Marriage

Getting into Sahaja Yoga marriage is very different from any other marriage (1989-1203); Is decided by Mahakali, and for the purpose of creating the Mariadas (1990-0912); Marriage is not the end, but the means… to be balanced (1989-0619)… without marriage, a balance is not established (1979-0530); It is not a serious problem, as long as we keep the ‘ideal’ with ‘ourself’, and do not try to impose that on our partner; Let the wife be a wife, and the husband be a husband – but the wife should not be the husband nor the husband be the wife (1980-0517.2)

All these people who came on this Earth… said that you lead a clean life and a sensible married life… it is not permitted to have adulterous life in any religion whatsoever… because adulterous life brings forth all kinds of problems for the sex… for spoiling the last chakra – people can become impotent… or, over exited… or could become suffering from all the troubles of this centre… for which you know the diseases… so one has to lead a very clean wonderful married life. Marriage is supported and sanctioned by the collective… it is sanctioned by God Almighty… so, that kind of a life, that kind of a sexual life, is a sensible one… one should not get a shock out of it. When I say this in the west, people really don’t like it… but I am your Mother… I have to tell you the truth. Whatever you have done is done… finished… doesn’t matter… but now you should come to your sanity… because there are all these horrible satanic diseases waiting just to work it out. All the great Saints of India were married and had children… except for some people like Buddha, who died very early… he had to take a Sanyasa because of his work. Then we had Kabira, Nanaka… all of them were married people (1982-1008)

The marriage system has been in existence since long before Christ, Abraham or Moses, and is sanctified… blessed by society. When Man raised his voice against this natural life of sanity, he started getting all kinds of diseases – if it is natural to lead the life that people do, why do they get all kinds of diseases. If it is natural to be married to 10 people, why do we get jealousies – we should be happy (1986-0907)

The marriage is to have children, not to be Romeo and Juliet – children that are born to Sahaja Yogis will be Realised Souls… look after them, don’t spoil them (1980-0517.2); The ‘Principle’ or ‘Essence’ of the family, and of the marriage, of the household, is the child, for whom all is created (1978-1218)

At Hamsa the left and the right meet – is the wedding place between your left and right. If they are not in balance, there will be a problem. They are equal, but not similar. Left is left, right is right; The functions of a wife, the wife should do first, the functions of a husband a husband should do first. The secondary functions can then be shared. But it is not possible that a wife goes to work, and a husband starts producing children – you cannot do it, and to be a mother is the most important thing (1980-0517.2)

Men and women have to be men and women in Sahaja Yoga… they cannot be unisex, they cannot… that’s very important… the man has to protect the wife, and give her all the security that is needed… and the woman has to nourish the husband, and give him all the love and affection. So here we are… entering into a new life… where you have a companion of your own… she’ll be your ‘wife’… not because she’s in Sahaja Yoga that you have married her… but because she’s your wife… so try to prove it to her that you love her very much… and that she is ‘your’ wife… and that all that you have, is for her… that is very important in the very beginning of it (1993-1224.1)

It is important that a woman should be docile and sensible in marriage (1987-1230.1); The woman has to dress up properly – she represents the colour and beauty of creation. She is a shy thing, and must understand what sort of husband she has. She has to be the model wife, enjoying whatever virtues she has; The husband should enjoy his wife, and not the wives of others – this is a stupid thing (1986-0921.2)

The men are more formal types, more concerned with formal relationships, and always looking at their watches; Men should not be aggressive to their wives, whilst the women should never try to aggress the men in the presence of others – in the bedroom is alright; Your husband is your husband, and he is like that (1986-0921.2)

After marriage, some of the people just get lost… and this is the worst type of thing that can happen to you… they get into their honeymoon mood… all their romantic ideas come back… they get just lost… you are marrying here for Sahaja Yoga… don’t forget it; Your marriage is for your ascent (1989-1203); In marriages, we have to decide that we are getting married… because… we have to do Sahaja Yoga. Romanticism, when they get married, where they go crazy with each other, and forget Sahaja Yoga, forget Mother and forget God, is of no use in Sahaja Yoga. There is no need to rush into honeymoon (1987-1230.1)

We notice that Mother has married us… given us good husbands… good wives… that we are enjoying our married life… but that’s not the end of it – this is just the beginning… just the start. And if you get attached too much to it, then you have lost the point… the marriage is an instrument which is to be used… which is to be completely understood… for the purpose of enlightening others. So first thing is that Sahaja Yoga is our aim… is our dharma… is our being…that is the main thing… all the rest of the things come later. So supposing then you find your wife or your husband is getting materialistic… better to depart… tell them no… we cannot. You see for me this is important… marriage is just a means to an end… but the end is different. So we can give up this means… and we can get another means… and this is to be understood in it’s true colours… if your marriage doesn’t give you progress in your spiritual life, better to give it up… and that’s what I’ve been telling everyone about it… how to get over their emotional problems (1985-0310)

So marriage should not be the prime thing… it’s supportive… what is the prime thing is the Kundalini (1989-1203); Marriage is secondary, and is spontaneous – it cannot be organised. There are so many very great Saints who want to be born, and the Divine Mother wants only such people to be married by Her, who will bear such good children. But we spoil our children, forgetting that they are the children of the Adi Shakti (1987-1230.1)

Now supposing a Sahaja Yogi has married another Sahaja Yogi… take a position like that… now my desire is that they should develop a complete understanding of each other, love for each other… but also a love for Sahaja Yoga… and for others – this is the only way we can justify marriage in Sahaja Yoga… otherwise, why should they marry. But it doesn’t happen like that. What happens is… first they are married, then either they will quarrel… or they will ask for divorce. If that doesn’t happen, luckily… because it’s so easy to get married in Sahaja Yoga, you know… then they start having their own family, their own home… then they again become very very small… very limited… did you come to Sahaja Yoga for that. Try and find out where you can go and talk about it… and do something good to others, and help them somehow to rise above this common existence of misery, unhappiness and destruction… the time is very short (1997-0525)

Of course if somebody’s horrible, I’m not going to ask you… to continue with that… it’s alright to finish it… but you must know where to finish; It’s very surprising that people do not want to finish off with the problems they face…but they are very anxious to have a divorce… it’s surprising. In India, we don’t have anybody falling in love… we don’t know that part… but we have very good marriages, and we have lots of children… no problem; So you must understand your position, especially the ladies in the West. There is a trick of the trade… and if they don’t know the trick of the trade, they can never be successful in marriage… don’t try to be men (1989-1203)

I have told many a times that you have all freedom to choose whichever person you like… and you can always say ‘no Mother, I don’t want’… you have all freedom… if you don’t want to get married… alright… if you want to get married…alright (1989-1203); You may not ‘fall into love’… you may not… it may not be… and it’s not necessary… because those who fall in love also rise into divorces… so best thing is to have a balanced idea about marriage. You see marriage cannot be decided, like you are ‘Romeo and Juliet’ – it’s practical… it should be based on rock… so you won’t lose your balance. If you understand that point, then the marriage will be successful… but if you try to think of romanticism and all that, it just breaks… at the same time it’s not some kind of asceticism… but you lead a nice healthy married life, in a very friendly manner in every way (1989-1203)

You must know how to handle your wife… how to handle yourself… how to handle your tempers… that’s one of the tests in Sahaja Yoga (1989-1203); Not to quarrel or to fight… but to love each other, to understand each other… with the ‘same’ love, that you are feeling as ‘their love’… it’s the best thing, to know that you are loved… for me that is the highest… when you see the other person also loves you, then it’s tremendous; But it’s private… it’s not public… on the street… in the airport or anywhere… it’s very private… the more private you make it, the better it is… and the more you try to express it outside, it’s going to be dangerous (1989-1203)

There are so many ways of expressing your love… try to be nice… talk to one another… give some presents… give sometimes flowers; Try to find out the likes and dislikes of a person… do not do things that people do not like… it’s better not to do it… what’s the use. If relationships are spoiled… not to do these things; My husband doesn’t like me to put flowers in my hair… in Maharashtra it’s the custom for married ladies to do it… but if he doesn’t like, why to do it. Don’t do anything that people do not like you to do… try to avoid it… it creates problems… try to do something that pleases others. If you please others, your Deities will be very happy… because they are all one… within each of you… because they are all related to each other… and they feel unhappy when you try to be unkind to each other… because they are one (1980-0927)

When you are marrying Indians, please be careful, because you will find that the parents will pamper you… all kinds of things they’ll do… but one has to understand that it’s just a custom… and it doesn’t mean that you are God or that you are in superlative condition (1988-1211)

Any Sahaja Yogi who comes to your house… or anyone… especially Indian women you will find, they will look after the guest very well… and then… there is some sort of what they call a jealousy comes up… absurd… Indian women will not have anyone else as their husbands but their own… so don’t have these funny ideas. So don’t have any doubts about your wives… same with the wives… this will make your life very much more happy and confident – if you have any problems, write to me privately… you need not give them to your leaders, but you can directly write to me… if you really have a problem (1993-1224.1)

So on both the sides of men or women, we have to understand… if you are a man, and if you are a dominating man, it’s alright… but if you are a woman, and if you are dominating, then it’s a difficult thing for Sahaja Yoga to cure… you have lost your quality of being a woman… at least you have to be a woman to begin with. Now the men have to be compassion, kind, considerate… never subservient… never subservient. The women have to be… great, large, receptive, receiving and nourishing. So a woman must try to be a woman, and a man must try to be a man (1983-0821); If you marry, live like an ideal Sahaja Yogi (1997-0823.1)

In Sahaj Dharma, the husband/wife relationship should be really romantic… should be really beautiful… but it is not… no, we talk of love, and all that… but very rarely people fall in love, and carry on with it… it’s a blessing if you really get that kind of a feeling… but mostly it is a curse. So to fall in love is very good… but that doesn’t mean that you forget that you are a Sahaja Yogi (1997-0823.1); Man doesn’t want a wife to be on the horse, and beating with a whip… why has he married… for the happiness, for the joy, for the sweetness of a woman (1997-1004)

The same dharma is for your children… that you bring up your children, not troubling them too much… but into a free life… let them use their wisdom. Sometimes I know, children go astray, and try to follow wrong things… then you must correct… you must tell them… it’s your duty… and that correction should be in a Sahaj way (1997-0823.1)

No restrictions should be put on the wife or the husband… why did you talk to her… you should not have said… why did you do this… you should sit with me… all these things are not there (1981-0904); Marriage is a mission in life… it’s very sweet to be a wife… and a mother. For small small things, if you are going to fight… alright, then better not marry in Sahaja Yoga… because you tarnish the name of Sahaja Yoga, which has given you Realisation. So you must know how to manage your marriages (1995-0625)

Any man that is older than your husband, you need not talk to him… but with younger people you can… you must have innocence about it. You are all brothers and sisters… no more romanticism now… you are not going to marry each other… dedicate yourself to your Sahaja Yoga (1981-0904); No Sahaja Yogi is going to marry another Sahaja Yogi… you are all brothers and sisters… nobody should come to me, and tell me ‘I want to marry this or that’… if I say you marry, that’s different… but you don’t come to me, and tell me… ‘I’ve fallen in love with another Sahaja Yogi’ (1981-0904); Men and women after 45 or 50… to still go on thinking of marriages is too much… but even at 60… I really get fed up… so this is not the way. What is a marriage… some people are seeking their husband all their life… when are you going to seek your real one… that is your spirit (1985-0310)

You are marrying under Sahaja Yoga… you are not marrying in a way the others marry… and that’s why we must understand that collectivity comes first… but, you must love each other. The wife… has to keep her husband pleased… if she does not get her husband pleased… if he’s not easily pleased, still he should be made to be pleased… though he may be the most difficult man. It’s the art of a woman, is the beauty of the woman how she manages her husband… because she’s there for that kind of a job… and if she cannot do that, then she is failing in that part (1980-1205)

Sometimes the husband wants that he should have the company… alright, give him the company as much as possible… but you should also know that unless and until your husband gives you the authority, you are no-one with others… because it is he who has given you the authority to talk to others… if he says ‘no, you have to be with me all the time’… then you cannot say no… there’s a right to have your company. So one must understand and strike a balance… do not do anything to the extremes… we have to be very normal people (1980-1205)

Ladies should try to be… more ladylike… and men, have to be men… like I said just now, you have to follow the man… that has to be… it looks decent you see for a man to be ahead of you, and a woman to be behind – she’s the shakti… she’s the shakti behind the husband… and she need not walk in front and show off and argue with him and put him down. To be a woman is a very big thing… your Mother is a woman… you know how great it is to be a woman… because women have such powers. So the two roles of men and women, is like… the flower and the fragrance… which is higher… the flower or the fragrance… if there is no flower there is no fragrance… but without the fragrance, what is a flower… or beauty… it’s so much inseparable… the fragrance, the beauty and the flower… in the same way, the flower shows… but who is the beauty and who is the fragrance… is the wife. That is how it should be… and then only people will respect you and your husband… that’s the way it works out very easy (1980-1205)

And there’s nothing like domination… who can dominate your spirit… nobody… but in the society the man has to do all the outside work, and he’s the kinetic person… and you are the potential energy… so the woman has to listen to man… because she preserves her energy much more by that… and there is nothing like domination… on the contrary it’s such a domination on the man, that he just can’t exist without you – he comes back home straight from the work… that’s how you should control your husband… is a control of love. As I control you with love, ‘you’ should control with love (1980-1205)

Tape References:

Date/Ref – Title – Qual – mins

–1989-1203 Farewell talk, Shudy camps – see 1989-1008 good 35

–1989-0619 Ascent, Mahakali Puja – San Diego – see 1989-0611 good 25

–1988-1211 Detachment, Rahuri – see 1988-1207 good 25

–1987-1230.1 Marriage, Kolapur – see 1987-1219 good 45

–1987-1220 Attention on Quality, Rahuri – see 1987-1220 good 20

–1985-0310 Public programme, Masonic Hall, Sydney – see 1985-0310.1 good 25

–1982-1008 We don’t have to suffer, Bedford – see 1982-1007(Video) Good 1978-1218 Agnya, Caxton Hall (first 15 mins poor quality) not good 70 1979-0530 A Higher Life – A World of Bliss and Joy – Caxton Hall good 55

1980-0517.2 Old Arlesford, Winchester, pt 2 (What is a Sahaja Yogi) good 90 1980-1205 Marriage & Collectivity, Chelsham Road poor 20

1981-0904.1 Advice given by Shri Mataji, Brahman Court poor 1981-0904.2 Heart of the Universe, Caxton Hall

1983-0821 Mother Earth, Surbiton good 50

1984-0829.1 Pre-Marriage talk, part 1 – Switzerland good 1984-0829.2 Pre-Marriage Talk, part 2 – Switzerland good 1985-0310.1 2 Public programmes, Sydney

1985-0310.2 Shri Devi Puja, Sydney good 40

1986-0907 Establishing Shri Ganesha Principle, San Diego good 55 1986-0921.2 Role of Belgium and Holland, Mechelen good 65 1987-1220 Attention on quality – India 87/88

1990-0912 Shri Mahakali Puja, Le Raincy good 50 1995-0625 Richmond Park talk, Richmond Not good 45 1997-0525 Respect the Mother Earth, Cabella good

1997-1004.1 Nature & Balance, evening before Navaratri, Cabella good 1997-1004.2 MUSIC – Evening Program, Cabella

– end – 10 Mar 2003