presents or something but don’t start giving them money like this. Then money becomes important .. . ”
(2000 HOW TO PROCEED, L.A. ASHRAM)
Don’t talk about money :
” …So you see this money-orientation also comes from childhood. From childhood if you talk of all these things, money- orientation, children also know this and they talk like that. There are many other things for children we should just avoid. Don’t allow them to go near all such things which are creating money-orientation, because that is the problem of tod ay, that everywhere you find people who have made money illegally, so much money has been made, and there’s no need to do that. But still, you see, they go, this money- orientation is funny thing. It’s a greed, it’s madness, I tell you, real madness. A person wants to have, say, twenty-five cars … ”
(2002 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA)
ATTACHMENT
One of the basic principles to keep the Mooladhara of children in a good state, is to allow them to be in contact with many people other than the parents, from very early childhood. In the West parents often keep their children to themselves, perhaps for fear of loosing them later. This spoils the children and develops their ego. One has to love them but detach from them, trust them to others, allow them to grow up in the security of the collectivity.
You have to be Mothers of all the children :
” … You have got a child to expand, the love that you get for your child or feel for your child, you should feel for all others. You have to be Mothers of all the children not of your own child … “
(1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
Possessiveness by fear to lose them :
” … In the West we want to keep our children to our self that’s why they run away. Possessiveness by fear to lose them … “
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUlA)
We don’t have relationship with others, we are kept extremely protected in childhood :
” … I think the parents have the fear in this country that we’ll lose our children. It’s the biggest loss. After they start getting older most of the children leave their parents and go away. Parents are left high and dry, they feel that our children will leave us at the slightest. So they teach them not to talk to anyone, to be away from everyone and cuddle their own children all the time, look after their own children and they can’t see a child talking to another lady. They feel jealous and they feel that the child will be lost because they feel they cannot give adequate love. If anybody can give love to that child, they feel that that child will be lost. And the child also becomes such an individualistic child that it takes liking to a particular type of a person, and then, after some time, that person starts overpowering that child, and the parents lose the child. It’s a very sick society in that way . . . “
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUlA) People cuddle their children too much :
” … Now, I have seen that people cuddle their children too much in this country. And that’s a very wrong thing to do, all the time carry the child on your lap, carry the child on you, this thing. It’s too much. If you overdo it you will find the same children will hate you. Because in childhood they develop a sensation that they are overdoing the thing you see and they cannot express it. Allow the child to play as much as they like. Take the child whenever it is necessary. Let others take the child, not you … “
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUl A)
They are Mother’s children :
” … Actually I have some selfishness behind that I’m getting you married be cause there are so many great saints who want to be born, and I want only such people to be married by Me who will bear such good children. But we spoil our children. We ruin them. To us they become our children and not the children of Adi Shakti.
Then such children stand out because they are absolutely spoilt, they are very aggressive, they are very naughty, they are very troublesome, they are very possessed. But if you see that you are just there to create children for Sahaja Yoga then the detachment will come… “
(1987 MARRIAGE, KOLHAPUR)
” … Without detachment you’ll ruin them, you’ll ruin yourself, you’ll ruin your married life, and you are good for nothing. “They are my children, my responsibility,” you should not think; “These are Mother’s children and we are just looking after them.” Sometimes you have to scold them, you have to put them right. You have to talk to them and tell them “You are yogis, and you are great people. That’s why we are married … “
(1987 MARRIAGE, KOLHAPUR)
How much we are attached to our children :
” … Then the third one (incarnation of Mahalakshmi) came as the Mother of Christ. She gave Her child to be crucified. Would we just introspect ourselves? How much we are attached like hawks on our children? If anybody says anything to the children, people don’t like it. I have got reports from Switzerland that if anybody says anything to the children the parents don’t like it. No. Nobody should say anything to their children. Here She gives Her child to be crucified for the emancipation of humanity. I can’t even look at the cross! While we are so much attached to our children … “
(1990 DIWALI PUJA)
It’s the Mother who makes the child great :
” … So we must understand. Are we allowing our children to grow big? Are they jealous? Are they saints? Are they beautiful? How do they talk to others? Are they confident? Tomorrow they are going to be the leaders of Sahaja Yogis. Like Shivaji’s Mother, like Jijamata, how she made the son great! It’s the Mother who makes the child great. And if she wants all the time to sort of grab the child and the child to grab the Mother, then it is suicidal. Suicidal for you and suicidal for the children … “
(1990 DIWALI PUJA)
COLLECTIVE CARE
With regards to the problem of attachment, Shri Mataji has often emphasized the fact that raising children should be done on a collective basis. This does not necessarily mean that one has to live in an ashram or send the child to Sahaj schools. Rather it implies that parents should allow others and the sahaj collectivity to also take care of their children and to correct them.
The collective should have a common view on a child ‘s upbringing and discuss how to improve the children.
Of course one of the ways to achieve this (which has been highly recommended by Shri Mataji) is to send your child to a sahaj school if possible.
EVERYTHING HAS TO BE DONE ON A COLLECTIVE BASIS
” … Nobody should object if a child is corrected. Everything has to be done on a collective basis. Nobody should object if a child is corrected. If you protect your child then he becomes clever. He knows nobody can say anything and becomes rude … ”
(1991 FINAL TALK, SYDNEY)
No parents should feel bad if somebody corrects the child :
” … Now, if another person comes and tells about the child, that this child has done, immediately he (Indian parents) will scold the child. He will never get angry with another person: “Why did you say about my child?” But thank him and thank God you have told me because he might be spoiled more. So this is another thing I want to tell you very frankly, that no parents should feel bad if somebody corrects the child . Should thank that person because your children need too much of correction . . . ”
(1991 TALK AFTER MAHAVIRA PUJA, PERTH)
The whole society has to control and discipline the child :
” … Nobody does that and that’s why Indian children are much better. You will not, you have, you must have noticed Indian children in a group there, how they behave, how quiet they are, how sweetly they’re listening to everything. Very nice. The reason is they are disciplined not only by parents, but by the whole society. And the idea is that everybody loves your children. They are the children of the whole society. We live collectively. We are not individualistic. And if they find anything wrong with the child, they should correct.
Of course if you find somebody who is doing it just to show their anger or temper, then you can report to the leader, but normally it should be treated. After all, you are all parents and you know what is good for such children. I was amazed that children are not allowed at all to be corrected by anybody else because, you see, a child , you must know, is a big responsibility and only the Mother cannot control, only the father cannot control. The whole society has to control and discipline the child . .. ”
(1994 TALK BEFORE CONCERT, SYDNEY)
You should never have two views :
” … So when you are dealing with your children, you should be combined to gether in the same manner. You should never have two views. Should be: sit down, discuss with each other how we are going to improve the children, this is what we notice. You should never support your child if he is doing wrong. You should in no way support. If any Sahaja yogi says that this is wrong, then you must take a notice of that … ”
(1987 MARRIAGE, KOLHAPUR)
They should be naturally collective:
” … I wanted to talk about this because yesterday I talked to you about Mooladhara and I have been, I have been seeing and noticing what’s happened to your children, and I find the amount of discipline they have is coming from you. How far you are disciplined and by doing this you play to their hands. They know that they can get you the way they like. They know that you are depending on them. You can’t exist without them. They have this idea. So they don’t listen to you. But if they know that they will lose the love if you don’t behave, they will be alright.
They are very intelligent. So you must .. .see that your children are brought to proper line of understanding because they are different children, special children, given to you as a trust. They are not your children. They are My children. So too much of handling and hugging and this and that is not necessary. I mean, sometimes you break their bones the way you do. It’s too much. Try this on others’ children, less on your own children.
Try to keep your children out and love other children. I don’t know what kind of psychology you people read but it is simple, straightforward thing we must understand that we are Sahaja Yogis, that children have to be in collectivity, otherwise I have to again break my head with them for being collective. They should be naturally collective! … ”
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
GIVE THE CHILD TO OTHERS
” … Send children to other people so they can clear out from you…”
” … They must sit with other people, open their heart to others … ” It is regarded as bad manners to take your own child in the
presence of others :
” … As far as the children are concerned, it’s a sick society. It doesn’t know how to bring up their children. Just the opposite is in India, just the opposite. I think that’s one of the reasons why Indians become collective very fast, is that in childhood, when we are raising children, or people have children, it is regarded as bad manners to take your own child in the presence of others, absolutely bad manners … ”
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
To develop the relationship of innocence :
” … Now supposing I am in the house. My daughters will give their children to sleep with me, or with my husband, with brothers, … if My brothers are there, or their brothers are there, then they would give their children to sleep with them, not with themselves. The psychological reason was that, perhaps they understood it, because it’s a very traditional country so they understood it. The psychological reason behind this was that the child gets used to another man, another woman and at that sublime situation, at that sublime consciousness, when they are innocent. So the relationship of innocence is developed.
Nobody feels anything funny if anybody touches you or does anything. This is the reason if you see, a man touches a little boy, he gets funny sensation. The boy gets a funny sensation. It’s absurd because you must believe in the principle of collectivity … ”
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
” … Give the child to others so that they learn that there are other relations possible than with parents. That makes them innocent in relation to others. Otherwise they get funny feelings … ”
” … They must be made to sit with other people. It’s because they find that their parents are their own, the rest are not. That’s how racialism also develops, because they think the other people who are not fair are not normal. All kinds of these Scotland type of temperaments, or you can call as snakelike temperaments, these secretive temperaments develop. Then you start keeping them exclusive, to yourselves. On the contrary if you allow them to be open, talking to everyone, opening their hearts to everyone. Even the people who are grown up shudder from touching another’s child, I have seen. They’ll ask: “Should I take the child?” What’s the harm? I mean in India, you go to anybody’s house, they’ll just pick up the child. And now they say it is for protection of disease and all that. But on the contrary, children develop more immunity . . . ”
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
For Mooladhara :
” … Let them meet other people. Yesterday I talked to you about Mooladhara. Let the children have a healthy, trustworthy Mooladhara. Let them meet other people, be friendly with others, play with everyone, go round everywhere, allow them … ”
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
The origin of sex-orientation :
” … Now, I have told this before also, why people are so sex- oriented, I mean, they are so sensitive to the touch of another person. Anybody who touches them, they get a funny feeling. The reason is, other sensations are not developed within them. That is also because you always cuddle your own child . Child only knows the Mother or the father. All the time the child is with you. As a result of that, what happens, the child never feels the other sublime relationships with others. Anybody who is the other is an identity which is something different. And when you grow up, then you suddenly touch somebody, then you cannot feel the sublime things .. . ”
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
” … Children should call others by uncle or aunty . .. ”
” … We have to trust others . .. ”
They were looking after us more than their own children: (Story of a friend of Shri Mataji ‘s father looking after Shri Mataji when she was a child)
“… No difference. I never felt any difference between their children and Me. Moreover, we felt that they were looking after us more than their own children….”
(1989 FRIENDSHIP, MELUN)
CHILDREN IN ASHRAMS
” … Mothers in Ashrams should work and not just stay with their children, just like if they were in their own house. Nothing great of producing a child … ”
In your own house you would do everything :
” … Supposing you have your own house, then you would be shopping, you would be cooking, you would be looking after your child, you would be cleaning your house, cleaning the utensils, doing everything yourself, but in the ashram they think: “Now we have a baby, so we are entitled to what the baby does, sit down and look after them. ” I would love to play with babies all the time, and have nothing to do with you. Can I do that? I cannot … ”
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
“They’re your responsibility, …
“…Children are your responsibility and you have to look after your own children. You should not put children on to other people like that. Oh, Saturday, Sunday, it’s a little bit they can play and do something, but it’s not proper to put your children on somebody else who is a Sahaja yogi, because he’s staying in the ashram. It’s not proper… ”
(1992 TALK ON ARRIVAL AT BURWOOD, SYDNEY)
VIBRATIONS
Here follows recommendations for taking care of children’s vibrations as well as some specific treatments against strong negativity. Of course most common treatments in Sahaja Yoga are applicable for children as well.
HOW TO KEEP THEIR VIBRATIONS
Meditate early :
Shri Mataji has recommended that the children should meditate with us in the early morning from the age of being young babies.
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Know about their vibrations :
” … There are so many other things one has to know about children, that you must know about their vibrations. You should be alert about their vibrations, try to find out what’s wrong with them, what they do. Now for example you find a child who is misbehaving. Don’t go on all the time with him. Call the child once, make the child sit down, and talk to the child that: “You should do like this. When you are in with Mother, pay attention to Her … ”
( 1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
Most vibratory problems come from the parents :
Shri Mataji has also explained that God can protect the children from most of the harmful vibrations, but cannot protect them from the vibrations of the parents. Therefore it is important that the parents cleanse themselves as much as possible. According to our practical experience almost all vibratory problems the children are facing are those of the parents.
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Try to keep yourself clean :
“…How sensitive they are. They are all the time correcting you, carrying your catches. They are trying to clear them themselves as far as possible. But you are the people who should not give them problems. As Sahaja Yogis you must try to keep yourself clean, and your catches should not be there. This is t he important thing . . . ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
The Mother gives a lot :
” … Now in Mother and child relationships, Mother gives a lot. She makes your complete left side. She creates all the left side in you because she has desired for you, so she creates that. On the right side she gives you all the beauty of delicate things and also the hunches, that you get in your business, are all the flexible moments of your life that you think “From where unknown I got something? “That’s your Mother’s blessing on you. You choose your own Mother too, when you are born. So no use condemning your Mother because she’s like this, she’s a horrid woman, she’s this and that … ”
(1980 THE MOTHER)
Don’t carry the child so much :
” … When this child grows up, though a realized soul, he cannot bear it, he becomes irritable and irritated, because the Mother is a left- sided person. That’s why I suggested the Mothers should not carry the child so much. Those Mothers who are like this should not carry the child all the time. Allow the children to play around, leave them alone, so that the Mother’s catches at least don’t go to the children.
When the Mothers are like that, they must accept it. That we are like this, this is the problem with us, so let us not put all the time child on our lap, so that the child goes on catching on the chakras, because poor child has done no wrong. The child is a realized soul and why should the child suffer? He is fighting your catches. So to be kind to the child, better to leave the child at a point where the children are left to themselves and are happy. So this is what is the secret … ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
Diseases will disappear :
” … But if you just allow the child to play about with everyone, just allow, diseases will disappear, you’ll be surprised. Also, supposing you have a problem, say even with the back agnya. If others are handling, it disappears. Because somebody has better vibrations, the bhoots leave. But if you just all the time hold, you are also suffering from back agnya yourself, you are holding onto the child, so the child has to suffer … ”
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
Find out from what children are suffering :
” .. . As parents and would be parents and also the relations of the children, in Sahaja Yoga, we have a great importance of looking after children because mostly those who have been married in Sahaja way have got children who are realized souls. That means they are children of a very high category and these children are to be looked after, with very great care and understanding.
First of all, all these children will not have so many problems but gradually they may develop. Because when they come in contact with the society they will start feeling the different catches and they’ll start expressing it by crying or by putting their fingers in their mouth or by shouting, screaming. So many ways they will try to express the problems they have.
Mostly the two Swadishthanas. Children feel the balance severely. When they have left and right Swadishthanas they try to show you by putting that finger in the mouth or by scratching that particular, specially the thumb as you know is the Swadishthana – Particular type of a catch – and she should not neglect it at all. First of all she must see that she is not suffering from this one. If she herself is suffering from the left side Swadishthana or right side Swadishthana, then it is very necessary for her to see that she corrects it. Mostly the right side Swadishthana is weak because the women are overactive, they do not know how to relax. Even when they meditate they are quite agitated. So it is for them to find out what’s the problem in life and what are they suffering from .. . ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
SPECIAL VIBRATIONAL TREATMENTS
Allergy of children :
” … Correct, left nabhi. Left nabhi will catch. Now that means the Mother because the child is not yet married. So it is from the Mother – that means Mother must be having a left nabhi herself. That’s why the child must be catching with that allergy. So instead of punishing the child why not cure the left nabhi of the Mother and the left nabhi of the child. Put your right hand on the left nabhi of the child and put your left hand to the flame and finish … ”
(ON ALLERGY OF CHILDREN)
“Bad eye” treatment (to remove strong negativity) :
1 First take a band han and then give the baby a bandhan.
2 Take a vibrated lemon and cut it slightly at the place where it was attached to the tree.
3 Take some salt (in the right hand).
4 Put the lemon on top the cut end facing the baby.
5 Give a bandhan to the baby.
6 After that, throw the salt and the lemon away.
7 Wash your hands.
Or take one of the following elements and put them on a little fired coal :
1 Salt & mustard seed (Meeth-Mohari in Marathi) or
2 Dried red chillies & salt or
3 Rice
4 Salt
Move your hand along your child’s Sushumna nadi up and down and ask whoever or whatever negativity is disturbing or harming my child should be removed ..
Do the same for all three channels and give a bandhan to the child.
TEACHINGS
This chapter is about some basic things we should teach our children to become dignified human being and yogis. This includes advice on teaching them how to behave and how to talk. Also the importance of talking to them and taking time for them has often been emphasized by Shri Mataji.
TEACH THEM HOW TO BEHAVE
” … Now if they do anything wrong, you must tell them it is wrong. You’re his parent, as a parent you must tell him this is wrong. This should not be done, not this. So that the children become obedient about it and understand what they have to do. Because if you allow them to go the way they like, they have no sense of obedience and whatever it is you should not allow children to have their own way. It’s a wrong idea you people have. Till the age of 12 years they must be properly brought up; not too much of love, not too much of this thing and that … ”
(I985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH )
Tell them what is good:
” … Even if you have the best children you can ruin them by this kind of stupid idea, that: “that’s my child, this is mine.” Expose your children to good things, tell them what is good. Tell them how to be good to others, tell them to look after them, tell them how to press the feet of others, how to comb the hair, how to give food to others. Teach them, let them carry little trays and feed others, the birds, let them give water to the flowers. Don’t make them small. Some of the children are really dynamic, great saints born to you, but you are ruining them … ”
(I990 DIWALI PUJA )
Talk to them :
” … After all this is the way the parents escape their duty I think. You have to tell children what they have to do. You have to talk to them, you must have a rapport with them. You must talk to them, and you must also try to guide them with your experience, tell them what is good what is bad.
But this kind of a thing that the child should be allowed to do what they like, express themselves the way they like. I’ve seen the western children always will ask parents: ‘Why, why?’ They are not to know, they have limitations. They can’t know every ‘why’. How can they understand? They are limited and so, first of all, they are to build up. See this aeroplane now. Supposing it is not built up and allowed to go because: ‘It’s all right. Let it go in the sky’. What will happen? In the same way we have to put the nuts and bolts properly, into them, and see that they develop a personality … ”
(1992 TALK DURING TRANSIT TO CANBERRA)
Put self esteem in them :
” … Sit down with them for one hour and talk to them, not in the presence of others. Tell them that you are like queens and kings. Put self esteem in them so they behave themselves and they learn how to go above … ”
(1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
Teach good manners :
” … So too much of protectiveness is not needed and abandonment is also not. You have to be in the centre, tell your children how to behave and what is the good manners are. They should know, ‘These are bad manners. We just can’t do it. We just can’t do it. Bad manners .. . ”
(1994 TALK BEFORE CONCERT, SYDNEY)
Tell them how to behave :
” … For example, now if you are going to somebody’s house, the children are going with us. Before going we tell them: “See now, you have to behave there properly, otherwise they’ll think that your parents are no good. Now we go there, you should not in any way try to misbehave. You shouldn’t ask for anything. Just keep quiet.” So first of all, you tell them how to behave. Now when they go there and they behave properly, when you come back, you have to tell them that: ‘This is tremendous. You have been so good. You behaved so well, it’s really very good. I’m so proud of you’ . So next time, even better …”
(I992 TALK TO YOGIS, CANBERRA)
Teach the children to give, always praise giving and sharing. Teach them to respect toys :
” … If they break the toys and all that, tell them that if you are breaking toys you are not going to get any. Keep them, arrange them properly. Let them organize … ”
(I980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM R OAD)
Don’t teach your children to be on their own :
” . .. Now, because of this loss of family, from very childhood you are being taught to be on your own. I mean, it would be something like a little leaf saying, “I will be on my own.” How can you be? You are a part of a big tree. To think you are on your own, to be on your own is wrong. You have to depend on the big tree, which is going to sustain you. Now, on your own is being taught from your childhood … ”
(I978 DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EAST AND WEST, CAXTON HALL)
” … Even with the children, you have to be patient. They’ll hit you, they’ll do anything. I would say, that way in India children are treated very kindly, and they are special. They will do what they like when they are children, but when they grow up we do not have teenage problems. We do not have the problem where the children don’t respect … ”
(I980 ON CHILDHOOD)
LANGUAGE
Teach them respect :
” … Indians must teach you people how to respect. In India, I mean parents are very much respected. If the parents are talking, the children will keep quiet they won’t say anything. Everything works because of respect. If there is no respect, then the whole society will be destroyed. And if you don’t respect, your children won’t respect .. . ”
(I992 TALK TO SY AFTER PUBLIC PROGRAM, BRISBANE)
“I hate” should not be allowed. Say “It is good”, not “I like It” :
” . . . It is good to teach aesthetics by saying “this is good. That is good” but they must not learn say “I like, I like it” … ”
(I985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
” … Your children must know how to behave themselves, they must know how to answer, how much they must talk …”
(I980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
Teach to say good morning, good evening, good night.
” … No child should be allowed to answer the parents back. If they answer back, give them two slaps. Th at ‘s allowed. Teach them to be respectful. If you do not teach them, they’ll be disrespectful to other people, and other people will smack them …”
(I980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
Don’t let them ask “Why” all the time :
” … The relationship between the child and parents should be very sensible and of respect. Because I have seen that children go on asking questions: ‘Why? Why?’ like that. You see it’s kind of an aggressive nature, that’s all. They don’t want to know anything. Just go on asking questions.
At that time you have to tell them: ‘You are not to know this. There’s no need for you.’ You have to shut them. The quieter child is much better, who observes, who learns. But the one who is aggressive, becomes later on a very wild personality. So to see that your child is not aggressive. They are exhausting. These children are absolutely exhausting .. . ”
(I992 TALK TO YOGIS, CANBERRA)
HAVE A RAPPORT WITH THEM
Have a rapport with them :
” … Now how do we have rapport with them? See now you take them to the nature and see how they behave, what is their style, what is their treatment? Instead of making them run about like mad or, taking out some flowers or doing some sort of an aggressive act, just make them sit down. Tell them: “Now what is this flower? Do you know the name of this flower? Now this one, do you know what is that flower is?” I mean, many parents don’t know themselves, I don’t know if they can explain. Then: “What is this tree?” Look at the nature.
Put the attention of the children on to something which will make them more contented and more deeper. Instead of that, as soon as they see the space they just start running. You don’t know what to do with them. It is because you have not taught them how to be, concentrated on something very interesting. Now see I am sitting here. I am watching these stones. Even this will be in My Head. See what a beautiful fibre, just see, just see, beautiful [inaudible]. This is nature. And if once children start appreciating it, their attention will be more on this than on something nonsensical you see …”
(I992 TALK TO YOGIS, CANBERRA)
Have rapport about television :
” … Then also you should be careful as to the television and things that they show, or what the children see. They have to be careful and talk to them that: “This is wrong. This is very wrong, and this will bring problems to us.” If you have a proper rapport with your children you won’t have any problem … ”
(I99I EASTER PUJA, SYDNEY)
We don’t spend much time with our children :
” … If the parents have a rapport with children, children won’t need so much. You must read some proper stories to be told to children, talk to them. If you keep company with them, I don’t think they’ll ask for toys, too many toys. They would not. They’ll be very satisfied, because most of them are realized souls. So talk to them in such a manner that they develop their spirituality rather than all these materialistic things. I have found that we don’t spend much time with our children . . . ”
(I992 TALK TO YOGIS, CANBERRA)
Too much knowledge is not necessary :
” . .. There is no need to tell everything, when they are grown up they will know about things. Too much of knowledge is not necessary. In the West we give them too much unnecessary knowledge (like name of the grass …) .. . ”
(I985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
TEACHING TO BE A YOGI
“Let them feel they are Sahaja Yogis …
“… and they have to behave better, they are special. You should put the idea into them that “You are Sahaja Yogis and that’s why we all respect you. ”
Tell them what is bad and good. Thank Shri Mataji for everything. There is great work to do :
” … We must talk to them and say that there is a great work to do, you have to go off to countries and know many things … ”
” … If you don’t canalize them they might go in an other direction… ”
Respect for the photo :
” … Learn them not to put their back and their feet to the photo …”
“Teach the children to give, … always praise giving and sharing. Learn them to please others, to be gentle with others and elders … ”
Teach them to respect others and Mother Earth. Teach about dignity and nature :
” … Then you have to tell them about their dignity, about what they are. And also the dignity of the nature. “See how dignified the tree is. How it is standing there for giving a shade.” So they develop that feeling [inaudible]. If you do not have feeling for the nature, you cannot stop this ecological problem. That’s important, very important… ”
(1992 TALK TO YOGIS, CANBERRA)
TEACHINGS ABOUT MARRIAGE AND CHASTITY
For Mooladhara never make them curious :
” … If the children are kept innocent they never indulge into it, and they would never get into any problems which are created by curiosity. Never make them curious. You will feel happy, the children will feel happy, and they’ll start their life from the very beginning, on the basis of morality. This is what you have to give to your children, is a proper moral sense . . . ”
(1991 EASTER PUJA, SYDNEY)
From childhood we are taught that you’ll be married :
” … You shouldn’t allow them to be lousy, to be untidy, to be languid, like lotus-eaters you see, or like people who have no smartness about them. ” … Now in India, how we get married is very simple, you see. From childhood we are taught that you’ll be married. So you must learn how to live with your husband, and a man is always told how to treat your wife. But they don’t know who is the wife and the husband. But the husband and wife is just as a sort of a symbol. They don’t know which one it is. Just could be anyone. So once you accept her as a dharma, it comes as a surprise to you, and just enjoy. And the whole thing is built up to a point, to a moment which has to be auspicious also… ”
(1985 SHRI DEVI PUJA, SAN DIEGO)
They never go into privacy :
” … Now it’s not necessary that we do not meet or we meet, sometimes the people meet, talk to each other for one year, maybe that their marriages are postponed, there’s no auspicious time, they get some time to be together, but never in private. They never go into privacy. So that moment is kept as sacred moment when you are going to meet your husband or wife, that’s a very sacred moment. So you are concentrated on that point .. . ”
(1985 SHRI DEVI PUJA, SAN DIEGO)
PRACTICAL CARE
S
hri Mataji has given much practical advice on raising children. Here are some guidelines which can be applied to most ages. In the next chapter they will concern specific ages.
SLEEP
No more than 10 hours :
” … Children (not babies) should not sleep more than 10 hours …”
Also their sleeping times I think are rather early, …
“… you make them sleep, so if they sleep very early you must get them up early also. Otherwise it is no use, then they will have long time sleeping. Then if they don’t sleep later on, they get up very late also. So the best thing is to make them sleep at a time, say at about 10.00 p.m. or at 9.00 p.m. If they sleep, they should not sleep more than 10 hours and they should be awakened after that. If they sleep at about 7.30 p.m. then 10 hours would be about 5.30. That time they don ‘t get up, so put it at about say 8 .00 p.m. and wake them up at 6 .00 a.m. is a good idea, if you do that then they’ll be very good and the problem will be solved. I think until they are about 12 years of age….”
(1985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
FOOD
Children should not be fussy about food :
” … Now another thing is that about food and all that, children should be taught from childhood not to be very fussy about food because if you fuss about their food then children become fussy. But if you do not fuss, then children can eat whatever you give them . But of course the food should be good, on that I am very particular, that the food, taste and all that should be good. But it doesn’t mean that the child should become so fussy that later he wants to have this kind of food or that kind food . All kinds of food the child should be able to enjoy and we should have very healthy way of doing it. And I am sure some doctors will help us. There’s also that we’ll give them food which is healthy for them .. . ”
(I985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
For food we should not be hard on them :
” … But I am not for some sort of a like Gandhiji who used to give us just boiled food with the mustard oil on top of that to eat, because he said that’s how you develop a non-taste, you see, “aaswad.” He said “You must not have a tasty thing.” I don’t think, I can do it but I don ‘t think everybody can do that way. So we should not be hard on them. We should not be very hard. Because I have seen those people who have come out of Gandhi ashram are very hard people, you know, over-strict and sort of not so congenial with others . . . ”
(I985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
*Normal good food :
” . .. Not that they have to eat all raw food and these health foods and all kinds of things that are not needed. But normal good food so that their health improves … ”
(I985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
“Avoid tinned food as far as possible … Anything tinned is horrible and please don’t take that for your children . .. ”
(I992 FINAL TALK, BURWOOD)
Don’t pick up food from the floor :
” . .. Anything falling on the ground, immediately you’ll pick it up and throw it away somewhere and wash our hands. We’ll just say, “No, no, no, no, no, no, not that. ” Even from the mouth, if something falls out you are not to pick up .. . ”
(1985 SCHOLARSHIP)
Timing of food is important for health :
” … I tell you one of the reasons why the health improves, is if you keep the timing. Timing of the food … ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
CLOTHES
Avoid nylons :
” … So Sahaja Yogis should avoid, plastic(nylon) things, as far as possible, specially for children one should be careful, not to make them wear plastics … ”
(1992 TALK TO YOGIS, CANBERRA)
GENERAL CARE
Keep the child clean and also his clothes.
Massage them . .. Give proper food . .. Don’t neglect children.
You can give up your job for a while:
” … And never neglect them, of course, never neglect them . Never leave them alone even if you are going, if you are having a job, you can give it up for the children’s sake, for a certain age. Then you can take it up again, there are so many things you can do in the house also for ladies .. . ”
(1991 TALK AFTER SHRI MAHAVIRA PUJA, PERTH)
Don’t let them go out alone :
.. . I mean we are ourselves surprised how the children just go out. Now supposing some child, say about five-year-old says, “I’m going to a candy shop.” Nothing doing. Mother will say, “All right, when I go you will buy it, candy. ”
I mean when My daughters were not married, till then they never went out alone, can you believe it? Never. Even to school if they were going, they were in the car with the driver. Even if they were going to colleges they were going in the car with the driver. Never alone. And if they were going, say, by busses or anything, later on when they went to higher education, they were going with friends. Safety of children has to be looked after in this negative atmosphere everywhere . .. ”
(1985 SCHOLARSHIP)
Men must spend some time with their children everyday :
” … And also men should understand that they must every day spend some time with their children. It’s extremely important, because children are so relaxing …”
(1991 TALK AFTER SHRI MAHAVIRA PUJA, PERTH)
If you don’t love and kiss your children and hug them and take them to your heart, to whom are you going to do it? :
“… And then the child, what does he want? He wants to feel that somebody wants him and somebody loves him, and also pampers him a little bit. It doesn’t go wrong. Nothing is going to go wrong with a child if you pamper him. It’s a wrong idea, absolutely wrong. If you do not pamper your children, whom are you going to pamper? If you don’t love and kiss your children and hug them and take them to your heart, to whom are you going to do it? …”
(1978 DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EAST AND WEST, CAXTON HALL)
Plastic toys: (What about plastic toys for the children, is that a bad thing?)
Shri Mataji : Not very good for them. Also these plastic napkins you use for children, are not necessary. Then you see you become inattentive to children, also with that. I mean toys they play for a while but still sometimes they put it in the mouth and … If you see, children are more fond of things made out of cloth or made out of wood … . But the plastic toys which are covered with cloth are all right. Not so dangerous . . . ”
(1992 TALK TO YOGIS, CANBERRA)
MONEY AND WORK
It is not prestigious for a child to go and earn money and ask for something
” . .. They’re small children, young girls of sixteen years, early in the morning, going about distributing the things. So the Mother said, “What’s wrong?”
I couldn’t answer the question. But to an Indian mind it cannot come, because, “Oh God, a twelve year old child, early in the morning to get up and go?” It’s too much to bear, to understand, to feel that your own child, which is twelve years old, has to earn for his own living, at this small age when he has to play around. That’s the time for play . .. ”
(I978 DIFFERENCE BETWEEN EAST AND WEST, CAXTON HALL)
Let them do the work
” . . . Of course you should never pay for children’s work. If they work then they are working for themselves. It is a very bad habit to pay them for doing some work. They are not labourers . .. ”
(I980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
ADVICE ACCORDING TO AGE
One of the challenges we face as parents is to constantly adapt our attitude towards children as they grow older. Shri Mataji has also given us much specific advice on how to deal with these changes, how to change our relationship with our children according to their age. Many practical suggestions are included for each specific age group.
PREGNANCY
Special blessings of God :
“…And tremendous things happen when a woman conceives a realized soul. But even a non-realized soul: when a mother conceives her face just starts glowing. You can see she’s creating something. It’s the special blessings of God which come on her … ”
(1980 THE MOTHER)
After marriage, don’t hurry up to have children :
“…Think it over properly and then have children. When you have a proper place to live in, and all that, then have children. Will be a good idea … ”
(1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
What are these figures for and who’s interested in your figures? :
“… If one woman in India doesn’t get a child, she will go and weep and ask every god and every prophet and everyone that she should get a child. While in Germany it is going toward minus five percent growth now. They pay to a women who has five children as much as the Prime Minister or even more than that, but she won’t have, she says, “I ‘II lose my figure.” Where are you going to take these figures, I don’t understand. What are these figures for and who’s interested in your figures? . . . ”
(1982 PP DERBY-VISHUDDHI, HEART, AGNYA)
Avoid looking at eclipses :
” …If you see an eclipse during pregnancy you can get a handicapped child … ” (Eclipses are astronomical events which also have strong vibrational effects according to Indian tradition)
(1982 PP ROME PREGNANCY TIPS)
Avoid too many setting suns :
“…If you see a setting sun during pregnancy for a long period and many times, then you can get children whose eyes are very weak…”
The first three months avoid sitting directly on the floor or on the earth.
Avoid antibiotics :
” . .. If you get any antibiotic treatment during pregnancy, you can get a child with the blue heart; as they call it a ‘blue baby’ .. . ”
(1982 PP ROME PREGNANCY TIPS)
Think about noble things :
” … Then you yourself should be thinking about noble things. Specially when people are pregnant they are supposed to read something very noble. Like you can read Geeta or Bible or Koran or something so that your thoughts are towards God and when the child is born, the child also thinks of the same things. All the conditionings of the mother start the day she conceives the baby, and since that day the child is conditioned. So all the good conditionings you take upon yourself, all the good things you think about the baby, you work it out and that is how a child can be a very quiet, obedient. sensible, natural personality . . . . ”
(1985 CHILDREN, PARENTS, SCHOOLS)
Good mental and spiritual health :
” . . . It is very important that the mother’s mental and spiritual health is kept clean and full of positivity … ”
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
” . . . Whatever is going on in the mind will effect the child. The mind has to be happy. You cannot be with artificiality or fantasy . .. ”
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Read books about child care:
Shri Mataji has also advised the reading of books about mother and child care in order to educate ourselves in the absence of sensible parental advice which in a society such as India would be available (the grandmother playing an important role).
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Take a daily walk :
On the physical side, if the mother is fit and healthy and the pregnancy is normal, Shri Mataji has advised a daily walk in the park or country throughout the entire pregnancy. This, Shri Mataji explains, will help towards an easier labour (This advice would indicate that if the Swadishthana chakra is in good condition, this will also help).
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
The mother gives you much more than you know :
” … But the mother who is your own mother, whom you know as your own mother, who gives you physical birth is the mother who gives you much more than you know of. Because her blood has a vibration and when she gives you her blood, she gives you her vibrations. She gives you her sustenance, she gives you her desire and also she gives you a push in your evolution if she is an evolved person…”
(1980 THE MOTHER)
FROM 0-2 YEARS
GENERALADVICE
Most impressionable :
” … The most important time is when children are born because they are the most impressionable . . . ”
(1986 ADVICE ON CHILDREN, VIENNA)
” . . . For 3 months after the birth, you should look after them very carefully … ”
First forty days inside :
The baby should stay the first forty days inside if possible. (1986 ADVICE ON CHILDREN, VIENNA)
“… At a small age, others than parents should not touch the child, for 3 months. No kissing, should not touch the skin as such. After 3 months you can give the baby to others, carefully . . . ”
“… After 3 months, let others take the child, not you. They must sit with other people, open their heart to others … ”
For Mooladhara :
“….Let them meet other people. Keep the child clean and also the clothes. Massage them. Give proper food. If the child becomes everybody’s property then his Mooladhara improves . .. ”
“… Between 3 months + 2 years, ego starts developing. You have to love and tell them to respect because the emotional side is there very much (like saying good morning). It is the most impressionable age for respect and nobler feelings … ”
(1986 ADVICE ON CHILDREN, VIENNA)
Be dedicated but not attached :
“… Look properly after the child for 3 years, be dedicated but not attached. Look physically after them …”
“… You have to serve children, pay attention to them but we should not give too much attention, they have to play with themselves…”
“… We should not too much cuddle or keep the child on the lap. Take the child only when necessary. Let him play …”
Take the child only when necessary :
“… Once the child has all its needs seen to, i.e., changed nappy, feed, he shouldn’t be picked up all the time as this encourages ego to develop…”
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Too much heat from the parents :
“… The baby should not be carried all the time (one hour in morning, one hour evening) otherwise they get too much heat from the parents. Put him to lie down on Mother Earth …”
(1986 ADVICE ON CHILDREN, VIENNA)
“… Never leave child alone anywhere. No loneliness. They must sleep in your room … ”
(1985 SCHOLARSHIP)
Feel the vibrations of the child :
“… Now let us see what does the mother provide us with? What part of our being she is. I would say that she is everything. But your personal mother who has given you this birth, this body, your own mother who you know very clearly that she is your mother. As you know she gives you the nourishment when you are in the foetus state. And later on when you grow up, she gives you all the physical nourishment that is needed for your growth and she enjoys it.
Otherwise she feels overburdened. She wants to give it and everyone appreciates that. It’s a collective enjoyment. It’s going on and it could be seen from all the paintings of the world, all over the world in every language, in every country, every religion … ”
(1980 THE MOTHER)
FEEDING : BREAST FEEDING
After breast feeding check if the child is full or not.
The baby should properly belch after each feeding, even if he falls asleep.
” … When taking the wind out of the baby, the hands should be moved in a downwards direction, from the neck to the base of spine …”
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Avoid wind producing foods when breast feeding :
Avoid cold drinks and also omit all generally well known gas producing foods if your baby is sensitive to it (beans, spices, garlic, onions, cabbage, etc … )
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
“… When breast feeding, the mother should not take milk directly but it has to be taken with porridge or crispies or something like that…”
Food for the mother: For the mother, some good and advisable food to eat is: Semolina (‘suji’ in Hindi), almonds (sugared or plain) and an Indian sweet called ‘Rasgulla’ (sweet balls in sugar syrup).
“… It is good to start immediately with the bottle so that babies don’t have problem to accept it later .. . ”
Constipation :
” … When babies have constipation, first is that the mother shouldn’t have constipation herself. She can take black raisins or prunes with orange juice or boiled milk in the night … ”
” … One should stop the breast feeding after 10 months … ”
COW MILK
” … You can start giving cow milk after 3 months but you have to give a little bit (like one feed a day). Give fully boiled milk mixed with water together in an iron pot, otherwise the child can get diarrhoea or constipation or cold and runny nose…”
Boil the milk and the water :
” … When you give cow milk to the babies (after 10 months) always boil the milk and the water together in an iron pot. The milk should be a little fat … ”
Feeding bottles should be preferably made of glass (not plastic).
WEANING (starting to give solid food)
Give gradually heavy food. Start with boiled water after one month, then give juices, then solid food after six months (like rice and moong daal cooked together).
Between 6 and 10 months :
Babies are to be weaned at six months and fully weaned at approximately ten months. All food should be natural, no packaged or artificial food is to be given. Shri Mataji advises that the first weaning foods should be rice mashed up with sugar and milk. Do not start babies off on curd (yoghurt).
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Tasty food :
Add salt to the food in a proper way. A bit of butter also. It has to be tasty.
If you can use a silver spoon rather than a plastic one.
Feed on a regular basis :
Sri Mataji has strongly advised us to feed on a regular basis from the beginning and to establish a flexible routine for the children. It has been stressed that to a reasonable degree they should adapt to our lifestyles and should not begin to rule us!
(1983 Advices given to Mothers)
OTHER TIPS ABOUT FEEDING
Anything put in the mouth must be washed. Throw away things fallen on the ground and wash your hands.
Make sure the child gets enough calcium
(see for products available in your country. It can be homeopathic)
MASSAGE
The most important is to give regular massage. Massaging the child is important until the age of 5 years. Massage babies twice a day (once at night and once during the day). Two times a day until 6 months, and once until 5 years.
Massage of the head is also very important :
” … One thing you must insist on is the massaging of the body, that’s important until about five years of age. Every day the child must be properly massaged, the body must be massaged, then they become quiet.
Secondly, I find that this portion of head, if it is not covered properly with oil, then they get into troubles. What you have to do is to put some oil on this part on the fontanel bone area, quite a lot on the sides every day and push it there like that, and if you want you can wash the hair. If you don’t want you need not wash, but it can be washed also with shampoo or something which is not so … something very soft like get some baby shampoo or something, but the best thing would be to put the oil, that’s important.
Oiling is best done in the fontanel area and if you oil them properly you will be surprised, they will be very quiet children and they won’t trouble you … ”
(1985-03 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
Coconut oil for head :
” … Massage on the head with oil, best is coconut oil. Also put oil on the fontanel bone area and on the sides. Every day. It makes the children quiet . . . ”
Put oil in the nose, ears and onto the head of the baby :
” … Now the modern theory of the doctors is don’t put any oil or anything into the ears and the noses of the children … The other day I also said that I don’t know why you people don’t put any oil whatsoever. Why not put oil in the head, poor head needs the oil always, at least on a Saturday, put so much oil, rub it nicely and have a bath. But people just don’t put any oil in their head. I mean you must oil, gear up your brain, don’t you think so? If you don’t put oil in any machine, it will crack. For this brain which is your special machine after Sahaja Yoga is really a very special one, you must try to put lot of oil in it .. . ”
Give bath in the morning (in the evening when it is cold). In the evening give a massage and apply powder without chemicals (e.g. sandalwood powder).
Put the child in the morning sun after massage
(but not the face or the head directly).
Do not use baby oils without vitamins :
” … Baby should be oil massaged daily as it is very good for the chakras. Use an oil such as olive, almond, mustard or ghee or butter but not the proprietary baby oils, as they do not contain vitamins. Do not use olive oil on the hair, as this turns white. Massage with the oil towards the Sahasrara on the head, as if to ‘fill’ the Sahasrara with oil…”
(I983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Massage for skinny babies :
” … The child must be healthy with developed muscles and must have fat. If the child is skinny or his muscles are not developed then you should give massage. It’s very important. Best is to massage with ghee or butter (vitamin A and D). Butter is the best and can be mixed with saffron (for smell) …”
(1986 ADVICE ON CH ILDREN, VIENNA)
CLOTHING
Only pure cotton next to the skin :
Shri Mataji has insisted on the importance for the children of wearing 100% natural fibres. Only pure cotton should be worn next to their skin, Woollen clothes should be worn over cotton when it’s cold. It is important to also cover the small indentation in the collar bone area. This helps to prevent from catching cold. Silk is not such a good fabric for babies.
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Artificial materials are very dangerous :
“…I mean we don’t think that children can’t bear these artificial manmade fibre. It’s very dangerous, it’s very bad for their skin. When you were young you used cotton, you had mills of cotton here, and why give this horrible stuff to your children, which you never had? By the time they grow up to your age, they will have all blotches on their faces. They’ll be … I don’t know what diseases they may have of their skin, no one realizes this is the kind of panties you are using, the kind of things you are using for them, it’s very dangerous, I don’t know what’s going to happen to them. The things they are using, you never used them when you were young, believe Me, and these are the times when they really require complete attention, and these are the times when they are absolutely tortured .. . ”
(1982 PP, DERBY – VISHUDDHI , HEART, AGNYA)
Cotton nappies: Regarding nappies, use cotton ones as they are much better for vibrations. However, in situations like seminars, programs or travelling where washing facilities are very poor, we can use the disposable ones as a temporary measure.
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Use cotton nappies :
You can put some cotton in them to absorb. It should be breathing and with no stitching. Use disposable only if you are going somewhere.
Tips : To allow a good flow of vibrations, two-piece outfits are preferable to one piece ones. The garment should end at the ankle. In cold weather, make sure the Nabhi chakra is well covered, and keep the head and feet covered. Girls should be dressed like girls, in dresses or Punjabi suits, and boys should be dressed like boys.
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Toys
Natural fibre toys :
Regarding toys, these should also be made of natural fibres such as wood. Plastic toys do not have good vibrations and should be avoided.
It is better for children to have fewer toys of better quality than lots of inferior ones.
We have no time :
“…Plastic is something that penetrates into everything. Into everything. We also give too many toys to our children. In our days, a girl would have only one doll or two dolls now. But now the plastic toys, the whole room is filled with it. You have to just wade through to find your child; all this, so many toys! Perhaps we avoid having relationship with our children. We don’t talk to them, we have no time, so give them some toys, stop them there. Sort of a diversion. And that’s how we don’t know our children at all … ”
(1992 TALK TO YOGIS, CANBERRA)
SLEEPING
The best is if the child sleeps in his bed but in the same room as the parents. So keep the child in the parent’s room but not in the parent’s bed (in crib).
The child should sleep in the room of the parents until 5 year old or with other children (in ashram).
There should be no loneliness for a child :
“… Secondly, never to leave your child alone anywhere. Learn a lesson. At any cost you should not leave the child alone. You can leave it with somebody who can look after the child, who can run a creche, who can do something of that kind. But pay attention to this point that there should be no loneliness for a child. Child must be made to sleep in your room, maybe another cot, maybe crib. When slightly grown up, still should be with you, if there’s a grown-up another child you can make, or some aunt or somebody sleeping with. But don’t make children feel that they are lonely. Psychologically it will affect, and also physically there could be a problem. We never, never, never allow our children to be alone, do you know that, in India? …”
(SCHOLARSHIP 1985)
Parents should sleep with clothes (to be protected from negativity).
Use a bed with good vibrations (not an old one). In childhood children get up very early :
“… All the children in childhood get up very early. It’s a nuisance for mothers but they get up very early. That’s how I also get up very early. Getting up early is a childlike behaviour. Because the birds are singing, the sun is rising, such beauty in the sky, and why am I sleeping? They’ll wake up the whole house. But people don’t like it. You see sometimes, you see, they beat. Nothing in India. In India people try to get up early in the morning. It is regarded something very dharmic and good …”
(1985 DEVELOPING CHILDLIKE QUALITIES)
PHYSICAL CARE
Bath and massage :
When bathing the baby, we should keep it warm. If the weather is cold, they should not be bathed so often. Shri Mataji says it is not necessary to bath every day but daily oil massage is necessary.
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Contact and cleanliness :
” .. . Don’t touch the child all the time. Keep the child away from your body which has that warmth that goes to the child also. Yes sometimes you have to look after the child, the child must know you love him, but all the time carrying the child like this. I have seen many ladies who are at my lecture also, doing like this. Why what is the need? You make the child so much conditioned, and the child cannot remain quiet unless you do like this. Massage the child nicely. Massaging is very good. You should massage yourselves also, but at least the child. Let them learn how to take bath everyday. Everyday they must be cleansed, so that they develop the habit of cleanliness. They never wash their hands, they don’t want to wash their hands, and their hands smell, they just use paper. Whatever you tell them they’ll use paper, they never wash their hands. The hands smell, mouth smells. With all your development, children have no sense of personal cleanliness … ”
(1992 FINAL TALK, BURWOOD)
Soft shampoo : Wash the head with soft shampoo, like baby shampoo.
Eyes : Test the child’s eyes.
Kajal : For the eyes, put Kajal. For home made Kajal, burn camphor
and collect soot on a silver plate. Add ghee, mix and put it in water.
Then strain it and put it in a box and apply every day.
Nails : Keep the nails of the baby clean.
Face : Wash the face of the baby with bread soaked in milk.
Never lift the child from under his arms (armpits). Do not pick the baby up under the arms as this can damage his shoulders and be very painful for him . Hold him at the level of the chest.
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
Brushing the hair : Brushing the hair should be done even if their isn’t very much. Brush it from the front to the back on top of the head and upwards towards the sahasrara at the back and sides. This is to open the Sahasrara and encourage the growth of the hair.
(1983 ADVICE GIVEN TO MOTHERS)
BAPTISM
The Brahmarandra is the most important part of a human being :
” … So it’s a very dangerous thing to make everyone put their hands on this pulsating fontanel bone area which we call as Taloo. Taloo is the Brahmarandra and it is the most important part of a human being. So everybody should be very careful before they touch there. You have to be a realized soul and you have to know how to do it, means you have to be a Sahaja yogi. So for your children when they are born, you have to be careful …”
(1983 PP DELHI AGNYA CHAKRA)
Those things which are harmful to human beings must be given up:
” …For a realized soul, if you put the hand of a priest who is not a realized soul and who is not properly entitled to do it, children get into problems. Their eyes became squinty, they become funny, their brains went off and we had to cure them. So, one must understand though it looks like a very traditional (baptism) or anything like that, one must see that those things which are harmful to human beings must be given up . . . ”
(1983 PP DELHI AGNYA CHAKRA)
TREATMENTS
Vaccination :
Shri Mataji has advised us to get the child vaccinated against childhood diseases, as this helps to strengthen them against negativity. If you feel that the child has been a little bit affected on vibrations by the vaccine, you can work on the left Swadishthana with a candle.
For the teeth pain of children you can use e.g. Stevemen’s Powder or ivory rings.
Dummy :
To give the dummy a little bit is alright but try to keep it away as soon as possible (it’s bad for the teeth). A Vishuddhi treatment is better.
Toilet training :
You can start toilet training at the age of 2 or 3 months. Make a sound shhh .. and it become a reflex when touching the pot.
Temperature :
When the child has a temperature or is irritable or teething try to give natural remedies instead of Paracetamol (Panadol).
Diarrhoea :
When child has diarrhoea give some tea of fennel seeds and mint together with a little bit of sugar, twice or thrice a day.
Thin body :
” …If the child has a thin body, find out about his liver. If he has a liver problem a good treatment is to boil radish leaves and add sugar.
Say the Shri Chandrama’s mantra. Put your left hand on the baby’s liver. Take vibrations from the photo. When the liver is inactive, they can get rashes. In this case give calcium in any form or vitamin A and D. Also Idoxelen, oil of the shark, with milk is good; one drop in the morning and one in the evening (it contains vitamin A and D) . . . ”
(1986 ADVICE ON CHILDREN, VIENNA)
Wind and colic :
It seems that many of our babies have experienced problems with wind and colic. Shri Mataji gave us much advice on how to treat and prevent this :
A) AJWAIN TREATMENT:
Foment ajwain by chewing it yourself or by warming it in a dry pan.
Place this on the baby’s navel with a warmed nappy on top, holding it in place.
B) THE MOTHER SHOULD ALSO CHEW AJWAIN
Quite a good handful several times a day.
Another good way of taking ajwain is in a drink that Shri Mataji has shown us how to prepare :
Use 7 fennel seeds (called ‘saunf’ [sweet cummin kind of seeds] in Hindi language which is taken in India after having food for digestion) and two ajwain seeds with sugar. Use this as baby’s drinking water in a bottle. And the mother may also take it. In severe cases Sahaja Yogis have seen that increasing the amount of ajwain seeds can help.
C) GRIPE WATER (WITHOUT ALCOHOL)
From one to two months on, gripe water (without alcohol) can be given twice a day but it should be boiled first (if you can get it only with alcohol).
FROM 2-6 YEARS
PHYSICAL CARE :
Massage the children until they are 6 years old :
Put oil in the nose and ears. Put oil in the hair at night.
If the child is overactive, use sahaj techniques and put ice onto his liver.
Put vibrated water in their drinks and use vibrated sugar.
Brush their teeth :
Rub the gums with your finger (with a drop of olive oil and a little bit of salt if you want).
Learn them how to dress themselves (after 3) and to keep their things.
Give them colourful dresses, not black or with dusty colours.
Channas (chickpeas) are good. You can give them instead of too many sweets.
Give your child to others :
“…I think that’s one of the reasons why Indians become collective very fast, is that in childhood, when we are raising children, or people have children, it is regarded as bad manners to take your own child in the presence of others, absolutely bad manners.
Say now I have My daughter, and when they are taken to My in- laws, we couldn’t take the child in My lap except for the milk, also when I was nursing the baby. So they have to say: “Now you better nurse.” I would never demand that: “Give me the child, I’ll take her.” Never. Is regarded bad manners…”
(1985 SHRI GANESHA PUJA)
In the Ashram: After 2 years, if they live in an ashram, they can sleep in an other room (with the collectivity, with children and an adult).
CHILDCARE
Balance in giving attention :
” … You have to serve them, pay attention to them but we should not give too much attention, they have to play with themselves … ”
Don’t give them too much choice :
(with food for example, or clothes). It can lead to developing ego. (e.g.: don’t ask him if he wants crispies or porridge but say” Here some porridge for you today”.
This way the child learns that whatever the parents give to him is good for him.)
No “why”:
“… Children shouldn’t be allowed to ask “Why?” . It is very wrong, it gives them ego from very childhood … ”
Asking questions all the time should not be tolerated :
Not until the age of six. Ask them questions, give them problems to solve but they should not trouble you with questions.
Do not give too much knowledge :
” .. . Otherwise, the poor thing, she didn’t know what to do, she was trying to please him all the time. Just to see that the child is happy and doesn’t disturb, but that’s not the way, just don’t talk, just stop talking. The questions also, children should not be allowed to ask “Why?” It’s very common here to ask “why?”. It’s not their job to ask you all the time questions, that’s not their style, because it’s very wrong. That gives very big ego to them from very childhood.
What are they asking about “why?”, why do they want to know about everything? Gradually everyone knows everything. Like on the road you are going, they will ask “What is this?”, “What is this?”, “What is this?”, there is no need to tell everything that is on the road, when they’re grown up they’ll know about it. It’s a kind of pestering that they develop, a posturing temperament, that you should say that this is this tree, this is that.
Even when they are grown up you have to tell them, what’s the use of telling them in their childhood also, all these things that they forget? So too much of knowledge, filling in the head, injecting it, is not necessary. The children should not be pushed with too much of knowledge, because if you push too much of knowledge into their heads, they will also become confused and then they will be in trouble…”
(1985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
” … There is no need to tell everything. When they are grown up they will know about things. Too much of knowledge is not necessary. In the West we give them too much unnecessary knowledge (like name of the grasses, etc… ) …Don’t teach them what they don’t need to know…”
(1985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
No “I like” :
” …It is good to teach aesthetics by saying “This is good. That is good” but they must not learn to say ‘I like, I like it’ …”
“I like” is not allowed :
” …’I hate’ is another word that should not be allowed, ‘I hate’, this is a very wrong word. Children should never learn such a bad word, it should be told that our language has to be very good . . . ”
We must say “God doesn’t like” ( not “I don ‘t like”) Discipline before 6 years :
” … Again and again I would request you, to be very kind to Me by looking after them in a proper sensible manner till they are with you. Also you have to give them some discipline. It’s very important. By giving them self-esteem: ‘You are Sahaja Yogis you are this’. If you don’t give them, they have no self-esteem at all. If you give them the self-esteem you’ll be surprised they’ll start behaving very well. By saying that see: “You are special children, you are Sahaja Yogis, you can’t behave like that.” How they have to be. There has to be some discipline, otherwise at the age of six years you cannot start, and even if you start it, it takes some time…”
(1992 FINAL TALK, BURWOOD)
PARENTS (SEE ALSO GENERAL ADVICE ON CHILDCARE)
Kisses :
“… Do not give too many kisses. Kiss on top of the head or on the side…”
Don’t take your own child to yourself all the time in the presence of others.
“…Give the child to others so that they learn that there are other relations possible than with parents. That makes them innocent in their relation with others. Otherwise they get funny feelings … ”
If they cry for nothing or excessively, put them down and don ‘t keep them too much on your lap.
Be peaceful :
The parents should not argue in the presence of the children.
“…Adults should laugh before the children. Show we are happy. Appreciate them … ”
(1986 GUIDELINES FOR SAHAJA YOGA EDUCATION, ROME)
” …Never punish in public. Never shout. Give them notice 3 times, if they don’t listen after 3 times then punish them the 4th time and the 5th time in the presence of others … ”
TEACHINGS
From 2 to 6 you put all impressions :
” … From 2 to 6 you teach them self respect, cleanliness, neatness, discipline. Most important time, you put all impressions. You can find out their talents but don’t force everything on every child . Encourage what they like …”
(1986 ADVICE ON CHILDREN, VIENNA)
Let them feel they are Sahaja Yogis and that they have to behave better, that they are special.
Tell them what is bad and what is good.
Leave them when they do sweet things, otherwise they become self-conscient.
” … The child often tries to attract attention. If he does something wrong, like saying bad words, ignore it; then he will forget. Pay attention to good things . . . ”
Do not say “mine” all the time. Avoid giving the child always the same seat. Say “ours” and “we”.
Teach the children to give, always praise giving and sharing. Teach them to please others, to be gentle with others and specially elders.
Watch out for slyness. Innocent mischief is sweet. Slyness is hurting.
Teach them to respect others and Mother Earth.
Teach them gratefulness and how to thank Shri Mataji.
Teach them not to put their back and their feet towards Shri Mataji’s photo.
Teach to say good morning, good evening, good night.
They should not compete. Only in goodness.
They shouldn’t frighten others (like with animals, snakes .. ).
They understand honesty :
” … Now what are the qualities of Shri Ganesha. They won’t understand chastity, they are too small. They won’t understand all those qualities. But one quality they will understand: is to be honest, is to be honest … ”
(2003 SHRI GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA)
ACTIVITIES
No dreamy-fairy world. Give them reality.
Until the age of 12 years, not too much sport :
” .. . They (in Japan) don’t allow children to have much sports, to go out much and mostly they are in the house or in the school, learning to do things with their hands. And medically I know that, till the age of twelve years, there is myelin sheath that grows on your nerves. And this myelin sheath gives you the deftness
(1992 TALK DURING TRANSIT TO CANBERRA)
So that is the time when they have to develop that deftness.
” … That deftness is, also makes them more concentrated, they get involved into it, and also, that you can never acquire later. So that is just a precious time of twelve years, that that is the time children should be made to do some drawings, not at random, but properly, to do some carvings, to do some other clay work.
(1992 TALK DURING TRANSIT TO CANBERRA)
” . .. So the music, art and all this side is developed till the age of twelve years. And then the children are made to go out and play and do all kinds of exercises and also sports. But they are not let loose at a young age … ”
(1992 TALK DURING TRANS IT TO CANBERRA)
When you let the child paint, give him instruction (no freestyle painting).
Let them feel materials. Let them appreciate the design of materials and cloth.
Tell them about stars and planets.
Tell them what trees are, about the use of wood. Treat trees as personified, look after them, give them names.
Do outings (museums, zoo). Prepare them for the visits: what to expect, how to respect the place and other visitors.
Avoid playing with weapons. Avoid stories of violence. Don’t show them instruments of war.
Talk about deities, Shri Mataji and Her life.
Let them do things for others.
Don’t teach unimportant forms for them e.g. where forks and knife should be.
FROM 6-12 YEARS
” . . . By 6 years, they become independent children, but respect should be kept. Then they take to their education … ”
(1986 ADVICE ON CHILDREN, VIENNA)
The child should never be corrected in the presence of others (see general advice).
” … Till the age of 10 years, you should teach them .. . ”
” .. . Till the age of 12 years they must be properly brought up; not too much of love, not too much of this thing and that … ”
(1985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
FROM 12-16 YEARS
” . .. At 12 years old it is important to give them what they need and all the love they want .. . ”
Give them all security :
” … At 12 years of age, you see, the sternum bone still is releasing the antibodies and, it is important at this time to give them all the securities that they need and all the love they want … ”
(1985 CHILDREN AND OTHER TOPICS, PERTH)
” …You have to tell your children ’til they are 16 years of age. Everything that is good, righteous, how to behave and how to live you have to tell … ”
(1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)
EXERCISES AND SPORTS :
” … So the music, art and all this side is developed till the age of twelve years. And then the children are made to go out and play and do all kinds of exercises and also sports … ”
(1992 TALK DURING TRANSIT TO CANBERRA)
FROM 16 YEARS ONWARD
After the age of 16 years, they are to be treated just like your friends.
About chastity :
” …Purify your mind today on that point, that everybody else is my brother or sister. If you are married it’s all right. But look at everyone, try to look at everyone as a brother, as a sister. Both relationships don’t exist (here). This is a funny country where there is no relationship which is pure. It’s such a filth I tell you, if you read about it, you can’t believe it, such perversion. Specially innocent people like children are attacked. Think of them as virgins. Be careful. And the young girls should know that they are virgins. If they go about with boys, and they are Sahaja Yogis, they’re not. Sahaja yogini’s have to be chaste women, powerful. Chastity is their power and (the power of) men, too. After Sahaja Yoga men should become conscious of their chastity, that is their power, too …”
(1983 DIWALI PUJA, HAMPSTEAD)
Leaving home? :
” . .. But from the very beginning they have the idea that children will go away at the age of 18 years. Why should children leave you if you have a proper house? Even if you don’t have a proper house, if you have all the love and convenience, they’ll never leave you . .. ”
(2000 HOW TO PROCEED, L.A. ASHRAM)
No need leaving the parents :
” … Like I’ll tell you we had one Avadut – now he’s a grown up boy – when he was young, one day he asked Me that; “If you leave your parents, will the baddhas of your parents leave you or not?” I said: “No, they may not leave, the baddhas of parents.” “Then what’s this of leaving the parents?” I said: “Who is leaving parents?” “No” he said : ” I’ve heard that in the western countries, people, children leave their parents when they are eighteen years of age. Why, I would not like to leave the parents.” I said: “Why? You can be free.” He said: “Then, I’ll be free to do wrong. Who will correct me? If I take the cigarette in my hand, who will correct me? Who will tell me: ‘Don’t do it.” I mean if a child takes a cigarette in the hand, immediately the father will take the cigarette and burn it, also. And: “Next time I see you I’ll burn your tongue.” Finished.
But, the child knows that :
” … The father loves me and loves me in such a way that I should not lose my father”, but he must know that he can lose the kindness of the father. If you allow the child just all the time to behave the way he likes, or it likes, then it will sit on your head … ”
(I99I TALK AFTER MAHAVIRA PUJA, PERTH)
Look after them :
” … They are so obedient to begin with, they think that “We are children, we should obey,” and this obedience comes out of their simple nature. But we should not try to tell them too many things. And we should not control them with “Don’t do this, don’t do that.” All the time if you do it like that, the children won’t understand. You don’t have to tell them. But if they are chaste children, if they are brought up in a chaste society. That’s why I always say, “Baba, send your children to our school” because children have to be chaste, they must understand the value of chastity. And these modern societies in the Western area specially are very much destroying our children’s innocence. The worst thing I have seen that in the west the parents don’t give any money to their children when they grow up, they don’t look after them . .. ”
(2002 GANESHA PUJA, CABELLA)
Pay the education of your children :
” … First and foremost for children is discipline and their education. You must pay all money, whatever is needed, all your attention, to educate your children. Now with that, no education, what’s happening is the children have no breeding. Either put them in some profession, if they want. Put them in anything where they can learn something. That’s the age when one has to learn. Not just leave them because it’s freedom, let them have their own time …”
(2000 HOW TO PROCEED, L.A. ASHRAM)
She still keep on taking care of them with continuous exchanges :
This a description from Friday, the 20th of June 2008 when Shri Mataji gave realization to 3 mayors of Val Borbera in the castle of Cabella : She said that one the major problems in America, as well as in England, is that boys and girls are left by themselves at too early age and they are not adequately brought up by their parents. Parents do not take care of children and then children do not take care of parents. One of consequences of the fact that younglings are abandoned to themselves too early is an increase in consuming alcohol.
It is good that they live their life and gain their independence, but they must always be loved and supported. Shri Mataji said that She has two daughters, who have children, who have children, but she still keep on taking care of them with continuous exchanges.
GRANDCHILDREN
” … So it is important for Sahaja Yogis to understand that they will first of all look after their children, give them whatever they need, nourish them, give them guidance, don’t spoil them, and secondly, once they are married and have children, they will not try to possess them, and possess their children, their wives
(1990 DIWALI PUJA)
The grandparents can spoil them, not you :
” .. . No, you have to be extremely strict with your children when they are growing up. The grand parents can spoil them, not you … ”
(1980 MARRIAGE AND COLLECTIVITY, CHELSHAM ROAD)