Marriage System

In Sahaja Yoga… basically we have used the system of India, because it is a very joyous style of marriage… it’s not a very serious occasion… but we have changed it for our use… for our own purpose. In this marriage we have avoided all that was funnily introduced… or all other useless rituals, which were no good… but keeping all the delicate points, that give a little sweetness to the temperament of the people… and a feeling of involvement to everyone. In India, everybody thinks marriage is a very auspicious thing, and everybody must help… everybody must be involved. Sahaja Yoga style marriage doesn’t have any tension. All of us have to be very generous and giving… and we should try to give whatever we have to help them out… not necessarily money… but in every way we should try to give them… because marriage day is a very important day (1984-0829.1)

In Sahaja Yoga marriage… we have a father… a mother… and a sister… of the bride. Now you must offer your services. The fathers… all married people… if you have got your wives… they can join you… if you don’t have, doesn’t matter. Now everyone of you should take someone as your daughter… and you should know the name of the girl who is your daughter. Now the job of the father is very important… first he has to find out the husband… also he has to give to the girl the sari, saag, ornaments, and decorations… to the bride… but not the Mangala sutra. But first ceremony is of haldi… now I must tell you, be careful on this… these things are to be given after the haldi is over. You see, the haldi will be applied… to the girls… then they’ll have a bath outside somewhere… there’s a hose, and with hot water… then they’ll go inside in their dressing gowns… in their rooms, where they’ll rest for a while, if they want to… and then they can have a bath and get ready… so when they are ready for it, then these things will be given by the father (1984-0829.2); The haldi will also be sent over… and applied to the boys. Then all of you should have lunch separately… the girls here… and the boys there… then after that you’re not supposed to see each other… alright (1984-0829.2)

The Mangala Sutra is to be kept in the pocket… and is to be given when the marriage time comes in. Now… the complete set… you write it down… a sari, a blouse, a petticoat, a saag for the neck… now the ornaments… for the head… a golden headdress… and for the nose… for the hands… and for the feet. Then the bangles… one Mundawari… we call it Mundawari… and these are the toe rings, for the Vishuddhi chakra. Except for the Mangala Sutra, everything is to be given… to the girl. Now all the brides must see if the things are alright or not… the father and the bride (1984-0829.2)

Now this is to be pasted on the hand… you should take two each… it has to be done either tonight or tomorrow morning… those who can do tonight, nothing like it… the mothers or the sisters must do this job for the brides… there are some big and some small… it is for a small hand this one is… just attach it… to the hand… and they can be re-used, in case they are not sufficient (1984-0829.2)

So this is all to make you beautiful ladies you see, and to feel proud of your being a lady, you see… all this is done for that… and the lady is specially dressed – actually the men look like… little bit like buffoons… but women look very sensible in marriage, I tell you… so one should not try to compete with men in marriage, alright (1984-0829.2); For the boys, we should have some unmarried boys… for them to be best men… for the bridegrooms; For the grooms… there are dhotis, kurtas, topis and a cap (1984-0829.2)

One should sit down with the full idea, that now you’re marrying in Sahaja Yoga… and the responsibility is much more on a girl than on a boy… and one must know that in Sahaja Yoga, marriage is for a special purpose, that we have to have Realised Souls as our children… so we have to behave ourselves from the very first day… it’s complete integration of heart, mind and liver… you love the person, marry the person, and live with that person… not to marry someone, and think of somebody else… that nonsense doesn’t exist in Sahaja Yoga… that’s not a sign of Sahaja Yoga at all… alright (1984-0829.2)

The condition of India is that the girl has to accept her husband… if she does not accept, we cannot force marriages. That’s why the first ceremony we’ll be having is where they’ll be garlanding you… by garlanding you, they suggest that they are accepting you (1993-1224.1); First the bride… the girl… has to garland… means she accepts him… it is Indian tradition that the girl has to accept… you cannot force it on her… then if she has accepted, then the boy should garland… that means he has also accepted. This is the first step… and then in the second step… you all have to go and sit for the fire ceremony. Now the bride and bridegroom should go and sit near the fire… with the girl… on the right side of the boy… boy and girl facing the fire… but on the other side… facing me… and the parents should join them (1993-1228)

Once you are married… the girls may not be able to move immediately from their various places, because of visa problems… but don’t give them money to be sent to their families… that is not allowed in Sahaja Yoga. Girls should not send money to their parents… and trouble their husbands for that… that is not allowed… ‘sometimes’ if you want to send is alright… but should not… give any money for sending it to the relations of your wife… otherwise it will become a money oriented marriage, and people would marry because they can extract some money (1993-1224.1)

Tape References:

Date/Ref – Title – Qual – mins

–1993-1228 Talk to bridegrooms & Shri Gauri Puja, G’pule – see 1993-1224 good 10 1984-0829.1 Pre-Marriage talk, part 1 – Switzerland good

1984-0829.2 Pre-Marriage Talk, part 2 – Switzerland good

– end – 10 Mar 2003