A discussion with Lord Jesus
The day before the public programme in Madrid I was alone in the room with Shri Mataji absorbing vibrations from Her Divine Feet and suddenly She started having a heated debate with someone in a language incomprehensible to me. When Mother realized that I did not see anyone in the room, She interrupted the debate.
‘Javier, I’m having a very strong discussion with Jesus Christ, who refuses to open the Agnya chakra of the Spanish people in the programme of tomorrow. He is angry with them because in His name they exterminated over six million Indians in America,’ She explained.
Later Mother asked me to leave the room and the debate continued. The next day we went to the programme, which was held in a room at the University of Madrid.
‘Javier, do not worry, last night I came to terms with Jesus. He agreed to open the Agnya chakra today provided that I publicly denounce all the atrocities they have done in His name,’ She said.
Thus began the conference: ‘I thank God that Christopher Columbus was wrong and did not come to India as planned, because otherwise I would not be here talking to you, as you would have exterminated us as well.’ The speech continued as strong as this throughout the session and I confess I felt quite tense and feared that after the programme the Spanish Civil Guard would expel us.
‘Those who do not want it can leave the room,’ Mother said before giving self realisation, but to my surprise no one did. After the realisation She very happily said, ‘All have got it,’ and many came to Her Feet to thank Her, crying.
Shri Mataji in Madrid, 1985
Shri Mataji visiting the Prado Museum
Expelling every impurity
I had this experience twice. Once when I was a student, there was a Sahasrara Puja. I was alone in the ashram because I couldn’t go because I had an exam. In the evening I sat in front of that black and white photograph where Mother is sitting cross-legged and is looking quite fierce — Shri Hanuman. At the time, I didn’t know it was a Shri Hanuman photo. And at a certain point, I began to feel an incredible experience of seeing Shri Mataji’s face transform into the face of Hanuman.
This put me into this very deep state of meditation and the Kundalini was powering out. I felt a sort of rage within me, but I was totally detached from it. I was in total joy, total bliss and peace, but there was this power, which was separate from me, which I can only describe as pure rage and fury against anything that was impure and not the Spirit. I remember the Kundalini expelling every impurity from within me, as if every impurity was leaving because they couldn’t tolerate that condition.
A few years later, when I was in Spain, Mother came and did a public programme. The hall was crowded out and She told all the Sahaja Yogis to come and sit on the stage around Her.
‘No, you don’t come onto the stage. Go and sit at the back by the door,’ She said to me.
‘Okay,’ I thought. I had geared myself up to be sitting quite close to Her and I ended up at the back of the hall.
The hall was a big university lecture room in a university building. This was in 1985 in Madrid in the summer period. It was very hot and She asked me to open the doors at the back to let some air in.
Then Shri Mataji proceeded to give realisation and, at that moment, some young layabouts walked down the corridor making a lot of noise and they peeped in. They saw Shri Mataji gesticulating and showing people how to raise the Kundalini, and they started making fun of Her.
I had exactly the same experience. This rage began to manifest in me, but like before, I was totally in bliss. Without thinking what I was going to do, I stood up and walked out of the hall towards these boys. There was a large group of them and they were very rough looking. Normally, I would have been apprehensive, but I stood up and walked towards them, and they were frightened and ran off. I don’t know what they saw.
I just turned round and sat down again. It was an extraordinary experience.
Shri Mataji was pleased.
After the programme we had invited Mother out to dinner in the restaurant of a Sahaja Yogini, who had arranged for a part of the restaurant to be sectioned off for us and arranged the tables in a big U shape. Mother sat at the head, in the middle, with all the Sahaja Yogis on either side of Her. There were about 30 of us, all facing Shri Mataji and easily able to hear what She was saying. Because I was one of the few people who spoke English and Spanish, Mother called me to sit at Her side and translate for Her. I honestly cannot remember the things She said. I do remember the feeling of being in heaven.
Earlier that day, Shri Mataji had suggested performing a puja in the restaurant, after dinner. Of course, we were completely unprepared for this and had great fun in the chaos of madly trying to make arrangements. In the end, it was a very simple affair. Mother did not want any mantras, but asked us to play a tape of some Indian classical music. She then asked us to come up two by two to worship Her Holy Feet with water.
‘Nabhi and Vishuddhi,’ She said when it was my turn, while I was doing namaskar.
As I got up, I looked across at the other person doing namaskar with me. We did not say anything, but our eyes were clearly asking each other “Is She talking about you or me?” For years after that we used to joke about this.
We had prepared a crown of flowers to offer and also loose flowers to decorate Shri Mataji’s Feet. She was wearing one of the white saris that She usually wore for public programmes. She commented that the puja was unique because She did not usually perform pujas in the white saris, because they are meant to represent asceticism. Pujas, on the other hand, are meant to glorify the Divine. My lasting memory of that puja was the experience of seeing Shri Mataji in the state of ‘prasanna’, being filled with ever-increasing joy, like a snowball rolling down the mountain, at the simple knowledge that She was pleased. I think it was the first time I had witnessed this aspect of Shri Mataji and I will treasure the memory forever.
A wonderful trip
On June 27th, 1985, Mother came to Spain for two public programmes, attended by over 200 people. It was the first time the Spanish yogis had the opportunity to prepare a programme for Mother and they were nervous and excited.
On the 28th was the second programme, the puja and dinner. It was a wonderful experience to feel so close to Mother, in the literal sense of the word and to take care of Her and the seventeen Sahaja Yogis from England and seven from Switzerland, who came to Madrid to receive Mother at the airport, accompanying the Spanish yogis on hosting and each offering Her a red rose. According to the census of that time, there were only twelve Spanish yogis. Mother said it was a good number when the yogis told Her.
My experience was strong when I met Shri Mataji for the first time, as I had received my realisation in spring, some four months before, only meditating very little at this time. I still did not feel like a yogi or part of the Sahaja group. We were two people who came from the first public programme in Zaragoza, to Madrid. We were invited to meet Shri Mataji, Joaquín and José Luis, a student of psychology. Another José Luis Sancho joined us, the first yogi in Zaragoza, who received his realisation in 1984.
I clearly remember the puja and the dinner with Mother and the Sahaja Yogis, which were celebrated in the same place. It was at a restaurant called Colomba, meaning pigeon, situated outside Madrid. The owner, Rosalia, is a Spanish yogini. When we arrived at the restaurant we were welcomed lovingly by the yogis, me still not knowing why we were at the restaurant, except to meet the Mother of the Sahaja Yogis, nothing more. As we entered the restaurant I noticed some people at the bar drinking some refreshments. We continued inside the restaurant and on the left side of the room, I noticed that they were making preparations for a ceremony, the puja. This upset me a little, as inside of me I felt a sense of resentment and I felt this is ‘not for me, but for them.’ I looked back and noticed that there were chairs being arranged around the entrance to form a sense of privacy. I started to feel trapped, a sense of no escape. Eventually I accepted the situation and decided to stay; perhaps the enthusiasm and encouragement of the yogis convinced me.
Suddenly, without realizing it during the puja, it was time to wash the Feet of Shri Mataji. I went up with a group of three people. I was in front of Mother with two other yogis who started washing the Feet. I followed them and started washing Her instep when Shri Mataji´s hand moved my hand down towards Her heel. I noticed that this part of the foot was rougher by touch, and I went back to Her instep, and again She guided my hand to Her heel. I then realized to obey this, not knowing the work of Mother, She was actually cleaning my left Mooladhara, which I at the time did not realize that I was before the Goddess.
The yogis then started getting up and moving away. I continued in my posture at the Feet of Mother, not knowing what to do next, as this was all new to me. Mother then looked at me and said, “What about you?” She then extended Her hand and made bandhans on my Sahasrara and my hands, looking at me with Her attention and told me to repeat after Her “Mother come in my Sahasrara”. After a little while She exclaimed, ‘Ah better now, alright,’ and gave me this blessing, ‘May God Bless you.’
It’s hard to describe, but I started to feel the significance of the word Mother and from that moment I started to feel different, and lucky to be there. Mother continued talking with the others, and working with each one of us lovingly and thoroughly.
A long night filled with joy
In the second photo you can see me with my bushy beard on the left side of Mother. At that time I was not aware that our Mother does not like Her children to have beards. Once I met a yogi from Russia. After a while I met him again in Rome. He told me that he had a beard before, but Shri Mataji gave him some aftershave as a gift, and he obviously got the message that he had to shave off his beard.
Mother was beautiful in Her white sari and Her long hair. There is also a very young Robert Hunter, then a student in Madrid was also seated beside Her, and our national leader from Spain, José Antonio. Throughout dinner, the joy was flowing at all times. It was indescribable, the joy of that blessed company, with the level of consciousness that each had at that amazing moment. It was a long night filled with joy, in which time took another dimension, and lost its measure. Really we were experiencing a milestone.
The next day, the 29th, Mother and some Spanish yogis left for Paris to celebrate the Guru Puja at Chamarande near Paris.
Next day I remember all of us going shopping with Shri Mataji in an open market, and Her delight at the quality of the fruit and vegetables in Spain. Later on that day She was going to catch the plane to France for the Guru Puja and She bought a suitcase-full of fruit to be offered at the puja. I remember that She insisted that we all attend, although I don’t think many of had plans to do so, as most of us were students and penniless. But Shri Mataji gave us no choice in the matter because She bought ten huge watermelons and told us that we had to take them to France by train, to be offered at the Guru Puja. They were, of course, too heavy and cumbersome to carry with Her on the plane. Miraculously they all arrived intact!
He’s already fine
When we arrived in Spain, Mother stayed in the house of a Sahaja Yogi. Mother conducted a follow up programme in his house for new people, for which I had to translate. I remember Mother correcting me when I made a mistake and how it occurred to me that She did not really need a translator, or someone to accompany Her on the trip and sit next to Her; She was just blessing me with Her infinite Grace. I remember Mother inviting us all to wash Her Feet one evening. I was the ‘pujari’ of the occasion and, when everyone had had their turn, someone reminded Mother that I still had not washed Her Feet.
Oh, Robert doesn’t need to. He’s already fine,’ She said.
Oh, how wonderful to receive a compliment from the Adi Shakti. If I wasn’t fine before, I certainly was then!
My eyes, My arms, My hands
We were preparing Shri Mataji’s visit to Belgium in July 1985 from the city of Ghent and, from a phone box near my university, I telephoned London, to Shri Mataji to ask for some details about Her trip. At one point, She spoke some beautiful and totally unexpected words of encouragement for our preparative work, which was done with the help of Dominique Laprique Sutherland and Bohdan Shehovych.
You are My eyes, My arms, My hands,’ She said. Suddenly, the phone was interrupted as it ran out of money. I had to change paper money and managed to get about fifteen to twenty coins of twenty Belgian francs, about eight pounds Sterling, which I hoped would be enough for the conversation with Mother. I rang back. Mother came on line again and, in Her humorous way, She made some comment about how terrible these phone boxes are, as they take all your money.
After the conversation, I put the phone down on the hook. And now the miracle — to my great surprise, like a jackpot the phone released an avalanche of twenty Belgian franc coins. Non-stop, a continuous stream of coins came out. All the coins I had put in came back. Being against all the normal laws of nature and definitively against all rules of how phone boxes operate in Belgium, it was an incredible and immediate confirmation that when we work for Mother, the rewards come to us quickly.
We went to Paris and asked Mother for the preparation of Her visit, whether She preferred a few quality seekers to be reached or rather masses of many, many people. Mother answered that She preferred many, many people.
We went back and our preparative work started — posters, press releases, organizing a press conference in the International Press Centre, an article with a colour photo of Mother on the front page of the main Brussels paper, Le Soir — which was done with the help of Dominique and Bohdan.
A small memory of something Her Holiness Shri Mataji told me.
‘A saint never throws his clothes on the floor.’
Mother’s sense of humour of course makes me question every day if I am a saint.
Advice on driving
It was in June 1985. Shri Mataji was coming for the Guru Puja in Paris at Chamarande Castle. I drove my car with my wife, a Sahaja Yogini, and my firstborn child to the airport to welcome Mother along with the other Sahaja Yogis.
After leaving the plane and welcoming each one of us Shri Mataji stopped in front of me to reprimand me because I had driven my car too fast, because I was in the right side. As She spoke I felt more and more cool breeze in my body and was quieter and more peaceful.
Shri Mataji opened our hearts (diary entry)
In Paris, in June 1985, we have just been through the tremendous experience of the Guru Puja at Chamarande, where we found ourselves in front of an unknown aspect of Shri Mataji, dramatic and sad, truly upsetting and an experience which we would not want to repeat. France, this country that Shri Mataji has defined as being full of problems, and ‘the gateway to hell’, has lived up to its nature and has received Her with such inauspiciousness, such a lack of love and of protocol, that She Herself was so horrified that we did not know what would happen.
The main problem was that there were almost no Sahaja Yogis to meet Her with the usual good will and flowers at the airport when She arrived on the 26th June. No one had arranged for the Sahaja Yogis to go there and only two or three were there. The rest of the five hundred and fifty Sahaja Yogis stayed at the camp to listen to someone giving a discourse.
Also, a little later, when Shri Mataji arrived at the castle of Chamarande, again there were very few people to welcome Her because everyone was having supper. Shri Mataji went straight to Her room and was incredulous, angry and disappointed with Her children. She called the leaders to Her in order to find out who was responsible, and while She spoke the glass in the windows shook at Her anger. The leaders apologised profoundly, and asked Shri Mataji to allow them to do the puja on the following day, because She had indicated that She would not do one.
The next day one of the leaders asked us to pray to Shri Mataji to forgive us, because the deities were so angry that they did not want us to do the puja. The only aspect of the divine that remained unmoved and unaffected was that of the Mother.
After breakfast it was announced that Shri Mataji had pardoned us because the Mother aspect of the divine had prevailed over the others. We were reunited in the large tent, in the silence of a meditation without joy, without peace and without depth. When Shri Mataji’s arrival was announced, it seemed that all the tension was dissolved. But as soon as we saw Her facial expression, our insecurity and alarm returned. Then She spoke, saying that only those who had wanted to go to receive Her at the airport could do the puja, and asked them to come to the front.
The silence became even heavier, and the atmosphere during the puja was indescribable in its power, but at the same time Shri Mataji seemed to be tired and listless. She said this was the result of not having Her in our hearts, and our love for Her was not like that of children. The puja was very simple, with no ornaments, crown or offerings, only water offered to Her Feet.
Finally Her face broke into a smile, like a ray of sunlight after a terrible storm. What a relief! Finally our Mother returned to us, and pardoned us. Our hearts opened, smiles reappeared on the faces of the Sahaja Yogis, and the tension was broken.
Presents were given from various countries, including eight china dogs (the dog is the animal of the Adi Guru). Shri Mataji then offered presents to various countries, large glass goblets. She also gave presents to individual Sahaja Yogis. She gave saris or shawls to many ladies, including a sari for me. Finally, when Shri Mataji left the tent, the atmosphere seemed to return to what it is like at all the big pujas, joy and the vibrations flowing, and our faces relaxed and luminous.
The collectivity of five hundred and fifty people felt, in a new way, the presence of Shri Mataji in our hearts. After spending the rest of the day .in the park of the beautiful chateau, we had a marvellous evening of bhajans.
Editor’s note: some years later, on one of the occasions when She again visited there, Shri Mataji said France was no longer a gateway to hell, and in 2009 blessed the country by attending the wedding reception of Her grandson to a French Sahaja Yogini there.
When the worst and the best meet
Back in July 1985, I was not even a year old in Sahaj, and France was of organising the Guru Puja. A large venue had been found in the Paris area called Chamarande, with wonderful gardens and an 18th century castle, a beautiful place to welcome around four hundred yogis from every corner of the Sahaj world of that time.
The whole organisation was going quite well and on the Saturday morning I felt it would be a unique moment of collective spiritual happening, which it was, but not at all in the way I expected. In the afternoon an Indian Sahaja Yogi gave a lecture about devas and puranas and most of the collective was gathered in the hall. In the middle of this a Sahaja Yoga leader rushed into the hall.
‘What the hell are you doing here? Shri Mataji was at the airport and nobody was there to welcome Her! She is furious! How can such things happen?’ he shouted.
After a great deal of misunderstanding and leadership failure, nothing had been organised to bring the collective to the airport to welcome our Mother and when She arrived only two or three Sahaja Yogis were there in a car to take Her to the puja place. A huge mistake in the protocol of the Goddess and the guru: at first Shri Mataji said that the puja could not take place.
When She arrived She spent the whole evening and part of the night in Her room. She said the deities were very angry and were threatening. One yogini spent a long time massaging Mother’s Feet while the Adi Shakti was talking to them.
‘You have to forgive, you have to forgive!’ She said.
The atmosphere in the collective was that a complete disaster had occurred: some sat in meditation, some were crying, some were mourning or talking loudly in great tension and all of us were lost in despair.
Around 1.00 am a Sahaja Yogi announced that Shri Mataji had finally agreed to perform puja on the Sunday.
When Mother stepped onto the stage some hours later, She had a closed face and rejected the microphone that was put in front of Her, not wanting to talk. The puja started straight away and after the water was poured on Shri Mataji’s Feet, She addressed the Sahaja Yogis, asking only those who had wanted to go to the airport to come to the front,
‘I’m sorry I have to do that, I promised them,’ She said, referring to the deities.
What was happening shocked me deeply because I could see that Shri Mataji was suffering. She said She would never give France a Guru Puja again.
Danya Martoglio responds
Who could ever forget how we all felt? It is so easy to be wise after the event, on that fateful day I felt quite hot in the hall, and knowing that Mother was due to arrive soon I was waiting outside on the drive when Her car came in. It was such a shock to see Shri Mataji’s usually radiant face clouded like a thunderstorm; it seemed our flowers wilted in our hands under Her piercing fiery glance. Where was our smiling Mother with the reassuring, disarming smile? Even Her hair looked angry as it flowed in dishevelled darts over Her shoulders. Such divine anger, She was a tigress!
I was absolutely terrified when called to Her room. Hardly daring to breathe or utter a word, I just concentrated on taking out vibrations. With the current of energy travelling up my arm and all through my body it was hard to keep my hand still, as it was shaking so much. She told us the deities were enraged and that is why there was such movement in Her chakras. To me it felt as if the wheels of destruction had already started – and She was doing all She could to stop them. One of the names of the Goddess is Shri Bhraanti – the Goddess who resides in all beings in the form of error. This story beautifully shows how it is only when we make mistakes that we can learn and grow.
Shri Mataji had to continuously juggle with placating the deities due to the innocent mistakes of Her ‘young’ Sahaja Yoga children. She would tell the Gods on our behalf: ‘Please forgive them, they are only children,’ and at times would tell us, ‘You see, I have the deities on one side, the Sahaja Yogis on the other side, and I am in the middle.’
When Mother spoke like this it made me feel that sometimes being God must be a very lonely business.
Helen Splarn also responds
I also remember that puja. Those who had asked or wanted to go to the airport were allowed to go to the front. I was not one of them and sat near the back, even though I could see Shri Mataji and was in the same tent, it was very painfully obvious to me that I was not attending the puja but was only on the outside watching it.
They started to read the 108 names of the Guru and She stopped them after about ten names, saying something like, ‘If you don’t get those, what is the point of reading the rest of the names?’ The look of pain on Her face at the state of Her children was too much to bear.
But it was a defining moment for me, it forced me to make a choice; was I going to give Sahaja Yoga and Shri Mataji my all – or not? That very painful experience actually helped me settle into Sahaja Yoga and I have always felt very grateful to have been at that Guru Puja.
Shri Mataji said the Italians could go forward because an Italian leader had been one of the very few to meet Her at the airport. Her words were ‘one person can save a country or destroy it’.
A wave of goodness
Shri Mataji speaking about the book, The Advent
The French version of The Advent was launched on a Sunday morning June 30th 1985, at the Palais des Congrès of Versailles. I was invited to this function thanks to the mailing list of UNESCO, not knowing at all what it would be about. There were lots of diplomats and dignified people. There was a very busy man in a blue three-piece suit running back and forth who had organised the small children to greet Shri Mataji with flowers, upon Her arrival.
When Shri Mataji came I had no idea who She was, but I felt a wave of goodness rolling in front of Her, which was going to every person around and would gently splash them with this feeling. I was impressed by the spontaneity with which the children would open the way for Her.
Presentation of The Advent (diary entry)
On the 30th of June, 1985, there was the official presentation of the French edition of The Advent, L’Avenement, to the authorities and journalists, in the Palace of Congress at Versailles near Paris. Also present were some Sahaja Yogis who had been at the Guru Puja at Chamarande. Shri Mataji, simple and enigmatic at the same time, sat on the stage between Sir CP and Gregoire de Kalbermatten, who, with Shri Mataji’s help, had written the book. Two French Sahaja Yogis presented Shri Mataji, and then explained a bit about the book.
After that Gregoire spoke, openly saying that the Lady who was the subject of the book looked like a normal human being, but this was just an optical illusion. He did not say clearly that She was an incarnation, but with his usual linguistic acrobatics, made it clearly understood. There was much joy and commotion among the Sahaja Yogis.
Also, Sir CP’s discourse was moving and beautiful, and was particularly touching when he spoke of Shri Mataji with an affectionate tone, with the familiarity of a husband. Everyone laughed when he said that they were always travelling, they are the couple who travels most in the whole world, and the moments when they meet each other are rare!
At the end of the ceremony, after Shri Mataji had spoken, She inaugurated the book, cutting with scissors a ribbon that had tied it up.
Then there was a chorus of beautiful singers, who sang the bhajan Bayakayataya, and in a glorious finale, a weighty rendering of the aarti, which took the attention to the Spirit, like a great meditative occasion.
Brussels public programme
The hall in the Shell Building, near the Brussels Midi Station, got so filled with a continuous stream of Brussels seekers that we had to arrange for a second hall to be opened in the same building, where Engelbert Oman headed a second self realisation programme, simultaneously with Mother’s in the main hall next door — an incredible success, thanks to Shri Mataji’s expression of Her wish and vision.
If Mother’s vision backs ours, there is nothing that can stop us.
It was really something, that evening in Brussels. At one point, the lobby was more like a train station, so many people were coming and going in different directions, as if looking where they should go. We simply hadn’t expected that large a crowd, so a second room was opened. There were so many people that many yogis could not get into either hall.
As I looked from one room to the next, it was obvious the same meeting was happening in both places. Shri Mataji, and Engelbert, in the second hall were speaking on the same topics, at the same time.
Shri Mataji and Sahaja Yoga have been life saving
In a hall in Belgium at a public programme in 1985 Shri Mataji came round the audience and was paying attention to individual people. One lady was being worked on by Mother and was talking to Her. Shri Mataji asked the lady to turn around and put her back towards Her and then Shri Mataji placed both Her Feet on the Centre Heart chakra of this lady, who had a catch there. Shri Mataji gave the catch some considerable attention and the damaged chakra improved. It was such a memorable sight to see this deeply caring gesture.
Shri Mataji arriving in Holland 1985
All sorts of seekers (diary entry)
Our stay in Holland was very beautiful and joyful from our very arrival. First was a public programme, on July 3rd, where about 300 to 350 seekers came, people of various qualities and from various backgrounds, from the worst followers of an evil false guru, to westernized Indian residents here, to very elegant old people, one of which was a Chinese hand reader, very composed and smiling.
From the morning of the public programme everything went well, blessed by the ritam bara prAgnya, the divine design of auspiciousness. We, the international collectivity of about eighty people did our best to please our Divine Mother, careful not to lack in attention towards Her in any way.
I am very happy you have come
My first personal contact with Shri Mataji was in July 1985. There was a public programme on the Wednesday, and on the Thursday was a follow-up. The local yogis had rented a beautiful villa in a park and I was very eager not to be late. I took an early train and was one and a half hours early.
I was reading my paper in the park and waiting for the programme to start. It was about a quarter to seven in the evening and Shri Mataji had gone for a little walk with another Sahaja Yogini. She told the Sahaja Yogini to come and ask who I was. I said I had come for the follow-up programme and the yogini went back to tell Shri Mataji. She approached me and I felt that if an important spiritual Mother comes to you, you close the paper and stand up.
‘Hello, I am very happy you have come,’ She said, and those were the very first words Shri Mataji said to me.
Henno de Graaf.
Not even a bruise
In the summer of 1985 Shri Mataji did a tour around Europe and went by train to The Hague, Holland, for a public programme. The Sahaja Yogis welcomed Shri Mataji at the station with flowers and escorted Her to a car, which was waiting outside. Shri Mataji and three other people were seated in the white Mercedes, and the rest of us were waiting beside the car.
Dr Engelbert Oman was standing next to me just beside the right front wheel of the car. As the car reversed and turned out of the parking space it suddenly seemed to bounce and there was a loud and unmistakable cracking noise and I saw the car drive over Engelbert’s foot. I looked directly at Engelbert and he looked at me. For a split second Engelbert’s face seemed frozen in shock. The next moment Shri Mataji moved across to the window of the car and was waved Her finger at Engelbert. After the car with Shri Mataji had left, Engelbert walked away without even a limp.
Later that evening we went to the public programme in The Hague. The main hall where Shri Mataji was speaking was full, so the organisers opened up a second smaller hall for us. Engelbert gave an introductory talk in this secondary overflow hall where Shri Mataji later gave realisation. I was in the corridor outside showing new arrivals where to find a seat and was giving out literature.
Engelbert told the audience that in the Emergency Unit, nearly every day he saw patients whose feet had been run over by smaller cars and they had completely smashed up feet but his foot had been run over by a large Mercedes. After Shri Mataji had left, he could walk with no pain, so he had run back to his hotel room and taken his shoe off and there was not even so much as a bruise on his foot.
Only a prickle
In summer 1985, Shri Mataji went by train from Paris to The Hague. The Sahaja Yogis welcomed Her at the station and escorted Her to a car, which was waiting outside. While Shri Mataji and three other persons were seated in Her Mercedes, my friend Engelbert stood next to me near the right front wheel of the car. It started to move backwards, turning to the left at the same time. My attention was fully on Shri Mataji and suddenly I saw Her face go tense for two seconds, afterwards She relaxed and smiled again. During this time, Engelbert, still standing next to me, started to laugh too at this point.
After the car with Shri Mataji had gone, he told me that just now the Mercedes had driven over his right foot. Although his foot should have been completely crushed, he had only felt a prickle.
Melting in the infinite joy of the All (diary entry)
Of all this travelling around France, Belgium and Holland, with Shri Mataji, the most beautiful and intensive days were those in Holland, especially for me, starting with the arrival evening when I had the privilege of preparing dinner for Shri Mataji and to organize the kitchen for Her during Her stay in The Hague together with another Sahaja Yogi, whose cooking was praised by Mother.
On the 4th July, I was asked by one of the leaders to come in Shri Mataji’s apartment to make a telephone call to Italy. From that moment I was with Shri Mataji all day. We moved Her room in the main house were we, all the Sahaja Yogis, were staying, and we decorated it as well as we could.
Before we finished decorating She arrived, had dinner and lay down to rest. We stayed for about two hours to absorb the vibrations of Her divine body. I massaged both Her Lotus Feet and particularly Her Nabhi, Her knees as well as at Her toes. I do not believe I will ever forget the sensation in touching Her toes, the delicate skin and the indescribable sweetness of touching Her. Something melted inside you, you feel a great tenderness, a great compassion that is difficult to explain or to compare with anything. Under my hands I felt Her toes and through it I thought I could caress all the deities who reside within Her.
I remembered the Saundarya Lahari of Adi Shankaracharya, where the Devi’s Feet are described as the gems of the lotus flowers in front of which the crowns of the Trimurti: Shri Brahma, Shri Shiva and Shri Vishnu, bow in adoration, and I had a beautiful meditation. Shri Mataji, who was sleeping at that moment, looked like Shri Vishnu controlling the course of the events of the universe, reclining on the serpent Shesha. There is nothing in the world of human experience which you can compare to the effect of the contact with the Lotus Feet of Sakshat Shri Adi Shakti. It is the Sahasrara dimension, the melting in the infinite joy of the All, of which we can have in such an intense and sublime way.
China and flowers
When we visited Belgium and Holland we were to perform puja to Mother and had been sent out to purchase flowers, fruit, and a present to offer to Her. We came across a shop having a sale and there was a beautiful piece of Jasperware, characteristically blue with fine white cameo figures, depicting the Madonna and Child. After the puja, when this had been offered to Mother, She enquired where it had come from. Sean said it had been made in Germany.
‘May God bless Germany,’ She replied.
There had also been an occasion when offering Mother flowers upon Her arrival in a country when She had asked where the flowers had been grown and Sean can’t recall whether it was Belgium or Holland where a bunch of red tulips had been offered to Mother but he had been able to say they had been grown locally as he’d been informed of this by the vendor.
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In a hall in Belgium, at a public programme in 1985, Shri Mataji came round the audience and was paying attention to individual people. One lady was being worked on by Mother and was talking to Her. Shri Mataji asked the lady to turn around and put her back towards Her and then Shri Mataji placed both Her Feet on the Centre Heart chakra of this lady, who had a catch there. Shri Mataji gave the catch some considerable attention and the damaged chakra improved. It was such a memorable sight to see this deeply caring gesture.
Once at a public meeting at a London venue in the early 1980’s a man asked a question from the audience after a lecture by Shri Mataji. It came across to me as quite a cheeky, arrogant sort of facetious question, although I can’t remember exactly what the question was at this distance of over twenty-five years. Shri Mataji said that the man was a ‘black heart’ or that the answer was it was because of a ‘black heart’. The man asked what that was, perhaps a bit like the lawyer in the gospel of Luke, Chapter 10, who wants to justify himself by asking, ‘Who is my neighbour?’ Shri Mataji told the man he knew very well what a black heart was. I don’t myself know what a black heart is, but I wouldn’t imagine it is very godly.
At a meeting in Sheffield in England in the summer of 1985 Shri Mataji put a question to the audience and asked us if we could tell Her what the most notable good quality of the English or the British was. People made their suggestions, I may have made one myself, that they, or we should I say, are tolerant or reserved or good actors. We spent a long time trying to guess what the answer was and then Shri Mataji said that the English are great scholars, that we can produce very scholarly people. It was a pleasant meeting and quite low key and the Sahaja Yogis sat in the hall as Shri Mataji talked.
Shri Mataji gave a lecture at New Hall College in Cambridge in 1982 and that is how I came to Sahaja Yoga, a lost soul as I was at that time. I had seen a poster advertising Sahaja Yoga on the wall of the common room at Selwyn College and as I had just spent five months doing voluntary work on leprosy in India I was curious to know more about Indian spirituality. Shri Mataji came round and gave me Realisation, She may have even put Her hand on my head. At that meeting Shri Mataji gave some attention to a really incapacitated person who could not walk properly and that person stood up and walked some steps across the hall.
The first puja to Shri Trigunatmika (diary entry)
July 5th was the puja day. What was missed in the Paris puja was achieved in this holy land where, as Shri Mataji said in Her wonderful talk, this low land, below sea level, welcomes within her the water from the canals and the sea, the element of the guru tattwa. This union between the water and the land is made holy by the flowers that grow here as nowhere else. This is a metaphor of the guru tattwa, which is absolutely incomplete and inadequate without the strength and fusion with the principle of love and forgiveness of Mother Earth.
This holy land has, at the moment, being transformed into a hell, because of the bhuts which have attacked the seekers. The chakra which has been most attacked has been the Mooladhara and the greatest sin is that against the Mother. No doubt Holland will regain its quality in the future, because the puja talk was the celebration of holiness of this country and its seekers.
As a married woman, during the puja I participated, to dress Shri Mataji, to offer fruits and to decorate Her Feet. There were some difficulties in putting on the rings on Her Feet, especially on the Nabhi toe. The ring could be adjusted, but we could not find the right size!
Shri Mataji’s Holy Feet with the adjustable rings
Shri Mataji at the puja in Holland, 1985
The gift of traditional Dutch clogs
Among the presents, Shri Mataji received a pair of Dutch wooden clogs, red coloured. A detail which I noticed: during the talk Shri Mataji drank many glasses of water and She said that in this way She brings the water principle into the Mother, Herself. The water left in the glass was partly distributed to the Sahaja Yogis present, and partly offered to the water of the moat around the house, in order, perhaps, to awaken those two principles, the Mother and the guru. The love has started again to flow in Her love, the Mother has forgiven Her children. In the meantime the deepest meaning of the Guru Puja was revealed, and this was to put the sweet motherly love in the discipline and the teachings of the guru.
At the end of the puja three saris were offered to Shri Mataji: one pink and green for Shri Mahakali, one dark green and brown for Shri Mahasaraswati and one – that one for Shri Mahalakshmi – was the same colour as the sky when Shri Mataji arrived in Holland, as She said Herself. The three saris were for the three gunas, which merge here and were worshipped here by the Sahaja Yogis. At the first puja ever offered to the three gunas, and decided upon at the last moment, it was thus a ‘coincidence’ for the three saris to be offered to Shri Mataji!
After the puja we had a havan in the garden in front of the main building and one of the leaders said that it was needed to free Shri Mataji’s head from the heavy vibrations.
Another important detail of this puja was that at the end, along with all the other presents that Shri Mataji has received were two more ceramic dogs, which, added to the other eight received at the Guru Puja in Paris, bring the total of the dogs to ten, completing the number of the guru.
How Shri Mataji resolved an issue
Shri Mataji told us that She wanted to return to Spain after the Guru Puja. She had seen some furniture that She wanted to buy for a house She was building in India. This was fantastic news for the Spanish collective, but also for me in particular because, during the puja weekend, She called me to Her room and invited me to accompany Her on the trip. I was to join Her in England after a few days and fly out with Her. It was the first time such an opportunity had presented itself to me and I was in seventh heaven.
The plane trip out – we had second class tickets and there was very little leg room. Shri Mataji sat in the middle seat and offered me the aisle seat, claiming that I had longer legs. I am embarrassed now that I accepted and did not insist that Her comfort was more important, but Her motherly concern was so genuine and natural that it was disarming. For a long time She told me to look at Her Feet and, as I did so, She began to tell me about them, as if She were talking about two loyal and beloved servants. She explained how they worked so hard, taking Her from place to place, but also how they absorbed and gave vibrations all the time. She made me notice how swollen Her Feet were but nevertheless they never stopped working. Perhaps She was telling me something of how I should be as a devotee of the Adi Shakti. But what I remember most was the awareness of the immeasurable sacredness of Her Holy Lotus Feet, in a way that I had never experienced before.
When it came to lunch time, the airline served us a beautiful piece of rump steak. The part of me that is Argentine set my mouth watering and couldn’t believe its luck. The part of me that is English felt appalled by the dilemma. Shri Mataji was not touching Hers; how could I possibly eat mine knowing what She has often said about eating beef? Shri Mataji saw me hesitating and asked me if I didn’t like streak. I told Her I loved it. She laughed out loud and told me just to eat it and enjoy it.
Many years later I was with Shri Mataji in Cabella, sometime in the mid-nineties, and She was reminiscing with me about our trip to Spain. She reminded me of a conversation during the plane journey about which I had completely forgotten. Shri Mataji had asked me about young people of my age and what they got up to. As She quietly listened, I told Her all about the rock n’roll, the sex and the drugs. At a certain point, Shri Mataji got up and went to the toilet and the conversation ended there. As She reminded me of this story, She also told me that the reason She went to the toilet was to vomit. She had absorbed into Her body all the negativity of the things I was talking about and, as I had since come to learn, this was one of the ways in which She would clear it.
I sat next to Shri Mataji on the plane, squeezed close to each other in our second-class seats, not daring to touch Her for fear that my vibrations might disturb Her. And now I discovered that my conversation had made Her vomit. I felt so foolish when Mother told me this; but gracious as ever, She just laughed and treated it as a big joke.
The extendable table
It was June 1985 and Shri Mataji came to Spain twice in a row. The first time was for a public programme and later, to our delight, She came again with a view to buy some furniture. It was then that a series of things, apparently unimportant, happened which helped us to perceive Her message, Her very special presence, Her essence.
We were doing some shopping in a department store in Madrid. We saw a table made of solid wood and it was very nice.
‘This table is good and it is very practical because it is extendable,’ said Shri Mataji. One of the yogis with us examined the table closely on all sides and said that it was not extendable.
‘Yes, it is,’ insisted Shri Mataji while She was already looking at something else. The yogi was puzzled because the table seemed to be made of one piece of solid wood. He asked a sales assistant about the table and the assistant told him it was indeed expendable through a very special mechanism which was not visible at all and made in a way that was not evident.
Spanish Sahaja Yogi
What shall I talk about?
When Mother came to Venice in July 1985 She did an amazing programme there. I had been looking after Sahaja Yoga in Venice at that time.
‘What shall I talk about?’ Shri Mataji had asked me on the way to the programme.
‘I don’t know,’ I replied.
‘What are the Italians worried or concerned about?’
I replied that they were very worried about war because at that time the Libyans had shot a missile which had just missed one of the Italian islands called Lampedusa, to the south of Italy. As a result Mother gave an amazing talk about peace.
At the same time, when we were there at Venice, She asked me to wash Her Feet. I noticed that when I washed Her Feet the water became cloudier and cloudier, and almost milky. It was like the Lakshmi quality. Venice is built on a swamp, on water, so it was the Lakshmi quality manifesting.